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Top 10 Dumbest Guy Fieri Recipe Names
Posted by Jillian Madison

In honor of yesterday’s post about the Guy Fieri menu on eBay, we decided to put together this list of the Top 10 dumbest recipe names from his show, Guy’s Big Bite.

1. No Can Beato This Taquito
I think I can-o, it’s called going to a real Mexican-o restaurant-o.
2. Mac-Daddi-Roni Salad
Puh-leeez. (Insert eye roll here.)
3. Guid-Olives or Guido-Lives
I don’t know what that even means, but it looks disgusting. “Guido-Lives?” Not after eating whatever’s on that plate!
4. Pan Seared Airline Breast
Because airline food is so delicious, and people have been dying to make it in their own homes! THANKS, GUY!

5. Slamma Jamma Parmigiana
Somebody tell this idiot food doesn’t automatically taste better if you remove some consonants and make it rhyme.
6. Wasabi-Saki-Tini
That’s Fieri-speak for “tastes like dishwater.”
7. Good Karma Schawarma
Of course. More of his typical Dr. Seuss BS.
8. I’ve Got the Need, the Need for Fried Cheese
Looks like someone’s seen Top Gun one too many times.
9. Cin-ful Peach Cobbler
…because it has CINNAMON in it! HAHAHA GET IT?
10. Taj Maholla! Chicken
Dear Guy Fieri, you’re a 41 and a half year old male… not Gwen Stefani. Love, everyone on Earth.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---FNH Cookbook: Guy Fieri Recipe
---Ridiculous eBay Auction Alert: Johnny Garlic’s Menu
---Texas Food Blogger Andrew Marton Has A Hard-On For Guy Fieri
---Caption This Guy Fieri Photo: FNH Style
---Guy Fieri On David Letterman, Again

    58 Responses

  1. DesignerJeans says:

    “I think I can-o, it’s called going to a real Mexican-o restaurant-o.”

    My favorite.

    You know, I don’t think I watched more then a half episode of his non Diner shows. For good reason of course, but the last thing I think of when I see him is as a cook.

    Now for a moment of Zen….

    Read the following sentence, then close your eyes and hum “Ohmmmmm”

    Guy Ferry is here because he won on The Next Food Network Star show.

    Makes you think doesn’t it?!

  2. Byrdie says:

    And not only does the wasabi-saki-tini TASTE like dishwater, it LOOKS like dishwater.

    Wonder if his wife says ‘get-o away-o from me-o’

  3. Judith says:

    If tou have to eat any of this “food” drink an entire quart of the booze of your choice and you just might survive.

  4. Lisha says:

    He’s like the Rach now – all these dumb names for receipes. I can’t watch him, and I’ve totally given up on Rachael Ray. Big props to her for getting me started on the Food Network – hers was the first show I found while channel surfing – but I can’t take it anymore. She lost me with that new set they put up last year. It looks smaller, and just makes her look bad – in your face and more obnoxious than ever. But I digress – watch “triple D” – it show cases some great cooks, and I like that. Oh, and I like the “mexican o restaurant o the best too…..

  5. Malarie says:

    If I could get one, just ONE free punch to the face it would go to Guy Ferry. What an asshat.

  6. orchidgal says:

    @Malarie, but would you really want your fist to touch that face? Ick! I’d rather rip those ridiculous sunglasses off the back of his head and stomp on them. He’s not using them any way.

  7. Clementine says:

    I think you missed my personal faves:

    Regurgitate my Tuna Plate

    Vomit Comet Casserole

    Oops I Crapped my Pants Pinto and Peppadoo Sandwich

    Loose Stool Oli Stromboli

    All washed down with a Dysenterytini

  8. Syd says:

    Jesus, did you have to go back and actually watch old episodes AGAIN? Just for the purpose of entertaining us? Thanks for taking the bullet.

  9. *Di* says:

    Arrested development?
    Or maybe this is what you get when you sell your soul to $satan$.

  10. Patrina says:

    You’re right about all but the last one. Airline breast is the chicken breast with a small portion of the wing bone attached, and is actually very good pan seared or fried. But since Guy Fieri cooked it, the comment can stay.

  11. Patrina says:

    I meant all but the 4th, sorry.

  12. Sara says:

    Not that I’m defending Guy Ferry, but ‘airline’ refers to the style of breast and the way it’s cut from the chicken, namely, with the wing bone still attached, albeit cleaned of meat. It’s a very common term in professional kitchens.

  13. CherryRose says:

    Airline breast is the chicken breast with a small portion of the wing bone attached, and is actually very good pan seared or fried.

    One evening during a cruise vacation, nothing on the themed menu appealed to me, so I ordered the plain grilled chicken breast that was served “airline style”. With a light accompanying sauce, it was among the best shipboard entrees I’d ever had, and I now make a point to have the chicken breast at least once every cruise. Bon Appetit!

