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Food Network Renews Ten Dollar Dinners; The Internet Shrieks In Horror
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Well, it happened. Food Network renewed Melissa D’Arabian’s truly awful show, Ten Dollar Dinners. She’ll soon be shooting 13 more mindnumbingly painful episodes, which will air in early 2010. (Let’s see if they take our advice and give her a new set, like they did with Claire Robinson.)
The internet has not taken this news about D’Arabian, who single handedly ruined Parisian tourism, lightly. Here are some of the more passionate reactions from the Twittersphere, as well as from Food Network’s own Facebook page:
“I’m not impressed with her. I don’t care that she lived in France. Her food is average at best and I don’t find her interesting to watch. Perhaps the Food Network should have the viewers vote as to who they would like to watch.” -Melissa on Facebook
“I like the concept, being all poor and all! Nothing worse than being halfway through a recipe and then realizing I need to go to a local park and throttle a duck for it’s liver.” -Jonathan on Facebook
“UGH I find her show to be so boring, she looks like she’s uncomfortable in front of the camera.” -Ellen on Facebook
“So far I’ve seen every show that has aired. In every episode, she’s given us the same tip about keeping bacon in the freezer and cutting it. I don’t want to hear the same thing every show. Other than that, I like her recipes.” -Beth on Facebook
“Love this show! What a great show for normal people who cannot afford to cook like master chefs.” -Amanda on Facebook
“listen clowns, she makes good food for cheap prices….did anyone realize were in a recession?” -Jo on Facebook (It’s one thing to cook good food, dear Jo, but it’s another to pander to your audience.)
What’s your reaction, FNH? Are you surprised the show was renewed?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---FNH Review: $10 Dinners With Melissa D’Arabian---New Taglines For Ten Dollar Dinners
---Today On Ten Dollar Dinners…
---The New Melissa d’Arabian “Ten Dollar Dinners” Promo Needs To Die
---Proof Melissa D’Arabians Dinners Don’t Cost Ten Dollars
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139 Responses
I am dissapointed.
You know what I find most strange about this? My roomate and I just graduated from college not too long ago and are therefore living on a pretty tight budget. I shop for all of my groceries (and I am a foodie, so I’m not talking Ramen and chicken strips here, but quality meats and cheeses and fresh produce) for about 50 bucks a week. Roomie spends even less than I do. And we get breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, drinks and beer out of that approximate 90 bucks.
10.00 dinners??? Thats 70 bucks a week for just one meal a day!
FOR FOUR 4 PEOPLE
Oh the humanity!*
*and by humanity, of course, I mean frozen bacon….
I’m not surprised; they have to save face because they picked her – kinda like with Aaron McCargo.
Bob Tuschman should be canned!
Ostrich-head-in-sand-position, listening only to the few good comments and ignoring ALL the bad.
I had no idea this show was popular with clowns! The things you learn on the internet…
@Lisha – I’m with you…that was my first reaction! Have to save face in light of who became the NFNS – Brian Boitano, lol!!
It does not surprise me, they have run out of ideas. Look at how they just keep re-inventing the same show for Bobby Flay, boring boring!!! It is the lowest denominator TV, So do what I do, e-mail them that they suck and watch something else.
I think the same as Lisha they had to because so many people did not like it. When they did the first and second season of FNS I think we the viewers voted on who won. Does anyone else remember of this was true?
@Betty. Yeah. America voted.
As for the show being renewed, at least FNH will continue to have a lot of material to work with. :P
I blame all the dopey housewives with no imagination for her return.
Hahahaha! Didn’t get the last quote, was it supposed to be a thumbs up or down? Maybe I’m drunk. Happy Friday everyone!
“…She’ll soon be shooting 13 more mindnumbingly painful episodes, which will air in early 2010…”
I guess FN couldn’t find a way to justify “Ten Dollar Dinners” during the holiday season.
Not surprised. FN always renews its crap. Paulas Party got several seasons.
I did like this one from a rather portly looking woman:
“You know, not everyone that watches FN is a gourmet cook OR can afford the expensive ingredients used sometimes by the other FN hosts, so please people keep your negative comments to yourselves and just watch the other shows if you don’t like Melissa. Thank you FN for finally addressing the fact that some of the meals on the other shows really cost a lot of money.” -Yeah have some cheese with that whine lady.
