Paula Deen »
Just What The World Needs: More Paula Deen Nuts
Published on: June 16, 2009 – 11:58 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Paula Deen eyeglasses. Paula Deen rugs. Paula Deen furniture. Paula Deen playing cards. Paula Deen jewelry and watches. Paula Deen hams. Paula Deen tote bags. Paula Deen restaurants. Paula Deen magazines.
We all know the list doesn’t stop there. Paula Deen is everywhere, y’all. And now, according to Paula’s new 
interview with AOL Food, we’ll soon be adding PAULA DEEN NUTS and a PAULA DEEN SEAFOOD LINE to an already oversaturated PAULA DEEN market.
Paula told AOL, “I have my own nut line now! And when I say nuts, I’m talking walnuts, pecans, and almonds. B. Lloyd’s by Paula Deen! They’re the most wonderful nuts you’ve ever put in your mouth. And I also have my own seafood line coming out that we have been working on now for almost a year. The best fried shrimp… frozen, fried shrimp… that I’ve ever tasted. They go in the oven, you do not have to struggle with putting them in a frying pan and trying to fry them up.”
You know, I hate struggling with putting shrimp in a frying pan! It is just so time consuming! Thank God Paula Deen exists.
As far as the nuts, crazy me, I thought Paula Deen already HAD her own nuts. In fact, I’m sure of it. We even reviewed them on Food Network Humor back in January. I’ll take “they were disgusting” for $500 please, Alex.
But wait! There’s more! Just in case the Deen’s didn’t already have enough money, Paula’s husband Michael Groover took time out of his busy North Pole schedule to write a brand new book. It’s called “My Delicious Life With Paula Deen,” and it’s scheduled to hit shelves in November. Why, that’s just in time for your holiday shopping, y’all! How convenient. For their wallets.
Good ol’ Paula can’t seem to do an interview these days without talking about something gross, and in today’s interview, that subject was passing gas. Michael mentioned he and his sailing crew used to eat beans while working on a tugboat. Paula quickly morphed into a 6 year old boy and replied, “And I know y’all were a joy to be around. Can you imagine six men all eating dried beans. I bet that was one smelly tug y’all. Yes, siree buddy.”
Yum! Old man flatulence! Who’s hungry?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Woman’s World Invites Us To “Party Like Paula Deen”---THINGS WE HATE: Paula Deen’s Nuts
---Paula Deen: “I’m The Biggest I’ve Ever Been!”
---Get Ready, Y’all: Paula Deen Baked Goods Coming To A Wal-Mart Near You
---Paula Deen Launching Designer Paper Products Line
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
Sounds like ole Pauler now considers her FN shows as just walking talking infomercials for her business enterprises. Actually, all of the current roster of cooking “hosts” seem to act that way.
There is too much to work with here. Seytem overload. but I’ll give it ago.
“I have my own nut line now!”…You had them for a while they’re called Jamie and Bobby.
“And when I say nuts…” We know you mean nuts.
This is where there too much to work with:
“They’re the most wonderful nuts you’ve ever put in your mouth.”…You should know.
-I’ll take your word for it.
-No thanks don’t need any Deen family nuts in my mouth.
And finally.
-is that what Bobby said?
I think Paula has done well for herself… However, I knew her personally, in Albany , GA. (while she was probably age 21 through 30) while she was married to her first husband Jimmy, and Jamie and Bobby were small children. I never found her to be housebound or agoraphobic… I found her to be charming and a lot of fun – I just can’t understand where this “housebound until the age of 40″ stuff comes from … She was great!. I saw her frequently and spent a lot of time in her company… decoupage class, the gym, shopping, lunches out. I’m confused where this agoraphobia stuff comes from. I never knew anything about it.
Here’s a thought. I just read the backtrack review of her “nuts” and there were several out there that bought her crap (nuts, dressing, etc) only to discover that’s EXACTLY what it was: CRAP. Hey, Y’all!! Don’t throw that Deen-Crap away!! I’m sure Pauler would LOVE for you to return it to her for a full refund! And I bet she would love to here your opinion as you put pen to paper and describe the horrible experience you had in attempting to eat Deen-Crap food brand, be it nuts, silly salt, shrimp, furniture (actually a good hunk of dresser leg has a better flavor than her salad dressing). So don’t toss that Deen-Crap in the trash, Y’all. Send it back to Pauler! Why should you take the hit in the wallet? She and Santa have REALLY deep Deen-Pockets and would be proud to give your money back.
