Paula Deen »
Get Ready, Y’all: Paula Deen Baked Goods Coming To A Wal-Mart Near You
Published on: September 2, 2009 – 12:16 am by Jillian Madison 
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Paula Deen’s got her own television shows, her own magazine, and her own restaurants. She’s got her own furniture line, her own jewelry, and her own food products. She’s got her own cookbooks, her own playing cards, her own store, and her own bedazzled eyeglasses. She hawks for Smithfield, Kaleen, and B. Lloyd’s nuts. But guess what, y’all?
PAULA DEEN JUST AIN’T RICH ENOUGH YET!
Starting Labor day weekend, Paula Deen will also have an exclusive line of baked goods at Walmart. The initial line will consist of three pies: Apple Crunch Top, Dark Rum Pecan, and Old Fashioned Fudge. You’ll also be able to buy a Gooey Butter Cake dessert bar, just in case your ass hasn’t ripped your pants yet.
According to the press release, “in keeping with Deen’s long-standing tradition of quality and affordability (rolling eyes), the pies and dessert bars, made with nothing but the best ingredients will be sold at consumer-friendly 
affordable prices. The line is priced between $3.00 and $7.50 retail.”
“Nothing but the best ingredients?” According to who exactly? Harry in Accounting? (I hate ridiculous open-ended marketing buzzwords like that. They’re completely pointless.)
Not one to be silenced, Paula Deen chimed in with the following pandering quote: “We are proud to partner with one of America’s premier retailers in Walmart for this line. With our busy schedules, dessert is sometimes left to mass produced items with less than wholesome ingredients, making it the forgotten part of a good meal. We created a line of products using what any good cook would use if they had the time…lots of apples, butter, quality nuts and chocolate…so consumers can have access to baked goods that are both affordable and tasty when they need a good dessert to bring home to the family or to that special party or event.”
Let me get this straight: Paula Deen is subtly guilt-tripping us into bringing one of her desserts to our friends and family, because they incorporate nuts and apples that are somehow better than the nuts and apples in other desserts? Wow. That’s a stretch, even for her.
Maybe the desserts will be tasty. Maybe they’ll be vile. Does it even matter? There’s such a thing as market saturation, and Paula reached that point long ago.
(We’ll be taste-testing these exciting new WAL-MART items and reviewing them here on Food Network Humor, so stay tuned!)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Dear Paula Deen, Please Stop Selling Your Nasty Pies At Wal-Mart---UPDATE: Paula Deen’s Wal-Mart Apple Pie
---Coming Soon: The Deen Family Cookbook
---Just What The World Needs: More Paula Deen Nuts
---This Woman Really Hated Her Paula Deen Pie
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- Sep 24, 2009: This Woman Really Hated Her Paula Deen Pie « Food Network Humor
Smithfield meats wasn’t evil enough.
That was only DANCING with the Devil.
NOW Paula is Bl**ing the Devil.
Jesus…First Ray Ray and Dunkin Donuts, now P-Dog and and Wal Mart.
When the hell is the Sandra Lee Fleischman’s deal?
“Just in case your ass hasn’t ripped your pants yet”…..
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GOD I LOVE FNH You guys make my day!!!!!!!!
See why I love this site?
Does this deal of hers include making her a greeter at your local Wal*Mart? Because I think it’d be interesting to see what kinds of responses she gets, and how many people end up fleeing in terror (and shopping at Target instead).
Sandra Lee’s deal should be with Cool Whip since she seems to think it’s good enough to frost cakes! Maybe she doesn’t know that they sell this interesting concoction called frosting and it comes pre-made it a can!
And one more reason why I don’t shop at Wal-Mart.
Hahah, this WOULD be at Wal Mart.
Pauler also has her own line of food-scented candles. If I remember the article correctly, the candles were at Linens n Things and then at Wal-Mart. My MIL, remembering years ago when Pauler was tame and I was a fan of hers, sent me a Pauler candle earlier this year. It had no “throw” (you couldn’t smell it when it was burning). Then, I don’t know why, but when I was buying my fav coffee (Torrefazione Italia Perugia Blend) from Cooks.com, I also decided to try Pauler’s cheese straws because I love, love, LOVE, cheese straws. Those were the most vile, disgusting things ever. No true Southerner, who hadn’t sold out to the devil cripe’s almighty, would NEVER put their name on that vile concoctions. Cheese straws, after all, are a great Southern tradition :D .
