Guy Fieri made the world’s most pointless cameo on Sunday night’s episode of HGTV Showdown, in a lame network crossover publicity stunt that could only have been thought up by a clueless cubicle zombie somewhere deep in the bowels of the Scripps marketing department.

Fieri, who specializes in driving rental cars cross country and talking with his mouth full, had absolutely no business appearing on a show about renovation and interior design. He had nothing useful to offer the carpenters or decorators, and his presence there completely reeked of falsity and underlying monitary motives on the part of the Scripps executives.

The ridiculousness of it all came to a head when Fieri made a really stupid suggestion about the placement of a design element, and one of the lead designers snidely told him, “I won’t talk to you about cooking… so don’t you talk to me about design.” Zing!

For those who missed it, here’s a step-by-step breakdown of Fieri’s cameo on the show:

1. Fieri shows up, wearing an ugly bowling shirt and a pair of cheap looking sunglasses on the back of his meaty neck.

2. Fieri stands around gesturing for 10 minutes, while getting in the way of designers and carpenters who are actually there working and completing tasks relevant to the show.

3. Fieri cooks a nasty meal on a makeshift table made out of plywood.

4. Vern Yip and the other designers taste Fieri’s disgusting food, and appear physically ill. The dude on the right actually SPITS HIS BITE OUT INTO A NAPKIN, causing all of us here at FNH to laugh for 10 minutes straight.

Bowling shirt: $40
Imitation Oakleys: $50
Making Vern Yip almost vomit on television: PRICELESS!

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