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OPEN THREAD: What Would You Do With This Bobby Flay Poster?
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Last month, we gave away a Food Network prize package over at our pop culture satire site, Pophangover. The prizes included a large canvas Food Network tote bag, a copy of Bobby Flay’s latest overpriced cookbook, some kitchen towels, and this truly hideous, almost life-size promotional poster of Bobby Flay and the rest of the Next Food Network Stars:
Hilariously enough, a Bobby Flay-hating FNH reader named Judith ended up being one of the 3 random winners of the prize package. And guys, according to the email she fired off to me this morning, she needs our help:
Dear Jill,
Thank you so much. I received my prize package on Friday July 10. The bag is really nice, the kitchen towels are also nice as is the star-shaped fridge magnet. I’ve decided to give the Blobby Fay (no mistake!) hamburger cookbook to my 8-yr.-old granddaughter (I realize it’s a bit simple-but I’m sure she’ll get some ideas out of it-it’s way too simple for my son!) As for the poster- at first I thought to use it as a liner for my grandpuppy’s kennel (The thought of Bobby Flays face covered by a pile of puppy poo was priceless!) Then I realized that the feces and urine would just roll off–so anyone have any ideas on how to properly use this poster? Thanks again…Judith
So let’s have it, FNH: what the hell would YOU do with this poster?!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Grillin’ With Bobby Flay: All Week on the Food Network---Bobby Flay Will Host 2nd Kentucky Derby Party
---Bobby Flay on Entourage: Part 2
---The Worst Bobby Flay “Recipe” Of All Time
---Photos: Bobby Flay In His Youth
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44 Responses
shred it up and use it for packing material
The poster is Fugly but those shoes are so cute!
Burn it and use the flames to make smores
Seems to make a nice doormat, based on the picture shown.
Mustn’t waste precious paper – tear it into pieces and use as toilet paper.
Wipe the smiles off their faces !
I would hang it from my front door (or the most obnoxious place possible), see how long it takes for someone to complain, then re-gift it to that person and allow it to be their problem.
Draw a long penis on Bobby’s crotch area and a bubble coming from his mouth saying “They like the cock.”
Play pin the tail on the donkeys.
FNFAN, you beat me to it. I was thinking “I totally would have drawn a big dick on it by now”.
Honestly, I’d probably do the same thing I did with my life size Hillary cut out. Take pictures of it with the cows, and then use it for target practice.
Dartboard, with two bull’s eyes: one in his crotchtal region, the other on his smug face.
Bonus points for hitting his hands-in-pockets, because he is a huuuuge nail-biter!
Roll it up and use it to swat flies, making sure Bobby’s face is on the outside.
Nor does he seem to bother with pushing back his cuticles, Lady Callahan. Have you noticed? Grosses me the hell OUT.
Thank you all for all of your wonderful thoughtful ideas. I just want to tell Jillian that I don’t actually hate him he’s not worth that much effort.
Do you think they retouch Flay’s hair from reddish to brown because Flay tends resemble a mixture o Howdy Doodie/JD McGillicuddy/Chucky ?
As for use, file it for 50 yrs and see if it’s has any value. Maybe Flay will do something useful and be kind of revered like Escoffier was.
I say print-out a bunch of lovely drag queen and fetish garb and play dress-up. Maybe some outfits from Borat and Bruno? :D
Burn it to the ground.
Salt the earth, on and around said ground, with salt from Sandy Lee’s faux Kitchen.
Drive over it with a car from Guy Fierri’s obnoxious car collection.
Bleach said ground with bleach from said Guy’s hair
Have Giada in full Hula garb dance around said ground.
Then…
Build a BBQ on it and ask Debbie to roast some of her Hot Dogs on it to create a singularity of arrogance and bbq-ness that might just collapse the universe.
..but that’s just me…..
Roll it up into a big doobie and take a hit every time Marc Summers rambles one of his thousand “brief-pause-followed-by-newscasterish-payoff” sentences.
You’ll be cashed by the first commercial break.
I’d first put a post-it note by Debbie that says “I’m Korean”, just in case anyone forgot. Then I’d make the whole thing into a dartboard.
I like Judith’s style.
just….burn it?
Seriously? Cut it into small pieces then rearrange them and glue them to a piece of construction paper. Be sure nothing is recognizable as what it originally was. (easier than it sounds.) You probably have enough to do 2 or 3 of these. Spray the creation with a polyurethane spray, and when it’s dry put it in a cheap mat available from Micheal’s or anyplace else Sandy Lou Who thinks is a dining room decoration store. Maybe even at the Dollar Store. Now you can either sell them or give them as gifts to unsuspecting relatives you don’t really care all that much for.
Recycled art is selling big these days.
Would using a grill to light it on fire be an awesome, ironic joke, or would it tread into the dangerous territory of an homage?
target practice, wad up some chipotle cornbread and get a big rubber band and aim for the gut.
Wait to see when Debbie passes out from sucking in her gut for the pic.
I’d cut out Flay and turn him into a make-shift Flat Stanley.
How about “Pin The Tail On The JACKASS”?
Cut it up to line the bottom of my bird’s cages.
Either sell it on eBay or punch a hole right into his fugly face.
I like the placement of the shoe right above Booby… I’m mean… Bobby’s head.
Two people already came close to my suggestion. Give it to someone throwing a bridal shower, make a cardboard (ahem) “piece”, and play an X-rated game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.
Send it to me! I need it for this luscious tablescape I’m putting together.
Use it for bb gun practice!
Oh, Mike, I was thinking the same thing after I first posted: did anyone else notice Debbie looks positively slender in this picture? DDDDX
Why is the poster so ugly? I think it’s nice.
I would defenestrate that thing nightly…
I need assistance trying to download youtube films to my my computer?
This comment is way late, but my suggestion is to send it back to Food Network. Let them have their POS poster back!
Just wanted to say hello all. This is my first post.
I would like to learn a lot here.
Hi,
My first time here. Got a question about my new kitten. Well, actually Ms. Boots had five kittens.
My wife gave all but one away. According to her she names it., I say I do because I clean out the liter box. haha
Any good websites for finding cat names?
thanks
Okay, first of all, @Amarmf…whateverthehell: WTF? No, seriously…kitten names? What…The…Fuck?
On topic here, D’Fakian’s sign gets changed from “Raw Talent” to “Frozen Bacon.” The other two changed to, “God help us all,” and “I blew Bobby for a spot on the show.” Then try every possible venue to work it in as a background shot on FN’s website.
I would photoshop the hell outta that! Maybe something with him wearing a dunce cap while Gordon Ramsay kicks him in the nuts and the onlookers all show some random symptom of food poisoning…?
You should post a clearer copy of the poster, make this a contest, and let people submit photoshopped versions…
If you don’t want Bobby Flay’s poster then send it to me. I love Bobby and his style of cooking and the fact that he is an Iron Chef.
If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone then don’t say anything at all. I’m sure you wouldn’t like nasty words spoken about your grand-daughter would you? If not then don’t speak them about anyone else.
You don’t really understand the internet at all, do you?
Cut Flay’s face out and rent it out as a photo booth for all the cheesy, “Look-I’m-A-Foodie” weddings that seem to be popping-up everywhere…
Strangely, the ad is more honest that way — I mean, after all , pretty well ANYONE can become the next Food Network Star as long as they can stand up straight and *smile* for the cameras.