These people MAKE ME SICK.
Captain Highliner is a real gem uh ? I hope he robs her blind.
I wish she would stop making disgusting ‘jokes’ filled with innuendo and double entendre. Yes, Paula, we get it. You have sex. Awesome. Moving along…
Come to think of it, though, isn’t sex like money? The more you talk about it, the less you get/have lying around?
I’m sick of her face. But she’s smart. Exploit as many people as you can, make as much money as you can, while you can. This site points out the inherently greedy nature of these celebrity chefs beautifully, and hilariously.
I’m with Katie. But then, Santa really does only come (sp?) once a year.
Please don’t go after a tv personality’s spouse. The personality is fair game but this is the US not the UK so leave the spouses and SOs be. Very unfunny and uncool. JMNSHO.
Since he appears on Paula’s show, as he does regularly, and uses that forum to promote his products, then he’s fair game. IMHO.
Oooooooooh. Calling someone “Santa Claus” is SO MEAN!
Lighten up. We hardly “went after him.”
Michael Groover is permanently attached to Paula Deen’s hip. He co-hosts events with her. He does almost every single interview with her. He’s on her show all the time. Once you do all of those things, you’re no longer just someone’s spouse. You’re a personality as well.
And – he’s writing a BOOK! Milking people for money even more!
What the hell is JMNSHO even mean anyway?
I hate to even admit that I know this but “JMNSHO” = Just my not so humble opinion
Also, I completely agree with Jill and Funnybone. How can you indicated he’s just a “spouse” and not a celebrity? The fact that he’s trying (and succeeding) to cash in on her fame makes him free game, just as she is.
I was eating breakfast while I read this, and I had to really struggle to not spit food everywhere when I read this because I just started laughing. The references to nuts, the Santa jokes, and, of course, let’s not forget about that last part. Too funny. If any comedians need material, they need to come here and read this. Seriously.
He isn’t just a spouse, he is clearly now a foodnetwork personality by his own choosing. I say GO after him .. even though calling him SANTA isnt menacing.
I hate your guts! I hope you die! You… you… SANTA CLAUS!
And here I thought his name was Pisswhiskers…
Or Sank my claws
I have as much right to my opinion as anyone else does on an open forum/site. I shall continue to voice my opinion whether or not anybody agrees or disagrees with me.
I actually thought parts of this site were very funny but have also seen that some seem so hateful that it makes me wonder what sort of life they may or may not have.
Poking fun is great. Hate….uh…not so much. At least this place seems a bit more benign than the Rachel Ray Sux community.
I was also speaking generally. Not necesssarily about Michael Groover only.
There was a blog on Claire Robinson’s dog Newman which was quite complimentary. But then, he wasn’t trying to promote a book or his own line of food products.
My, my, my. Aren’t we a little sensitive FN Writer? Take a deep breath and chill out. Nobody is making fun of Pauler Deen’s husband. And not to be critical, but I think you had a typo in your first opinion. You wrote “Please don’t go after a tv personality’s spouse”. I believe you meant to say “…tv personality’s [notice "personality" was used instead of talented chef/cook] LOUSE!!!!!!!!
I have to say, ALL celebs do it, right? I mean Martha Stewart is all over KMart. Rachel(make me sick)Ray has all her crap AND the OPRAH promoted talk show. In Paula and Santa’s defense, they are not unlike all the other star-hungry self-promoting folks out there that use celebrity status to promote their “brand”. WE have to be the discriminating consumer.
FN writer, is that supposed to stand for Food Network writer?
If so, what exactly do you DO at the Food Network?
Yes, I absolutely agree with FN Writer. Santa Claus is an awful, awful term. To compare someone to a cherished seasonal man who brings thousands of children joy each Christmas morn is absolutely disgusting. Jill, you should be ashamed of yourself for using such naughty language. ;)
*snickers in a corner*
FN has writers? What the hell for. Someone needs to sit there and type ‘That’s money!’?