But I think the lovely Chelsea Gottshall summed it up best when she wrote “Booo”
FN creates programming based on what they identify as gaps in their demographic without consideration of whether they WANT to fill the gap. Not obvious the advertising has changed because of their programming. A couple years ago they thought they needed a younger audience, then they didn’t have enough black viewers, then they didn’t have enough gay viewers, and apparently the latest is they don’t have enough overly talkative housewives … perhaps Melissa is their answer. She is hard to watch and her nostalgic anecdotes are harder to listen to. She also seems compelled to clearly demonstrate she regularly wipes her hands on a towel by holding her hands up and out like Oliver begging for another bowl of porridge. Melissa might have the talent some day for her own show, but it should be on Lifetime or Oxygen. FN can do a lot better.
I wonder if they dropped her pay to lower the budget of the show:
Bobbie: Well, Melissa, we would love to renew the show but… we will have have to drop your pay to scale
Melissa: I’ll do it! I’ll do it!
Susie: We’ll have to make cuts on the set. Can you cook with only two lightbulbs?
Melissa: I’ll do it! I’ll do it!
Bobbie: Well, Melissa, the freezer won’t actually work and the soy will some off brand…
Melissa: I’ll do it! I’ll do it! Please for the love of the fact that my husband is French, please rennnnewwwwww me…
@JCrown – yes it would be $70 bucks a week but remember this is supposed to be for a family of four, that would actually be really cheap, IF IT WERE TRUE.
What bothers me about this show is that I don’t believe the totals she gives, just like with Sandra Lee’s show, I can’t buy food in my local market for the prices they are giving.
Also like others I agree the show is just unwatchable because Melissa is way too uncomfortable in front of the camera. Her eyes bug out (like in the photo here) and it bothers me. She could eventually get better but it would take a few years. Kind of funny how the judges on NFNS keep emphasizing “camera presence” and this is the person they chose?
I lose faith in this network more and more everyday.
I Love this show I especially loved the Pasta and Shrimp meal and I think a couple
of the “replies” that had a college budget or a “tight budget” is spending to much of
“The Budget” on Beer (Spirits)
I still don’t understand the ‘I’m a housewife and mommy’ scenario. It hasn’t carried through to her show at any time that I’ve seen. All she talks about, or should I say, blather on about, are her international travels with her (dare I say it?!?) French husband. That entire pretense of her housewifey lifestyle and ‘just’ a mommy at home is total BS. First, her kids are very young, four and under as I understand and the woman is fourty years old. She has spent most of her adult child-free and career driven. So I don’t see how they can cram her square peg lifestyle into the round hole of FN demographic needs.
And anyway, she’s just downright annoying and irritating.
“I wonder if they dropped her pay to lower the budget of the show…”
You’ve raised a good point here, DJ, that makes me curious about Melissa’s “bargaining power” as the winner of TNFNS? Presumably, she would have an agent to negotiate her contract with FN. What, exactly, does Melissa and/or her agent bring to the table?
Frozen bacon and the invention of the 4 step chikun!
“Frozen bacon and the invention of the 4 step chikun!”
Don’t forget about her 101 uses for soy sauce or those “secret” recipes of French chefs!
I think whenever Melissa got snotty in the “negotiations”, tushie just said two words to shape her up:
Amy Finley
(to those that do not know her name google “Amy Finley”)
I have but one word to add:
applesauce
frozen bacon, French whatever, she’s a hot milf
I don’t like her show at all, but I think that if they went back to her pilot concept, her show MIGHT fare better.
How to freeze Bacon?
How to use soy sauce?
How to use apple sauce?
When I was in France?
What I recently invented?
Kitchen ‘suhrvival’ was a pretty darn lame concept as well.
Could have been worse, least we didn’t get Jeffy Saad, the Turd Burglar
I can hardly wait to see d’Arabian sitting alongside Sunny Anderson, The Neelys, TyFlo,Aaron McCargo,Alex Guarnawhoever, Ina Garten & Co as part of the TNFNS culinary elite panel. I’m sure she will be referring to herself as a chef soon. Bloody amatuers.
If you invented 4 Step chicken, I invented applesauce.Made it my Magic Bullet.
