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Diane’s NFNS Theory
Posted on June 26th 2009 by Jillian Madison

By now, you’ve all probably heard about the ASK SUSIE videos on FN Dish (where Susie Fogelson smugly dodges questions asked to her by Next Food Network Star viewers). This week, Susie responded to a hilarious theory from a viewer named Diane.

Diane’s totally accurate theory:

The judges are too hung up on having the contestants tell stories about themselves as they’re cooking, and we’re all paying for the fact that Bob Tuschman wasn’t read to as a child.

After she read Diane’s question, Susie immediately morphed into Mommy Dearest. She aggressively pointed in our collective faces and warned us not to “make fun of Bob Tuschman.” Apparently, we’re all 5 years old now! Message received, Susie: anyone with a dissenting opinion will be beaten with a wire hanger!

pick-on-bob



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    35 Responses

  1. Sandra says:

    She wouldn’t have a job if she states her own opinion that Bob is a d-bag.

  2. Youknowwhoiam says:

    Whether she likes Bob or not, there was no reason for her to scold the public like that.

  3. DesignerJeans says:

    She and Bob carry so much of the responsibly of what the Food Network has turned into it’s beyond sad…. It’s like the bus they were driving ran into a ditch a while back and for some reason Food Network’s parent company keeps throw bus keys at them.

  4. Byrdie says:

    If we aren’t supposed to pick on Bob (grow your own pair Bob), didn’t she dis him when she stated she voted with Flay because he was cuter? OOPS, seems like a two faced comment/directive to me.

    And by the way Susie, can you please remove the bracelets to avoid the continual banging on the desk while your talking? You would think a TV person would realize that is annoying.

  5. Tatiana says:

    Arrogant twat.

  6. Cat Chow says:

    Fogelson Dearest: NO.MORE.TUSCH.COMMENTS…EVER!

  7. Steffi says:

    I found the “our comments couldn’t penetrate his teflon” quote to be hysterical. She said it so seriously. Gah…what a hag.

  8. Lana says:

    The look on her face … she’s being facetious ’bout Bob. It’s not like FN doesn’t know ALL the major players get picked on.

    More to the point, I think the personal stories are kinda weird too. I understand talking about the food – but tell me the story about the food, right? Not Grandpa Joe, Aunt Mimi or the kids. Doesn’t motivate me at all. Tell me about why you’re using which ingredients, where they came from … I dunno. Guess I’m lookin’ for Alton-y kinda stuff. *big sigh8

  9. DesignerJeans says:

    A dollar will get you five Lana, that Alton Brown would never be hired by today’s Food Network.

  10. stixx23 says:

    Looks like she just came in off the prairie to do that bit.

    Love how she admits up front that next week’s episode is all about Debbie and whether she can triumph over adversity. nah, the winner hasn’t been decided yet.

  11. Michael C says:

    I couldn’t focus on her commentary because of THOSE LIPS!? Guess we know what Food Network’s advertising dollars are paying for!

  12. Teague says:

    This is why FN and Suze are so F-ED up:

    Suze gave an interview to the ‘other’ FN blog and in it she plainly states (remember she the VP in charge of marketing) thatin the all the years she has been at FN she had never met Ina one of the biggest and most popular people on FN until just prior to filming this episode. Why would she even admit to that. Seem plainly incompetent and arrogant. It’s not IBM with tens of thousands of employees. This is FN with a half a dozen ‘stars’ that they reuse all the time. She can’t be bothered to met them all?

    It struck me as very twisted.

  13. Matt says:

    Here is a thought on NFNS. How many of the winners are even stars on the channel? This is Season 5 correct? Does anyone even remember who won besides Guy and Aaron? I know I can’t. I only remember Guy cause he is as big a douche as Bob and Susie, which shows by how many different TV appearances he gets compared to like Rachel and even Bobby, and I only remember Aaron cause he was the recent winner. So what happened to all the rest that won “star” status from the show. Were they not Douchy By Bob and Susie’s standards enough to keep their star status?

  14. Lefty says:

    That other FN blog is written by guy who works for the network. Isn’t it obvious ? He sucks up to anyone remotely involved with The FN so much his middle name is Hoover.

  15. leah says:

    The only past winners I remember are (can’t remember her first name) Finley. She did (I think) one or two episodes of her show and then decided not to do any more, and I remember the two guys that won (I think) it was the first season and they did several episodes never to be seen again.
    I agree with DesignerJeans, that Alton would never be hired on the current FN.

  16. Freezezzy says:

    While the bracelets clashing on the desk every time she put her arms down was somewhat distracting, what really got to me was the repeated flashes every time there was some kind of edit. I thought I was gonna go into an epileptic seizure after a while, but I made it to the end just fine.

    The part that really got my attention was right near the end, when she mentioned Debbie’s name 3 times in almost 10 seconds. This was right after she mentions that Debbie’s gonna take a whack to the face.

  17. Lefty Arse says:

    I’m a man of international espionage and intrigue. Do you see the fake Groucho mustache? Yeah baby, yeah, I’m undercover! I’d like to get “undercover” with that Suzy broad. Oh, behave baby!