I’d like to know if this guy is for real. I think not. If so complaining about going after spouse who are more than happy to go on the air and make money seems well stupid. But then again stupid, out of touch, bad taste, obliviousness and lack of comprehension of irony are all trademarks of FN.
The fact that trees will give their lives for this book is the saddest thing I could think of regarding Captain Michael’s book.
I was going to respond to your question Jillian. However, after seeing some of the responses here, I think I will decline. I assume that my email address comes through to you and I’d be happy to answer there for you.
Just for the record I am not a ”guy” and have plenty negative to say regarding many at FN.
@FN Writer, at this point I don’t think it would be fair to my friends in the FNH community for me to converse with you privately. If you have something to say, please say it publicly like everyone else.
If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your role at the Food Network, then don’t. But then stop talking about it, and realize you have zero right to sit there and talk down to the rest of us, like you’re some authority on the subject ( (when in fact for all we know, you could really just be some prison bitch on a computer in jail, doing 3-8 years for stalking Rachael Ray.)
Thanks!
Buying frozen pre-cooked shrimp from Paula Deen is like buying a pre-fab house from Bob Villa. What the hell is the point of her showing us how to cook if she’s gonna push “lazy” on us now.
I’m confused. I thought FN Writer “had as much right” to voice her opinion in an open forum. Now? Not so much?? Hmmmm…why, FN Writer? Do you think you are better/more important than the rest of us?
This women is killing me with her crap. Do we really need more of her junk and crappy food?
NO Byrdie,
I value my employment and am not at liberty to discuss as much about who I am as others are. My opinion is quite different from laying out a great deal of personal information.
@FN Writer, no one asked for a “great deal of info.” They asked for a basic job description which you were quite unwilling to give.
@Jillian,
Oh please. I can see that this simply isn’t the site for me. I have NEVER spoken down to anyone here nor have I kept talking about any role at the Food Network. I voiced a personal opinion regarding going after spouses; my personal opinion.
Good luck with the site, I thought I had found a great place here with you and your friends to participate in.
It is pretty self explanatory Alexis that I am a writer. I have been there since the days of David Rosengarten and Chef du Jour before it became titty du jour.
I don’t think it’s that self explanatory, or no one would be asking questions. A recipe writer? A script writer? A cue card writer?
It’s confusing, especially considering I have always been under the impression the shows were not scripted and were ad libbed by the hosts.
HUH?? As Jillian stated, either put up or shut up, although she said it more, um, diplomatically. If joining in on the conversation at FNH, the either state your case/ opinion or get back to work and quit wasting everyone’s time. You should know, if you follow this site, that this is a level playing field nobody deserves “special” treatment.
Odd that anyone would think that this would be the site to promote the fact that they work at FN. Well shows you how out of touch they really are. I still doubt that this is a real FN Writer. Pobably more an uptight overzelious fan.
And get off this spouse bashing kick. Spouses who appear and put themselves out there and happily take the money are more than fair game.
And if this poser (no typo) is a really who they say they are then congratulations you must be very proud of the stellar product you are putting out. I’m sure the Pulitzer and Noble people are fighting to get the first crack at being the first to award you something.
I think FNWriter is making a mistake for thinking that snarking on show hosts’ family members is unfair (in particular, my guess is that they earn AFTRA scale for their appearances), but she/he deserves to have an opinion. Especially since FNWriter could be a great source for behind-the-scenes ridiculousness. Like the dish on Noah Starr, Boy Nerd. I for one hope FNW sticks around.
FN has to have writers. You don’t think Rachel, Paula and Bobby actually write their own cookbooks do you. I’m sure AB and Ina write their own cookbooks. But the rest of them–give me a break!!
I’m with you Judith. The perfect example is Tyler Florence. We’ve seen his writing skills in action! He can’t spell his way out of a paper bag. Not that I think FNWriter is a genuine employee of FN. As a matter of fact, if FNWriter is a real writer for them, then I’m a double-nought spy….have to go now…the secret hot line from the pentagon is ringing…
(unless I am I mistaken or missed it) I’m actually shocked that Paula Deen isn’t the spokesperson for the National Butter Council and/or his hawking her own Butter Line! It’s the most obvious of the schemes!