(Wow, kudos to my over-use of commas!)
Oh..on a side note, I don’t blame her for “striking while the iron is hot.” You really do have to take all the chances you can, while you can. No one’s star shines forever.
I’m sooo curious about how something that’s for sale at Walmart is anything other than “mass-produced.” Hello?
Geez! Ina’s ingredients are only GOOD. Paula’s line of pies and gooey butter bars will use the BEST ingredients. Wonder whose are BETTER?
Is it too late to say “oh shit, there goes the neighborhood.”
Ya know…
“The Devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin’ for a soul to steal…”
There’s some truth in this old song yet.
Does Paula use really good vanilla? Is that the best? That’s all that matters.
@LavendarLilacLime: I don’t blame her for “striking while the iron is hot”……No one’s star shines forever.
I don’t begrudge anyone making as much money as possible, but IMO the over-exposure gets to be laughable.
Who manages Paula, her sons?
So I went to the Wally World website and typed in “Paula Deen”. Up popped 177 hits. Included in all the crap they sell are cookbooks, cookware, dish sets, cutlery, tea pots, roasting and baking pans, colanders, kitchen scale, chopping block, mixing bowls and even a cast iron HO CAKE pan for fifty bucks. I guess it was just a matter of time before Poopy’s face would be grinning from what was once safe grocery aisles. I have to say I don’t remember any other FN or TV chef personalities that had this extreme amount of overpriced crap on the market. I just wonder who the actual mfg of these baked goods is. It will be interesting reading the ingredients label on one of these products to see if some of the ‘quality’ ingredients includes guar or xanthan gums, sodium benzoate (I love sodium benzoate…when I want to splurge on a Saturday night, I have an extra scoop or two), monosodium glutamate, etc. Yep, real southern cooking!
@Emily: Don’t worry, these desserts will only be handmade by special selected chinese laborers. They put their blood and sweat in them (literally) so you know they’re good.
And I agree with everyone asking for the status of her vanilla. I think we Ina to go into ninja mode and find out if those Chinese Laborers are really using GOOD VANILLA when they make these pies, or if they are using *GASP* LEAD BASED VANILLA INSTEAD?!?!
Maybe Paula got a good deal on Mexican vanilla that is laced with courmarin – highly toxic, too.
I’m waiting for the Paula Deen urinal cakes…
Maybe she can hook and do some co-branding with the scooter manufacturers that supply Walmart with their “personal cow transportation systems” that cart the fat guys around the store?
She could tack on a few more bucks.
JUN:
I’m waiting for the Paula Deen urinal cakes…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFLMAO!
Chinese baked goods have been around our stores for a few years now. Not just Chinese but other Asian countries too.
Have a look some of the stuff carried at Dollar General type stores. Read the labels. Some of the Korean pastry thingies aren’t too bad though.
Walmart in my estimation is just another glorified Dollar Store set up. If anyone would consent to their products (specifically food products)being made offshore, I can see that person being Pauler Deen.
One good thing about this. The absolute greed factor is appalling and might be the first step in telling this woman to go back to her trailer park bayou for good.
@ Jun
I think that more or less defines what they’ll taste like.
I wonder how long these parties will take to sue one another.
It seems every business deal this ignorant hillbilly gets herself into, it always falls apart.
How many ongoing lawsuits against her currently ? Three ?
LOL @ Silvio “personal cow transportation systems”– I cant remember ever seeing someone who was actually disabled (or at least disabled and not a fatass) on one of those…and they BEEP when people back up in them, they even have little tooty toot horns–they need little license plates that say “Butter, Ya’ll” on the back, maybe with a picture of Paula next to it with a thumbs up and a wink…
“dessert is sometimes left to mass produced items with less than wholesome ingredients”
Seriously? What the hell is her items then? Not Mass produced?
“…The absolute greed factor is appalling and might be the first step in telling this woman to go back to her trailer park bayou for good.”
Too bad Paula can’t buy some class and character with her new money. Just like RayRay whose fame and fortune went to her head.
I just read on Wikipedia that Paula is getting her own talk show starting in September 2009. Anyone know more about this?
LMAO
to the cow transportation and butter licensplates HAHAHA OMFG!