I think you technically would have to list Alex twice…
Look for the amazing full profile picture somewhere here on the site.
Bork Bork. You be funny. Where you from ?
SingSing
Are you referring to Chef Alex Massive GuarnaBumba ? All of her ?
At least we get a break until “early 2010.” Maybe by then Melissa will figure out that you can’t serve 3 pieces of chicken to 4 people! Also maybe by then somebody at FN will tell her that freezing applesauce is not a recipe worthy of taking up time on a cooking show.
Revedo, you are too much! SingSing. Burahahahahah!!
And here I was thinking all this time you hailed from Angola!
Surely, Melissa’s bulging orbs must be worth something, right? But, probably not as much as bulging boobs ;)
Bork Bork from Sing Sing!!! I am rolling on the floor!
That’s ok. I never watched her show anyway. And I won’t be starting now.
How did my stay-at-home mom a/k/a housewife ever survive on a tight budget without Melissa to tell her to freeze her bacon?
@Silvio, Sweden living in Colorado.
Not surprised about this really. She was picked by Food Network to win NFNS.
Look on the bright side, 13 more episodes means more material for FNH! You gotta mine this puppy for all it’s worth!
Maybe the can improve the show by 10% if they give her another buck??!?
Seriously, FN needs to get real about the costs of the ingredients going into these meals. I don’t buy those are my hometown prices and I SURE don’t buy those are the prices at somewhere like a Manhatten super market.
And I think it IS abysmally disappointing that FN is buying total ingredients that are super expensive (the cheeses that aren’t yet still available in many of our home markets) and then portioning them out so they fall into the caterogy of under $10 for 4 for that one meal.
Ideally, if I suffer through 7 episodes of this show, I should now know 7 meals that will feed 4 for $10 or under total. Not when bought in bulk, on sale, when my money is kept in the freezer with the bacon, when I shop only on Super Coupon Tuesday! or when I buy a $40 block of cheese and break it down to use in multiple different meals.
If they actually were a Food network show they’d tell you what to buy in season, how to reuse, how to pickle, how to stock, how to brine, how to cure, how to store.
If you are a foodie – no, nothing in her recipes are exiting, actually nothing in any of them besides Alton twists on old school things are.
I read through I think 70 of the ‘RAVE’ comments about flavor, I think 70 percent missed the mirepoix and replaced tomato paste with ketchup, so – I guess it was a Heinz moment.
I thought her thing was to cook like people at home cook, that the mother at home could identify with her, blah blah blah. It ain’t working. This is not a case of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” This is a case of “It’s really broken; throw it away.”
@BD My mum did Sauce Béarnaise from scratch and no she is not married to a french person.
But yes, you are completely right.
BYRDIE said: “First, her kids are very young, four and under as I understand and the woman is fourty years old. She has spent most of her adult child-free and career driven. So I don’t see how they can cram her square peg lifestyle into the round hole of FN demographic needs.”
I think you’re right on the money with this assessment. Melissa is not a typical housewife who has more experience being a homemaker. I think Melissa can cook and has interesting ideas, but I think what we are most upset with is that she is playing a role and it just doesn’t fit. If you’re gonna be the housewife, BE IT. If you’re going to go frugal, GO FRUGAL. Don’t try to be a glamorous globe trotter pretending to know what it’s like for your average wife and mom who may have no such experiences.
Am I the only one who thinks that her eyebrows are really scary looking? Like she’s about to stab me with a piece of frozen bacon.
@BD & Princess Crazypants, you both nailed it, so WHY does Tuschman go ga-ga over pseudo-housewives, like Melissa, and (I still hate her) Amy?
Talk about fake french — her most memorable meal was (cryovac) ham rolled around asparagus with a white sauce. That did it for me-ugh!
This blog sounds so much like the Kate Gosselin hater blogs! Luv it. Luv Boitonto. Best thing FN has done in years!I’m an old ex figure skater who happens to like good food and could kick Melissa’s fake ass off the ice!!!!!
The biggest drawback to Melissa’s show isn’t her bulgy eyes or talking excessively about frozen bacon. It’s that she doesn’t seem to be having any fun. And that’s a drag to watch.
I still haven’t seen a full episode. I have no interest , I don’t think she can teach me anything new and her personality doesn’t do anything for me. However after reading the postmortems here I tuned in last week and made it to the first commercial break before hitting the power button.
