General: Food Network, Sandra Lee »
THREE CAPTIONS: Sandra Lee Edition
Published on: January 17, 2009 – 1:34 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Here’s what we thought:
1) “I bought this cake at Carvel and topped it with some Cool Whip that I put food coloring in!”
2) “I’m Sandra Lee, and welcome to my new show SEMI-HUMAN. This week, we’ll be cookin—” System meltdown. Shutting down. Malfunction!
3) “I knew I shouldn’t have Semi-Stolen one of Aaron McCargo’s recipes – this tastes revolting.”
Can you do better? Add your captions in the comments.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Aaron McCargo Has A Dumb New Tagline---Aaron McCargo, Closed Captioned For The Grammatically Impaired
---FNH Pop Quiz
---Aaron McCargo Named One Of Last Decade’s Sexiest Chefs (Really?)
---Next Food Network Stars: They’re Back
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
”’I wonder if Sandy Duncan knows I secretly replaced her glass eye with a semi-homemade marshmellow peep; NOW THE GLASS EYE IS MINE!”’
“Can you please remove your hand from underneath my skirt. People are watching you dodo”.
Heard from off camera (SANDRA the set of Dynasty called, they want their hairspray back)
“oh god, i think some of the Romanian sea glass from my tablescape got in this”
FYI, this was the episode where she unveiled her famous Kwanzaa cake.
Say what you must about the Kwanzaa cake, but that thing was just so atrociously horrible sounding that my girls and I have decided to make it part of our tradition each year. Corn nuts, apple pie filling, and pumpkin seeds… just doesn’t get much tastier than THAT!
Stop the cameras, I’m gonna HURL!!!!!!!
That “cake” has now been rebranded as “Fall Harvest Cake”, as per Sandra Lee’s FN website (when it was posted there back around Thanksgiving).
“Oh dear, I did NOT intend to actually swallow that.”
“I just realized the cake doesnt match the chotchkes on my kitchen counter!”
“I forgot I’m allergic to the combination of corn nuts and tacky candles in a storebought cake!”
Yea the old swallow excuse
WHITE TRASH…Don’t call me that
“Omigawd! I had no idea it would go through me that fast!”
“Half-assed? HOW DARE YOU!”
you got a little somethin’… right… about… there.
I HAVE NOSTRILS!
Oops, this isn’t cake… but it tastes soooooooooo duhlishus! and it was super super simple!
Geez, kid! Can’t a woman eat cake while pooping and have PRIVACY?