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General: Food Humor »

Michael Chiarello For Marie Callender’s Pasta
Posted on September 18th 2009 by Jillian Madison

By now, you’ve probably seen the commercial with Michael Chiarello shilling for Marie Callender’s microwaveable pasta bowls (the Food Network plays it 58 times per hour). I want to know how the hell Chiarello stood there selling this stuff to us with a straight face, because he’d die before ever cooking, serving, or eating one of these things. In fact, the whole idea of him eating pasta from a MICROWAVEABLE BOWL is so ridiculous that I don’t even hear his voice when the commercial comes on anymore. I just hear this.

michael chiarello commercial

michael chiarello commercial

michael chiarello commercial

michael chiarello commercial

michael chiarello commercial

michael chiarello commercial



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Michael Chiarello All Up On Beau Macmillan’s Ass
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Michael Chiarello’s “Best Hot Dogs”
---Food Network’s Cranberry PEAN Pasta
---Mosaic Of Rachael Ray Made Out Of PASTA
---Get Excited: Giada’s One Hundred Dollar “Pasta Gift Set” Now Available!

    76 Responses

  1. CherryRose says:

    When I first saw that commercial, I thought WTF! This fabulous cook is hawking microwave pasta? Shame on you, Michael. You are among the few FN personalities that I can tolerate these days, mostly because you’re talented and your food always looks sensational. Microwave Pasta Bowls? No, thanks.

  2. jenna says:

    This is hilarious. Wasn’t Chiarello just competing on Top Chef Masters or some other cooking show? Yeah, I’m sure he got there by serving microwaved pasta. Yum!

  3. Dan says:

    The man needs to calm down. I don’t care how good his food is, I can’t watch someone who constantly flails their arms around like that. It makes me nervous.

  4. Gayle King says:

    I’ll never forget the day I found out Michael Chiarello was straight, because it shocked the shit out of me. And I thought I had good gaydar!

    As for this commercial, I’ve seen it a billion times and there are so many things wrong w/ it I wouldn’t even know where to start.

  5. Alexis says:

    Um… question… if he’s serving microwave pasta, then why do they have him standing in a kitchen over a pasta pot and a pan filled with sauce? TOTAL AD FAIL.

  6. YouKnowWhoIAM says:

    That shit looks nasty. *I* wouldn’t feed it to my dog.

  7. tegan says:

    I’ve found that the products that go out of their way to give themselves big fancy Italian names (like this one, Al Dente Rigatoni Marinara Classico) are the most disgusting!!!!!

  8. Bill says:

    Al Dente Rigatoni Marinara Classico
    Al Dente Rigatoni Marinara Classico
    Al Dente Rigatoni Marinara Classico

    Giada would have a field day over-enunciating that shit.

  9. CherryRose says:

    I haven’t seen the Microwaveable Pasta Bowls yet, but Marie Callender frozen foods have the highest sodium content of any such products that I’ve seen. Next time I’m at the market, I will check these out for nutritional content. I expect to see sodium overload.

  10. Laurie says:

    Shots 3 and 5 look like he’s pouring dog vomit out of a dog bowl onto some dog poo!

  11. Ferd says:

    Saw the ad last night for the first time and was mildly shocked. We expect Fraudulent Guy Ferry to shill for some chain restaurant, but an actual cook selling high-sodium microwave pasta? Yikes. As an aside, I had a hard time watching Michael’s show because he referred to all the food products – from onions to bread crumbs – as “these guys,” just like Tyler Florence does. Augghh.

  12. DesignerJeans says:

    Very surprised to see him selling out so badly.

    Guess the kids want to go to Stanford.

    And @gayle me too, when I found out he was straight I surprised as hell.

    But too his credit, he never put pics on twitpics of women who are / or are not his sister in law and claim she’s his “angel”…

    I gotta give points to anyone that does not do this in this day and age……………….

    cough. deen boy…

  13. Dank Dillweed says:

    I am in complete disbelief over this. MC is the one chef I truly enjoy on FN. Out of all the celebrity chefs, he’s the only one who’s restaurant I have dined in (Tra Vigne, St. Helena, Napa), and it was truly wonderful. Been out there twice, superb lunches, met Michael, great, gracious man.

    So when I saw these ads, I just shrugged and chock it up to riding the celebrity wave, but Callenders? C’mon Michael, you’re more discerning than that, right. Buitoni, I can see, maybe, but frozen nuke food for God’s sake.

    They say every man has his price, must’ve been a nice payday for Chiarello. I probably would do the same, we only live once, but you still got to look in the mirror in the morning.

    You know what they say, “Bed 1000 women and you’re a stud, suck one cock, and you’re a cocksucker ever-after.

