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Possible Rapper Names For Melissa D’Arabian
Published on: August 18, 2009 – 10:20 am by FNH Staff 
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This week’s new episode of Ten Dollar Dinners with Melissa D’Arabian was just as bad as last week’s. We get it. Rich Melissa travels the world convincing chefs to give away their secret ingredients at knifepoint, and comes home to simplify the recipes for the rest of us po’ folks. Snore. We’ve already said all we have to say about the awfulness that is the show, and unless something drastically changes, we don’t plan on reviewing each individual episode via its own post on FNH.
So, in lieu of a recap of Sunday’s episode, please accept this completely pointless, completely random list of possible rapper names for Melissa D’Arabian:
MOMMY SKILLZ
MISSY FRESH
ILL NA NA NANNY
LADY MIX-A-LOT
1,000 CENTS (get it?)
DA BRATWURST
LIL KIMCHI
PHONY D.M.C.
PUFF MOMMY
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Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---10 Funny Food Names To Make Your Inner 12 Year Old Laugh---The 20 Funniest Restaurant Pun Names
---Melissa D’Arabian Needs To Shut Up About The Bacon
---Next Food Network Star Winner: Melissa D’Arabian
---Remind Me To Never Go To A Super Bowl Party At Melissa D’Arabian’s House
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
Can you at least post updates every time Melissa claims to invent well known classic dishes? I understand that this week she “invented” glazed carrots.
M.C. Soy Joy
I haven’t catch this show yet but i remember some episodes on FNS and i just think she’s awful and her eyes are diabolic.
By the way, you could get a $10 meal or dinner or whatever for two, not for four unless your guests are anorexic.
Kra-Zee
L.L. (Life Like) Fooled Ya!
Scary Eyez
Hahaha that’s hilarious, and mesmerizing! I was staring at that for a few minutes..it’s hard to look away.
When I saw her for the first time on the competition she reminded me of Kate Gossilin. Maybe it’s the blonde hair or the teeth.
Anyway, I didn’t watch the show on Sunday. How many eposides does she have left? I doubt FN is going to renew her contract.
Grillmistress Missy
(grill x 2)
Heavy Flow Rida
… makes me wonder how much creative license Melissa has with this show? And how much is directed by FN?
Hey, I like Melissa. She seems like a very nice lady. The show, however, is … uninspiring. Which is too bad.
I cannot STAND her!!! She has this way of talking that really gets under my skin: she constantly-talks-slowly-like-she-is-talking-to-a-3-year-old!! I understand that she wanted her show to be geared towards the working mom, but come ON!! Your viewers aren’t 3!!! ANNNOYING!! (and PS-her current show for the $10 dinners doesn’t have anything to do with the working mom stuff!)
Notorius Big Teeth
or
Sista Soy
haha i like your first one byrdie
That’s a bit rough on her…I watch her show and think she seems less nervous than she did on her pilot. She’s never done this before. Although none of the food so far looks like my kind of thing, I like her…and I do like the Puff Mommy title.
I thought she did a great job. She is new and figuring things out. I think she’s way more interesting and entertaining that Sandra Lee, the Neeley’s (gag, watching them is like nails on a chalkboard) and greasy Guy.
I think her show will continue to improve and smooth out. if you watch it you do come away with a few clever facts.
once Brian Boitano comes on air you’ll find her a lot more tolerable.
I think Debbie has the ‘lil Kimchi’ tag because, I think she may have mentioned it, she is Korean.
FN pulled a fast one and stole Jeffrey’s POV and gave it to much-more-accessible Melissa.
Here is what I learned this week from Mz. Puffy Mommy:
1. Lemon zest adds lemon taste
2. Canned tomatoes add tomato taste
3. Buying canned goods on sale saves me money
And….stop the presses….Melissa invented glazed carrots!
That would be “1,000 Cent” (NO ‘S’), you white nerd.
OMG! Debbie is Korean?
JohnO – You kiss your momma with that mouth? How rude!!
I’d still hit it.
But Jeffrey should have won…
Lady GagGag
Sorry, I know it’s pop and not rap, but it was too fitting not to pass up! =D
I watched week one and that was enough for me. I didn’t watch this week and won’t watch anymore. Unfortunately FN provides very little programming that I enjoy.
If Melissa D’Arabian is with child again, she’ll be Cinco de Mama.
Those eyes scared the snot out of me. Almost ran out of the room!
Mama Deteste
T Eye
i can not stop staring at that animated gif, i’m just saying.
Melissa has Re-Invented the “Google-Eyes” from Katie!
This second episode was a bit better than the first, but she was frantic, Google Eyes, and not teaching anything!
(WHERE is AB when we need him?)
I’m Sick To Death of “Stay At Home Mom” shows!
Food Network … Give Me More Teachers!
and Less that I already Know!
Melissa Sux.
Sunny, Robin, Rachael, The Neely’s, “Diners DriveIns & Dives”, and “UnWrapped” make me Turn The Channel!
I’m watching the Travel Channel, The History Channel, and Discovery.
Food NetWork … You Lost me.
Melissa was the LAST Straw!
Krazee Eyes Killah!
Apologies to Curb Your Enthusiasm
what happened to the poster who suggested FN do better detective work on fuglissa?
JAG 2.0?
or shenanigans?
“Rich Melissa travels the world convincing chefs to give away their secret ingredients at knifepoint, and comes home to simplify the recipes for the rest of us po’ folks. ”
wasn’t this the concept for Jeffery’s show.. bring an ingredient from another culture and make something that Joe Common can enjoy? She’s already stealing his show on episode 2
Twopork Shaker
Vanilla Granita.
