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Top 10 Reasons Ina Garten Is Disgusted
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10. Jeffrey won’t let her buy any more black shirts
9. She just tried Starbucks new instant coffee
8. She cracked open a “bad egg”
7. Three of her friends are in the living room having fun without her
6. Marilyn Manson asked her to cater a party for his band
5. She’s thinking about how awful season 3 of Mad Men is
4. Just got a random visual of what Donald Trump looks like naked
3. Jeffrey just got a hot, new 2o-year old secretary
2. Lindsay Lohan is thinking about buying a house next door
…and the #1 reason Ina Garten is so disgusted:
1. She’s listening to a Jack Johnson CD
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Ina & Jeffrey Garten: In Love For 40 Years---Top 10 Reasons Ina Garten Rejected The “Make A Wish” Foundation Boy
---Twitter Week On FNH: Day 2 (Ina Garten)
---Ina Garten Storyline On 30 Rock
---Ina Garten Meme
- Ina Garten
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72 Responses
Yeah, I’m sure her music collection consists solely of Streisand, Celine, Judy Garland, and the entire Andrew Lloyd Weber discography. Oh, and one Billy Joel greatest hits album when she wants to get down and rocks.
A Jack Johnson diss! I love it. My wife listens to him but I can’t stand the sound of his whiny voice. I want to track him down and drive over his guitar with my truck.
@Dank: How about Neil Diamond, Carly Simon, and Carole King? Lots of Broadway show tunes, too.
The “bad” egg thing always cracks me up – no pun intended, but you can chuckle anyway ;) We know that Ina gets her chickens and eggs from a local poultry farm, and I doubt they’d take the chance of selling Ina a “bad” egg if they thought it would show up on Barefoot Contessa. In all the years that I’ve been cooking and baking, I can recall only one “bad” egg that floated to the top of a pot of boiling water.
Other reasons she’s disgusted:
> somebody hid her measuring spoons;
> the food processor is on the fritz;
> she’s having a dinner party and has to shop for all of the food by herself;
> all the specialty food stores closed after WalMart moved into East Hampton
count me among those delighted to see a jack johnson dig. he disgusts me as well.
and great job dank calling out billy effing joel as well.
also I meant to type also.
Looks to me as though she tasted “bad vanilla”.
And count me among the excited to see a Starbucks instant coffee dis. I tasted it yesterday and it was nasty!
Ina just found out Aunt Sandy purchased the 10 million dollar barn next door.
Definitely a good call on the Jack Johnson diss. Two of his songs in a row make me want to slit my wrists. I can’t imagine listening to an entire CD.
CherryRose, I could tell you a “bad egg” story that would curl your hair. Lets just say there is a reason they are called chicken embryos. My eyes are watering, just thinking about it.
Another possible reason she’s disgusted:
She saw Paula Deens tax return and realized that “that dumb redneck bitch is richer than us, Jeffrey!!!”.
Ina just found out that Jeffrey’s on his way home – a day earlier than expected. She had to cancel the poker party with her card shark buddies because Jeffrey is looking forward to yet another roast chicken with one of Ina’s special desserts. He’ll want a Whiskey Sour, and she asked him to stop on the way home to pick up a particular vegetable, and she’s already dreading that he’ll get the wrong one.
Somebody slipped a bottle of imitation vanilla in her pantry…
“Don’t have fun without me”…..ha ha ha
She says this A LOT! And her friends all look like they’re not having any fun at all.
@Jill – “And her friends all look like they’re not having any fun at all.” That’s because she can be quite bossy. I remember one of her barbeque events where she appointed to of her gay guy couples to ‘be in charge of the grill’. Mind you, she didn’t ask. She told them. And there they were, just sipping on their adult beverage, just chatting and laughing. Then she tells them to put their drinks down because you can’t drink and grill out. Huh? Seems a cocktail and outdoor cooking go hand in hand, especially at a party. That’s just rude.
Ina is disgusted because contrary to popular belief, not everyone loves the smell of their own farts. And after one of her legendary East Hampton feasts, she is capable of dropping a few atomic bombs of her own.
