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Five Haiku Review: Top Chef Las Vegas Premiere
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One episode in And I already want to Burn that French guy’s scarf |
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Spent the first hour Thinking Preeti was a dude Who couldn’t shuck clams |
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DID YOU SEE JEN’S EARS? No, seriously, did you? That shit looked painful. |
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This sexist moron Bashes women because he Has a tiny peen |
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Competing brothers? That’s so gimmick-y it hurts One likes boobs too much |
I’m psyched Top Chef is back on. It’s one of my favorite shows. What did you think of the premiere?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
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---Will Work For Food: Premiere Episode Review
---Next Iron Chef Photocap: Episode 1
---Top Chef: Bastards (Part I)
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(c) 2011 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2011 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
38 Responses
I was tired of seeing that French guy’s red necktie too!
what is going on with this season? everyone seemed to know each other. that sexist guy really rubbed me the wrong way. he said a woman shouldn’t be able to shuck faster than a man. please. go home pal.
This season is more like Top Tattooed Chef. I liked the premiere, hated the red Frenchman’s scarf, and also thought Preeti was all man. Sorry, Preeti.
The caliber of these chefs seems better than before.
Jennifer’s stretched ears wigged me out.
Not digging the bolts in that other girl’s lip.
Top-Chef-Frankenstein!
Like Kevin, seems like a real talent; like Jesse, or maybe it was her ( . )( . )? Not sure. Micheal the sexist moron will be the ass-of-the-season-who-everyone-is-going-to-hate-and-blog-about. And when Michael gets eliminated, Jennifer from 10 Arts will take over that roll. Eve from Michigan looked outta her league. Everyone else = blah for me, at this point.
Looks like Top Chef is rolling in more dough, eh? Anyone else notice a lot of money being thrown around?
Oh, and speaking of Top Chef, a big, Huge BRAVO to Rick Bayless.
Wow…my thoughts exactly. I about peed myself when I realized Preeti was a woman. That does make me feel better about her name being Preeti though. I think Bravo took all their payout from Project Runway and threw it at Top Chef.
God, having to go back to this drama format after the awesomeness that is Top Chef Masters is so depressing.
You know what’s awesome? Watching amazing chefs competing without back stabbing, forced romance, and other “oooooohhhhh!” nonsense that makes up too much of Top Chef.
i deep fry rib-eye
because im puerto rican/shamu is from korea
i should go home next
sole chef from ny
guess what, i both pitch and catch
my name is ASH FULK
No interest. I really am sick of cooking competitions. I would rather watch real sports.
Can you imagine seeing and of the half wits from NFNS on this show? I’d pay to see that.
I also thought Preeti was a dude and there is another one who cloud pass for a dude.
Kevin reminds me from the guy in the FIOS ads.
Jennifers ears also gave me the skivees. Knew as she was going home as she was the one who talked about her dreams and hopes for her son.
Like this group.
So many to hate this time, it’s distracting. I’m not sure who to hate on first.
The half wits from NFNS would probably be crying half the time because pretty much all of them are fucking useless.
This show is so vastly superior to FN lame star search.No wonder it appears sponsors are throwing the dough at them.Everyone loves a winner.
Would you want to be aligned with a kabuki turd circus known as Food Network ?
Thank God this show is back…Masters was sooo boring and that host was interminable!!! blech…
I really enjoyed the show. Very refreshing from NFNS!
Top Chef Masters was wonderful! I love Rick Bayless! All of their meals for the 4 course dinner was so amazing. And no back stabbing needed!
Top Chef is great, but what was Padma wearing? It looked like a mother-of-the-bride/prom/pageant dress? Perhaps a nod to what she thinks people in Las Vegas wear?
I love TOP CHEF, but every time I watch it I get skeezed out. This season is going to be especially bad unless that freak with the lip studs goes home early. The tattoos are bad enough but face piercings really are disgusting in any context, much less when it comes to food service.
There really should be a law that anyone who has visible tattoos should not be allowed around food served to the public. Or they should at least have to undergo regular Hepatitis testing.
Ashley is the other girl that I really thought was a guy.
No wonder Kevin looked familiar!
Preeti was an ass for not saying “hey, there is no way that I can open clams in a race” when people started saying what they wanted to do.
I thought it was interesting that all of the contenders for winner were fish dishes.
I worked for chef Eve in Michigan a few years back. She is exactly like she seems on the show.