And Jeff, yes, I’ve also heard this for quite some time now.
Pauler is nothin’ like she was when I actually liked her.
She is rarely tolerable now and such a shame because before whomever(s) got a hold of her or she decided to change to a “schtick” to be more famous (more like infamous) she was really a delight to watch.
I believe the offer of her own show was rescinded and put on “hold”. I think there may be few TV executives with a bit of common sense and decency left. I mean if Food Network can 86 Paula’s Party because it was a downright shitty TV show , what do you think a real TV network would do ?
Maybe some TV decision maker had an inkling the greed factor abhorrence was kicking in with some segments of the US audience and pulled the plug. Or we found out the whole family was playing a big genealogical prank on us and we bought it.
@Jun – LMFAO! Funniest post of the day!!
@Jun: Were you referring to the “shape” of the baking pan or the recipe?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcw7IbBEyf0
“dessert is sometimes left to mass produced items with less than wholesome ingredients”
Yes when I think of artisanal products I immediately think of Walmart the worlds biggest retailer.
“a good dessert to bring home to the family or to that special party or event.”
If someone brought one of her abominations to an event of mine I’d gladly throw it at them
There’s something inherently wrong with someone who is famous for making food from scratch putting their name on the antithesis of “home cooking”. Pots and pans? I can see that. Spice blends? I can see that. But this??? What’s worse for me is that I’ve made some things from P.D.’s cookbooks and they were pretty good, so this is just unnecessary. And sad. I like Paula in general, because her show got me interested in cooking, but the overexposure and over saturation is getting to be a bit much.
“There’s something inherently wrong with someone who is famous for making food from scratch putting their name on the antithesis of “home cooking”…”
Same thing with Sandra Lee’s “Semi-Homemade” schtick and the “Money-Saving Meals” that she’s promoting now.
@Cherry Rose – the guy in the YouTube video is more entertaining than most on FN!! Old Bobbo should give him a show…
Really, that was a LOL video!! Thanks for sharing.
@Byrdie: You’re welcome, dear. That guy’s done some other “cooking” videos that are pretty funny, too. I came across them (and many others!) while searching for FN parodies on YouTube.
I’ll have to search them out! I love that guy!!
Holy cats. It kind of weirds me out when baked goods are sold at places like WalMart, where they stock their shelves with longterm food items like Twinkies and beef jerky. Are these pies going to be soaked in formaldahyde or something??
“..Are these pies going to be soaked in formaldahyde or something??”
Do bacon grease and lard have preservative qualities? I’m guessing that one or both of these ingredients will be in all of Paula Deen’s special pies.
Question for everyone on Paula Dean. I’ve noticed that Jamie is rarely on Paula’s show anymore and when he is, he rarely speaks to her- just does the cooking and stays out of sight. Is this my imagination? Recently on one of her shows she mentioned that she had gone over to Jamie and Brooke’s for dinner and Brooke asked her “Paula, will you stay for cobbler?” Whoa, strange comment! In the South (or anywhere else) when you are invited to dinner you usually stay for the whole meal without an extra invitation. Also, Brooke calls her Paula instead of Mom or some other more common term. Sounds like they don’t get along. Maybe this is at the bottom of Jamie not being on the show often. Has anyone else noticed this? Is Jamie on the show because he has to be?
>>>>“dessert is sometimes left to mass produced items with less than wholesome ingredients” Yes when I think of artisanal products I immediately think of Walmart the worlds biggest retailer.
Is a Paula Deen pie so terribly different, so “less than wholesome” than any other frozen pie, e.g., Mrs. Smith’s or Marie Callender, you’d find at any other grocery store? Did anyone claim these pies were “artisanal” products? I absolutely cannot stand Paula Deen’s shows on FN and won’t be buying any of her pies, cake pans or anything else, but some of the hyperbole, apparently intended to display one’s trendy anti-Walmart attitudes, is a bit much.
@Lindsey – I can’t answer your question because I can’t remember the last time I watch Poopy’s show. She’s just too fake and her recipes are a horror to anyone that has any common sense about healthy eating. I’d bet it’s gonna be difficult to find anyone in FNH that watches her either. Anybody??
