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The Food Network Chefs: What They Say vs What They Mean
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Common Food Network phrases |
And what they really mean… |
| Perfect/Beauuuutiful | I have to say something, because the silences are getting awkward and the producer is yelling at me. |
| That’s off the hook! | I’m over 40 and am desperately trying to sound hip. |
| Yum-O / EVOO | I was dropped on my head a lot as a child. |
| It’s cocktail time! | I’ve been in Betty Ford more times than Gerald. |
| Mmmm, this is really good. | This tastes like ass. And it’s raw. |
| That’s money! | I have a one inch peen. |
| Look at these bad boys… | I’m completely unaware of how annoying I am to listen to. |
| This is feel-good, comfort food. | Enjoy it now, fatty, because the ass seam on your pants is gonna burst tomorrow. |
| Use GOOD olive oil. | I’m richer than you and laugh at your misfortune. And your cheap olive oil. |
| This meal will be on the table in 30 minutes. | I have 9 assistant chefs and a clean up crew. I’ll have it ready in 3o mins, but it will take you 2 hours. |
| You will love this tablescape. | I hope you like overly cluttered tables and eating on your lap. |
| Let me plate this up… | My 12 food stylists plated this up while you were watching car commercials. |
| Super super simple! | I have six brain cells, so if I can do it, you can do it. |
| Flavortown! | My food sucks, so I have to hype it up with juvenile words as often as possible. |
| Flavor profile | I heard this on an episode of Julia Child once. |
| What’s your culinary point of view? | How can marketing spin you so you can make us the most money? |
| How good/gorgeous/simple is that? | I have the verbal creativity of a pack mule. |
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Food Network Chefs: You’re Under Arrest---Food Network Chefs According To The Urban Dictionary
---OPEN TOPIC: What Would You Want Food Network Chefs To Cook For You?
---4 Chefs Who Should Be On Celebrity Apprentice Instead Of Curtis Stone
---Alton Brown Disses Food Network Chefs In Interview
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(c) 2011 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2011 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
32 Responses
LMAO!
Hilarious post! You’ve described all of the fools at FN who use these stupid catchphrases perfectly.
Hilarious!
May I add:
Alex Scowl -> I’m so fucking bitter I think I will take out my life issues on people I just told to make a 5 course dinner out of Rhubarb, Goat ankle and Peppermint patties.
LMAO
That’s money = 1″ peen = Totally hilarious!
You’re going to love this = If you drink lots of wine before and during the meal you won’t notice the rancid freezer bacon.
@DesignerJeans. LMAO!
Also, remember Kerry Vincent’s favorite lines:
“I do not approve of your work” means “ZOMG the headband is taking over my brain again! Help me, or else I shall have no choice but to keep bitching in my scratchy-ass voice.”
“were gonna take a quick break” – which means “my whole meal will be done by the real cooks” and I will continue to rake the money in on my 30 minute scam..
Thanks for this. I REALLY needed a good laugh, the kind of day I’ve been having. And you know, this is just the tip of the iceberg!
“were gonna take a quick break” – which means “my whole meal will be done by the real cooks” and I will continue to rake the money in on my 30 minute scam.”
LOL! I actually recall an early “30 Minute Meals” when Ratched cut into a piece of chicken that was obviously undercooked – pink in the center – but she still took a bite and exclaimed, “Yummo!” I’ll bet that never happened again ;)
What about all the frickin’ FOODGASMS? Can’t forget those, and there’s probably a different meaning depending on the FN personality. Infinite possibilities!
Ladies forgive the expression, but this is so “on the money”.
Maybe these knuckleheads at FN might read this and make some corrections ?
Ladies forgive the expression, but this is so “on the money”.
Maybe these knuckleheads at FN might read this and make some corrections ?
LOL, I doubt it they seem to thrive on bad programming..really how else did the Neely’s get a gig..Oh thats right they put bbq sauce on their pasta!!!!!!! How creative…
I bet more Food Network chefs read this website than you think. They’re not very popular in the mainstream entertainment world. When you google any of their names, this site comes up on the first page. You know they’ve seen it!
As for this post, it was hilarious and totally “on point.” I wish I knew how to nominate you for a bloggy award because I would!