Bryan Voltaggio (the non-boob-obsessed of the two brothers) runs a fabulous restaurant in Frederick, Md. called Volt — we ate there two weeks ago in the “Table 21″ private room. The food was out-of-this-world good, the presentation really spot-on, and Chef Bryan talked with us during the meal and after about his approaches, inspiration, techniques, etc. Oh, and did I mention he crafted a 21-course tasting menu for my six-year-old??!?
Chef Bryan would not say a word about Top Chef (non-disclosure agreement, of course), but I can’t imagine he won’t go far.
“I worked for chef Eve in Michigan a few years back. She is exactly like she seems on the show.”
Oh, how I wish I lived closer to Eve’s in A2! I curled up in a cozy chair at B & N one day to savor her cookbook.
I’m happy Top Chef is back even though I wasn’t sure if I was going to watch this season because of the crappy finale from last season.
The sexist moron is the only one I don’t like. The rest are fine. Oh and Jennifer’s ears made me queazy. I liked her personality.
It’s the Tattooed Bunch
Every time they said “Seitan”
Sounded like “Satan”
Preeti is quite hot
In a Dev Patel-ish way
But oh! I see boobs
I liked the higher stakes this season with the money prizes.
There’s also quite a few really well qualified chefs. That’s nice, too. But I’m not enjoyng it as much as I liked Top Chef Masters.
I’m SO happy Top Chef is back on too!
It’s one of my favorite shows. As soon as I saw the finished Chile Relleno dish, I pretty much knew the chick was going home. I do love the brothers, though. They’re nice to look at!
I am sooo excited the show is back on. I don’t mind tattoos on my chefs, as some of you appear to, but ick those ears. I would never want to eat food made by that woman. Even people who HAVE those expanders admit that the shed flesh that gets trapped between the ear ring and ear is disgusting, smelly and unhealthy. Gross…just gross.
@Jaynie59….tattoos DO NOT = hepatitis, just as a side note. They’re also so pervasive in our society that I am suprised they bother anyone anymore.
Ok. Only have way thru the first episode and I want these people to be voted off the island first:
Sexist Jerk Guy
Meaner Jennifer Anniston Clone
The Brothers Asshole-monov
There are a couple of nice people, let’s hope they have the talent to go all the way.
I was hoping the red-headed leprechaun looking guy who had procrastination as his vice would have come out in front of the judges and said he didn’t get his dish finished because he waited too long to start preparing it.
Tattoos on chefs gross me out too. I’d prefer my meals were made by non tattooed personell. The piercings and ear mutilations are for distant pygmy tribes and should stay there. Not good for your image.
Didn’t Preeti win that 100 yard dash the other day? Still awaiting gender test results.
Really, it looks like a good bunch. I’m looking forward to the season.
The mean blonde gal is kinda sexy. Did you catch it when some dude asked her if she was the pastry chef at her restaurant? Wooo. Little bit sexist.
I was also shocked that Preeti was a chick! What a bunch of freaks this season. No way am I going to some of the restaurants they cook in!
Maybe one of the brothers wasn’t breastfed and is all jealous and angry about it and it’s left him scarred for life so he’s always after the breasts that should have provided him life and nourishment because he was denied again and again. *pictures him as a baby crying for mama’s breast and being given a plastic nipple on a bottle with grungy formula instead* Hence, he is obsessed with the breasts that never loved him.
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The sexist guy is fugly. He should have starred in American Pie with the rest of the cast made up of the most fugly guys they could find.
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I keep picturing the chefs all throwing things through Ear Girl’s ear hole.
Watching the repeat of last week. What the hell is up with Ashley’s hair? Put a hat on that mess.
OMG Just watched last nights episode. SHUT UP ASHLEY, so you can’t get married! Don’t you know more than half of marriages end in Divorce! Wonder if she will be crabbing next week when they have the Military hallenge…Don’t ask don’t Tell. We get it, you are gay and the world in unfair.
Your in Vegas get a decent haircut!
That annoying French chef’s day job is really being a model.
http://www.modelmayhem.com/54880
I’m sure that’s why he got cast on this season.
Who the hell would want to marry Ashley, what a miserable woman. The brothers competitiveness is annoying. Show is good but tired of the sucky vegan cooks taking up space.
I don’t understand
Top Chef not on Food Network?
Why not bend the rules?
Does anyone agree that Bryan Voltaggio is a complete an utter jerk? You can be a great chef without being a D*&^. I mean look at Tom. He is to the point but not butt about it!