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Duff Goldman Films Least Enthused Cooking Segment In Food Network History (w/ Video)
Published on: October 13, 2009 – 10:02 am by Jillian Madison 
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Duff Goldman took some time off from his busy “making cake toys for little girls” schedule to show us all how to make Halloween eyeball cupcakes (er, mini-cakes). The result? The least enthused, most coma-inducing instructional video in the history of the Food Network:
There’s monotone and apathetic, and then there’s… whatever that was: “Just add sugar and butter. And some pumpkin. And whatever other shit you feel like putting in there. I really don’t care about your cupcakes. The Food Network made me film this.”
Seriously, are you okay, Duff? Because after watching that, I think I’m now clinically depressed. Why do I suddenly feel like putting on an oversized black bathrobe and blogging about dead kittens and nuclear war?
And more importantly, why is Duff Goldman suddenly looking like a Latin gang member from HBO’s prison show Oz?
(Thanks for the video tip, Jennie! Oh, and I’ll be sending you my psychiatrist bills.)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Photo: A Young Duff Goldman---Duff Goldman In Hawaii
---Duff Goldman Gets Pwned On Oprah Winfrey
---Duff Goldman To Appear On Imagination Movers
---Mariah Carey Dresses Like Man, Ends Up Looking Like Duff
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- Oct 14, 2009: Chu-BOO-rama 2009: Chef Duff Goldman makes Eyeball Cupcakes | Chu-BOO-rama
Oh! That’s not Duff. That’s his cousin from Mexico, Juan Duff Ruiz del Cupcakeo.
Now pardon me while I go to the basement, listen to some Nirvana and slit my wrists.
Can you say ‘quaalude’…
Why didn’t he get his man/boy servant Geof (one F) to help out ?
I can’t watch this dork anymore, especially now that I can see how a real commercial bakery operates on Cake Boss. I can’t watch any Charm City staffers rub the fondant without gloves, while Valastro’s crew use a sheeter and most often always have gloves on.
A few more months and his eyebrows are gonna meet. That is one big caveman brow. Someone get Goldman to an esthetician quick.
I have seen the big bald guy wipe the sweat off his head and go right back to mixing. None of them wear gloves or hairnets.
I’ll have what he’s having.
Wow I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone less enthusiastic about what they are doing. I realize the topic is the dreaded cupcake but still he could have tried just a little harder. Even his joke about the skeleton was boring.
Maybe this is Zombie Duff and it is not really pumpkin in the cupcakes but brrrrrraaaaiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnssss….
I didn’t think it was too bad, but it cracked me up how they added all the animation and creepy sound effects in a desperate attempt to liven the whole thing up. But really, the whole “A of C” show is basically about trying to make a group of terminally laid-back, inert (stoned) people exciting enough for TV. Their producers must have ulcers and a drinking problem from the stress of it.
I have the exact same KA mixer as Duff! My life is now complete.
I am po’ I cannot afford your bills! I have everything I need t make Halloween pumpkin cupcakes, but I don’t want to fall asleep making these ones. Thanks Duff.
And I thought his new ‘look’ needs to go…
That can’t really be Duff. There’s not a piece of fondant to be seen anywhere.
Personally I’m kind of amazed. I didn’t even know he knew how to bake?! God knows he never does on that crappy “Days of Our Cakes” tv show of his.
Kerry Vincent must have been in the room judging him.
Wow that was frightening! (ack ack ack)
I guess now we know why he doesn’t have a standard cooking show.
I’m ashamed to say that I’ve watched my fair share of B horror flicks in my time and I’m getting the impression that he was actually trying to act like the dead pan, (no pun intended) creepy guy that answers the door in all those old scary movies.
Deepest apologies for the world’s longest run-on sentence. :)
The real Duff would have to take a break every 15 minutes to shave. The guy in the photos looks strangely smooth-cheeked. Zombie Duff?
So you’re saying he was doing a Tor Johnson impression, Jamie? Hmmm…..I can see that.
Duff Goldman, not the most attractive man looks scarier than ever. Maybe that’s his new “ZOMBIE” look for Halloween. UGGH. By the way, he also looks like he lost a few pounds, but he is still grossly overweight.
I didn’t think that was too bad but would someone please tell him to look into the camera.
@Mystie
But really, the whole “A of C” show is basically about trying to make a group of terminally laid-back, inert (stoned) people exciting enough for TV.
Mystie, LOL!!!
I think maybe it proves that, without a room full of straightmen to support him, his solo personality is zzzzZZZzzzzz . . .
Boo…rrring.
Wow Duff, lol and anyone who watched the show knows he hates Cupcakes so he won’t call them such. Anyway, I honestly thought it was a parody until he started talking..he does look Latin ._____.;
i think this is perfectly fine. some people are low key. he’s famous and wealthy by doing this, so it must work. plus, he’s making some bullshit halloween cupcakes, how enthusiastic can you be, he makes cakes every fucking day.
@Mystie. I love the Tor Johnson reference. LOL! :)
Tor Johnson, LOL Too funny! :)
ZZZzzzz … huh? Something about cupcakes? What? Seriously, I actually fell asleep halfway through watching this video. I wish I were kidding.
Lame. Decorations were way UNimaginative.
At least Duff’s always-5-o’clock shadow’s gone.
Hey, Duff is growing the Tony Stark!
http://www.empireonline.com/images/features/100greatestcharacters/photos/48.jpg
[...] Video Oh right, excuse me. They are mini cakes, not cupcakes. Whateverrrrr Duff. Anyway, as Food Network Humor has pointed out, this is one of the most hilariously unenthusiastic cooking demos every filmed, ever, but at least [...]
I’m with Silvio….Cake Boss is way more fun to watch…Love the Italian “famiiglia” thing going on and he makes fabulous cakes. From what they say on the show, they taste pretty good too. Even Kerry Vincent thinks so, since he’s won a couple of cake challenges.
Well that was one downer of a clip. Why does Duff get a deer in the headlights/confused look after he tries to crack a joke.
Maybe he’s upset because his girlfriend MaryAlice isn’t there to laugh like a Hyena art every bad joke he gives.
What are you talking about? Duff was positively ebullient! Have you SEEN Ace of Cakes??? Just thank your lucky stars Geoff isn’t hosting.
From day one I never got what Ace of Cakes had to do with cooking. They skateboard around their dirty shop throwing fondant at each other before picking said fondant off the floor and smooshing it on a cake. Also aren’t they all a little old to be acting emo?
he calls them “mini cakes” I suppose because on a recent episode (rerun of course) a customer wanted cupcakes and Mary Alice commented that Duff “hates cupcakes”!
You would act like that too if all you did all day was get stoned and eat scraps of cake. Probably why he’s fat and unenthusiastic