Hey Byrdie, a cocktail goes hand in hand with most everything in my book! You just motivated me to go to the ‘fridge. Thanks for the inspiration.
Bottoms UP, Dank!!
Another few reasons for being disgusted….
Her Benz is being serviced and she has to take the Camero rental into town on some errands.
TR just called to invite her over for a BYOD [bring your own dinner] party.
The new East Hampton Micky D’s just called and asked for one of her scone recipes to launch their new breakfast menus.
@UGH: I’d like to commend you on your post, but some un-named FNH follower (forza, oh did that just slip out, apologies) will be too distracted from their own thoughts, so I digress.
The Benz statement had me LMFAO.
Ina in a Camaro!!! UGH, that is fucking hilarious!!
Byrdie & Dank, around here, it’s immoral to grill without an adult beverage in hand. Even the Baptists do it (but we put it in paper cups so nobody knows *wink*)
What about “Bad olive oil”, or “Bad vanilla”? hehe
Syd, llllloooovvvve it! Grilling w/o “drinks” isn’t only immoral, but reprehensible, and ultimately, unforgiveable. Sorry to hear you have to “disguise” your beverages. I PROUDLY hold my glass high, and have reserves nearby.
I was motorcycling down at the TN/NC border, and it was a DRY county, but thankfully, there were some enterprising young men with a trunk-full of liquor for sale at the Microtel. I will “praise Jesus” for these fine Sons of the South, for they truly are doing God’s work.
Ya gotta love the baptists, Syd!! And being in Texas, we certainly have our fair share! (Not that there’s anything wrong with it!!) What exactly is the point of standing out in the sun, heat and humidity pounding down on you and not even having a cold one?! Hells bells, I put on a brisket or chicken in the smoker, light up the mesquite and open a couple bottles of Shiner Bock (mmmm, good, dark Texas brew), pour one or two over the meat, and one down my throat. Now THAT’S a barbeque. SO, Syd, Dank and who ever else is in the neighborhood, drop on by and sit back spell and enjoy a cold one!
Anyone who grills without alcoholic beverage is a wuss. It adds an inflammable element of danger, fueled further by impaired judgement.
Oh and Lindsey Lohan next door. What could be worse – Amy Winehouse on the other side? I’d leave Long Island forever.
But hey hasn’t Long Island always been infested with the mafiosi? Or is that just an urban legened?
and who’s that pounding on my door . . . help . . .
10. Edwina made her another boxed garden
9. She accidentally used “bad” mayonnaise
8. A bird pooped on her rear patio deck
7. Someone answered her when she asked, “how bad can that be?”
6. Jeffrey lit an entire bag of charcoal on fire, instead of just a corner
5. Her producer suggesting using a tablescape
4. Three friends called in the same night to ask her to make them dinner
3. She saw a AMC Pacer drive by
2. She watched a French movie
1. Michael sent her an arrangement of hydrangeas for her birthday
Alex, I gotta tell you, those were all very funny! “Saw a Pacer drive by”! There goes the ‘hood.
@ Bydrie: Thank you!
Two corrections:
1. boxed HERB garden
2. “an” AMC
Thank you.
Ina should BE SO lucky to see Donald Trump naked. Or any straight man under 70!!
…because T.R. and Michael decided to play for the other team?
Preparing Marilyn Manson’s menu of mutilated chicken, razor blade lobster mac and bat blood martinis.
The phone’s ringing – it’s Tusch-douche-man detailing the Ina’s next show — Holiday Tablescapes with Aunt Sandy
“The phone’s ringing – it’s Tusch-douche-man detailing the Ina’s next show — Holiday Tablescapes with Aunt Sandy”
LOL! Since Ina dissed the notion of “tablescapes” on one of her BC episodes, I think she just might tell the boss man to FOAD!
@CherryRose, exactly my point….Ina laughed off tablescapes as ridiculous. Total Aunt Sandy DISS!
I’ll add: The Atlantic wind sandblasted her lemon bars at her last beach gathering. BTW, Ina is my FN favorite…love that dreamy kitchen.
Off topic (sorry) Dank, were you at the Tail of the Dragon in TN/NC?
