Sandra Lee »
You’ve gotta love Anthony Bourdain. He’s probably the only food blogger on the planet who can still get a laugh by making fun of Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa cake. That’s just what he did during his hilarious account of meeting Sandra Lee at the premier of Julie & Julia:
Now, I’ve said some unkind things over the years about Sandra. Far too many and far too terrible things to ever apologize for. Plus, I pretty much meant every word. Once you’ve seen Sandra making Kwanzaa Cake on YouTube, there’s no backing down . My head is reeling with the thought that one phone call from Cuomo and my last twenty years of tax returns are getting audited . I’m paralyzed, wondering what the statute of limitations is on various things I may or may not have done twenty years ago. Sandra is talking. I know this cause her lips are moving and she’s saying–overtly anyway, nice things. Like “You’re a very naughty man,” and she’s chatting amiably with my wife. But one hand is picking over me like the meat buyer at Peter Luger selecting a rib section–like some demonic bird of prey is poking and prodding, deciding where the weakest, most tender point of entry is, giving, as I recall, a point by point review of her investigations to my wife–who ordinarily, I have to say, would have been across the table with a tomahawk chop elbow to the top of the skull by now, but who, like me, sits mesmerized and grinning insanely, frozen by the ..bizarrenessof the moment which seems to go on forever as Sandra’s hand wanders upward, tugs an ear lobe and asks if my ears are red yet. (They were.) Having had her way with me, she leaves the emptied husk of my carcass teetering at the table and moves on.
As we say on the show all the time, “What have we learned today?”
I learned that were a nuclear weapon to fall on New York, I’m pretty sure that if no one else, Sandra Lee would survive to clamber out of the rubble. That if it came down to a fight over the last can of food, she would surely emerge the victor.
Be sure to read the entire story over at his blog. It’s worth it for the Jaws quote alone.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Origins Of Sandra Lee’s Horrifying Kwanzaa Cake
---Sandra Lee Tells Anthony Bourdain To “Have Cocktail And Lighten Up”
---Food Network Anthony Bourdain-isms
---FOOD FIGHT: Anthony Bourdain vs Paula Deen
---It’s Official: Anthony Bourdain Has Lost His Fucking Mind
- Sandra Lee