  18. RD says:

    Isn’t it obvious that other guy on that other blog works for FN? It’s on the blogroll of the FN’s blogs. AND, also he recently admitted that he gets some press access to the FN’s events (although he’s a lowly blogger, supposedly) so there.

    Back on topic, though, Diane, I love you! You are my hero.

  19. Youknowwhoiam says:

    that other blog is just awful. All that ass kissing and artificial “nicey-nice” makes me appreciate the honesty and and realness of this place all the more.

    If that dork’s blog is linked from food network’s blog, it’s not doing much to help his alexa ranking. 1.7 million is horrendous especially for a blog thats many years old.

    (FNH is 114,000, did you know that Jillian? Rock on!)

  20. Hank Moody says:

    The Food Network is just kissing his ass because they know 25 people read his blog. Fact is they’re desperate for any good, positive marketing they can get. More and more people are growing uneasy with their programming – if that site and us readers aren’t proof of that, what is?

  21. I'll Say It says:

    Isn’t it obvious? Jacob is only getting the time of day because he’s gay. I’m gay too, and in this community the fact is one hand washes the other. You look out for me, I’ll look out for you. And it’s obvious a bunch of straight men aren’t sitting around running the Food Net.

    If he was straight, he would not even be acknowledged (his blog is just one of the millions of shitty food blogs out there), let alone on their blog roll.

  22. Teague says:

    Okay let try this again. The point of my post was not about who writes who they work and last but not least their sexual orientation.

    It just struck me as bizarre, lame and typical FN that it took the head of marketing several years to get around to meeting one of their biggest ‘stars’. And it’s not Suze has thousand of ‘stars’ to meet she has six or seven. I thought it odd that she would admit to this half assed approach to her job. But then FN is so out of touch that she’s a typical deaf, dumb, and blind FN exec. Which is why FN is what it is.

    (Although the dude on the other blog did add a long post justifying her lack of action.)

  23. miseennplace says:

    I am so glad I stopped watching this crap after the first episode.

    BTW:
    I have a blog for Alton fans and contacted FN PR about it and was treated like a lowly blogger.

  24. S9 says:

    Not that Susie isn’t a dirty liar, but I think it was Ina that didn’t really care to meet the newer people at Food Network. I was surprised to see her do the show. Until just recently, she’s avoided all their little get together and specials like the plague.

  25. Hakuna Fritatta says:

    Hey Suzy! Fuck you bitch, I’ll mock anyone I damn well please.

    BTW Tuschman sucks! And so do you. The 2 of you killed a network I used to like.

  26. hey says:

    wow a lot of anger on a site named “foodnetworkhumor”, what gives

    don’t watch much but my wife loves it and I got sucked in to this food network star thing

    hope that fat korean chick gets tossed next time, super annoying

  27. alexis says:

    You’re telling us there’s a lot of anger here but then call Debbie a “fat korean chick?” Hypocrite much?

  28. hey says:

    but I’m not angry about it!

    (and she is a fat korean chick)

  29. Matt's Elizabeth says:

    hahahahaha!

  30. Erin says:

    You know, I found myself thinking about this post over the weekend (I watch a lot of FN on Saturday ams). I really don’t care about personal stories from the chefs/cooks. Couldn’t care less. Show me how to cook, and cook well. I am one of your VIEWERS; you think you know what we want? I think Susie is out of touch with reality for a number of reasons, but smugly insisting that she and Bob know what WE want, when we’ve told her it’s something we DON’T want? Very arrogant.

  31. Nella says:

    Oh come on guys. She’s just having fun with us. Obviously she saw humor enough in the comment to pick it out and respond…. would you have rather her ignored it all together? And just answer fluff questions? I think she is laughing with us…

  32. emma says:

    No Nella she’s laughing AT us if Debbie’s already the winner.

    If.

    I’m surprised they don’t want a real 2 person finale that a lot of people would watch.

    If they don’t know their marketing demos then Debbie’s it.

    If.

  33. Picbuddy says:

    I don’t really care what she’s saying. I’ve been watching this video over and over again in an endless loop for the last three days in a row just looking at those lips… Mercy.

  34. these two morons don’t get it at all. the professionals tell them they don’t like the giddy talkers, yet they continue to tell them to keep talking. The pros on Bravo’s Top chef and the other tv professionals don’t use any of these ridiculous tactics and they are great to watch. Keep up with the nitwit programming and I will completely disappear. I really only enjoy Ina Garten (who doesn’t babble incessantly). The two of them (Bob and Susie) are laughable and barely watchable at all. They go for the one that has annoying tv personalities and turn away the ones who can cook. Yuck…….

  35. Bob and Susie have clearly destroyed the network. Thank God Ted allen was given another cornball show. It keeps him of Bravo, which I love! They really don’t know what viewers want. They want mundane. When they are done commercializing these guys, they dump them… Anthony Bourdain, Mario Batali, Emeril and turn to the latest tools to carry on. I watch diners, driveins, dives, but will not watch Guy’s shows. He is way over the top and really… Bling? I think not! This network is a joke! When Emeril was king, they did a Thanksgiving show with a group of the then stars. They put Bobby outside on the grill! It was hysterical as the rest were inside and didn’t have to deal with the talentless Flay. Quite a funny show.

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