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FNH Father’s Day Gift Guide
Published on: June 11, 2009 – 11:02 am by Jillian Madison 
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Father’s Day is coming up next weekend! Is your dad a Food Network fan? If he is, why not get him a lovely present from the Food Network store? It’ll really show him you care.
We know selecting a gift from the thousands and thousands of items for sale on Food Network’s website can be difficult, so we’ve come up with a handy guide to help you find a gift that’s right for your dad’s unique interests and needs. Good luck!
| Does your dad have an unhealthy obsession with hot peppers? Does he eat more hamburgers than Ronald McDonald? And be honest – does the man have an ego that’s more out of control than an 18-wheeler going downhill in an ice storm? If you answered “yes” to one of those questions, your dad would thoroughly enjoy…
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| Is your dad messy? Does he often do heavy construction projects while cooking dinner? Has he ever said, “Look! Andrew Zimmern’s wearing orange again!” Or, has he ever worked at Home Depot? If so, your dad’s life could really be improved with…
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| Does your dad only read Playboy “for the articles?” Riiiight. This one’s a no brainer. Just buy him:
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| Is your dad color blind? Does he have bad taste? Has he ever been an elementary school art teacher? Is his favorite song “Rainbow Connection” by Kermit The Frog? Then he’ll totally love this…
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| Is your dad a giant poser? Does he point in your face and chew with his mouth open? Does he wear bowling shirts and sweatbands every day, even though he’s less athletic than Stephen Hawking? Is his idea of a good time getting drunk and screaming “MONEY?” If so, give your precious dad…
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Hope that helps! Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---FNH Mother’s Day Gift Guide---Tyler Florence Should Have Someone Proofread His Twitter
---Guy Fieri Doesn’t Know Where To Sell His Knuckle Sandwich “Knifes”
---The FNH Guide To Tax Deductions And Credits
---A Guide To Food Network Bungee Jumping
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
LMAO
Does your Dad enjoy the smell of feces in his driveway? Or perhaps the savory smell of dog urine around the house? Does Dad like to pimp out every relative he can get his hands on? Is your dad an uneducated, blue collar, chain smoking, creek sailing, Santa Claus impersonating, gold-digging poser who suddenly has his own line of “gourmet” coffee? If so, then Daddy Dearest will certainly enjoy: Cap’n Michaels Full Steam Ahead Coffee
Is your Dad gay? Is he into flowers, decorating, and table settings? Do you not want to get him much of anything? Then surely, Ina Garten’s Big Fat Contessa’s white hydrangea is just the ticket. Suitable for ALL occasions.
Not all dads are created equal. Some are more, um, “special” and deserve that “distinctive” something this Father’s Day. To honor that “special” dad, Ina Garten has put together an extra unique basket of goodies! Included in this gay assortment are:
Barefoot Contessa “Twink-eze” , a cream filled sponge cake made with Good Vanilla;
Florist Michael’s “This Bud’s For You”, an arrangement of miniature hydrangea;
A very large denim shirt for those busy days in the kitchen that also doubles for dinner party couture!
Your Dad is sure to love this gift so be sure and order today!!
But Wait!! If you order now, Ina will include at no extra charge, her very favorite recipe for “Dill Dough”! Now Dad can take that with him on his fave outings with his “special” friends!!
OMG, Byrdie! LMAO @ “Dill Dough”
Mock those knives, but I have the one with the green handle and it’s a damned razor – sharpens up better than my Globals.
That is tres funny. I just about tinkled myself reading the Gift Of Guy Fee-yeddi.
” even though he’s less athletic than Stephen Hawking? ” Where do you dream these lines up ? Classic.