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17

Food Network Safety Cards
Posted on August 31st 2009 by Jillian Madison

(These are actual government safety cards/images – reworked as Food Network warning signs:)

If Bobby Flay’s rooftop grill explodes, run like hell and don’t stop ’til you hit Brooklyn.
Always wash your hands after coming into contact with Guy Fieri.
Sandra Lee’s cooking may cause digestive discomfort. Also, your respiratory system may shut down.
If you hear Melissa D’Arabian dispensing advice about food, shield your ears as quickly as possible.
Electricity can not penetrate Ina Garten’s BMW sport wagon.
Do not steal from Rachael Ray’s pantry or filing cabinet.
If Giada’s boobs are hanging out, alert your friends by blowing your whistle. If you’re bald, just yell really loudly.
To avoid unpleasant surprises and sights that will scar you for life, always listen at the door before entering a room the Neely’s are occupying.
Always think carefully after you’ve been sprayed with Paula Deen’s radioactive hairspray.
Remember to read and comment on Food Network Humor as much as possible during your workday.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Food Network Monopoly Cards
---Romantic Food Network Valentines Day Cards
---Food Network Christmas Cards: 2009
---Food Network Humor Monopoly Cards (Part 2)
---Meanwhile… On The Food Network…

    17 Responses

  1. Laura says:
    August 31, 2009 at 11:02 am

    I always feel like I need to wash my hands after just watching Guy on TV. What a greasy person he is…..

    Reply
  2. Byrdie says:
    August 31, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Jillian, you’ve outdone yourself on this one! LMFAO!!

    Reply
  3. Ferd says:
    August 31, 2009 at 11:19 am

    I think the first picture is what happens if you light a match near Guy’s greasy chemically-enhanced hair.

    Reply
  4. ty says:
    August 31, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    funny stuff ladies

    Reply
  5. Ericka says:
    August 31, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    I LOVE the Ina Garten BMW sport wagon one!

    Reply
  6. Damn its burnt says:
    August 31, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Those are great but uh–Who would EVER come into contact with Guy Fatheddy? ewwwwwwwww…..Now someone has to change the labels on ALL those douchebag packages and alert the public en masse….

    Reply
  7. CherryRose says:
    August 31, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    How about the safety signs on airlines? Like assuming “crash” position for the oncoming wreck at FN or the “occupied” sign indicating that the facilities are in use by a fleet of a$$holes :))

    Reply
  8. Cat Chow says:
    August 31, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    @Cherry Rose – or the proper use of the “waste bags” (e.g. the good ol’ air sickness bags)

    Reply
  9. CherryRose says:
    August 31, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    “..the proper use of the “waste bags”..”

    LOL! Good one.

    Reply
  10. Martin Giniger says:
    August 31, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    This posting was so funny. Thank you for brightening my day.

    Reply
  11. Martin says:
    August 31, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    For me the funniest was the one about Giada’s boobs :)

    Reply
  12. sheila gosselin says:
    August 31, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    As promised- I went to the Alton Brown 10th yr “Good Eats” live show here in Atlanta Saturday night. Over 1,000 fans. Ted Allen was the MC but could not even be a match for AB. My take- Alton is NOTHING like his “Good Eats” character and somewhat like his persona on I Chef but so fast with his witt!

    Cheers!

    Reply
  13. Bork Bork says:
    August 31, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    So a good show I take it?

    Reply
  14. sheila gosselin says:
    August 31, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Great!

    Reply
  15. Jun says:
    August 31, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    Good stuff. I feel like I need to shower after watching Guy’s Big Bite. His show makes you feel oily just watching it!

    I think Giada at Home’s director won the Emmy because she manages to subtly focus in on her breasts in every shot. :P

    Reply
  16. Sonia says:
    September 1, 2009 at 12:17 am

    HAHAHAHAHAH THAT WAS SOOO FUNNY!! GUY IS DISTUSTING!!

    Reply
  17. Lana says:
    September 2, 2009 at 11:13 am

    Funny, silly, totally random!

    Reply

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