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Food Network Humor Search Terms
Posted by Jillian Madison

(Editor’s note: By popular request, here are some more of the funniest (and most unusual) google search terms that led people here to Food Network Humor. By “popular request” we mean “one person said something about wanting more in the comments.” And yes, these are ACTUAL SEARCH TERMS. They haven’t been edited in any way to protect the innocent or the stupid.)

FNH SEARCH TERMS FOR THE WEEK OF 8/10/09

Search Term: “giada de laurentiis breasts”
Our Reply: Hundreds of people land here each week after searching Google for that… and they ain’t lookin’ for her chicken recipe, we’ll tell you that much.

Search Term: “ina garten weight gain”
Our Reply: Indeed. She’s fat, she’s thin, she’s fat, she’s thin. She’s like the Oprah Winfrey of the Food Network.

Search Term: “whose d*ck is sandra lee sucking”
Our Reply: EIGHT PEOPLE got to FNH by searching that. EIGHT DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Bright side? At least they wrote “whose” and not “who’s”. It’s the little things.

Search Term: “how much does guy fieri make”
Our Reply: Unfortunately, not enough to buy some clothes that don’t make him look like the pinsetter at your local bowling alley.

Search Term: “food neture .com/paula deen”
Our Reply: Sorry, I can’t stop laughing long enough to compose a witty response.

Search Term: “ina garten drives car”
Our Reply: Yes! We hear she (gasp) even puts GAS in it sometimes.

Search Term: “do the food network starts spit out their food after they taste it”
Our Reply: Only if Sandra Lee made it.

Search Term: “alex guarnaschelli is a bitch”
Our Reply: We agree… though we’re sure she’d be thrilled that you at least spelled her name correctly.

Search Term: “bobby flay arrogant ugly redhead”
Our Reply: That’s one way to put it!

Search Term: “i just can’t stand the neelys from food network”
Our Reply: Umm… are you searching for something in Google, or just venting? May I recommend starting a diary?

Search Term: “what is the address of rachael ray at foodnetwork?”
Our Reply: You can reach Rachael at the following url:
www.GiveMeABreak-SheWillNeverReplyToYou.com.

Search Term: “is bobby flay rich”
Our Reply: Why else would his wife be with him? (ZING!)

Search Term: “why isn’t sandra lee married?”
Our Reply: Would YOU marry her? There. Question answered.

Search Term: “make fun of food network”
Our Reply: I know, isn’t it fun?



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Food Network Humor Search Terms
---Food Network Humor Search Terms
---Food Network Humor Search Terms
---Food Network Humor Search Terms
---Search Terms That Led People To FNH

    19 Responses

  1. Kenneth says:

    I’m a Southerner Y’ALL but I had to LMAO at the Paula Deen one. And the Alex Guarnaschelli thing is so true! Between her and Jeffrey Steingarten, they could make a freakin drill sergeant cry.

  2. Kitty says:

    I actually found this site by searching “Down Home with the Neely’s hate.” I’m a special cup of fruit. <3

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  4. Ray says:

    Personally, I came across your site after doing a search on “Debbie Lee sucks”. This shortly after first seeing her on NFNS.

  5. Daria says:

    I’m sure my co-workers all think I’m insane for laughing out loud at my cubicle. These are too funny. I don’t remember what I searched on to find this website but I’m glad I did!

  6. Krez says:

    Hahaha I love these!
    I found this site by Googling something along the lines of “Sandra Lee sucks.” Go figure.

  7. Byrdie says:

    “food neture .com/paula deen”

    What’s a ‘neture’, y’all? Is it like a nutria? Also known as a coypu.

    Wait! Coy*pu*!! As in “Pauler took a coy poo in her driveway, y’all!!”

    Mystery solved.

  8. Dill says:

    Thanks for doing this again. I love it! I think I found my way here after searching for info about what all of Ina’s gay friends do for a living.

  9. Daniel says:

    “Search Term: “alex guarnaschelli is a bitch”
    Our Reply: We agree… though we’re sure she’d be thrilled that you at least spelled her name correctly.”
    That was me :D

  10. carolyn says:

    what! when was ina garten ever thin?

  11. Ferd says:

    Ina was pleasingly plump even as a child bride, if the photos they showed on her “Chefography” are any clue.

  12. Jojo says:

    I’m certain I searched “Alex Guarnaschelli is a bitch” too but don’t know if it brought me here. Oh I can’t stand her! I don’t think Chopped is that great a show, mind, their ranking method (or whatever) for the champions show is just plain stupid. But Ted Allen is ok, like a less-challenging Alton Brown, the other judges don’t irritate me, it’d be a decent way to spend an hour if it wasn’t for that sour-faced troll and her opinions. How does she fit her ego through the door? she must use the Bobby Flay entrance.

  13. mark says:

    I found this site because I wanted to know if Aida Mollenkamp was married/straight but I have to agree with most here. First of all, Paula Deen uses insane amounts of butter, and says yall WAY too much, the Neeleys are irritating, to say the least, Sandra Lee has tablescapes that are so silly and useless I cannot put it into words, plus she’s a bad cook. Rachael Ray is beyond irritating, and Alex is a TRUE BITCH on camera, and they should just drop her forever from that network. Ted Allen is as exciting as watching paint dry, and Flay may be rich and have a hot wife, but he gets beatdown on almost every throwdown he does because he’s stubborn. Recently, he was making chili, and he showed the habenero chilis he was using and he said they were the hottest chilies in the world. Sorry Bobby, “ghost chilies” are 3 times hotter than those chilies. Go back to Iron Chef school. Guy is pretty cool, and I like DDD, Tyler Florence is also pretty good, and I also like watching Emerill and Batalli, and Giadas younger sister is very pretty, much prettier than Giada to me.

  14. Gypsie Rose says:

    ina garten has never been thin. she’s always been a fat slob c.h.u.d. -.-

    “Search Term: “ina garten weight gain”
    Our Reply: Indeed. She’s fat, she’s thin, she’s fat, she’s thin. She’s like the Oprah Winfrey of the Food Network.”

  15. Samantha says:

    This is awesome. Coming from someone who works in SEO, these are pure gems. hahaha! Love your explanations too!

  16. lind says:

    My search started with “is Alex Guarnaschelli sick she’s gotten so big” and ended with “Alex Guarnaschelli fat”

  17. Yumi says:

    Search Term: “food neture .com/paula deen”
    FNH Reply: Sorry, I can’t stop laughing long enough to compose a witty response.
    My Reply: If you want “food neture” go to Animal Planet. I’m not sure if Paula Deen is on that channel, yet.

    Search Term: “i just can’t stand the neelys from food network”
    FNH Reply: Umm… are you searching for something in Google, or just venting? May I recommend starting a diary?
    My Reply: Hey! Google now has an option where you search your internal feelings and the results from others pop up! How awesome is that? Otherwise, I think typing in random Neely’s hatred is weird.

    Search Term: “make fun of food network”
    FNH Reply: I know, isn’t it fun?
    My Reply: What FNH said.

  18. Yumi says:

    Is it just me, or…
    does “I just can’t stand The Neelys from Food Network” sound a little, well, dramatic?

    If I had a little conversation w/the person who search this:
    Person: “HEY GUYS! I JUST CANT STAND THE NEELYS FROM FOOD NETWORK!”
    Me: “I’m glad to hear that. Now go complain to some one else.”

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