I was also reminded of Giada dissing Lidia Bastianich in a magazine article. There was also an episode of Sunny Anderson’s show where she made several references to her time spent in Korea around the time that Debbie was booted from TNFNS. Clearly, Alton is not the only FN personality who has poked fun at or criticized other chefs/cooks.
Inna is such a character…I wonder if she realizes how she comes off? do all her gay friends tell her?
Your readers are ALMOST as funny as you are.
How about Ina is po’ed because she found ants in her flour (Oh sorry, that’s ME I’m talking about.)
OR
She realized she was cooking for someone with a gluten allergy.
OR worst of all…
Someone suggested substituting margarine.
@Aubie: Yes! 318 perfectly paved/banked turns of biking bliss. And drinks only 50 miles away, unless that booze-mobile comes by.
“…and the #1 reason Ina Garten is so disgusted:” was pointless
Ina’s disgusted because she found an infestation of mealybugs in her perfectly manicured garden.
She ran out of GOOD vanilla. All she had was ordinary vanilla. EWWWW.
@Alex: Boy you so crazy. I can’t believe you remembered Edwina’s name! You made me giggle till I woke my DH!
1. “I’m insanely boring to *everyone* (including myself)..”
The true numero uno reason Innie-not-so-Teeny is disgusted:
She stepped on the bathroom scale.
@Dank: HA! Maybe it was a generic scale from some place like Walgreens. It didn’t have a glass base or digital readout. If so, that would make it a “bad” scale.
1.a. Jeffrey just unzillped his trousers and wiggled his eyebrows.
“Edwina made her another boxed garden”
That lady has bad hair days worse than Anne Burrell! :))
@ Martin…that is hilarious!
@CherryRose – Giada seriously bagged on Lidia Bastianich??
@CherryRose – Giada seriously bagged on Lidia Bastianich??
Giada called LB “boring” in the magazine article – I think it was Redbook. I read the article in the dentist office, of all places to read about the lady with too many teeth :))
Holy hell…that is some seriously misguided nerve and over-inflated ego speaking there, Giada. Add her to the list; what a DOUCHEBAG!
Katie, she also dis’d Mario Batali. This is what she said that is published in Page Six magazine about her show style:
“[It's not] PBS-style cooking. Lidia Bastianich, sorry, but [she's] kind of boring. I mean, I love Lidia, but you can fall asleep watching her. And Mario Batali? I love Mario to death… but he’s not romantic or sensual. Those are things that I bring to the table.”
HT and thanks to you, Byrdie. Cheers!
It’s happy hour somewhere, Cherry Rose!! And watch those nasty metal wine bottle seals! They’re murder. Yikes!
I can’t recall the publication where Giada Pumpkinhead spoke about Lydia Bastianich, but it was along the lines that Lydia was really boring to watch. She made inferences that she was younger and more sensuous than Bastianich and therefore , this makes for riveting culinary programming.
This little Italian trollop definitely thinks her shit doesn’t stink uh ?
Be sure to check out the link that Jillian posted on the sidebar about Giada’s cleavage.
Sarah, I posted the quote a couple of postings above your last one. It’s from Page Six magazine.
It’s not my intention to spoil anyone’s fun here. That being said, I’d like to know why Ms. Ina was actually making that face. I think it was because she was talking about what happens when you mix the dry ingredients with the wet too quickly.
“I was also reminded of Giada dissing Lidia Bastianich in a magazine article.”
I did not know this. I LOVE Lidia – she is the Godmother of Italian cooking and sorry Giada, you are one of the ladies in waiting, if that. More like the JOKER. Like someone said on another site, Giada has 3 recipes she uses and changes this and that on each show. Lidia ROCKS! Tutti a tavola a mangiare bene mi amici!
Anne
You got it!!!!!!!!!! I adore Lidia Bastianich, she is the real deal. To be honest, being South American by birth Italian cooking was not my passion, but after buying her cook book’s and watching her show…I’m a believer.
