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Guy Fieri: The Other White Meat
Posted by Jillian Madison

Guy “Pig Knuckles” Fieri has a brand new gig: standing around in a fake bowling shirt, pointing like a moron, and¬†shilling for pork, the other white meat.

Oh, but it gets even funnier: the official pork website refers to Guy as their new “PORKSONALITY.” That’s right! He’s their favorite POP, Pal Of Pork!

(Are they serious with those corny puns?¬† I know Guy Fieri is a bloated, pig-headed imbecile and all, but who the hell came up with the word “Porksonality?” Porky the Pig after a heavy night of binge drinking with Sandra Lee?)

Unfortunately, that one obnoxious photo of Guy Fieri tong-ing a piece of pork is really making the rounds across America. FNH reader Jeff was peacefully minding his own business in his local grocery store, when he suffered permanent eye damage from the following poster:

A word to the wise: shop with caution. Guy may appear without notice. No one is safe.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Guy Fieri Now Selling $140 Meat Pack At Costco
---Caption This Guy Fieri Photo: FNH Style
---Guy Fieri At Kentucky Derby (And The Story Of A Lame FLICKR User)
---Things That Exist Solely To Torment Me: Guy Fieri Bobblehead Doll
---Guy Fieri Shirtless In Mexico

    26 Responses

  1. Feikhal Madhur says:

    It is fitting that a real life bush pig become a spokesperson for the pork producers.

    They could get Alex Guarnaschelli to become a spokesperson too after they get tired of Fee-Bush Pig.

  2. Byrdie says:

    He’s giving pigs and pork a bad name.

  3. potty mouth princess says:

    Sign of the apocalypse?

  4. Hairball says:

    I have this sudden urge to go grocery shopping and ‘accidentally’ knock that sign over and drive my cart back and forth on Guy’s face.

  5. Freezezzy says:

    Great. First “Food Network”, Then “TGI Fridays”, then your local supermarket, then THE WORLD!!! (insert maniacal laughter here)

  6. Byrdie says:

    There is a simple solution. Send this idiot to Spain. Those wonderful people are SERIOUS

  7. Byrdie says:

    oops, sorry…

    anyway, SERIOUS about their ham and pork products. Let him stand on a calle in Madrid holding that stupid sign, and he will be the next “volunteer” bait at El Toro Bullfight. Problem solved: Guy Ferry gone and bull full.

  8. Freezezzy says:

    Imagine that. A bull full of a man who’s full of bull. xD

  9. Kitty says:

    Freezezzy, I have a bad feeling DisneyWorld is somewhere in-between. Please, shield my fragile childhood. TT__________TT;;

  10. Kitty says:

    OH WAIT. It’s already happened: my cousin saw Guy and his family on the teacups at Disneyland just a couple months ago. They had the ride all to themselves.

    My life has ended.

  11. Jessica says:

    I will not let a sweaty pig ruin bacon for me.

  12. Cameron says:

    Guy Fieri!!! Who better to advertise Pork Butts than a PORK BUTT?

  13. Keri says:

    Oh well, maybe he’s a douche but he’s making a living. I like watching Diners, Drive in’s and Dive but when I read an article that they all have to make sure they make things that he likes to eat and do all this stuff to make sure they are TV ready it ticked me off but you know good for him he’s making it!

  14. April March says:

    Porky the Pig with sunglasses. I can’t wait for him to utter the line, “Th-Th-Th-That’s all folks,” and then disappear into oblivion.

  15. CT says:

    My biggest peeve with Mr. Ferry is the way he says balsamic vinegar. He pronounces it “basalmic” vinegar. Ugh.

  16. Byrdie says:

    Please, April March! Please don’t slur the good name of Porky Pig!! He’s an American icon, where as Ferry is an American moron.

  17. HeWhoseNameMustNotBeSpoken says:

    It appears as though the guy behind the sign in the supermarket is “zipping up”…do you think that he relieved himself on the Guy Ferry poster?

  18. Mike In Detroit says:

    Contact the pork producers site and tell them you will never buy pork again if they continue to use Ferry as a spokesman. That will send a message.

  19. April March says:

    You’re right, Byrdie. My humble apologies to Porky Pig!

  20. cookie says:

    Guy Fatty is a disgusting pos. Who the hell gives this idiot jobs?! Beside efin’ FN.

  21. DamienNZ says:

    If he is the other white meat – I’m going vegetarian :(

  22. BB says:

    He should be the spokesman for 40-something men pretending they’re still in their 20s.

  23. Lana says:

    The rest of the country is just now learning what residents of Santa Rosa already knew: Fieri IS taking over the world. I was in the Bay Area over the weekend -

    *There was a man at a night club in Santa Rosa wearing sunglasses on the back of his head.

    *There was a man at the Food & Music Fest with bleached, spiked hair wearing a bowling shirt. I was hoping it was the Kansas City Royals’ game impostor, but no. Just a HUGE Fieri fan.

    *Every newspaper, news blog and the majority of talk radio stations either interviewed or mentioned Fieri. One news media person I spoke with said, “Hey. He sells papers.”

    Honestly, I’m calling it now. Fieri, Governor of California in 10 – 15 years.

  24. Kittykitty says:

    Potty Mouth Princess: More like “aporkalypse.” Every time I see this idiot’s mug I get the fingernails-on-a-chalkboard shivers down my spine. Ugh.

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