I just used Google maps and found out that “Flavortown” is adjacent to the city garbage dump, municipal sanitary-waste facility, and an abortion clinic.
When Bobby Flay wins on Throwdown: “Ah, I got lucky, but the people of (insert town here) know where to go when they want to get the best (insert food here)” = “How dare you accept the challenge of the Dark Lord?!?! Bow down, for to gaze upon me would burn you like a billion scotch bonnet peppers in your rectum!”
@Kev in Del: “burn you like a billion scotch bonnet peppers in your rectum!”
Ouch, now we now how Bobby Deen feels, but a pat of but-tah will cool it down. Who needs Preparation H?
I can’t stand when somebody says “Let me plate this up…” or “Let me taste this for you…”.
No, I’m NOT going to let you. Stop it. Don’t do that. Come on!! Who in the hell is stopping you from performing a task, you morons?! Who are you talking to? Gads, it’s just another attempt to fill dead air time with jibber-jabber nonsense. Hey, if you quit talking so much, FN ‘stars’, you might be able to cook something for REAL.
Ooh…I hate it too when someone says, “I wish you could smell this!”. NO NO NO! You know full-well that I cannot smell what you’re cooking.
Instead of wishing I could smell your food, learn some new adjectives so I won’t have to.
FoodieOne, I’ve got to agree. No smell-a-vision at my house either. It’s said by every one of these chuckleheads, too. Just filling air time till payday.
haha perfect !
How about this one -
“Here’s a trick to get vegetables into your kids” = “I have no kids and haven’t a clue that most kids really LIKE vegetables”
Give me some sugar daddy! Or any other inane thing the Neelys say = Turn off those cameras already so we can just get busy here on the counter. Well, okay. Keep the cameras on. ;)
Sandra Lee: “(insert word here) adds great FLAVOOOR”. My fav is when she sprays her cake pans with butter flavored cooking spray and states it gives them great “FLAVOOR!”
P.S. I enjoy the Neeley’s, but, I do think they can turn it down a bit. As far as all the sexual innuendos, isn’t there a saying “those that talk about a lot, don’t do it a lot”?
Common Phrase: “Or you could serve it like this for a RUSTIC appearance.”
Translation: “Don’t worry if your dull knives cut things similar to that of a 3 year old. Not everyone can afford Viking cooking equipment, just tell your uninformed friends and family that this is a “rustic” dish meant for slaves and peasants.”
Hey Byrdie, you think Bobby Deen asks “Let me put this in…..”. “Let me just toss this salad”, “Let me add a little protein to this…”, “Let me ask Mama if I should date….”?????
@FreshHERBS: wanna know what’s after “rustic” to cover up an abortion of a meal?
“Today we’ll be making ‘stone soup’”……
Lay that on the guests/family!
At least the rocks make it “semi-home-crap”.
Dank! Of course Bobby asks his Mommy everything! I don’t know exactly how old he is (mid 30′s at least), but I bet Guinness would be interested in the oldest man still getting a (generous) allowance from his Mommy!! Yeah. No doubt he’s the same way with his, uh, partners. What a weanie!
I hate: I’m going to ‘wash it down’ with _________.
Are we at a beer-chugging or hotdog-inhaling competition? It sounds so redneck.
I live in an armpit town, with lots of rednecks, and there’s a lot of ‘washing it down’ here. UGH!
Haha, this is HILARIOUS. Top Chef is even worse. Using “amazing” to describe food drives me nuts. Or how often do you hear Giada say something like “Mmm the crunchiness of the [insert word] and the creaminess of the [insert word] is AMAZING,” followed by her skeleton smile…
Oh, man, Giada drives me crazy with her “creamy, crunchy, crust”.
Ohhhh, this salad is sooo good! With the crunchiness of the AROOOGALA, the bite of the olive oil, and then you have the creaminess from the PARMEJANNO REGGIANNO!!
Now let me wash it all down with some of that LEEEMONCHELLO we made earlier!
@Melissa D’umbass (tHe BeSt NaMe BTW) you nailed her…Giada’s so predictable!
Anyone got a thesaurus for FN?