    Done with rant.

  14. Sarah says:

    Chiarello should be ashamed of himself. Nothing wrong for taking an endorsement deal and getting paid for it, but this is just so wrong.
    First this stuff does actually taste like shit. It derives it’s flavor burst from garlic and salt and it’s overpowering. You’re better off grabbing a jar of Prego and a bag of dry pasta and spending 7 minutes to boil some water.

    His credibility as a chef is now dubious because this is such a vile product. Endorsing it encourages passivity and slothfulness. It contradicts just about every TV cooking show that tries to tell how you simple making a pasta dish can be. This something I’d expect from Sandra Lee.

    Chiarello should just stop the insanity and say he did for the money and move on . Or we should watch him eat it for real.

  15. CherryRose says:

    No nutritional info on the Pasta Bowls on the Marie Callender website yet.

    Had breakfast at a Marie Callender restaurant once and would never go again. Horrible food!

  16. Sandra says:

    He can’t be hurting for money! WTF is wrong with him? He lost a lot of his credibility.

  17. Byrdie says:

    I don’t get the microwave pastabowls to begin with. First, you make your own pasta and sauce; eat it for dinner. Then, leftovers: put some in a bowl, add some sauce and then next day, voila. Nuke it and you have pasta and sauce.

    Are people that lazy? Can’t put your own food in a bowl and heat it up? Please, somebody explain the concept to me cause I don’t get it!

  18. DesignerJeans says:

    Marie Calendar was probably was waiting outside the Top Chef Masters studio and when he lost they threw a contract at him and he said:

    “Mr. Chiarello, I represent Marie Calendar’s High Sodium Frozen dinners and we would like for you to endorse our “italian” line of food.”

    “Frozen fucking pasta? yah whatever, how much?”

    “$$$$$$$$$$$”

    “So I am not a Top Chef Master huh? well fuck Rick Bayless, I’ll make more off this then a half dozen of his taco shacks.”

    “Fuck it. Where do I sign?”

  19. Leslie says:

    On Top Chef Masters, the judges gave him a bit of flack for serving a dried instead of fresh pasta. I think their heads would explode if he tried to serve Marie Callender’s, the MOST sodium-laden crap out there!

  20. Dank Dillweed says:

    Byrdie, Yes, to answer your question, they are that stupid and lazy.

    Hell, they market and actually sell “pre-made PB&J’s with the crust cut off”, called “CRUSTABLES”!

    Now, if you can’t spend an entire 25 to 30 seconds to make little Johnny a sammie in the morn, you should’ve just pulled out.

  21. Jessi says:

    Michael Chiarello is one of my least favorite chefs on Food Network, haha. I can’t stand watching his show, he drives me nuts. This commercial drives me nuts too. I haven’t had this particular brand, but I did try another one just for shits and giggles – and it is NASTY. End of story.

  22. Byrdie says:

    Dank, I guess it’s the same with Oscar Mayer Lunchables. A few crackers and a slice of cheese and bologna, an incredible markup and mommy doesn’t have to pack a lunch for junior. No wonder kids are fat and diabetic more now than ever. Over processed, salt filled, sugar saturated diets cause mom is too busy or doesn’t stop and think what she is doing to her kids. Sad state of affairs. And then they get a Top Chef or FN personality to hawk the crap for them. The company gets rich, the celeb gets rich and stupid people pay the price.

  23. vegfoodie says:

    So, Marie Callanders is part of Napa Style(TM)?

  24. CherryRose says:

    “Are people that lazy? Can’t put your own food in a bowl and heat it up? Please, somebody explain the concept to me cause I don’t get it!”

    Sad to say, Byrdie, but yes, some folks are frickin’ lazy. When there are frozen entrees on sale at the supermarket, I’ve seen people load their carts with heat & eat packages – dozens of them!

    Have a glass of wine, dear, put your feet up, and forget about how stoooopid humans can be :))

  25. Dank Dillweed says:

    Byrdie, I got a great idea: “Instant Water”

    We’ll sell people an empty bottle for fitty cent, and when they’re thirsty, they “just add water”.

    Could make a fortune, shit, put a BMW/Apple/Bang & Olufsen logo on it, we could sell by the truckload out here in the ‘burbs.

  26. Dank Dillweed says:

    I’m with CherryRose, let’s start drinking, get this wknd going. As I always say, “it’s past noon somewhere in the world”!

    Cheers!

  27. Sivio says:

    I don’t think you can do both if want people to take you seriously.

    I mean this guy spent yrs doing a show saying just how easy everything he was making was and now we see him hawking food for the uninspired and slothful set. I don’t think you’d ever see Mario Batali pitching frozen pizza.