She’s sexy in the true sense of the word. The silky, sensous Italian symphony of pure, quality ingredients without the prententious, canned D’LameRentUs Malibu influenced flatulence of Ghiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaada…
Here are ten reasons why Ina’s disgusted:
(1) She accidentally cooked with dirty hands
(2) She discovered TR’s a pre-op transexual
(3) Her industrial strength bra strap snapped and put out Jeffrey’s eye
(4) She fell and couldn’t get up…and no one discovered her for a week
(5) She was invited by Nutri-System to be a spokesmodel
(6) Kirstie Alley posted Ina’s picture on her refrigerator
(7) David Letterman never had sex with her
(8) Neither did Bill Clinton
(9) The last time she attended Macy’s Thanksgiving parade, a little girl asked, “why is that balloon without a string, mama?”
(10) and finally, Ina became a lesbian for a month, and no one noticed.
LMFAO! I was googling the Barefoot Contessa episode to watch online where Ina cooks a lot of the food in advance and they actually film her in the tub taking a bubble bath with a toe sticking out. Anyone know what season that show is in? Episode name? I am laughing soo hard I am crying at these responses, I must read more later tonight!!!!!
P.S. Rod, I am a lesbian and I have felt for years that Ina is one too. She seems to cringe every time Jeffrey holds her, like get off me!
Personally, I think Jeffrey’s the lesbian in that family!
Watching the Breakfast episode right now and thought of this blog hehe! Shes making strawberry jam & made a face. Oh Ina girl I am not wasting time making jam in my kitchen when I can purchase it. I will make sure I select the Good Jam!
“Watching the Breakfast episode right now..”
Do you mean the one where she shows Steven how to make breakfast? Doesn’t she use like 10 eggs for the two of them? I’ve seen that episode too many times!
@cherryrose
Yes! That episode! Thats wayyyy to many eggs, should be 2 per person and of course too much butter. Ina had me cracking up with the I dont wake up at 4am to make breakfast. I am up at 430am walking on the beach or running. I have to start my day with some sort of exercise. Makes me feel good when I reach for the butter hehe.
oh @cherryrose I have seen your comments around the blog so perhaps you know these two episodes I am talking about. I want to see them via netflix. The episode where Jeffrey wants a boat and Ina blows him off with heres to your future boat and then the other episode is when she makes a lot of the food in advance and she is taking a bubble bath and they film that! Lots of buzz around those two eps, so of course I want to watch! Thanks!!
“Thats wayyyy to many eggs, should be 2 per person..”
Ina’s rule of thumb for scrambled eggs is 3-4 per person. She says this in the recent episode that’s a breakfast barbeque. She starts the meal indoors but finishes everything on the grill. Michael shows up with flowers and a basket of fleecy blankets but can’t stay for the party. The breakfast menu includes: scrambled eggs w/goat cheese, hash browns with diced ham, chicken sausages in hot dog rolls w/mustard-mayo sauce, corn muffins. WTF needs all that for breakfast?
I’ve seen every episode of Barefoot Contessa – some more than once, some more than twice… Ina’s inner “JAP” shines brightly in the “No boat, Jeffrey” episode. I wondered how much effort was involved for Ina to get into the tub for that bubble bath. It’s probably best not to dwell on it for too long ;)
@cherryrose
I’m glad you remember those episodes I need to see them online to have a good laugh! Do you remember the Season timeframe so I can start searching for them ..the boat and tub episodes?
Yes the breakfast episode my whole family saw that show and even my partner said that was a lot of food! It’s probably best that I do not go to Ina’s house hehe because let me tell you this, if she hands me a hot dog bun it better have hot dog meat in it. She likes to use hot dog buns for a lot of stuff I have noticed and because she’s soo fancy this and that I would expect her to use a fancier bread presentation. I would straight up tell her “Don’t you serve me shit in a hot dog bun that’s not hot dog meat!” Now I wonder if she would invite me back for dinner? How rude is that?
I hate this woman. There is not one recipe of hers that I could afford to make for my other half. Rub it in lady, not everyone gets to live in the damn Hamptons!!!!! You are a waste of time for those of us wanting to really learn how to cook.
She probably just heard the sound of her own voice.