Why did they renew her show? Ugh. Food Network is so out of touch with its viewers.
@escrowmama–I think you just hit the nail on the head as to why I really don’t like Melissa’s show. She hasn’t done anything to EARN a show on Food Network, other than compete on a stupid reality show. She didn’t work in the “trenches” working as a sous chef in a restaurant, or struggle to keep a restaurant afloat. She’s a housewife who has to constantly remind us to freeze our bacon and that her husband is French.
@Anon – that’s a very valid point. She went through all the gauntlet that is NFNS, and now that she’s won, it doesn’t come across that ‘wow, this is so much fun!’. She’s still seems to be frantic and uncomfortable in front of the camera. I don’t get it. Is it just about the money and celebrity for her?
*sings*
“Ya gotta keep ‘er medicated . . .”
SAHM no longer – and by choice !
The worst part of this isn’t just that Melissa is terrible (she is), or that all of her ten-dollar-dinners are actually thirty-dollar-lunches (they are), or even that her food is bad (it is). It’s that the show is designed to showcase her “tips,” which — with the exception of the deservedly-maligned bacon trick (which won’t work) — will make you cook worse.
I dare anyone to make hash browns using Melissa’s “technique” of a) frying the potatoes in oil, b) deglazing the pan with water, c) covering the pan to steam, d) dumping on a metric shit-ton of butter, and e) finishing the potatoes off in the oven and tell me that’s not disgusting. And, as a bonus, it’s approximately three times as unhealthy as just frying french fries.
I just don’t understand what kind of idiot would watch Melissa’s show for reasons other than humor value.
Bork Bork: Watch Anne Burrell’s show. Yes, she’s kind of got that Kermit-the-Frog voice going on, coupled with the “Mister Heat Miser” haircut she’s rocking. But the woman knows how to cook, and offers actual techniques and advice in every episode that will actually make you a better cook. Amazing.
Andrew, yeah I like her show, not to mention she actually works as a chef.
Oy! I might have to miss Melissa’s $10 din-din tomorrow because I doubt that I will be able to tear myself away from the Law & Order marathon on USA. I know that I can count on the good peeps here at FNH to fill me in on the bacon-y details. TIA!
Her beanie weenie-y tips
I looked at her potato torte recipe a few weeks ago and it had something like 400 comments/reviews. So someone’s watching. I think people identify with her and like her, even if her cooking is lame. I thought I was going to barf when I saw her dump out that canned salmon last week.
Barb, I have also been keeping my eye on the comments on her recipes. I noted last week that many of the comments are dated weeks prior to her even having a show, so don’t believe everything you see on the FN site. Bob Doucheman didn’t step up to the plate with his ‘integrity’ speech during NFNS, so that seems to be the theme with the entire network, including their site. And don’t take my word for it, go check it out for yourself. And by the way, how is it that the comments on her recipes, like the “Burned Beyond Recognition African Meatballs” has nothing but rate reviews? Come on, nobody is that perfect. I’m telling you, it’s pure manipulation by the staff in Bob World.
Pardon me! Not “rate” reviews, but “rave” reviews. Sorry, still on my first cup of coffee. Yikes.
I noticed another interesting thing which actually might confirm they are really fan reviews… Look at how many replaced X with Y and raved about the layers of flavor :)
For some reason I usually do not skip a mirepoix nor do I substitute number 57 for tomato paste and expect layered flavors and strong culinary point of view.
What caught my eye was people ‘scolding’ others for leaving ‘negative’ remarks. Guess that’s foul play.
To satisfy one wack-o comment I succumbed to making Mz. M’s Roasted Potatoes. They were anything but perfect. Greasy! Why go to all that trouble, pan frying and steaming and buttering, then into the oven, when you can just put them in the oven in the first place. ONE sheet pan to clean. I don’t get it.
“…I thought I was going to barf when I saw her dump out that canned salmon last week.”
I felt the same way! That said, when I got severe heartburn with two different osteoporosis meds, I asked my physician for suggestions for minimizing bone loss without the RXs. He gave me some pamphets, and, strange as it might sound, canned salmon with “edible bones” is an excellent source of calcium and magnesium. I tried it once. ‘Nuff said ;)
Don’t know if Melissa knows about this, but she could have used this as a “teachable moment” when it was obvious that there were bones in her canned salmon.