    This type of endorsement is something I can see the Neelys or Sunny Anderson doing. They don’t really have a culinary pedigree in fine food so it won’t shock anyone when you see Gina Neely pitching possum meat frozen entrees.

    Con Agra probably had to drop big money to pay Chiarello because he can’t be taken too seriously going forward now.

  28. Leslie says:

    @CherryRose. I can’t believe there is an actual Marie Callender restaurant. Wow.

  29. Dank Dillweed says:

    Leslie, us here in Chicago couldn’t believe it either, it folded in a short order.

  30. JohnO says:

    Everyone is entitled to earn a little extra jack hawking products. I don’t begrudge him the opportunity. However, with Chiarello in particular it’s the height of hypocrisy. One of the reason’s I stopped watching his show was his 60 second rants that chewed out the viewer for daring to take shortcuts like using chopped garlic in a jar. Now he’s selling the ultimate shortcut in the kitchen. And seriously, how difficult is it to cook pasta and sauce the ‘old fashioned’ way?

  31. CherryRose says:

    “I can’t believe there is an actual Marie Callender restaurant.”

    They’re mostly in states west of the Mississippi. There was one adjacent to a hotel where we were staying, so we went there for breakfast. A real greasy spoon!

  32. Dank Dillweed says:

    Getting that water to a rolling boil is a fucking bitch, and then you got to add salt, wtf, JohnO, then you got to dirty one of them strainer-y thingys.

  33. oh_come_on says:

    OMG, he was dubbed ‘THE ITALIAN MAESTRO’ on Top Chef Masters.

  34. Dank Dillweed says:

    OMG, he was dubbed ‘THE ITALIAN MAESTRO’ on Top Chef Masters.

    Yeah, that’s why he stipulated the ads run after said show finished, kinda would’ve opened up a big ‘ol can of ridicule, ya tink?

    Don’t worry, Mikey, the ridicule official has started courtesy of Jillian and FNH readers. You dissapoint!

  35. oh_come_on says:

    Melissa M’Mommy could buy 4 bowls ($2/ea) and still have money left for a parmesan reggiano sprinkling, heirloom tomato bruschetta, wine, tiramisu and fabulous coffee.

    Of course, when they go on sale. ‘Yummy’

  36. DesignerJeans says:

    Mama Celeste is turing over in her grave.

  37. Leslie says:

    @DesignerJeans. LMAO!!!!

  38. DesignerJeans says:

    On the other hand, Chef Boyardee doesn’t give a shit about this whole affair…

  39. Byrdie says:

    Dank, I love your water idea. The crazy part is, ya know what? People will actually buy it!! (Except for Mommy Dearest unless it’s on sale). Wow! We could make a killing! Hawk it as no fat or cholestrol, no salt or sugars added. Hell, we could even add this it’s totally Organic!! What a bargain at fitty cen….YAY!!!!!!!!

  40. Katie says:

    WOW! I am shocked (and awed!) at this. WTF??????? And thankyaJesus that Texas (at least my part of the state) is one of those West of the Mississippi missing an actual, physical Marie Callender’s restaurant. I hate that crap. How long can it be now before somebody endorses Budget Gourmet? I mean, in my mind, these two companies are in the same category…

    Oh Come On – you cracked me up. Love the sentiments from the Horse’s (Mme. D’Arabian) POV!

  41. Bubbelah says:

    After seeing Chiarello on Top Chef Masters, I am totally convinced that he’s a total douchebag. A phony sell out. It was obvious he’d been mailing it in for years and that he has a crack team of real chefs offline making him look good. That’s fine if you’re an ‘idea’ kind of guy but he touts himself as some top level chef. Rick Bayless made Chiarello look like a glorified dishwasher at Applebee’s®

  42. Daria says:

    I agree after seeing Chiarello on Top Chef Masters he came across as a total egomaniac. Which is even more surprising to me, that if he thinks he is such a great chef, why would he associate himself with some microwaved product.
    It just saddens me further, because we are losing all our good food role models. This country needs to get back to cooking!

  43. Dank Dillweed says:

    Byrdie, bad news. What I thought was a wise, original idea, which it is, but someone else has a keen mind also. I googled “instant water”. Drats, but I bet they haven’t applied for a patent, nor have the marketing expertise/contacts I have.

    http://www.instantwater.com/

  44. Leslie says:

    @Daria. He could a learn a lesson in humility from Hubert Keller.

  45. Gina says:

    Pretty surprising to see him hawking this product. I’ve been to his former restaurant in Napa “Tra Vigne” and there’s nothing being microwaved there. All I can think of is they must have “Made him an offer he couldn’t refuse”
    Money talks!