Is there a recipe that ole bug eyes hasn’t stolen from somebody else and abracadabra! It is her brand new recipe! What a joke she sucks, her show sucks and I hope they actually read these comments and fire the biotch!
I think the applesauce granita was hers. Or maybe one of her kids came up with it.
Tatiana, it’s more like an Aunt(hic)(uurp)Sandy “recipe”: open a jar and pour it into some kind of container. The only difference is Mommy Dearest stuck in it the freezer. Total crap.
I liked her best all through the competition but her show really stinks. She measures everything with her hands. If I see her wiping her hands together over a bowl one more time…
Also she took ginger out of the freezer and after she used some of it she didn’t even completely close the ziploc bag it was in. She just halfway zipped it and threw it down on the counter. She’s also pulling a Ra-Ray by going to the fridge and taking everything out of it, balancing bottles, jars and bags up her arms and under her chin and hobbling back to the counter.
Last ep she also mentioned she’d been to Tunisia. How many places has she BEEN, anyway?
D-BAG THE A-RAB
D-BAG DEE A-RAB
Queen Granita
Yeah, her food is something I would through together when I don’t feel like cooking or I run out of ideas! I would not make that applesauce thing though. Jeff would have given us better recipes, different ingredients we might not have thought of or known. I won’t watch her anymore. Her looks and voice are annoying. Besides, I go to church the time it is on and it is not worth recording.
I haven’t watched the show, nothing against her but I want more advanced recipes and techniques. Food network is really going down hill. Puff Mommmy suits her, she’s a lightweight
I always liked Mommy Mayhem. :P
i can’t wait for her to invent scrambled eggs:) i love her!!!
I did not like how Melissa D’Arabian played the pity party to win the Best Food Network Star. As someone who has lost a family member to suicide, it was clear she was using her wound to win sympathy. Though on a human level, you feel for a person, it does not make her a person that I connect with enough to watch regularly and it certainly does not make her a better cook. In fact, (yawn) her show lacks any personality and an innovative culinary point of view. How she won, something to do with her manipulative personality, but her skills and ideas are “eh” at best…
You missed DJ FREEZER BACON
I’m not so sure any of the NFNS would have been interesting, I suspect you can only take so much of the Spicy Pickle Smuggler as well, since they try to force them away from actually cooking most of the shows become pretty boring/bland and sleep inducing, Giada’s boobs also will give you nightmares….
She could star in the next Ron Jeremy, the Two headed Monster….
It is unbelievably sad that someone like Ming (Cooking with more borders than Booby Flays?) would not win a culinary category.
OMG. That photo loop. I am scarred for life.
How bout D-Bag the A-Rab
or
D-Bag the A-Rab, lmao
So, she went all Al Gore with the glazed carrots??
TYPICAL lying ass liberal, and I thought she was such a hot milf on NFNS.
Guess I won’t tune into her show now. :(
I wonder if I can freeze bacon??
LIL HELP HERE.
Revedo, although one CAN freeze bacon, on Mommy Dearest’s show she is unable to completely freeze her bacon. She has a magical freezer compartment that only makes it LOOK frozen, and thus cutable straight from that magic box. Unlike us, the ordinary mortals, whose frozen bacon is rock hard and could drive nails until it begins to thaw after being out for 30 minutes, give or take. So, to answer your question, yes it is possible to freeze bacon. Just don’t expect to be able to cut it into bitesize morsels like Mommy D! I certainly hope this helps!
Was Ten Dollar Dinners with Melissa d’Arabian cancelled? I think it would have been nice if Food Network fans had been advised. I have been searching for her show for the last couple of weeks. I could have saved the effort. I really don’t think six episodes was enough for her to really get her feet wet.
It wasn’t canceled. It’s on hiatus until January.
I liked Melissa well enough, but Jeffrey should have won. Lil Missy has some handy hints, etc. but apparently she sees herself as others do NOT see her. I have made glazed carrots for all the 56 years I have been married, duh. I guess I don’t care how people look as they cannot help that about themselves, but I surely do care about whiners and wimpy women. She tried, she did okay, now remove her please.
Notorious B.I.T.C.H.
Say what you will, but Melissa’s North African meatballs with couscous rock.
She is the most unpleasant person in real life. I happen to work at a very famous tourist attraction and she was the rudest customer that entire day. She had no patience and was very condecending. She talked to me as if I was a child. I was only trying to help her out. Now that she is a public figure I think that she should present herself as a respectable woman. Especially when she doesnt have the talent to back up her attitude.
Omg! You are so right Jeffrey Saad should have won! That sexy slim! How I miss seeing him on TV. Melissa SUCKS!!! Plain and simply. Hey now, thats a good name for her show! Now as for a rap name; how about “Van Nilla Bland”? Sorry she just makes me yawn. Feeding 4 people for $10.00 Thats just plain false advertising. Doesn’t she have like six kids that she has to feed expired milk already. I’m sure she needs the TV show. (Don’t we all?) Melissa, Stop looking at us with those big, buck, teeth and buggy eyes, like we’re all stupid? Get her off TV before she completly confuses someone!
“This reminds me of when we were in (Paris, Tunisia, Istanbul, West Africa)…” Yes, just a ’simple stay-at-home mom on a budget’. Wow – when I’m on a ‘budget’ I drive to Gatlinburg, I don’t jet off to Cannes.
What is up with this woman’s forehead? I can’t stop staring at it because I can’t tell if it is over-botoxed or under-botoxed!