Hah, I found the recipe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU4zAZM27Zg&feature=related
OMG! The “Food You Can Eat” videos on YouTube are absolutely the funniest I’ve seen! The “Sushi” one that introduces canned salmon made me FOTFLMAO! All I could think of was Mommy Dearest and her Greasy Salmon Cakes with Added Pork Grease” episode! And don’ miss the “Seafood Cocktail” too.
Thanks again, Cherry Rose!
And you also, Bork! Too too too funny!!
At least she didn’t forget to include the butter.
urinal cakes??
PaulER
personal cow transpo
as split pants
POOPY,
back down on the floor, plumb under the carpet.
You peeps are phuqing killing me.
GOD, I love this place.
Lindsey,
Yes, it is my opinion you perhaps are reading too much into things.
I’m from the South and I don’t find it odd that Brooke asked Paula if she wanted to stay for cobbler. Most places you go to dinner at (not just the south), it seems generally accepted that you’re invited for the entire meal, not part of it. But even in the south, in the Deen household, it’s not a guarantee there is dessert. That comment to me just sounds like Brooke was reaching out, being friendly and warm, and letting Paula know dessert was available if Paula would like any.
Also, I love my MIL to death and call her by her first name.
I think we all tend to read too much into dynamics we know nothing about, it seems our nature to wonder and put together what we perceive to be “pieces of the larger puzzle” but it often is just grasping at straws. Maybe we see this wild, outrageous Paula and we think because we can’t stand her, her family can’t either. Truth may be 1) she IS that annoying or 2) her family “gets” it’s a schtick for tv and she isn’t that way in real life.
Are you kidding me its the $$$$$$$$. Just like RR, and the rest of them. Makes you not want to watch them anymore.
So SAD.
I did buy an apple pie I did pay $7.50 and it was the WORST pie I ever had the crust was doughy like it wasn’t baked and it tasted awful ended up in the trash……….
Sandsclue, is there any info on the box as to who actually made that pie and, if so, who was it? And gee, I would really like to know the ingredients. Remember, it’s supposed to be only the freshest, top quality blah blah blah.
Byrdie it just had a little round sticker on top naturally w/Paula’s picture on it not even in a box one of those clear plastic containers it is supposed to have over a pound of fresh apples in it my husband took one bite and spit it out so in the trash it went!!!!!
Sandsclue, that’s pitiful. You should have taken it back and gotten your $7.50 back. So no ingredients list or anything? Did you buy it WalMart?
Yep bought it at Walmart learned my lesson!!!
Sandsclue, thanks for the info! I haven’t been to Wally World in a couple of weeks. I’ll check it out next time I go and see what other crap they’re selling for her.
Looks like there’s more PAULA GOODNESS coming our way as well. According to this press release I just received:
“Synergy Brands announced that Paula Deen has licensed Quality Food Brands to produce spices and selected food items under the Paula Deen Brand.
This represents one of the first grocery products that Ms. Deen has chosen to bear her name and likeness for distribution nationwide. Ms. Deen stated that “I am pleased to announce this collaboration with Quality Food Brands to produce my line of spices for the grocery store category. I am confident that they will produce quality products that are a value to today’s shopper.”
So Paula Deen is getting her own line of spices… which is really just “Quality Food Brand” spices that will cost more money because they have photos of her face on the label. Nice!
Has anyone actually tried the $17 Rachael R. EVOO? Saw it at SuperWallyWorld with wifey last wknd, just laughed, imagining it’s not all that. Get mine at TJ’s, $6-$8.
Wonder if one of Paula’s/QFB products will compete against “MOLLY McBUTTER”?
You guys need to do an investigative report on the scandal surrounding Paula Deen’s theft of the name “Gooey Butter Cake”. She is making millions of a recipe and a name that she claims to have invented…And she didn’t.
Check this out: http://tiny.cc/J23jy
Deborah, nice work. I think when egos, money and power arrive, sometimes it’s too easy to forget where one came from, not everyone, but more often than not.
Shit, by his own account, Al Gore invented the internet, and single-handedly will save Mother Earth.
[...] story: A few weeks ago, Paula Deen was busy getting ready to launch her own line of baked goods at Wal-Mart. Apparently, the Deen train moves fast, because not only have the new products hit [...]
we purchased a Paula Deen Apple Crunch Top Pie last weekend. it looked scrumptious!!! unfortunately the pie was not cooked all the way and when warmed the white, gooey dough was all over the top of the pie…we were so disappointed.