Melissa says:
1. I might suck at Bunco, but I fed 31 fellow players
for $58 including wine. Incroyable!
2. Babies can eat this pork, even while I’m drowning it
with red wine.
3. Milk is only on sale at my market in the morning. What?
4. Black beans add a ‘meaty quality’ to a meal that
already contains meat.
5. I can count – after putting 1 biscuit on my baking
tray, I only have 11 more to go.
6. I’ve officially mastered Giada’s 14-syllabic
‘aaaaannnnnddd’ and RR’s growly ‘yummy’.
7. Be ‘eye-ball-ish’ when measuring salt. Filler-y’ish?
I say:
The housewife-y Hilary-headband looks ridiculous!
Do the new yellow Le Creuset match her sunny personality?
Would someone at FN please MOVE her olive oil and pepper mill so she can quit working over and around it?
PLEASE teach her another closing so she’ll QUIT saying, I’m ‘going in’ for more. What is she – a miner?
Heh… I went to the Denver food festival yesterday, pretty lame but I got to see Hosea….
T-Shirt ideas:
In front:
What would Hosea make?
On Back:
Pork sushi!
Skin and eel?
Skip dessert?
Skin an*
I can’t believe that she is getting another season.
Anyway, in today’s “Ina’s Ripped Off Recipe for Braised (insert meat type here)”, Mommy Dearest said some form of ‘yummy’ (yum, yummy, yummiest) 9 times; ‘super’ 6 times; ‘my’ 36 bloody times and ‘France’ 2 times. I am going to guess I might have missed a couple of each as listening to her makes my brain freeze and I tend to zone out and go to my happy place for a while.
Now, Mommy D, would you PLEASE stop smacking your lips and making ‘mmmooo’ sounds when you taste your dishes. It’s disgusting and considered bad manners in this country (you ain’t in France anymore, sister). Thanks for sharing, as well, that you grocery shop at nine in the morning. I think I can sleep now not having to worry about it any longer.
And just how did a pot of black beans with a couple of dried spices cost $2.50?? You can buy a pound of black beans for less than a buck. Ya wanna add some real flavor? Skip all that water and add a bottle of mexican beer and then some beef or veggie stock. Now you might be up near two bucks. Oh, wait, that’s not French, cooking with mexican beer. My bad.
And just for the record, your work space looks like eight year olds were cooking. What a freakin mess! You work space looks like you are: frantic.
Wha eva….
Bravo, OH COME ON!!! If you had added the comment about her husband having “Cuban genes” that I posted on another thread, you’ve got Ms. Melissa pegged!
I haven’t been able to watch since the first episode. As a matter of fact don’t watch FN ever anymore. YAWN But sure love coming to this site to read all the funny things you girls and guys have to say.
Mellisa’s show is boring as hell, her food is just adequate, and she gives me nightmares. I thought Jeffrey would win from the very first episode and I’m curious as to how A) the Judges deemed Mellisa to be the better contender and B) The Food Network decided to renew her terrible show? My guess is that they are really grasping at straws to fill that 10am Sunday spot.
Melissa’s comments about milk today were total bullshit.
Where the hell does she shop?
At We-MakeUp-Shit Groceries?
Byrdie, I’m going to go investigate the dates on those comments! Thanks for the tip. I’ve tried to post a few comments on recipes lately (not hers) and they’ve never showed up, so I wonder if that feature on the site is buggy, or if there is a sinister conspiracy……
By the way, her mother-in-law’s ultra secret recipe for pastry is virtually indentical to Mark Bittman’s in How to Cook Everything. It is a good recipe though. Just not hers, either way. Let’s give her mother-in-law a show.
I don’t watch cooking shows hosted by game show winners. If I happen to win a batting contest at Yankee Stadium against weak competition, does this mean I get to be a Yankee?
As for the recipe comments section – it has actually morphed into somewhat of a discussion board since TVFN nuked theirs. Don’t expect negative comments to remain on the recipes. TVFN learned that with Sandra Lee.
TVFN needs more Anne Burrelles, Daisy Martinezes,and Ina Gartens. To a lesser degree, a couple more Giadas couldn’t hurt, at least she cooks real food.
