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Things That Exist Solely To Torment Me: Guy Fieri Bobblehead Doll
Published on: June 19, 2009 – 10:02 am by Jillian Madison 
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Last week, we let you know about Guy Fieri’s new job shilling for pork. Unfortunately, that deal led to the birth of this – the truly hideous limited edition Pork (The Other White Meat) Guy Fieri Bobblehead Doll. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!
The likeness is uncanny! The tacky bowling shirt. The hair that’s been bleached to within an inch of its life. The obnoxious black wristband. The shiny, greasy face. The cheap looking sunglasses. The aimlessly bobbling empty head. This thing’s only missing 125 pounds of gold jewelry and Guy Fieri’s intolerably grating voice.
You can buy this travesty at Guy’s online store for the bargain price of just $12, and a small piece of YOUR SOUL.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Things That Exist: A Guy Fieri Face Trivet---FNH Cookbook: Guy Fieri Recipe
---Guy Fieri Now Has His Own Line Of Ugly Sunglasses
---VIDEO: Guy Fieri on David Letterman
---Guy Fieri: The Other White Meat
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GOOD GRIEF!! What next?! Did they screw up though? Aren’t the sunglasses supposed to be on the back of the head?
Oh dear God that thing is hideous.
I dislike bobble head dolls as it is. But throw Fieri into the mix and it’s TPFW (too painful for words)
If they added a voice box to this bobble head that sprayed out his annoying laugh, it would be the only thing I hate more then this bobble head.
125 lbs of gold jewelry plus another 125 lbs…this thing looks like a scrawny teenager.
Well…a teenager with a couple hot follicular messes.
FAIL! This thing should be a lot fatter.
Can you imagine if this bobble was made to scale? You wouldn’t be able to lift the damn thing. And the nightmares…OMG….you’d never sleep normally again. Like Chuckie…
Shouldn’t the sunglasses be hanging off the back of his head? And what’s with the 3 fingered hands? Maybe he’s an alien sprung from a pod.
That this thing is not only a hideous and a poorly done caricature, they made more errors than one would believe possible — wrong hair color, sunglasses not wraparound or worn in reacharound fashion, no jewelry, no flip flops, no ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’ physique — as well as the general lack of artistic or technical talent on display, that I can only conclude that it is a product of Charm City Cakes.
Check out Susie Fogelson’s video regarding episode 2 of NFNS. She has one of these monstrosities next to her computer and actually has it TALK to us. ACK!
WOW! Thank god it’s impossible to cram all of his doucheness into a doll!
What would be worse is the WHOLE DEEN-HIERS FAMILY in bobble heads with Paula Deen on perpetual cackle mode … Wait a minute … They ARE bobble heads … HUMAN BOBBLE HEADS ! GOD SAVE US ALL THE TORMENT !
Oh, geez, Noel! Don’t give FN or the pork peeps or (horror of horrors) the BUTTER PEOPLE any ideas! I can see it now…
“Now in your grocery’s refrigerator section! Pauler Deen Butter Bobbles! Your dinner guests will be so excited when a giant glob of Paula’s head sculpted in butter adorns the centerpiece of your party table! And just in time for Christmas: Captain “Santa Claus” Michael Butter Bobble!! Why, your holiday’s will never be the same”….
He looks like The King…And now we know who’s actually in that suit. D:
The truth is, the stupid doll looks better than the real-life bobble-head!
The National Pork Board made those dolls? Really? Man, and I used to totally respect pork. Think I’ll go make a cumin-rubbed pork tenderloin with a nice cranberry-pomegranate reduction sauce, ya know, just to renew the faith ….
*giggles*
Oh come on, people, they aren’t that bad. Why, if you line up a dozen or so in a straight line, they make the perfect target range. Now THAT’S money!!
I think you mean “Things That Exist Solely to Torment US.” Dear God, why? Those N’Sync bobbleheads from Best Buy looked better than Guy Ferry’s Pork-sponsored bobblehead.
Hey, his wristband doesn’t have the Knuckle Sandwich logo on it! And his sunglasses are on the front! Counting the other mistakes you said, that’s 4 errors! Well, it’s still better than the real Guy Ferry.
I can’t think of pork without thinking of John McCain’s harping on it as “unnecessary” and “superfluous” that should be eliminated. And I really can’t think of a better spokesperson for something unnecessary and superfluous that should be eliminated than Guy Fietttttti.
That’s so sad. It almost makes him look like he has pecs instead of his actual moobs. Why, Pork Board? WHY?!
I would use the bobble head to put pins in it..how much longer do we have to endure this obnoxious individual on the Food Network..I can’t change the channel fast enough when his face appears on the screen
Can not stand to see his face on the screen nor listen to his voice…
Samantha, if the pins don’t work, you could always use some nails and a hammer. Just to make sure the hoodoo voodoo works.
[...] before firing off an e-mail. We’re not mind readers. Third, if you’re referring to the Guy Fieri bobble head, sorry, they’re no longer available. We purchased the entire stock and drove over them with [...]
OW!OW!OW! My eyes. It burns, it burns. AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!