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Anthony Bourdain Blogs About Run-In With Sandra Lee
Posted by Jillian Madison

You’ve gotta love Anthony Bourdain. He’s probably the only food blogger on the planet who can still get a laugh by making fun of Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa cake. That’s just what he did during his hilarious account of meeting Sandra Lee at the premier of Julie & Julia:

Now, I’ve said some unkind things over the years about Sandra. Far too many and far too terrible things to ever apologize for. Plus, I pretty much meant every word. Once you’ve seen Sandra making Kwanzaa Cake on YouTube, there’s no backing down . My head is reeling with the thought that one phone call from Cuomo and my last twenty years of tax returns are getting audited . I’m paralyzed, wondering what the statute of limitations is on various things I may or may not have done twenty years ago. Sandra is talking. I know this cause her lips are moving and she’s saying–overtly anyway, nice things. Like “You’re a very naughty man,” and she’s chatting amiably with my wife. But one hand is picking over me like the meat buyer at Peter Luger selecting a rib section–like some demonic bird of prey is poking and prodding, deciding where the weakest, most tender point of entry is, giving, as I recall, a point by point review of her investigations to my wife–who ordinarily, I have to say, would have been across the table with a tomahawk chop elbow to the top of the skull by now, but who, like me, sits mesmerized and grinning insanely, frozen by the ..bizarrenessof the moment which seems to go on forever as Sandra’s hand wanders upward, tugs an ear lobe and asks if my ears are red yet. (They were.) Having had her way with me, she leaves the emptied husk of my carcass teetering at the table and moves on.

As we say on the show all the time, “What have we learned today?”

I learned that were a nuclear weapon to fall on New York, I’m pretty sure that if no one else, Sandra Lee would survive to clamber out of the rubble. That if it came down to a fight over the last can of food, she would surely emerge the victor.

Be sure to read the entire story over at his blog. It’s worth it for the Jaws quote alone.



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Origins Of Sandra Lee’s Horrifying Kwanzaa Cake
---Sandra Lee Tells Anthony Bourdain To “Have Cocktail And Lighten Up”
---Food Network Anthony Bourdain-isms
---FOOD FIGHT: Anthony Bourdain vs Paula Deen
---It’s Official: Anthony Bourdain Has Lost His Fucking Mind

    33 Responses

  1. Donalyn says:

    I would have paid big money to be a witness to this encounter!

  2. Judith says:

    You must read his blog, it is hysterically funny. He is an incredibly brave to write this after such a traumatic meeting.

  3. Byrdie says:

    This is my favorite line in this particular blog of Bourdain’s: “…I was sideswiped by pure evil.” I think that says it all.

  4. Tatiana says:

    One of the most admirable things about Tony Bourdain is that he IS brave. I’m a big fan of his, and not of Sandra Lee (didn’t know that, did you?). The blog was a great read.

  5. Sarah says:

    I just learned Bourdain was nominated for 3 prime time Emmys for No Reservations . You think those jerkoffs at Food Network would like to have show that was nominated for Prime time Emmys. No they like producing crapola that won’t get nominated for dick all.

  6. DesignerJeans says:

    Sarah,

    Sandra Lee WAS nominated for an emmy… FOR “Best Hairstyling”… I shit you not!

    If this is not the alpha and the omega of all Food Personality moments, I don’t know what is.

    Tony gets emmy noms for his talent.

    Aunt Sandy, for her HAIR!

  7. Silvio says:

    You kidding me ? For hairstyling ? I thought real TV shows like Desperate Housewives would have a lock. I guess she is humming someone at the Emmy Academy then.

    How about the little midget Italian girl Giada ? No nominations ? She could get the nod for most Elfin like features.

    Seems like all the very talented food personalities are not on Food Network. Wonder why?

  8. DesignerJeans says:

    Semi-Homemade Star, Sandra Lee, Soars With Daytime Emmy Nomination and People
    Magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful
    ‘All-Consuming Beauty’ Sandra Lee Shares Her Secrets

    NEW YORK, May 2 /PRNewswire/ — Popular television host of “Semi-Homemade
    Cooking with Sandra Lee” on the Food Network and a New York Times bestselling
    author, Sandra Lee wins two great honors in the same week: a Daytime Emmy
    nomination, and she is selected by People magazine as one of the world’s 100
    Most Beautiful.
    On stands today, People magazine honors Sandra Lee as an “All-Consuming
    Beauty” in their special issue. Upon learning this was her category earlier
    this week, a humbled Lee commented, “When I think of People’s 100 Most
    Beautiful issue, I think of Jennifer Aniston, not me. She has great hair!”
    Ironically, the next day Sandra’s television show, “Semi-Homemade Cooking
    with Sandra Lee,” received an Emmy nomination for the category of “Best
    Hairstyling.” This was the first year the show submitted for this category.
    Sandra Lee chirped, “If this means that my Semi-Homemakers are destined to
    have more great hair days — then bless America!” In People Sandra reveals
    that it is champagne and chocolate truffles that keep her happy and healthy.
    The issue will remain on newsstands through May 16, 2008.
    Sandra Lee
    Sandra Lee is an internationally-acclaimed home and style expert with an
    Emmy-nominated television show, Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee, which
    airs on the Food Network. With 14 books to her credit, she is a New York
    Times and Amazon.com best-selling author with three new books scheduled for
    release in fall 2008.
    Semi-Homemade Cooking on the Food Network
    In 2003 Semi-Homemade Cooking with Sandra Lee debuted on the Food Network
    as one of the highest-rated show launches in the network’s history and remains
    a consistent top performing program. It was nominated for a Daytime Emmy in
    2008. Her personal story was documented by Food Network’s Chefography in 2007
    to rave reviews and high ratings. Semi-Homemade Cooking airs daily on the
    Food Network: Monday – Friday at 4pm ET/PT, Saturday at 10am ET/PT and Sunday
    at 12pm ET/PT. More information can be found at http://www.semihomemade.com.
    SOURCE SLSH Enterprises, Inc.