  46. Mystie says:

    I’m sorry…I’m still too shocked from the revelation that Chiarello is straight to be able to muster up any shock over his Marie Callender whoredom.

  47. Byrdie says:

    Hey Dank! That’s a shame. A day late and a dollar short scenario. Just in case, I’m going to start saving my plastic Diet Dr. Pepper bottles, then all we’ll need to do is remove the labels, rinse the bottles out and start a local hoofing from store to store to get our foot in the door. And instead of fitty cen per bottle, we could do two for a dollar! Sounds like a greater value! By the way, the site you found is funny beyond words.

  48. Byrdie says:

    “I bought some instant water one time but I didn’t know what to add to it.” – Steven Wright

  49. oh_come_on says:

    @Bubbelah: After seeing Chiarello/Top Chef Masters..totally convinced he’s a total douchebag…Rick Bayless made Chiarello look like a glorified dishwasher at Applebee’s®

    Hilarious! I wondered how long he practiced that praying thank you hand gesture he used when receiving compliments from the judges. SO contrived!

  50. Jennifer says:

    I just love how he’s not actually making the pasta in the commercial if you watch. Its like “I’m just here giving a general discussion about how pasta should be without actually having to cook/eat/promote Marie Callendar’s yet still get paid.”

  51. oh_come_on says:

    @Byrdie Love Steven Wright:
    One time while hitchhiking, I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, “I don’t have much room up here, why don’t you get into one of the cars out back.” So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

  52. CherryRose says:

    I haven’t seen this commercial anywhere but on FN which makes me wonder if they’re getting a kickback on the advertising by “their” star.

  53. oh_come_on says:

    I have seen it all now, FN has ‘Pasta Pairings from Michael Chiarello and Marie Callender’s’ complete with suggestions for wine, appetizers, salads and dessert. Oh, and there’s a $.75 coupon (for M’Mommy) too!

    @CherryRose — you bet’cha FN’s getting a kickback.

  54. Byrdie says:

    FN not getting a kickback is like a day without sunshine. Doucheman would probably sell his own mother if he could get 30 percent back.

    On Come On, we got to see Stephen Wright a couple years ago in Vegas. He was hysterical!

    “Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say ‘What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!’ – Steven Wright

  55. CherryRose says:

    @CherryRose — you bet’cha FN’s getting a kickback.

    Why am I not surprised?

  56. sheila gosselin says:

    Guys& Gals

    At the end of the day he has to pay many taxes (Alot in CA/ Fed) I am glad he employs people in CA and will expand/hire new people when he can. Like him or not he is in buisness /owner in CA and knows the food industry . Hope he does it right or he will be the laughing stock of FNH every day/week! Rmember J&W culinary school 101 & your budget!

  57. DesignerJeans says:

    Just got back from the store… the frozen dinner above:

    990 grams of sodium

    Why does Michael Chiarello love high blood pressure and hate my health?

  58. Jimbo says:

    Too lazy to cook. Too busy to pitch crap like taht. Guess that’s another qualification nowadays to be a Food Network Star. Look what it’s done for Sandra Lee.

  59. CherryRose says:

    “Just got back from the store… the frozen dinner above:
    990 grams of sodium”

    Thanks, DesignerJeans! I said upthread that this product would be loaded with sodium. I read some years ago that Marie Callender frozen meals had the highest sodium level of frozen entrees. I checked them out for myself at the supermarket one day and was flabbergasted with the sodium (and fat) content in a single entree portion.

    Most of the foods that I’ve watched Michael Chiarello prepare are relatively nutritious, so why would this health-conscious master cook sell himself out with these dastardly products?

  60. KimberH says:

    ” so why would this health-conscious master cook sell himself out with these dastardly products?”

    Cue the MONEY clip…awwww, yea, that’s the ticket.

    Cut to Michael Chiarello (loser on TC Masters, btw, oh AND he was a poor sport), he says, “Do as I say, because I will NEVER do!”

    Cue back to the lovely, sprawling NAPA valley farm where he throws butcher paper on the table, then throws the polenta.

    Help yourself.

    Again, in case it got lost in this internet commercial…

    MONEY

  61. FoodieOne says:

    My husband always calls Mikey, “Michael Queerarello”. There is nothing that will convince him that the man is actually straight.

  62. lefty says:

    For the record, in a fit of depressive laziness I actually tried one of these, a few months ago. I took a bite and immediately threw it away. Not only do they taste bad (and I got a sodium headache just looking at it), but when you’re deep down in the blues, that *bleeping* plastic bowl becomes downright gloomy.

