Paula Deen »
Paula Deen’s got her own television shows, her own magazine, and her own restaurants. She’s got her own furniture line, her own jewelry, and her own food products. She’s got her own cookbooks, her own playing cards, her own store, and her own bedazzled eyeglasses. She hawks for Smithfield, Kaleen, and B. Lloyd’s nuts. But guess what, y’all?
PAULA DEEN JUST AIN’T RICH ENOUGH YET!
Starting Labor day weekend, Paula Deen will also have an exclusive line of baked goods at Walmart. The initial line will consist of three pies: Apple Crunch Top, Dark Rum Pecan, and Old Fashioned Fudge. You’ll also be able to buy a Gooey Butter Cake dessert bar, just in case your ass hasn’t ripped your pants yet.
According to the press release, “in keeping with Deen’s long-standing tradition of quality and affordability (rolling eyes), the pies and dessert bars, made with nothing but the best ingredients will be sold at consumer-friendly affordable prices. The line is priced between $3.00 and $7.50 retail.”
“Nothing but the best ingredients?” According to who exactly? Harry in Accounting? (I hate ridiculous open-ended marketing buzzwords like that. They’re completely pointless.)
Not one to be silenced, Paula Deen chimed in with the following pandering quote: “We are proud to partner with one of America’s premier retailers in Walmart for this line. With our busy schedules, dessert is sometimes left to mass produced items with less than wholesome ingredients, making it the forgotten part of a good meal. We created a line of products using what any good cook would use if they had the time…lots of apples, butter, quality nuts and chocolate…so consumers can have access to baked goods that are both affordable and tasty when they need a good dessert to bring home to the family or to that special party or event.”
Let me get this straight: Paula Deen is subtly guilt-tripping us into bringing one of her desserts to our friends and family, because they incorporate nuts and apples that are somehow better than the nuts and apples in other desserts? Wow. That’s a stretch, even for her.
Maybe the desserts will be tasty. Maybe they’ll be vile. Does it even matter? There’s such a thing as market saturation, and Paula reached that point long ago.
(We’ll be taste-testing these exciting new WAL-MART items and reviewing them here on Food Network Humor, so stay tuned!)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Dear Paula Deen, Please Stop Selling Your Nasty Pies At Wal-Mart
---UPDATE: Paula Deen’s Wal-Mart Apple Pie
---This Woman Really Hated Her Paula Deen Pie
---Paula Deen Launching Designer Paper Products Line
---Just What The World Needs: More Paula Deen Nuts
- Paula Deen