Even the 5 Ingredient chick is worth watching – and she didn’t win a game show. <3
“Melissa’s comments about milk today were total bullshit.”
Agreed. Maybe clearance sales on milk only happen in her grocery store, or maybe that’s how they do it in France, but I’ve ever seen milk on clearance at any of the stores I shop at. In fact, I don’t think milk stays on the shelf long enough at my store to hit the four day mark.
“but I’ve ever seen milk on clearance at any of the stores I shop at.”
That should be “but I’ve never seen milk on clearance…”
I thought the “milk on clearance” remark was odd, too. Never heard that expression in these parts, that’s for sure.
I’ve seen meats on clearance, cheese, yogurt, juices and sometimes even eggs, but NEVER milk. That stuff moves too fast off grocery shelves to expire. SO if that was the tip of the day, well, I guess we got ripped off again.
She said something to the effect of when milk is about to expire in four days, she goes in at 9am and buys it for half off.
Riiiigggggttt…
Here’s the deal, at least in normal markets, milk is always replenished in the back and if you look back of the column of milk they already have the next batch of milk up that expires in a couple of weeks and they just let people grab the 4 day to expire milk at the front.
She’s nuts. or a liar. Or just parroted that statement from some producer that wrote it for her.
@Designer – I vote for the parrot syndrome.
There’s no such thing as clearance milk. Unless it’s on the day they are throwing it out.
Her milk comment was complete and total BS. A lot of states have rules/regulations about selling discounted dairy and the bottom line is that no, you can’t mark it down because it’s about to expire and all grocery stores rotate stock so the milk that is about to reach its sell by date is at the front with the future dates in the back.
I’m beginning to think that Melissa has a big problem with the truth, I overlooked a lot of her nanny / mom / poor stories (and the possible inconstancies therein) during NFNS.
..but after seeing her show and they way she is claiming to get to $10 meals including this milk comment that has now been shown demonstrably untrue….
I am truly beginning to think she is a liar to the degree that sadly, makes Debbie look like choir girl.
Somebody on her Facebook fan page made the comment that the recipes cost $10, but she has no way of knowing what spices, etc. that people have in their cupboards. Sounded kind of weak.
Well, to borrow a saying from Emeril would say, I don’t know where you get your spices, but where I get mine, they aren’t free.
Who doesn’t have Gruyere cheese in their cupboard?
But the funny part would be, almost everyone has Soy Sauce in their cupboard but M made it out like it was some long lost secret french ingredient only made by monks in the French Alps, brought down by french pack mules, and even then only on odd numbered years.
The soy sauce thing was lame. Yes, a French vinaigrette often has a bit of anchovy in it, and the soy sauce is a cheap substitute for the salty/savory flavor of the anchovy, but a deep dark secret? Get real. That is like a recipe I saw once for making a cheap balsamic vinegar substitute out of brown sugar.
DH and I discussed the milk issue were running a few errands. The only time that he or I see the word “clearance” used in a grocery store is on fresh bakery items. Such products – bread, rolls, pastries, etc. – are usually marked with a bright orange sticker and labeled “Manager’s Special” or “reduced for quick sale”. Very rarely, some produce is specially-packed and has a similar label: mushrooms that have been pre-sliced, vine-ripe tomatoes that are detached from the stem, etc.
We shop for food at three markets: Kroger, Meijer, Nino Salvaggio (local gourmet chain), and we also get a few food items on infrequent trips to Costco.
Oops! While running errands.
I went grocery shopping at three stores: Target, Stop n Shop and Shaws and all stores verbally advised me that they do not discount milk that’s about to expire and that’s why they frequently rotate stock.
(I live in Connecticut.)
The funny thing about milk where I regularly shop at is that the milk at the front of the shelf is always at least two weeks before the sell by date. The only store I’ve seen dairy that’s close to the expiration date is Wal-Mart, but, well, that’s Wal-Mart.
“…brought down by french pack mules, and even then only on odd numbered years.”
Wonder what those mules were hauling in even numbered years? :))
Aunt Debbie’s Authentic Korean KimChi topped Hot Dogs!
That would be the balsamic reduction puree of something that you put under the beef to actually make it digestible after she kills it in the next episode, $10 meals, 60 Minute Beef Bordelaise.
