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Top 10 Ways The Food Network Can Save Money
Posted on May 5th 2009 by Jillian Madison

The E.W. Scripps Co., Food Network’s parent company, recently reported first-quarter operating results for its syndicated businesses. They had a $2.4 million loss in the first quarter 2009, compared with a $14.2 million profit in the first quarter of 2008. As Paula Deen would say, “Look, y’all! That’s a huge, y’all, loss, y’all!”

Time to turn things around, Scripps! We’ve got some ideas to help you cut costs and get those numbers back up.
.

TOP 10 WAYS THE FOOD NETWORK CAN
SAVE MONEY AND INCREASE REVENUE

.

1. Make Ina Garten use less expensive ingredients.

Food network ina garten barefoot contessa bad vanilla
.

2. Stop paying for Rachael Ray’s damn vacations.

Food network rachael ray vacations
.

3. Every time Tyler Florence says “off the chain”, he has to put $20 in a jar.

Food network tyler florence off the chain off the charts
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4. “Ask” Aida and Noah to pack their bags. Then cancel their show. Nice people, but BUH-BYE.

Food network cancel ask aida because it sucks
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5. Forget book signings. Make Giada run a kissing booth at college campuses on weekends.

Food network giada de laurentiis kissing booth
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6. No more expensive grills for Bobby Flay. Change his show concept to Boy Meets Campfire.

Food network bobby flay grills
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7. Eliminate Sandra Lee’s wardrobe. Just make her wear a Snuggie every day.

Food network sandra lee snuggie
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8. Fire one of the Neely’s. Seriously, we don’t need two of them.

Food network the neelys
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9. Charge Paula Deen $25,000 every time she brings her son(s) on her show for free publicity.

Food network the neelys
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10. Make Guy Fieri drive around in an old beater car. He’s going to dives, not mansions.

Food network sandra lee snuggie


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    26 Responses

  1. Tatiana says:
    May 5, 2009 at 11:46 am

    They’re losing money because of all of their stupid damn shows! Now, what does “off the chain” mean?

    Reply
  2. Shannon says:
    May 5, 2009 at 11:59 am

    GOLD. loves it! especially Giada’s shes hot, she would make bank!

    Reply
  3. Feikhal Madhur says:
    May 5, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Is that an ankle bracelet the “Bushpig” is wearing ? Oh my.

    That is sooo wrong.

    Reply
  4. RaleighRob says:
    May 5, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Is it me, or does the Sandra Lee in a Snuggie pic actually look real?? It just seems like something she’d wear…and then she’d add cheap buttons or something to make it “semi-homemade”!

    Reply
  5. Linda says:
    May 5, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    SO freaking SPOT ON!!!

    Reply
  6. graye says:
    May 5, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    What the hell is with Fieri and the freaking MAN HOOVES!!! Is it me of does he look like a bit bloated and /or as sauced as Aunt Sandy?

    Reply
  7. Lana says:
    May 5, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    I love Photoshop, and obviously it loves you guys too, FNH. *smiles*

    Brilliant! The lot of ‘em.

    Reply
  8. ChadP says:
    May 5, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    I love your guys site, but the Food Network has not been part of the EW Scripps company (ticker SSP) since July 2008. Scripps Networks Interactive split into its own company (ticker SNI). The suggestions are still funny, but Scripps Networks won’t be reporting their Q1 financials until Friday.

    Reply
  9. Chris says:
    May 5, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    11. Stop producing shows that encourage consumers to buy pre-packaged, processed, already-made crap that increases the profit margin of the advertisers who help pay for these shows, when they could be encouraging consumers to buy locally grown, fresh ingredients which are in fact, cheaper, thus giving consumers the extra cash to pay their cable bill and watch more food network.

    Reply
  10. Hairball says:
    May 6, 2009 at 12:36 am

    12) Make Snads buy her own booze.

    Reply
  11. Hairball says:
    May 6, 2009 at 3:12 am

    12) Make Snads buy her own booze.
    BTW I love your blog!

    Reply
  12. dachshundcrazy says:
    May 6, 2009 at 11:41 am

    The snuggie pic made me laugh so hard. That was great guys.

    Reply
  13. Dani says:
    May 6, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    I just noticed Mr Fieri’s anckle bracelet!!! jeez

    Reply
  14. Michael S says:
    May 6, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Take Cusimano off the Rachael’s Vacation payroll – that will save money.

    Reply
  15. Lily says:
    May 6, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Ina looks like she is dying in that photo.

    Reply
  16. orchidgal says:
    May 6, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Why not get to the root of the problem and hand Bob Tuschman and Susie Fogelson their walking papers?

    Reply
  17. Microwave Chef says:
    May 6, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    More Iron Chef and less Challenge!!!!!!

    Reply
  18. graye says:
    May 6, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    When did a channel that is supposed to teach us “foodtarts” how to cook become the Food Reality, American Idol, Travel Channel, hire a Ho, The talentless hyeena and his misfit toys, Guy Ferry (that douche must be on serious coke), and last but not least The World revolves around me Flay channel?

    Reply
  19. Lana says:
    May 6, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Graye, it happened when viewership increased. :-)

    Reply
  20. graye says:
    May 6, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    It is so rediculous when you see the talented ones ie: Nigella, Jamie Oliver, and even Mario Batalli, mixed in with a bunch of “I won a food network show/competition/cake cookoff/and so on”. I am getting to the point of asking if Espn can have a 2 can food network have one devoted to the useless above type shows, or wait give each one their own channel!

    Reply
  21. Kittykitty says:
    May 6, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    I don’t think Guy is upmarket enough for cocaine. He strikes me more as a crystal meth user. At least you don’t have to worry to much about seeing any of them this week because it’s ALL ACE OF CAKES ALL WEEK, BABY! Old ones, too. :P

    Reply
  22. Edd says:
    May 11, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    The food network used to be one of my favorites. I am so sick of the Iron Chef, Challenges, Ace of Cakes, The
    Neeley woman from Memphis[she actually thinks she's cute],
    Paula’s party where she has to kiss all the men. This should make Michael feel good. I’m glad you put Robert Irvine back on.

    Reply
  23. Thurston says:
    May 20, 2009 at 11:12 am

    I have been looking for some cheap crappy olive oil and vanilla – anyone know where to find it? Trying to save money myself.

    Reply
  24. courtney says:
    June 9, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    GINA AND PAT NEELY BE POISNIG THE FOOD BY KISSING OVER IT AND SANDRA LEE IS STILL CHEP BY ALWAYS ROCKING THE SNUGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  25. linda heidelberg says:
    October 18, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    when anyone calls their food “bad boys” I have decided to quit wAtching their program.So far its been just about alllll of them.

    Reply
  26. Ande says:
    July 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I feel like I’ve just stumbled over a pot of gold. Finally, someone who makes fun of these chefs as much as I do!! Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!

    Reply

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