  63. wasabi prime says:

    Oh gads. Michael, Michael, Michael. I hear the Devil’s taking souls at a hefty clip these days. Good to know you’re marked with the Sign of the Beast now. Maybe his way of saying it is he didn’t sell *out* he merely bought in….WITH HIS SOUL.

  64. Olive Loahf says:

    Wasabi Prime…Right on the Money.

    And speaking of money, I caught Michael’s “Budget Dinner Party” where he meantions “cheap”, “Budget”,”extremely chilled 2 buck chuck will eliminate the flaws”. Every other sentence was all about entertaining on the cheap.

    If I went to this dinner party, I’d be afraid that the host was going to hit me up for a cash loan or that if I didn’t show up, there would be one meal left over for poor Michael.
    All that talk of “budget” would make me feel badly about sitting at that table.

    But there were some laughs. Michael tooling around his vineyard in a topless Land Rover and cooking his cheap eats on the Viking appliances. Just in case we missed it, there was a prominently displayed huge glass jar filled with loose change on the kitchen counter.

    Praise the recession and Pass the gray salt.

  65. MNLisaB says:

    I thought there was some kind of law that stipulated that celebrities shilling for products HAD to actually use them??

    I call BS on this, no WAY would this guy serve this crap to anyone, not even beloved family pets.

  66. Olive Loahf says:

    CherryRose said:

    Shame on you, Michael. You are among the few FN personalities that I can tolerate these days, mostly because you’re talented and your food always looks sensational.

    Another one, right on the money. Whose next to sell out so shamelessly, Ina Garten hawking microwavable Chicken Boullabaise with life-size cardboard cut-out gay friends?

  67. DesignerJeans says:

    @MNLisaB

    That would be the ultimately question to ask him. I wish the next journalist that interviews him for something asks him:

    “Would you serve MC frozen dinners to your restaurant patrons?”

    or

    “Would his guests be please if he served them this for dinner”

    Ha… the laughter that would take place would be classic.

  68. CherryRose says:

    “Whose next to sell out so shamelessly, Ina Garten hawking microwavable Chicken Boullabaise with life-size cardboard cut-out gay friends?”

    LOL! Maybe Ina will start mass-marketing her famous Friday roast chicken. Many stores already have their own ready-to-eat rotisserie chickens. Ina’s version will be more upscale, fabulous packaging, a higher packaging, and she will use only “good” chickens prepared with “good” ingredients.

  69. CherryRose says:

    Oops! A higher price tag. I type too fast!

  70. Byrdie says:

    Ina already has a complete array of food on the shelves, from brownie mix, cookies, cakes and even coffee. And we all know that the price on these products is so high it’s absurd (a pound of her coffee is $16; $12 for cupcake mix). Now she has a line of french citrus soaps that I would have to take out a bank loan to purchase. Bottom line is they all have their crap to hawk, keeping FN in business and lining their own pockets.

  71. CherryRose says:

    @Byrdie: I’ve “indulged” in all of Ina’s cookbooks but would never purchase any of her prepackaged mixes, chutneys, marinades, sauces, etc., many of which I’ve seen at Macy’s. When I make one of Ina’s recipes, I make it from scratch – that’s why I bought the cookbooks. And, since I mentioned that Ina might end up marketing her roast chickens, I use one of her recipes and turn out my own famous Friday night chicken – but not necessarily on the same day! :))

  72. Leslie says:

    I think Michael is working around breaking any advertising laws (i.e. needing to use the item he is endorsing) by never actually mentioning the Marie Callender’s food. He just talks about how to make proper al dente pasta. Pretty sneaky.

  73. CherryRose says:

    Saw a Marie Callender Pasta Bowl commercial last night during Law & Order (NBC). No Michael Chiarello: This ad featured a female spokesperson. Perhaps the Chiarello version that airs repeatedly on FN is a joint project for both parties.

  74. CherryRose says:

    Checked out the Marie Callender microwaveable pastas at Meijer today. There appeared to be 8 or 10 varieties with sodium mg. per serving (11 oz) ranging from 930-1190 on the packages that I checked. Indulging in these barf bowls is sure to bring on a headache that rivals Chinese take-out along with ring-around-the-ankles.

  75. DesignerJeans says:

    @CherryRose

    I saw a Soy Joy ad that I think had a FN url that people could get recipes from. STOOPID ad, which is sad since I really like the Soy Joy product and brand.

    So maybe the MC ad was some sort of a coventure like the soy joy ad.

    Yuck.

  76. Dave says:

    If you really believe that Michael Chiarello is straight, try watching his show with the sound turned off. No way you can convince me that man and his hand gestures are straight.

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