She turned that gig over to her freeloading sons, who have made ads for “I Can’t Believe It’s NOT Butter”.
Just thought I’d give all the Pauler “lovers” out there a heads up. She’s going to be on Kathy Griffin’s D-List show next week. According to a blip I read on EW.com about it, Kathy stated that they have a wild meal where people are falling down drunk. Should be fun fodder for you next week, Jillian.
Wow, I have found a site to vent about the FN “stars” o.k… here is my humble southern gal opinion for what it’s worth-
I liked Paula when she started out 5-6 years ago… now she has morphed into a loud mouthed, DaVinci capped, heavy fake eyelashed collard greens cooker. Paula’s Party sux and it is embarrasing. Michael Groover looks like the Radish Spirit from the Spirited Away Movie. He’s got his own line of coffee–whoopee. Bubba the brother runs a super expensive seafood joint in Savannah,I can’t afford to eat there and feed his pockets. Bobby and Jamie are kinda cute… that’s it. Rachel Ray– o.k. … I get it.. evoo stands for olive oil..no need to tell me anymore. and I had a “garbage bowl” 25 years ago, and her network show sux-it is boring. Also,I am sick of the back to back 30 Minute Meals shows. Mario Batalli-(spelling?) he is scary. Overweight, tiny mouth and he wears crocs-aggghh!
Giada Whatshername–she could not possibly eat what she cooks. Sandra Lee— diggin’ the cocktails. Ina-Jeffrey is sexy in a weird kind of way. I want your house in the hamptons. The Neelys’– enough with the love bug stuff going on in the kitchen.. it is annoying.. I would like to eat at the restaurant in Memphis though.
Tyler Florence–he’s hot and from Greenville S.C.–so I guess he rates. Bobby Flay– annoying yankee mister- know- it- all. hmmmmmm… I guess that’s it .
OH…. the paula/kathy griffin show…..it suxed. fake, paula was laying on the heavy accent..(I can tell, I’ve done it before) and it was not funny. It was embarrasing. I love Kathy Griffin, and her crew… but the show was awkward and was only done to promote Paula’s cookware, show, ham, candles, aprons, blah, blah, blah…
My sister ate at The Lady and sons… she said the crab soup had so much butter sitting on top of it she could not eat it… also it was super pricey for grandma food.
Paula’s magazine had a recipe contest going on and had EXACTLY 3 food sponsors: BLloyd Nuts (hers), Campbell’s and Swanson. You had to use at least one of these sponsor ingredients in your recipe. I gave up on entering when I couldn’t find her BLloyd nuts anywhere (in Big D, no less), and I couldn’t figure out how to use Chicken Noodle Soup in a dessert! Can’t wait to see how somebody incorporates tomato soup and glazed walnuts y’all in an appetizer. YUM!
Jille, don’t bother, not worth the trouble. The combination of all those foods sounds like the only recipe to be develped would be in-edible glop.
Her husband’s eyes are about as closed as hers are open. Open your eyes in a normal human fashion, y’all.
@FN Writer – Great so why not share some interesting anecdotes or commentary with us. I hardly think referring to a person as Santa when he sports that facial appendage is vile or cruel? I think you’ll find most people here rather entertaining and interested in a less boobiefied FN as well as something that actually is about cooking and not the latest venture for people that are not the ‘greatest’ of cooks….
AHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Jillian Madison you are a GENIUS!!!!! I cannot stop laughing every time I log on to this site!!!!!
I love The Neely’s. I also enjoy watching Barefoot Contessa, Sunny Anderson, Big Daddy and one or two other shows I’m not sure the names though. Paula and Rachel have become a bit too over exposed for me. I liked their first generation cookbooks but I am over it now. My new love is the Sam the Food Guy on Discovery and the new Cooking Channel. Although already I see Bobby Flay and Giada on there…I hope it doesn’t become another version of FN. I just want see good food recipes with good cooks that have great chemistry with the TV audience so I’m not bored. But FN just has so much going on now.