If We Were Their Travel Agents…

Though we’re sometimes hard on the Food Network chefs, we’ll be the first to admit they work hard and could probably use a break – just like the rest of us. Here’s where we’d send a few of the hosts IF WE WERE THEIR TRAVEL AGENTS…

1. Sandra Lee, you’re going to: CANCUN
Ah yes, Cancun – the party capital of the universe! Cancun boasts sun, fun, and bars that are open 24 hours a day. They sell cold Dos Equis beer from coolers on the public city buses, and no one looks at you funny when you step out of your conga line to do a tequila body shot off of a naked hotel bellhop at 11 in the morning. It’s a match made in Semi-Homemade heaven. Enjoy your trip, Aunt Sandy, you’ve earned it.

2. Sunny Anderson, you’re going to: GLOOMY LONDON
Your “I’m happy all the time” schtick has to be exhausting, so why not escape from all that fake chipperness and take it down a notch in rainy London! Just try to smile when Gordon Ramsay drives past you and calls you a “!@$^* WANKER” for no reason, or when you get caught in a rain storm and do permanent damage to your weave. And just think of the countless hours of fun you’ll have trying to discern how that cow kidney pie got on your plate! Enjoy your trip, Sunny. You’ve earned it.

3. Ina Garten (and Jeffrey), you’re going to: HAITI
You’re rich. You have a house in the Hamptons. Every day is a vacation to you people. Therefore, we’re sending you to a place that will broaden your culture horizons and let you experience how the less fortunate live (and by “less fortunate” we don’t mean people who have to shop at the A&P instead of at Whole Foods). That’s right, Ina, get ready to throw the dinner party of your life in beautiful Haiti – the poorest country in the Caribbean and the 4th poorest country in the world. It has a life expectancy of 52, so you’ll be treated with respect since you’re an elder. And lots of people are barefoot there, so you’ll fit right in. Enjoy your trip, Ina & Jeffrey. You’ve earned it.

4. Gina & Pat Neely, you’re going to: THE POCONOS
Relax and romance each other in Pennsylvania’s breathtaking Pocono Mountains. Heat things up in a heart shaped bathtub, and pay no attention to the fact that it probably hasn’t been properly cleaned or bleached since the Reagan administration. Spoil each other on a lavishing round king-size bed as a cozy log burning fire flickers beside you. Seriously, just go ahead and get it all out of your system, because we don’t want to see it on television anymore, ok? Enjoy your trip, Gina & Pat. You’ve earned it.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

1. Dan

   March 12th, 2009

   this is as random as it gets and i love it

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2. sara

   March 12th, 2009

   Oh man, that photo of the Neely’s in the heart shaped tub is priceless!

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3. Gail

   March 12th, 2009

   I went to the Poconos once. IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!!

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4. Mark

   March 12th, 2009

   Way to send Ina Garten to Haiti. Now send Rachael Ray to the moon and we’ll be all set.

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5. Mark

   March 12th, 2009

   Oh, and sandra lee was born for Cancun!

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6. Kyle

   March 12th, 2009

   This is hilarious.

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7. Mike In Detriot

   March 12th, 2009

   Poconos!!. I’d think that might too high class. I’l bet they would think Buffalo is exotic.

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8. Mike In Detriot

   March 12th, 2009

   Poconos!!. I’d think that might too high class. I’l bet they would think Buffalo is exotic.
   Oops, should have mentioned good post! Waiting for your next post!

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9. mirinblue

   March 16th, 2009

   OMG! This is the funniest site! Hysterical!

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10. Jeff

    July 24th, 2010

    MMMMM, Sandra, where’s the whipped cream.

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