DesignerJeans I wonder what the fat content in just one of those Korean beauties will be.
“My Hot Dogs are fat free!” — Debbie “truth challenged” Lee
Note to Melissa: Guatemalans pwned Black Beans. If you don’t have a clay pot that was handed to you from your Mayan great grandmother, give it up. YOU are not qualified! Cuban black beans good, Guatemalan black beans pwned you.
@Jenn take it from a daughter of dairy farmer (organic, I may add) in a long line of dairy farmers – spoilt/expired milk will ruin your week.
@Designer Jeans re: soy sauce – ROFL
I have seen milk on clearance; at a dollar store. She’s not completely wrong, but 4-days-until-expiration milk is never sold in regular grocery stores.
re: expired milk. I just caught up with the comments…did she seriously state this? OMFG—my free tip – don’t even think about it, unless you are making cheese. You probably don’t need the rennet at that point…just let it curd on it own!!
Cat Chow – I’m actually racking my brain for any country I know that would even try to sell it… Unless it was a condiment/starter/something ‘unique’
I’ve got crazy eyes
Make lardons for salmon cakes
Husband is from France.
“Wonder what those mules were hauling in even numbered years? :))”
CherryRose, in the even numbered years they were hauling Melissa’s BS!
She is so far below mediocre that it would take her a year to dig her way UP to that level. She struggles to chop an onion, has never had an original “tip” and most of the “tips” she does come up with are so full of holes that the three blind mice could see through them.
@Cattes:
I am nervous.
Is my bacon in the freezer?
Is my dye job bad?
I don’t like Melissa>> Her menu has not beeen up to par>.and She seems extremely Nervous, and talks very Fast>> Hope FN> rethinks this show>.
I’ve written ding dong Tuschman so many times I bet he doesn’t even open mail from me, but don’t you think Miss Parisian’s milk tip should be pointed out, in keeping with his ensuring ‘integrity’ on FN?
Like Elvis, integrity has left the FN building.
But I do think this is one case where it is a clear cut case of the lack of integrity, as in M is a damn liar or stupid, and bob, if he had any integrity, would get to the bottom of this and post a retraction on the web site.
But we are dealing with susie and bob tushie here so all I expect are the sound of crickets, quickly follow by the sound of Mellisa’s new line of Parisian inspired pots and pans clanking together.
More about milk: I don’t drink the stuff, but DH likes cereal for breakfast. We buy a quart at a time (FF), and even that usually gets tossed before he uses it up. I check the last-sell date, smell it, and, if it’s “dead”, I dump it. Sour milk reminds me of the funny line from “The Odd Couple” – “I saw milk standing in the fridge, and it wasn’t even in a bottle!” :))
THE SHOW GOT RENEWED BC YOU IDIOTS KEEP WATCHING IT!!!! IT MUST HAVE HAD SOME RATINGS WTF THAT MORON FROM FACEBOOK SAID I WATCHED EVERY EPISODE LIKE WTF THATS WHY IT GOT RENEWED!! PPL WATCHED JESUS CHRIST THE HORROR OF IT ALL
UNLESS US IDIOTS CAN HAZ A NEILSON BOX ON OUR TEEVEE IT AINT MATTER IF WE WATCH OR NOT.
LOL, DJ. Oh, the horror, indeed.
IDIOTS don’t write all in caps, either.
I haven’t even watched this show yet. What a friggin’ disappointment!!!!! I was so mad I spent all day watching that stupid marathon when they showed the finale. BLAH!!!!
I enjoy her show. Glad she won.
Cathy darling,
This is a humor blog where you’ll find zero support for Melissa. You may get your feelings hurt. We mostly want to stuff her in the freezer with her frozen bacon.
Hearing of a renewed season, my only hope is that Brian Boitano will come visit and give her a stiff cocktail, smart appetizer (or anything else more creative and powerful he may have in his arsenal) to get this yippie-chihuahua to chill the f-#k out and not creep everyone out.
Melissa D’Arabian’s show is great. The recipes are wonderful. I made the potato bacon and Gruyere torte to rave reviews. I’ve been making pie crust for 30 years and she taught me some new tricks for it. The salad dressing for the cafe green salad was also great. It’s not surprise to me at all that she was renewed!
