NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.

General: Food Network »

25

Eater.com Offers Food Bloggers $25 To Stop Writing
Posted on October 5th 2009 by Jillian Madison

The popular food blog Eater consolidated their local city blogs and launched their shiny new national website this week. In a bid to eliminate the “massive amount of noise generated by the digital food universe,” they kicked things off by offering $25 to any food blogger who agreed to shut their food blog down.

Sorry, Eater. Food Network Humor officially rejects your insulting offer. We’re worth at least $30, so we’re here to stay. (Sarcasm)

We would, however, like to extend an offer of our own.

Since we too are tired of the massive amount of generally shitty websites backed and written by supposed “professionals” in the food universe, we would hereby like to offer the owners of the following websites $50 (FIFTY DOLLARS) to shut their sites down immediately:

1. EATER.COM
2. FOODNETWORK.COM
3. TYLERFLORENCE.COM
4. GUYFIERI.COM
5. SEMIHOMEMADE.COM

You must also prominently post the following notice on your website:

fnh-owns-us

*Offer expires in 12 minutes. We hope to hear from all of you soon.


Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Alton Brown Donates $100 To FNH; Offers To Match Pledges Of Other Food Network Hosts
---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Paula Deen “Recipe Writing Desk”
---Food Network Humor Is Now 1 Year Old
---Top 5 Most Annoying, Overused Phrases On The Food Network
---Brief FNH Hiatus!

    25 Responses

  1. willa says:
    October 5, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    This is worth far more than $30! You’ve replaced my lolcat habit. I traded giggles for gasping laughter.

    Reply
  2. Sam-i-am-not says:
    October 5, 2009 at 11:27 pm

    That Eater offer pissed off a lot of people. Did you read the comments under their article? And if you didn’t know, they’re sponsored by the Food Network! Of course!

    By the way, if you shut this site down for $30 I would hunt you down and scream at you. It’s my favorite site by far.

    Reply
  3. Dan says:
    October 5, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    That yellow notice is funny. I want to post it on my site for the hell of it. oh yea and I’d pay douchebag florence $100 to shut his shitty blog down.

    Reply
  4. Gayle King says:
    October 5, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    So glad to see this parodied here! I read the original article at Eater last week and was shocked. They want to shut food blogs down because there is too much noise in the digital food universe? BUT THEY’RE A FOOD BLOG MAKING JUST AS MUCH NOISE! The irony is unbelievable. Like Sam said above me, a lot of people were really angry and alienated by it.

    I also second the notion that this site is worth more than $30. Don’t sell yourselves short. It’s worth $35, at least.

    :) (Just kidding. It’s my most favoritist site ever!)

    Reply
  5. epic says:
    October 5, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    fnh 4 life. thanks for the laugh. love you guys

    Reply
  6. Lana says:
    October 6, 2009 at 12:28 am

    LOL! Yeah, I read about Eater’s offer too. Blew it off as completely ridiculous.

    1. Eater.com sucks just for being so damned stupid.

    2. Foodnetwork.com still sucks. Used to enjoy the FN Dish and was a frequent commenter there, but it’s falling apart now – which makes FN.com suck even more than it did before.

    3. Tylerflorence.com sucks less than it used to. And I’ll tell ya, I really dig his link to Tyler Florence Fridays. That’s a smart fan connection right there. But the site is slow and still difficult to navigate, so it’s sucky, rather than totally sucking.

    4. Guyfieri.com sucks hardcore. The navigation makes no sense, spelling errors, info is out of date, guest book, online store and blog are completely a joke.

    5. There’s a Semihomemade.com? Really? Is it 70% web template and 30% home-coded? *chuckles*

    Reply
  7. Freezezzy says:
    October 6, 2009 at 12:56 am

    I can’t believe the audacity of whoever wrote that article.

    tl;dr version: YOUR BLOGS SUCK! SHUT THEM DOWN, AND READ OURS INSTEAD!

    Seriously, that’s what I got out of it. I went there to read it for myself. That is the first, and last time I’ll be going there.

    Jillian, you’re selling yourself short. This site, this blog, is worth FAR more than $30.

    Reply
  8. Robb says:
    October 6, 2009 at 2:10 am

    Look on the bright side. There are a TON of stupid blogs online. I run a humor/blabbering semi-coherently type site that often times involves food. My last subject was talking about eating Cheerios Cheddar Snack mix as a bowl of cereal.

    I probably shouldn’t be writing diatribes on cereal, soda, and Disney World when I’m nearing 30. It would be in my best interests to take the money and devote my time to more useful activities.

    Luckily, I know I wouldn’t do that… I’d spend the $25 on Reese’s Sticks and Diet Mountain Dew. Not exactly a life changing investment.

    Hmmm… I’m not sure where exactly the point I was trying to make went completely off the rails.

    Reply
  9. Teague says:
    October 6, 2009 at 8:51 am

    Is one really wants to shut down the useless nose. Pulling the plug on FN would be a good way to start they really don’t have that much to contribute.