  14. Megan says:

    I actually have to give Guy props for attempting an airline breast: since the wing bone is cleaned but still attached, it’s pretty hard not to burn the thing. And TBH, I don’t see where #9 is all that bad…but maybe my standards are just chronically low for FN these days?

  15. Jun says:

    Wow… these are embarrassingly awful. Doesn’t anybody tell Guy to self-edit?

  16. Jun says:

    Also, on a side note, according to Guy’s Twitter, the Mayor of Tonawanda gave him a key to the city. Wow. I feel sorry for the citizens of that town.

  17. detlef says:

    “4. Pan Seared Airline Breast
    Because airline food is so delicious, and people have been dying to make it in their own homes! THANKS, GUY!”

    Wow, somebody sure looks dumb now. It strikes me that someone who writes snark about the Food Network should at least have enough of a culinary background to have heard of an airline breast. Thankfully, the readership surpasses the writer in that regard.

  18. Bork Bork says:

    @DETLEF Sure there is an airline connection….
    According to the National Chicken Council “The term “airline chicken breast” first became popular in the 1960s when major commercial airlines included full service meals on air flights that were of sufficient length/time to serve such meals. Airlines required a relatively small breast portion for a number of reasons and kept part of the wing on to give a presentation that made the serving portion appear to be bigger than it actually was and also to give it a certain differentiation from the non-airline breast. It was and still is a relatively costly product. My guess is a chef on PanAm or similar top airline developed the concept and other airlines quickly followed. Few, if any, domestic airlines still have “meals” that include “airline chicken breasts.” Some caterers have this type of product for special occasion events. The Council adds: “The term “airline chicken” goes back a long way. It used to be called a “hotel cut.”"

  19. Jillian Madison says:

    Thanks to everyone who pointed out what an airline breast is. I’m aware of what it is. I’m just guilty of writing a dumb joke.

    Detlef, I”ve been listening to you insulting me for months now. I’ve remained polite, but now I’ve had it. Kindly excuse me while I go grow a penis so you can BLOW ME.

    Everyone else, carry on!

  20. Terea says:

    I don’t think the joke was dumb, and I agree.. the point if it was to say HEY why would you want to remind someone of AIRPLANE food when serving them, or naming a recipe. Small, nasty, rubbery chicken!

  21. Sam-i-am-not says:

    I for one am not a professional cook so I had no idea what airline chicken meant. I’d venture to guess most people wouldn’t have a clue.

    I thought it was funny regardless!

  22. alexis says:

    Detlef is a douche.

  23. Ferd says:

    They never mentioned airline chicken at my culinary school, either.

  24. ty says:

    Where did FNH display to you they didn’t know what airline chicken was? They simply made fun of the fact its not a good thought to conjure up in a title.

  25. Byrdie says:

    Deflef has egg on his face…now what came first, the airline chicken or the airline egg???

  26. Syd says:

    I didn’t know about airline chicken.

    Jillian, please adorn detlef with a lovely pearl necklace.

    [sending half your audience to Urban Dictionary because I probably have the filthiest mouth in the house]

  27. Tony says:

    “and kept part of the wing on to give a presentation that made the serving portion appear to be bigger than it actually was”

    Why am I not surprised that Guy is familiar with different ways of making certain things look bigger than they really are?

  28. J.R. Ewing says:

    I have to admit, I would totally eat #5 and #8.

    Those names are definitely embarrassingly stupid.

  29. Lana says:

    #3, the Guid-Olives, or whatever, wins my award for the Best Dish With the Worst Name. I just call it warm olive salad and collect rave reviews. lol

    Not unlike the Best Movie With the Worst Name, “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.”

  30. Megan says:

    I give worst title award to #2 for sure. Really? Mac salad is worthy of a “Mac Daddy” name? STFU, Guy.

  31. FeedingFive says:

    That Wasabi-tini thing looks like an embryo floating in a glass…blergh.

  32. Janie says:

    I made No Can Beato This Taquito and they were AWFUL. Completely underseasoned. That recipe alone will guarantee I will never make another one of Guy’s recipes.

  33. Ellen says:

    Detlef is a fuckstick.
    LOL@SYD, I’m right there with ya.

  34. Patrina says:

    SYD, I have that same book, though my mouth was worse than a pirates before that. Glad I’m not the only one.

  35. CookieMonster says:

    I just can’t stand him a single second so i have never watched this show.

    But as I read the comments on all fieri’s posts I realize the show is what I had as my first impression 3 years ago when I started watching food network channel.

    He’s fat, his clothing is pure crap, his sunglasses are cheap and the food…THE FOOD is as disgusting as the cook is

    So I really see no reason for a show like this to be on air.

    And about this post subject, all those names for food… When I read something like this I just think Gosh he must be Rachel Ray’s twin brother.

    After a few thoughts I definitely believe that guy’s last name is made up.