Mommy Dearest’s latest show, Supper for a Song, hasn’t even aired yet and one of her recipes already has a rave review (“best shrimp scampi I ever ate”) dated yesterday. Are some viewers psychic??
There is an extra bonus this week on the FN site: webtips from Mommy D! To save you all from waiting endlessly for the page to load, here are her tips: buy stuff on sale, use all of the broccoli, not just the flowerettes, overbuy halloween candy (in the form of chocolate bars) so you can put the leftovers in your pantry and, last but not least, freeze garlic. (She doesn’t state this, but I assume it’s safe to place it next to the bacon.)
Haven’t seen the show yet, but I can safely say that there is no way in hell she is going to prepare Shrimp Scampi and two sides, with dessert, for four people for ten bucks. Sale or no sale. Unless each person gets one piece of shrimp.
@Byrdie: You are too funny, lady! LMAO!
My DH went to donate blood at a local church. On his way out the door, he said, “I’ve got to get home in time for Melissa!? LOL!
Shrimp I get for free but never saw a “milk clearance”. Not sure I would want milk on clearance.
From Byrdie: “Mommy Dearest’s latest show, Supper for a Song, hasn’t even aired and one of her recipes already has a rave review. Are some viewers psychic??”
What’s odd is ALL the recipes from her first shows WERE posted right after she won. I printed them on 8/9. But then, a lot of them disappeared and only reappear before she makes them on TV. I can’t figure.
One point though, Melissa’s recipe is INA’s Linguine with Shrimp Scampi with an unnessary (IMO) addition of a shrimp stock, which I think will make it way-watery. Ina’s dish is always wonderful and easy to make, so why would I try Melissa’s?
I think I’m an addict though, I loathe her and yet….in one hour I’ll be firmly planted watching her abomination of a show.
One hour?
I… smell… bacon…
Oh wait… does frozen bacon smell?
(Perhaps, like her half off milk, I am telling a lie.)
Sure looks like Mommy Dearest is preggers!
Yea…..and all that shrimp for under $10!
It is a miracle I tell ya! A miracle!
Next is unlimited bread and wine…..
I actually like the show, and I always learn a little bit about food when I watch it. I like ALL the food network people, they’re all a little different and that’s a good thing.
Well, just when you thought it was safe, along comes a news posting from Yahoo on how to feed your family of four on $10. Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
There she was. Mommy D’earest, her ear to ear psycho grin and big bug eyes with a list of her money saving tips. The tips are so helpful (if you are, or ever have been, living under a rock for the last twenty years). Let’s see:
= stretch that protein dollar by adding beans to that expensive protein like hamburger;
= buy meat only when it’s on sale, not when you need it (so I guess you starve the rest of the time);
= have a veggie meal once a week (gee, why not just skip the entire dinner and just have a glass of water);
= stretch that protein dollar (again) by dividing that five pound bag of cow meat into six portions (you’ll never miss that missing few ounces) but do it as soon as you buy the meat, not three days later (why, does the meat shrink up?);
= use up all your groceries within the week (even if you aren’t hungry, just eat, eat, eat);
= buy in bulk to save money (why, I can’t eat all that crap I already bought on sale);
= clean out your pantry (so your kitchen can look just like Ina’s friends Frank and Steven’s kitchen). (How bad can that be?)
Um, wait, where’s the $10 meal?
No advice about freezing bacon?
Narry a word about bacon. Maybe it’s a Mommy D imposter…
That woman needs a bit and a bridle to control her, those teeth drive me crazy(granted it’s a short trip).
I enjoyed her recipes and coming from just winning the competition she looks like she is on overload. She seemed awkward, but with some coaching she should be a least as good as the Neeleys, who are the worst.
Anything beats that Italian chick with the boobs hanging out everywhere, God forbid. It’s the thiry second consecutive show I have watched and I have yet to notice what she is cooking.
Melissa d’Arabian’s show is painful to listen to every second and in every aspect. Nails on a chalkboard are a symphony in comparison. Can’t stand her show, despite rooting for her in the competition. But damn… Please stop it.
that picture scares me……….she’s gunna eat me!!!!!!!!! she’s a version of fat bastard – GET IN MUH BELLEH!!!!!
i have high blood pressure and can not have added salt it would be nice to see a dish without all the salt that you add.