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Diet Coke with lemon – didn’t that used to be called Pledge?
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Alfred E. Newman
The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn’t even know they carried.
Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter
It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.
In Mexico, we have a word for sushi: bait.
I’m not sure what makes pepperoni so good – if it’s the pepper or the oni.
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
P. J. O’Rourke
I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.
I love Thanksgiving turkey…it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.
I’ll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a moustache.
Niles Crane, Frasier
Fun-sized Snickers? Who’s this fun for? Not me. I need six or seven of these babies in a row to start having fun.
I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.
The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.
The only two things I don’t eat for breakfast are lunch and dinner.
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.
Pepperidge Farm bread… that’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast.
(Are we missing any? Leave ‘em in the comments!)
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---10 Funny Food Names To Make Your Inner 12 Year Old Laugh
---Naughty Food Network Quotes
---The Top 10 Stupidest Guy Fieri Quotes
---Food Network Books You Might Have Missed