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Rules Of The Food Network Cake Challenge
Posted on February 2nd 2009 by Jillian Madison

Rules recited to the chefs competing on the Food Network Cake Challenge:

1. The competition will last exactly 4,265,330 minutes.

2. You must bore the audience as much as possible during that time.

3. No portion of your cake needs to be edible.

4. You must use a minimum of 162 pounds of fondant.

5. If a judge gets in your face while you’re in the middle of doing something intricate, you must stop what you’re doing to kiss their ass.

6. If you’re competing against Duff Goldman, don’t be intimidated. He isn’t a real chef. He’s only here for show.

7. If you’re competing against Bronwyn Weber, feel free to start wetting your pants now. Waterproof diapers will be provided for you upon request.

8. At least one member of your team must have a breakdown and walk off set for a minimum of 15 minutes.

9. You must act as terrified as possible when moving your item to the judging table (even if it’s only a foot tall).

10. When you lose, you must say you “had fun” even though the competition made you swear off cake-making forever.


Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Buddy Valastro on Food Network Cake Challenge
---Buddy Valastro Finally Wins A Food Network Cake Challenge
---Food Network Challenge: Sex & The City Cakes
---Food Network Challenge [YAWN]
---The Unspoken Rules of the Food Network

    12 Responses

  1. Kyle says:
    February 2, 2009 at 11:18 am

    11. You must realize Kerry Vincent and Fatprick Coston know little about cakemaking and rely on the expert opinion of Gerhard Keegan who whispers stuff to them thru an earpiece.

    Reply
  2. KC says:
    February 2, 2009 at 11:57 am

    I think Kerry Vincent’s omnipresent headband must be too tight, thus interfering in her judging skills.

    Reply
  3. Kyle says:
    February 2, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Kerry Vincent definitely wears her headband too tight. That and not having sexual relations with anyone for over 30 years contribute to her dour demeanor.

    She needs a good rogering.

    Reply
  4. Scoobie-Doobie-Doo says:
    February 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    Perhaps you’ve over looked yet another Rule:
    Your disaster of a cake on tape will be shown 100 million times. Which is the number of times *just short* of the number of shows and Made In China Crapware Pauler Deen has on the Food Netowrk

    Reply
  5. Adie says:
    February 4, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    I thought Bronwyn’s last name was Webber.

    Reply
  6. Food Network Humor Staff says:
    February 4, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    It is Weber – mistake corrected. Thanks.

    Reply
  7. CakeCottage says:
    October 1, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Bronwen is spelled Bronwen but it’s a natural mistake. Regardless of her spelling, she and Mike McCarey are the best they have on there but it would be nice to see others, would love to see Debbie Brown on there once. Sick of Buddy, his talent is not remotely close to his ego and his new show is ridiculously over the top in planned stupidity and pandering to the camera.

    Reply
  8. Charles says:
    February 9, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Thank you.

    Reply
  9. lori says:
    February 9, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    roflmao..this is awesome..

    Reply
  10. SAM says:
    February 19, 2011 at 8:47 am

    This needs a little tweaking … it’s not really that funny.

    Reply
  11. Charles says:
    July 27, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    I disagree, II liked it.
    (I’m not the same charles as the one above me)

    Reply
  12. Anna says:
    October 24, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    I thought it was funny, but just fyi – there are only 525, 600 minutes in a year. As much as I hate it, I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if this show had been on air continuously for over 8 strait years…

    Reply

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