    Jennifer Perciballi, SVP Communications, SLSH Enterprises, Inc.,
    +1-212-758-4896, jennifer@semihomemade.com, or Maggie Wang, Director,
    Communications, SLSH Enterprises, Inc., +1-212-838-0127
    maggie@semihomemade.com

  9. Byrdie says:

    ‘In People Sandra reveals that it is champagne and chocolate truffles that keep her happy and healthy.’

    More like the truffles are used to chuck at her maid to get her attention so that she can pour her 32nd glass of bubbly.
    (You just gotta read between the lines, ya know?!)

  10. DesignerJeans says:

    My favorite part:

    ” In People Sandra reveals
    that it is champagne and chocolate truffles that keep her happy and healthy.”

    But mostly the champagne of course…

  11. DesignerJeans says:

    Jinx!

  12. Byrdie says:

    Designer! Great minds run amok together!!

  13. gamergf says:

    You mean the truffles she makes from canned chocolate frosting, right?

  14. Jun says:

    I love Tony Bourdain. I admire not only his bravery but also his restraint. If Sandra Lee laid one finger on me, I would have “accidentally” elbowed her in the face.

  15. JohnO says:

    To summarize Bourdain I reference Supt. Chalmers: “The stick up that man’s ass has a stick up its ass”. I don’t love FN, but I can’t effnin’ stand Bourdain.

  16. Kitty says:

    I love me some Bourdain and this blog just about sent me over the edge. C’mere and let a petite, perky college student give you a hug. <333

  17. Kim H says:

    I LOVE me some Anthony Bourdain. FN was STUPID to let him go to the Travel Channel, but hey, that is their issue.

    He is so snarky! (Love it)

    First time responder, a week long reader. Glad I found your site! (I have to keep down the laughs that emit from my office when I check the updates on your site – I am a tax accountant after all!)

  18. Kim H says:

    Wow, sorry about that Kitty, Almost an exact quote – not intentional.

    What the hell is an “all-consuming beauty”?

    Is that like a personality disorder like narcissism?

  19. Ellen says:

    LOVE Anthony Bourdain! This is the first time I’ve seen his blog, thanks for the link!

  20. *Di* says:

    Obviously Bourdain has not succumbed in the least to Sandy’s “all-consuming beauty” – even her public touching and flirting doesn’t seem to work.
    Ha! Good for you, Tony – you are an arrogant prick but I love you for maintaining your standards.

  21. Teague says:

    That was brilliant!

  22. Kitty says:

    Haha, no worries, Kim~Is it me, or does “all-consuming beauty” sound like a bad euphemism for a narcissistic cougar with store-bought tits? Or maybe a mutant herpes virus that rots flesh while smelling of exxxxxxxxxxxpresso?

  23. Byrdie says:

    @Kitty – If her boobs are store bought, she needs to get a refund. Saggy ain’t stylish. Yikes.

  24. Kittykitty says:

    All-consuming, huh? Reminds me of that movie, “The Blob.”

  25. Glock says:

    All this semi-homemade talk makes me want to go semi-cook some dinner. Like Sandy’s recipes, everything will be done half-assed.

  26. Cannon says:

    Love Bourdain, but if he’s let the lovechild of Bukowski and Skeletor shake his boots, he’s gone soft. First Rachael and now Aunt Sandy….For Shame. I bet the the original members of the Ramones are turning over in their graves (including Tommy – and he’s not even dead….yet).

    Pulling a punch is the same as quiting, and quitters suck ass.

  27. Kitty says:

    @Byrdie, nobody said they weren’t found in the bargian bin. Knowning her, she’d semi-homemake her own boob job. XD

  28. Kevin says:

    Reminds me of Joe Queenan talking about the experience of shaking the hand of Geraldo Rivera, and how “Right then and there I could feel the dark power of Satan coursing through my veins. “

  29. Barb says:

    Her boobs aren’t saggy, they’re just too low in their point of origin. Take a closer look, you’ll see what I mean. Weird.

    Bourdain’s experience sounds even weirder. Ew.

  30. [...] update: A few weeks ago, Anthony Bourdain blogged about his run-in with Sandra Lee at a movie premiere. He said he was “sideswiped by pure [...]

  31. Bear says:

    I like jokes about Sandra as much as the next guy, but Bourdain is the only cook I can’t stand MORE than her.

    He is so painfully unfunny.

    At least Sandra know how to be polite?

  32. BITTER says:

    Please. Bourdain is the coolest. I don’t always agree with him, but he’s honest to a fault. And funny as hell.

    Polite doesn’t always mean nice.

  33. Bill says:

    for every woman (and man) that dislikes Sandra Lee there are 1000 that think she’s hot…I know what I’d do with those jubblies!

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