  36. JTT says:

    He actually belongs in a Ripley’s Museum… Surely, he must get good ratings since they keep renewing his contracts. I wonder if he actually reflects “Americana,” dare I say it… Maybe TFN should adopt an electoral college system that would function as it was meant to – to keep democratic processes in check.

    Regarding his food: have you paid attention to these chain restaurants? That’s what they serve. Tex-Mex is notoriously bad, covered in ranch dressing and velveeta cheese. What about chili-cheese fries with bacon, cheddar, chili, and ranch dressing? That looks like dog food but people love it.

    Guy is like Cheez Whiz and Easy Cheeze. That crap IS crap. But Kraft keeps making it because Americans keep buy it.

  37. orly says:

    @ the third meal
    i think he owned up to his guido-ness.

  38. Cristine says:

    My dad likes him and thinks he’s a cool guy that makes good food. He hates when I call him Guy Ferry instead of Guy FEE-YE-TEE.

  39. Cristine says:

    He hates IT. My bad.

  40. Shadowy says:

    Good Karma Shawarma?
    It’s not even correctly pronounced that way.

  41. Tatiana says:

    Not to mention it’s a mixed reference. Karma is a Hindi concept, and schwarma is Middle Eastern/Muslim.

  42. Bork Bork says:

    @Tatiana, that I did not see – I saw schwarma as guy being an idiot only….

  43. Tatiana says:

    You were probably thinking of the word schmuck!

  44. Doppo says:

    Fieri’s crying all the way to the bank.

  45. Sara says:

    They are all really bad names, but FYI- an airline chicken breast doesn’t mean what you think it does. It refers to the cut of meat; it means that the breast still has the wing attached to it.
    Sorry if another commenter already posted this, I didn’t read the comments.

  46. Emily says:

    I am a nurse at a local hospital and we had a group of college kids that came through the ER with alcohol poisoning after playing the “Guy Fieri Douchebag Drinking Game.” Let me break it down:

    Everytime he says one of these phrases, you have to drink. If he says them in combination, you have to drink for the first phrase and then the second phrase…no combining them.

    “That’s money”=1 shot
    “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner”=2 shots
    “That’s off the hook/chain”=2 shots +1 12 oz beer
    “See you next time on triple D”=3 shots + 1 12 oz beer
    “Right on point”=4 shots, 1 12 oz beer (shotgunned)
    “The crunch on that is crunchtastic”=5 shots, 2 12 oz beers (shotgunned)
    “Dude you got more acts going on there than Shakespeare”=6 shots, 3 12 oz beers (shotgunned) and 1 8 oz glass of ‘hunch punch’
    “That’s a one way ticket to flavor town”=6 shots + 4 12 oz beers (shotgunned), 2 8 oz glasses of ‘hunch punch’
    “Capital T tender” 10 shots, 5 12 oz beer (shotgunned) 5 8oz ‘hunch punch’

    Now, God love these intellectuals that decided to type the rules. They said that it would get so bad they couldn’t remeber what they were supposed to do so they typed them up. Guess who just got a leashed slapped around their retarded little asses. If you guessed those stupid kids, then you would be correct. See, Guy Fieri is bad for your health.

  47. Rocktopus Jones says:

    Hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but the airline chicken breast is actually a cut of chicken. It’s a boneless skin-on breast with the wing meat attached.

  48. Gypsie Rose says:

    ugh this dude is retarded. i bet his own children mock him. he goes around proudly stating how his “friends” nicknamed him “Guido”. omfg are you kiddin me?!!!! he is not anywhere near a Guido! I know many Guidos and he isn’t one by a long shot. he is just a 40 year old poser and fugly to boot. ugh the dude is hideous.

  49. To be fair, an airline or “airliner” breast is a breast of chicken with just the drum part of the wing attached, frenched so it’s almost part of the breast with no meat left on the long part of the bone. It’s not the most attractive term, but it’s legit.

  50. GuysDefense says:

    First off, if you can grow a penis, I’ll blow you. And I’m as straight as an arrow flys.

    Your all a bunch of babies. Guy is more sucessful than you all are put together. He is an entertainer and that’s the bottom line. He makes things fun. Creates a respone….after all look at your idiotic hype. He has a certain flair with food that has never been presented and has multiple restaurants and shows that a lot of people enjoy. Kudos to guy even though he is more than a little wacky. Read his bio. Give him respect. If you can do better than prove it!

    • Elysianladie says:

      Get out of the basement you’re in.

      Sunlight is a must.

    • Dave Farber says:

      You’re free to worship at the altar of Guy them same way mindless lemmings worship Apple Computers and Obama.

      Just don’t try to sell the rest of us on him. He doesn’t know cooking fundamentals any more than Apple is an “industry leader” or Obama understands how to run America, legions of creepy supporters, notwithstanding.

  51. GreenEyedLady says:

    Anyone else think that the fried cheese thing looks sort of like a fleshlight?

  52. Larissa says:

    i’ve had the “i have the need, the need for fried cheese”, and it was actually pretty good. >.>

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