A lof of people have a theme song, or one signature song that completely sums up their personality or a specific time in their life. Back in college, I used to assign theme songs to my friends, so I decided to do the same thing for a few of the Food Network personalities.

Sandra Lee’s Theme Song: Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw by Jimmy Buffett
Why: Sandra’s never met a bottle of booze that she didn’t like.

Bob Tuschman’s Theme Song: Out Of Touch by Hall & Oates
Susie Fogelson’s Theme Song: Stupid Girl by Garbage
Why: These two self-indulgent, pandering executives have no clue what people under 50 find entertaining.

Pat Neely’s Theme Song: Kissing A Fool by George Michael
Gina Neely’s Theme Song: Talk Dirty To Me by Poison
Why: Watch an episode of Down Home, and it’s obvious.

Ina Garten’s Theme Song: Material Girl by Madonna
Why: Her muffin pans cost more than your car.

Paula Deen’s Theme Song: It’s All About The Benjamins by Puff Daddy
Why: If she ain’t makin’ money from it, she ain’t wastin’ her time doin’ it, y’all.

Rachael Ray’s Theme Song: Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm by Crash Test Dummies
Why: Represents the obnoxious foodgasm noises she makes whenever she tastes food.

John Cusimano’s Theme Song: Shoulda Known Better by Richard Marx
Why: Not like he’s any prize, but could YOU imagine waking up to Rachael Ray every day?

Sunny Anderson’s Theme Song: Because I Got High by Afroman
Why: A nod to the embarrassing photos of Sunny smoking what looks like a BIG FAT JOINT.

Giada’s Theme Song: Daddy’s Money by Ricochet
Why: Giada’s parents and grandparents were rich, and their money is what got her where she is today.

Guy Fieri’s Theme Song: American Idiot by Greenday
Why: BECAUSE HE’S THE BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG ON TELEVISION, OF COURSE.

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