FNH Cookbook: Guy Fieri Recipe

HOW TO MAKE GUY FIERI

YOU’LL NEED:

* 1 fake bowling shirt
* 1 pair of imitation Oakley sunglasses from local gas station
* 3-4 lbs of gaudy jewelry from a shop-at-home TV network
* 1 box FIERIA hair bleach (color #51: douchey blonde)
* 2 bottles of cheap hair gel
* 6 cups arrogance
* 1 neon sign

READY?

STEP 1. Apply bleach to head, and then sit under hair dryer for 3 hours to maximize lightening.

STEP 2. Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror until your smile successfully shows off every tooth.

STEP 3. PUT EVERYTHING ON: the bowling shirt, 4 pounds of jewelry, hair gel, and sunglasses. This is no time to scrimp.

STEP 4. Smile and strike a lame pose in front of a neon sign that’s bright enough to make your head look dull in comparison.

And that’s it! Congratulations! You just made Guy Fieri!

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

1. Kyle

   February 25th, 2009

   It is a shame what this guy has become. I think with a bit of counselling he might be able to return to his old ways.

   He was enjoyable to watch in some episodes of Diners ,Drive-Ins& Dives, but all of a sudden he transformed into this huge dickwad that pisses people off.

   [Reply]
2. Dingleberry

   February 25th, 2009

   FNH – perfect! Very much in line with what Bourdain had to say about Fietti.

   “There’s last year’s Great Hope, Guy Fieri, who reminds me of the ‘Poochie’ character in the classic Simpson’s episode where it is decided that Itchy and Scratchy need a ‘hip, in-your-face, pro-active’ new sidekick to bring in a younger demographic. Poochie (and seemingly Guy) is created by committee and an assemblage of compiled stats from focus groups: ‘Twenty percent more rasta’ ‘needs more surfer.’”

   Kyle, couldn’t agree more. By *all* accounts that I’ve read (and I’ve read quite a bit), and by *all* accounts of people I’ve talked to, Guy was really nice and well-loved by everyone who knew him, right up until about a year ago or so. Recently a friend of his told me, “I’m embarrassed to be associated with him.”

   FNH, increase that 4 tbsp arrogance to a gallon or more, and I think you’ll be closer to the mark.

   [Reply]
3. orchidgal

   February 25th, 2009

   I agree that your recipe needs tweaking. Definitely not enough arrogance as written.

   I refuse to watch Guy Fee-etty as I can’t stand to see him stuff his face and then mug for the camera.

   [Reply]
4. Jillian Madison

   February 25th, 2009

   Tweaked. The public has spoken.

   [Reply]
5. Miseenplace

   February 25th, 2009

   Was his “style” ever hip?

   [Reply]
6. Automne

   February 25th, 2009

   So, after reading this, I had gone to run some errands and on the radio, the DJ was talking about some show about looking for douchebags named Guido and the requirements described Mr. Fieri here to a freaking T.

   The coincidence amused me greatly.

   [Reply]
7. Dingleberry

   February 25th, 2009

   Automne, are you talking about

   http://www.wbcn.com/pages/3539662.php?

   in Boston, when they were looking to find the douchiest of douche bags?

   [Reply]
8. Automne

   February 26th, 2009

   No, because I don’t live in Boston (D.C. area), but it’s hilarious that they did the same thing. This particular show was really specific, the guy has to be named Guido and they were talking about cheap hair gel, orange skin, and general douchebaggery.

   [Reply]
9. Dingleberry

   February 26th, 2009

   LOL @ “douchebaggery.” I love made-up words. douchebagginess? An air of douchicity? Total douchitude!

   Automne, totally hilarious they did the same thing! Uncanny.

   [Reply]
10. April March

    February 26th, 2009

    I just listened to that Boston radio interview. When is the 40+ year old going to grow up. What an a**hole. I just don’t get his popularity!

    [Reply]