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New Photos Of The Next Food Network Star Contestants
Posted on June 4th 2009 by Jillian Madison

The FN Dish just blogged a few candid photos of the Next Food Network Star competitors, and they gave all of us here at FNH a pretty good laugh. Run along and take a look at them… and then come on back and we’ll discuss ‘em. We’ll wait.

(insert Jeopardy theme music here)

Are you back? Good. Now seriously, BASED ON THOSE PHOTOS ALONE, tell me they don’t look like ten of the biggest toolbags to ever pick up a Santoku knife!

Why do most of the men look awkward and oh-so uncomfortable in front of the camera? It’s like, 4 minutes before the photo was taken, someone said to them: “you better look like you’re having fun in these promo photos or we will KILL A PUPPY.” Two of them even resorted to doing a BUTT BUMP, for heaven’s sake. And we all know, nothing says “I’m sober and I’m trying to look like I’m having fun” like a butt bump.

The FN Dish article also mentioned that “Lady Gaga was blasting” in the background, which got everybody “dancing and playing.” Really? Then why do the women look like they’re filming a Massengil print ad? They look B-O-R-I-N-G! They aren’t even TRYING to fake a good time. They’re just like, “Yeah, we’re here, we’re just chillin’, shooting an ad for a Sears catalog.” At least Melissa D’Arabian did a split.

Too bad this isn’t The Next Gymnast Star, because she’d be a shoo-in.

nfns-new-pics


Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---FIRST LOOK: Next Food Network Star Season 7 Contestants
---Bob Tuschman Insults The Next Food Network Star Contestants
---FNH EXCLUSIVE: Next Food Network Star Season 5 Cast Photos/Bios
---Next Food Network Star Season 6 Cast Bios/Photos
---Next Food Network Star: Ten Thoughts On Episode #503

    10 Responses

  1. HeWhoseNameMustNotBeSpoken says:
    June 4, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    omg…seriously??!…too easy…

    Photo #1 Caption: “Duuude! (uncontrollable laughter)…You told us you were THIIIS BIIIG!!…you’re new name is now officially PeeWee Herman!”
    Photo #2 Caption: “I’m SERIOUS girls! He told me it was THIIS BIIIG!! I had to ask him “is it in yet??” as he shrieked, “I’m CUMMING!!” (more laughter)
    Photo #3: Farting Contest between the men
    Photo #4: Farting Contest – Women

    Reply
  2. Tatiana says:
    June 4, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    I hesitate to mention this, but isn’t it shoo-in?

    Reply
  3. Jillian Madison says:
    June 4, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Yes it is Tatiana, thank you, and typo corrected.

    Reply
  4. Jen says:
    June 4, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Someone tell that drag queen that horizontal stripes are a no-no for fatties.

    Reply
  5. Byrdie says:
    June 4, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Phony. Fake. They look like rejects from casting pix from “Friends”. And maybe it’s just my personality, but I don’t know five women that are in a competition to become the next RR or Pauler or Aunt (hiccup) Sandy, that wouldn’t rather scratch each others eyes out of their sockets. But NOOOOOO, there they all are just laughing and having such a marvy time. Phony. Fake. Did I mention phony and fake?

    Reply
  6. Teague says:
    June 4, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    You’re right they look like toolbags.

    I don’t know what is more sad the write up by Fn about how much fun was having. Or the comments by people about what a fun group they looked liked.

    Reply
  7. Vanilla says:
    June 4, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    You’ve come a long way, baby.

    Reply
  8. Elizabeth says:
    June 4, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Good lord–between this and the interviews on the other site (in all fairness, the questions are perfectly thoughtful and to the point–it’s the answers that are ridiculous), it’s not surprising that you weren’t allowed to interview the contestants prior to the show. I’m really not impressed with any of them so far–it’s like they’ve taken all of the worst aspects of the prior seasons and found contestants that personified all of them.

    Reply
  9. Mise en place says:
    June 4, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    Is it me or did just about all of them say Bobby Flay was their cooking idol on that lame 7 questions “interview” thing?

    Surprised they all didn’t have brown smudges on their noses in the photos.

    Heaven help the Food Network if this is the best of the crop.

    Reply
  10. Teague says:
    June 5, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    I think this has got to be one of the best shows on TV. Everyone on it is such a disaster. From the FN ‘executives.’ who are able to contradict themselves at every possible opportunity. To the head case contestants who are obviously enjoying there time out of the asylum. This group looks like they can keep that tradition alive. I especially loved it last season when it soon became clear that they already had a winner pick and changed the rules accordingly to let him get through.

    I can’t help but watch this car wreck of a show it’s a real guilty pleasure

    The only problem is, haven’t watched FN in so long I have forgotten what channel it’s on.

    Reply

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