Guy Fieri, Things We Hate »

Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Guy Fieri Sweatbands
Posted by Jillian Madison

Did you know Guy Fieri has an entire “Knuckle Sandwich” product line? Yes indeed! Guy “the tool” Fieri is currently hawking tackyguy-fieri-sweatbands t-shirts, aprons, bandanas, and hats with his ugly Knuckle Sandwich logo emblazoned on them.

While the t-shirts are indeed hideous, the most ridiculous product is the Knuckle Sandwich SWEATBAND: a pilly, dirty looking black thing with an image of a hand squeezing a sandwich with enough force to turn it into a diamond.

(note: to maximize the annoying factor of the logo, Fieri made sure there was a gigantic gold ring on the pinky finger.)

Question: How in love with Guy Fieri would one have to be to buy this nasty thing? And who is his target SWEATBAND audience? Frightening Fieri superfans, Biggest Loser contestants, or chefs like Tyler Florence who can’t boil water without sweating profusely?

I can just hear the infomercial for it now: “Do you like cooking, but just can’t seem to prepare a meal without dripping sweat all over the place? Does the physicality of all that chopping and mixing send your sweat glands into overdrive? No problem! Buy a signature GUY FIERI SWEATBAND!” And then strangle yourself with it.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Paula Deen Hey Y’All Brooch
---Guy Fieri Knuckle Sandwich Knives
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Michael Chiarello’s “Best Hot Dogs”
---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Emeril’s JAZZ BAM Drumsticks
---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Sandra Lee “Cool Kids” Cookbook

    18 Responses

  1. Dingleberry says:

    LOL!! Pass me a bottle of that FIERIA color #51: douchey blonde hair bleach. You’d gotta be blonde to wanna buy GF sweatbands.

    Oh, and sign me up for one of the Guy Fieri bobble head dolls too. Wouldn’t that be perfect stuck on the dashboard of my car, as I drive up to the very next dive?

  2. manny says:

    oh my god who would wear those

  3. Bananas says:

    Manny, probably some dude who likes to cook but doesn’t want to seem like a wuss doing it. (of course, we all know a wuss would *never* wear an arm sweatband ….)

  4. Mike In Detroit says:

    What a fucking loser. I saw a rerun of Big bite where his Son was wearing one. Father & sons sweatbands. Fuck.

    My question exactly. Who the fuck would buy anything with this idiotic logo on it ? Only a lose would. End of story.

    Ver very uncool Fee-idiot.

  5. Dan says:

    Guy Fieri is one of the 5 biggest tools on television. He just is. I am eagerly awaiting what you guys have to say about “Guys Big Night” … please tell me you saw it

  6. Dingleberry says:

    Dan, I don’t know about anyone else. But I saw it. Now, I actually kinda like Guy’s Big Bite. And I like DDD a little bit (not Fieri, so much. But I like the idea behind the show).

    But Guy’s Big Night? What a disaster! Here’s what some ppl have said on my blog and elsewhere:

    “Watched his ‘Big Night’ recently and what a disappointment. Love DD&D’s, but this showed him in a very different light: kicking food across the stage; insulting his help (“I didn’t pick this out” in reference to a wire basket prop); making a mess of himself when putting together the ill-chosen fried chicken dish; wiping his face with his hands and not washing up; hosting a shrimp eating contest, warning participants to keep their bucket nearby (“might need that after this”); trying to upstage the bartender and throwing ice towards the audience; pitting two sides of the audience against each other; and finally having no reasonable conclusion but to pass a platter of shrimp into the audience with no plates, napkins, etc. Shame on the Food Network for allowing such a vilgar display.”

    “I watched Guy last night on Guy’s Big Night, I enjoy him very much, but on that show he acted like someone else. Was not impressed, get back to yourself guy. thank you”

    “I kind of agreed with you. What was it? Was he trying too hard to be funny? Anyway, his chicken loooked good!”

    “I found both of his specials (and to a certain degree Off the Hook as well) to be just … too … frenetic, to the point of feeling uncomfortable and edgy sitting in my own sofa. At the end of the show, I ask myself, ‘did he just cook something? and if he did, what was it again?’”

  7. Ryan says:

    I love DDD, but yeah, what’s with the sweatbands? Did he just come in from the batting cages? Is he on the ‘eating team’?

    And ‘Knuckle Sandwich’?? What the hell is that? Is he a UFC fighter on the side? Fieri vs. Rampage Jackson? Yeah that Fieri…he’s so hardcore.


  8. Lydia says:

    I’d never buy them OR wear them, but yes… most chefs wear sweatbands (hand and wrist) while in the kitchen to keep sweat out of our food. And I kind of appreciate that about them. *gag*

  9. Kiri says:

    Um…most chefs do NOT wear sweatbands. Not sure where that info came from, but it is NOT true. This douchebag is an original there.

  10. Kyle says:

    i’m with Kiri on the sweatband thing. Yeah I’m sure a few sweat like pigs, but you never see them wearing them. Bandanas yes, in some establishments, but decent restaurants will not allow them. Where did that come from anyway.
    I think Fieri wears it on his forearm not for sweat but for support.

  11. [...] Term: “what does guy fieri wear on his arm” Our Reply: A disgusting, dirty looking, hideous sweatband. That’s [...]

  12. Courtney says:

    Daaaang people, chill. HATE TO BREAK IT TO YA, BUT…it’s just a sweatband. There are other ridiculous styles out there! So what if he likes it. I don’t know why you guys think it’s a nasty and disgusting logo. It’s a picture of a sandwich with a hand. Oh yeah… that’s repulsive- if you can’t tell, that’s obviously scarcasm. I’m sure you have even stupider styles that you like. Does that make him a freak or an idiot for liking something?!
    Oh and by the way, big deal if he’s not original. I’m sure you aren’t either. Everyone has something they appreciate and like that they see someone else wearing.

    Thank you for reading(:

  13. NotSage says:

    See, what I hate about Food Network nowadays.. they’re turning into FOX.. They’ve even gone so far as to turn their cooks into “Food Network Stars.” Talk about egotism!

    I don’t mind his antics, but.. a fashion line? He’s not a rockstar, Jesus Christ. Put the cameras back on the food and away from the greasy, sunburnt and bleached blonde.

  14. [...] Paula Deen, Flay, Batali, Alton Brown… he shares the opinion of this blog on a certain sweatband wearing host though [...]

  15. Attractive text and I’m waiting for another one.

  16. Winicjusz says:

    hey, your websites are excellent. Me thank you for job

  17. Your NameNana says:

    I can’t watch Tyler Florence cook and sweat into his food. His producers need to keep his face mopped up every minute he is on. What gives with his health or what?

Post your comments

We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2014 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved