New Rules »
New Rules For Foodies
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A few new rules for our friends who aren’t on the Food Network:
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NEW RULE: Top Chef has to stop casting annoying, whiny lesbians who complain about everything. They’re giving lesbians a bad name. And besides, it’s a cooking competition – not an audition to become an Indigo Girl. |
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NEW RULE: Adam Richman has to stop flashing those stupid MVF gang signs at the end of every episode. I don’t know if he’s happy about eating his his whole hamburger, or if he just carjacked my grandmother. |
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NEW RULE: Gordan Ramsay needs to come up with some new clever new insults, or move back to England. Here in America, when you stand around screaming “STUPID COW” at the top or your lungs, it doesn’t make you funny. It makes you Old MacDonald. |
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NEW RULE: Everyone must immediately stop referring to Anthony Bourdain as the “bad boy of food.” Why is he so bad? Because he gets drunk at work and makes fun of Sandra Lee? Face it, the man is pushing 60. He’s not the bad boy of anything, except Centrum Silver. |
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.(if you liked these, you can find many more pop culture New Rules over at Pophangover)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---NEW RULES (part 1)---New Rules For The Food Network
---11 Chefs That Look Like Old Lesbians
---Congratulations, ANDREW Bourdain
---Another Twitter User Bastardizing The English Language
- New Rules
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51 Responses
LOLOLOL.
So agree with all of these. Especially the lesbians on Top Chef. There are many talented lesbian chefs out there, and they keep casting these truly annoying whiny women? Ashley especially. If she goes one episode without complaining about something I’ll eat my own foot.
LMAO@ Anthony Bourdain “the Bad Boy of Centrum Silver”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
How about no more French chefs who wear red scarves 24/7?
It’s hard to get mad at that stuff when I find all these people so entertaining.
Gordo’s shtick IS starting to wear a little thin.
However – Bourdain will always be bad to the bone !
I think Bourdain’s schtick is wearing thin too! I used to love No Reservations, but lately, it just feels like his heart is not in it anymore. The episodes have been `meh.`
He seems to think its enough to show up and make one snarky line about a FN chef, and then get drunk. He saw it was working for him, since his blog comments about his run-in with Sandra lee got him more buzz than he’d seen in years.
Time for a new act, Bourdain! Please! Start making fun of someone else. Like Tyler Florence.
This website sucks!
I totally disagree with your view of Anthony Bourdain!! I will defend him forever. He is the most real foodie out there and doesn’t pretend to be something he isn’t. He also has decades under his belt as a line cook and chef that make him more badass than DBs like Bobby Flay and Guy Fieri!
Hey Dara, if you haven’t done it already, THEN GET OFF OF THIS WEBSITE! I think it’s hilarious and a fun place for foodies who just want to vent at the crazies.
As for Top Chef casting annoying lesbians, I have to say, they are making lesbian chefs look bad. I’m sure there are plenty of talented lesbian chefs who will not whine about every little challenge – especially since no one put a gun to their head and forced them to compete for $125,000 dollars. Ashley and that anger about the wedding challenge was just stupid – Vegas and no wedding challenge? Gimme a break. If the money didn’t mean anything to her, why didn’t she just quit the competition on principle? Because the rent man does not accept “principle” in exchange for money. are not whn (or people who love food
Totally agree. Not only are there non-whining lesbian cooks, there’s plenty of talented heterosexual female chefs out there, too. I guess they won’t get a gig on Top Chef, though. No drama.
As for Tony, sometimes his schtick does wear thin. We get it, already – you’re a world-weary cynic. Lately, he’s pretty much doing the Guy Fieri thing minus the stupid catchphrases. “Oh, that’s good” is less annoying than “That’s off the hook, dude,” certainly, but no more enlightening.
Heaven help us lesbian chefs. I have to agree completely with your description of the horrific, whiny, bad-hair-doning, gaudy tatt sporting, awful attitude spewing chefbians on Top Chef. I’m embarrassed to be even remotely associated with these greasy cows. Let me just say for the record, there are plenty of us who are cute, talented and not overly offended by every little nuance of life. Hey, everything straight people do is not to be taken as a personal affront by the queers! Makes me crazy! Ashley is a moron and she can’t cook for squadoosh. And that goes double for PREEEE-TEEEE. Where do they get these contestants?!?!? A retarded reality show is not the time or the place to mouth off about your angry politics. Be gone Ashley!
OMG…I feel so happy!!!!! I thought I was the only one who couldn’t stand Ashley on top chef! Personally I do not care what your sexual orientation is..I care if your a dam good Chef..since as we have seen there are soooo many bad ones out there in TV land..
Bubbelah I agree with you..where do they find these bad stereotypes? Even B. Dean would be better.
Hey, Lisha, shut up. Dara didn’t do anything to you. And she’s right, this web site does suck. Not even funny.
[Ed note: GAIL and DARA are the same people with the same IP address. Carry on.]
Top Chef isn’t the only show that has this little problem. FN Challenge has had some very whiny lesbian cake artists on as well. I agree with the above posters. They do figure there is not enough drama if they just put someone talented and personable in the competition.
To all the people who sit here on a website saying it sucks, only reinforces for the rest of us your lack of intelligence.
HAHAHAHA BUSTED. I love it.
Ha! Bourdain will be so pissed that he’s been PWNED!
Lesbian or not, in general the female chefs on Top Chef this season have disappointed me. If you take notice all of the females, with the exception of Jennifer Carroll, lack confidence.
Ashly is pissed off all the time cuz everyone in the world is pissed off having to look at her skank face. She’s only a lesbo cuz no man would ever go near her. I wouldn’t wipe my ass on her best part. Gail/Dara-another pissed off man-like muff bumper
There was a time when Bourdain had my undivided attention. Now, not so much. Last season, his show on Laos was so depressing, I quit watching for a time. This season is more like the first couple of seasons, where he is (seemingly) enjoying himself and his surroundings. I still get the feeling he’s not it it heart and soul like he used to be, though. Still like him, but I think his TV show days are numbered.
As far as Adam is concerned, I haven’t watched him in a while since his first season ended. Watching him stuff his face beyond human capacity just ain’t entertainment to me. I sat there waiting for his stomach to explode all over the restaurant, like the ‘Alien’ critter.
I love Bourdain, but before you guys scream, I also think he’s gone soft lately. On the Sardinia show he was nice/ enjoyed himself, even admitting he never wanted to go there, but loved it. Well, not ‘loved it’ but was glad he went.
He was even really nice to his dining pals — WHO’s the lady with the kid he kept carrying around. I LMAO watching him carry that child.
Very non-Bourdain’esque
@Byrdie: I still get the feeling he’s not it it heart and soul……..
He doesn’t look like he feels good, like he’s arthritic – maybe just happier when he was smoking.
I laugh when they make him hunt, which he clearly despises.
Muff Bumper! LOL! Nice one…. A little Muff Bumping is probably something Revedo could use more of to tame that testosterone fueled hatred! Geeshhh….
I could write a thesis on how Tom Colicchio is a closeted woman-hating, misogynistic POS and that his TC female picks (I didn’t do it, it’s the producers!) are deliberately lackluster. As stated above, TC seems to gravitate toward folks that are going to cause drama and bullshit first and foremost over folks with real culinary skills. I understand the desire for drama, but really?? Admittedly, among the female contestants this year for TC Vegas there are only one or two real solid chefs (Jennifer and maybe ummmmm…?). The gals are truly weak this season and I think they were half heartedly chosen deliberately because we all know there are extremely high caliber women out there in the kitchens. That being said, most of the guys on TC Vegas suck as well and have no business on this show this season. What’s with that idiot Michael “but a girl shouldn’t be at the same level I am.” Isabella?
Adam Richman is going to an early grave. It borders on terrifying for me to watch him eat things that register X level of ridiculousness on the Scoffield scale…
Some of them don’t bother me (Ramsey, Bourdain, Richman) maybe because I like their show I guess.
Hey! what is with the pushing 60 crap! Tony is 53 for Christ’s sake, If you don’t think a few years matters, remember 13 and 20!
I have noticed a little difference in Tony after he quit smoking, But I still like the show. It will never be everything for everyone(how fuc@ing bring that would be?) but the man knows his food, and respects the culture that has created the food or is it the other way around?
53, 60, who cares. It’s moot. The point is that he’s far too old to be a bad boy of anything.
@Oh Come On, maybe he’s just tired of all the travel. It can be very exhausting, and he’s not getting any younger. Could be that he is experiencing some aches and pains like the rest of us aging boomers. What I find ironic is he’s actually getting a belly on him. He’s always made fun of fat people, and not that he’s fat, but aging changes your metabolism so you don’t burn those calories off like when you’re younger. Smoking helps keep you metobolic rate up, but now that he doesn’t smoke (been a couple years I would guess)that just adds to the mix. So, long and short, he’s just getting old like all us other mortals and it may be catching up to him!
How about Tony drops the profanity? Now, I’m no prude so don’t get me wrong. Bleeps add nothing losing the inflection of what he’s saying. The man’s a writer for pity’s sake. Can’t he come up with another word……or go to cable?
@Wahoo — I agree about the annoying bleeping. It’s constant when you watch any Ramsey shows and the tone of the bleep makes my ears hurt. For a writer, yeah, he should have a more diverse vocabulary.
I think it’s so funny when people make fun of fat people and then they become fat themselves. They find out the hard way how it’s not as easy as “eat less/exercise more” for everyone throughout life.
Ramsey should STFU and concentrate on saving his dewindling restaurant “empire” before it collapses for good.
Just days away from Chapter 11 (in Britain, it’s called being put into administration ) the mouthpiece had to sell his Ferrari to pay some debtors.
I guess when your two main London restaurants are called massively overpriced and skewered by the critics, that will keep people away. And being a huge dick to everyone you cross paths with doesn’t help either. Not sure if Clayface can bounce back and I don’t really care.
Tom Collichio was the guest a couple of weeks ago on “Watch What Happens” on Bravo. A caller called in (obviously) asking Tom which Top Chef of all the seasons had the worst
hygiene. Tom quickly responded with he didnt know but that Ashley from this season is getting a lot of “compliments”. Now I dont care what the chefs look like or their sexual preferences..but do we see a pattern with greasy-haired lesbians on top chef, or am I just crazy?
LOL I said Compliments when I meant complaints..oopsy..sorry Im blonde!
@Silvio. That’s surprising, since he has like three shows on the air right now. It’s hard to imagine him with financial issues. But then again, I guess he could just be overspending.
[Ed note: GAIL and DARA are the same people with the same IP address. Carry on.]
Would that also mirror Canduce’s address? Just wondering….
Wow..people with multiple personalities on a blog..thats just odd. Or two people that share a computer.
Bourdain has become boring because he keeps saying the same things over and over again no matter where he is: Local street food, no tourists/American/white people are signs of a good place, and respect the culture. Yeah, we GET IT! And his “cool” shtick is based on having local wranglers and handlers that bring him to places he (or anyone without a TV show) would never get into on his own or wouldn’t go without the security of a crew.
The only reason to watch his shows now is for the good-looking cinematography (for which they just won some Emmy). And the food porn.
Bourdain still rules regardless of what’s been said. He cares about the cultures of each couuntry and continent. Even if he is honest about how much he likes and dislikes the food, he at least doen’t try to destroy culture like Pauwwwla Deeen and the master expert of things he don’t knoshit about, Mr. Bobby Flay.
Like that special when Pauwwwwla and he tugboat captain husband went to Europe and she tried to pull a fast on a British street vendor who forced her to eat some piece of food the British way. NICE! Makes you wish for the days of Jamie Oliver.
There ARE lesbian chefs who don’t complain about everything?
Who knew?
I agree about Bourdain. He used to be entertaing (On the Travel Channel) but it seems like he and the producers have run out of ideas.
Next.
I don’t know what to think about Bourdain. On the one hand, the guy knows food and knows how to have a good time. On the other, I think if I were him, I’d do my show in a professional way and then drink with the locals when the cameras stop rolling. I think he tries too hard to show how cool he is, on camera. Those who are secure in their coolness don’t need to broadcast it.
Bourdain’s cool. I tend to forget that the travel channel exists most of the time, though.
I enjoyed watching Ramsey much more when I took a trip this summer to New Zealand. They aired his show without any bleeps or bloops. Here though, the insults lose their punch when all we hear is a stupid bleep.
Oh, and those gang signs are so stupid. It’s not just a foodie thing, I see photos of these skinny girls at a bar flashing gang signs.
IMO Gordon’s in-your-face style worked originally but his so-called ‘chefs’ were seriously untalented. Couldn’t they find anyone marginally good? Guess talented cooks wouldn’t take his abuse. It rapidly become an unbelievable stretch. Why watch?
Anyone know if the diners could hear all the profanity?
Not wanting to get into any debate, but obviously I have no life since I actually know the following… the woman that Anthony Bourdain went to Sardinia with is his wife. The child he was carrying is his daughter.
@Jimbo: That Deen special in Europe made me sick. SHE is exactly the reason why other cultures hate us Yanks. Just totally obnoxious, loud, unmannered, ignorant, slothful pigs, who could care less about learning the traditions, practices, and language of the locals while on an international trip.
I am embarrassed to call her a fellow American, much less human being.
Stuff it, Karen!
Introducing the “Anthony Bourdain Back to Basics” show:
A fresh new look at Uzbeckystan…Flash fried mutton eyes instead of the intestines
“Happy Family” Schezuan pepper-pot turtle ears this time instead of steamed sting-ray
Non-Smoking vegetarian BBQ gay cowboy strip club in Austin
with the soy weenie buffet
Communal village meal in Laos with Anthony making fun of the land mine victim/host.
I thought Bourdain’s Sardinia show was one of his best. Some of the eps get repetitive if you are a regular viewer, but that one was really different with the family vibe and learning a lot about a place that does not get much press.
Gordon’s show in Britain where he goes to help out a failing restaurant beats the crap out of the US knockoff or HK. There is no overly dramatic narrator(“Coming up! The most violent episode of HK ever!”) It’s just Gordon narrating. Yes, there is some cussing, but it’s way low key compared to the US show that is geared at third graders. Catch the good version on BBC America.
@Carn. Hottie, you do know Ashly is from Oregon??? Dead Heads and Phish fans galore. God forsaken rathole. Although, best beer in the country up there.
I swear Top Chef is cast by the same people who cast The Real World or something. And they should have a Quickfire Challenge to see who can shower the quickest. Then at least they’d get immunity from whatever diseases were trailing in the fellow cheftestants’ greasy hair…
And sorry, but in my opinion, Bourdain can (pretty much) do no wrong.