    Reply
  10. Syd says:
    October 6, 2009 at 8:52 am

    You have balls, Jillian. (In blog land, that’s a good thing. Even for a woman)

    Reply
  11. Foot Long Sausage says:
    October 6, 2009 at 10:10 am

    $25.00 is more than I make in a month writing about food.
    Throw in a Paula Deen apple pie from WalMart and a coupon for a frozen pizza, and my blog will die tomorrow.

    Reply
  12. Byrdie says:
    October 6, 2009 at 10:36 am

    I found this comment in the article an odd choice:

    “Long in the purview of our individual city sites, coverage of such things as celebrity chefs, Guy Fieri, major restaurants, food magazines, broad restaurant trends and issues,…”

    Gee, they put Ferry in a catagory all his own. Here is what is should say: ‘Long in the purview….celebrity chefs, Douchebags loosers, major restaurants…’. Yep, that makes more sense.

    Reply
  13. The Nice Other Liz says:
    October 6, 2009 at 10:40 am

    You are a Goddess Jillian normally but by consistently standing up to the uber schumcks at Foodnetwork you rule the Digital food Universe..!!!! Way to go!

    Reply
  14. Silvio says:
    October 6, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    In the infamous words of that tough guy Duff Goldman, Eater.com you go ” can suck my nuts”.

    Who the fuck do they think they are ? Most of the shit they post at Eater.com is poached from other sites including this one.

    The fact they are sponsored by those tools at Food Network just speaks volumes .
    Even the name “eater” shows how totally unoriginal and lame the site is. Tuschman have anything to do with the site ?

    Reply
  15. Squarebob Spongepants says:
    October 6, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    Wow, Eater.com is pretty gutsy and insulting. Variety is the spice of life. I think blog proliferation is (mostly) a good thing.

    Reply
  16. HUH????? says:
    October 6, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    I’ll pay you $100 to shut down.

    Reply
  17. Betty Crocker says:
    October 6, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    Amazing. They truly did alienate MANY readers, and potential readers, with that post, judging by the comments after the original article. This was my first time checking out their site, and I was not terribly impressed. They don’t even have Seattle listed, for Pete’s sake (though they do have Portland, OR–nothing against Portland, I love it there, trust me, but c’mon, Seattle is much bigger and is a major foodie magnet).

    Having said that, they do have a point about the huge number of foodie blogs–so many that I’ve limited myself down to a select few (with this one at the top for me, because there’s nothing like a good laugh). And yeah, like so many other people, I used to do food writing and recipe editing for a living, but those days are long gone. I’d guess there are less than 1,000 people left, nationwide, who are still making a living at it. And now with Gourmet’s closing, those numbers dwindled even more. Sad, but I have no idea what the solution is.

    I’m really curious, though, is Eater.com truly sponsored by the Food Network, as a few people have said? I searched their site and found absolutely NOTHING about who owns the company, how it was started, where their money comes from…nothing. That alone is highly suspicious.

    Reply
  18. Jillian Madison says:
    October 6, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Sad but true – Eater is sponsored by the Food Network! They’re owned by Curbed Media Network (whoever they are), but Food Network is a very heavy advertiser on their site (most recently, they purchased tons of ads for the premiere of The Next Iron Chef).

    Reply
  19. Betty Crocker says:
    October 7, 2009 at 12:53 am

    Thanks for the info, Jillian. That certainly explains their kid-glove treatment of Guy Fee-eddi. And I noticed, as others have, that the majority of their posts are reposted from other sites, which makes their $25 offer to close down other blogs all the more offensive (even if it was tongue-in-cheek). I won’t waste my time looking at their site again.

    Reply
  20. Freezezzy says:
    October 7, 2009 at 3:10 am

    Maybe this was all a ploy by Food Network execs to shut FNH down once and for all.

    I guess $25 was all they could afford out of their “massive” (lol) production budget.

    Maybe if the “chefs” had pitched in some, it might have sweetened the deal.

    FAIL

    Reply
  21. Alex says:
    October 7, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    If Eater.com offered to buy out food magazines and their respective websites, I’d recommend Candus’ The Food Magazine. YAY!

    Reply
  22. Hakuna Fritatta says:
    October 7, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    This from a whois lookup

    Registrant:
    Curbed.com LLC
    110 Rivington St. #4
    110 Rivington St. #4
    New York, NY 10002
    US
    917 776-4301

    Anyone know whether that address is residential or business?

    Reply
  23. Hakuna Fritatta says:
    October 7, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    I blogged about this on my non-food blog.

    Screw eater.com.

    http://inkpaperwords.blogspot.com/2009/10/boy-is-this-mistake.html

    Reply
  24. Hakuna Fritatta says:
    October 8, 2009 at 8:50 am

    They inspired me. I dreamed about setting up my own food blog, and I did.

    http://hakunafritatta.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  25. Car insurance claims >> http://onlinecarinsuranceclaims.com/ says:
    November 23, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    [... - foodnetworkhumor.com is other useful website of tips. Car insurance claims [... -

    Reply

Post your comments


LEGAL DISCLAIMER / DISCLOSURE/PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved