Paula Deen »
Update: Dog Poop Led To Love & Marriage For Paula Deen
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As we mentioned yesterday, Paula and her husband Michael have been showing up on virtually every television network promoting his new book, “My Delicious Life With Paula Deen.” MSNBC also got in on the action by printing a huge excerpt of the book – including the part where Michael revealed how he and Paula met while they were neighbors in Georgia:
I was just standin’ around outside, mindin’ my own damn business, in my own damn backyard. Then I noticed these two tiny, sorry-lookin’ black-and-white dogs who were mighty busy poopin’ all over my lawn … So I was pettin’ the dogs, playin’ with ’em, and Paula ran up and said, “I’m so sorry.” She was wearin’ jeans, an apron, and a baseball cap over her gray hair and was screamin’ “Stop! Sit! Stop!” to the dogs, who paid not a bit of attention to her …
Probably two weeks later, I was out smokin’ in my yard again and Paula shows up chasin’ the dogs again! And naturally the dogs and I had already said our hellos — we’re buddies by this time. Paula ran up, same thing. “Well, I’m sorry my dogs are poopin’ in your backyard again,” she said. “If you have a bag or somethin’, I can clean it up. Please let me.”
“It’s okay,” I said … Did I mention that I thought she was gorgeous? And her legs — whoa.
You can read the whole story – including the icky part where Paula Deen got “turned on” by “heavin’ water and all that bangin’ around” on their first boat ride together – over at MSNBC. Brain bleach optional.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Paula Deen Really Love Nuts---Paula Deen On Damn You Autocorrect
---Just What The World Needs: More Paula Deen Nuts
---Paula Deen In Legal Trouble
---Paula Deen Products At Marshalls
- Paula Deen
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38 Responses
WAYYYY TO MUCH INFO THERE BUDDY
Ugh. As if I didn’t have enough problems from having to read a Danielle Steel book…let’s hope none of my profs decide to assign this gem!
Michael’s book was clearly not brought to us by the letter G.
There has to be a scientific word for her fixation with poop.
If not, I suggest.. Deengenerate.
How does this not surprise me? Surprisingly, the fact that he was out in his yard smoking grossed me out more than the dog poop.
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I think I’d rather stab out my own eyeballs with a spork than read an entire book written in such a … quaint … dialect.
I went over to MSNBC and read the first little paragraph and immediately had the desire to puke my guts out.
Some folks write sh*t so others can read it.
I love the silhouette picture of the dog doing his business.
I wonder, does Michael Grooooover ever open his eyes all the way?
Pauler said, “If you have a bag or somethin’, I can clean it up. Please let me.”
Cripe, the gall. Asking the man for the pooper bag when you know good god damned well he’s going to clean it up like a gentleman. Bring your own f-en bag. Ok, better yet let’s train those mangy mutts not to crap on anything they see…
Poop kabob-poop gumbo-poop scampe-poop stew- poop sammie- pulled poop- poop alfredo- poop spagetti- pooparomi- poop cassarole, Thats all I have to say about that
Wait, was he petting the dogs while they were poopin’ on his lawn? Gross….
How sweet. Both are connected by their coprophilia.
@Hairball….I love it! Thanks for the laugh.
Oh Hairball! I just squeaked the chair!
I’ve heard/read this story before- Oh! It was in Paulers BOOK “It Ain’t All About The Cookin’”
Does anyone else find it impausible that she has 10 years on HIM?
TRUE STORY!
Michael never opens his eyes all the way + mention of smoking (something) in his yard = it is all beginning to make sense now.
Ewww.
Not the dog poop, the mental picture of Paulas legs.
TMI!
And if I had to live with that screeching voice, I declare, I’d borrow one of Paulas Wal Mart knives and slit my gol darned wrists.
Where DID I put that darned ‘ol brain bleach, anyhow?
She’s wearing that hideous wig on these shows. She looks like a crack smoking old Drag Queen impersonating an old hooker. With all that money Y’All…Big Money and Bad Taste holding hands.
A few more minutes and Pauler would have shit on his lawn (or driveway).
Who really gives a shit about either of these hillbillys anyway?
Uh, who wears an apron over jeans?
Little did Sandy Claws know that just a couple years later, it would be his turn to be pickin’ up Pauler Poopy’s turds in their driveway.
RE: My previous post:
Just in case ya’ll aren’t sure what Coprophilia means, here’s the definition:
n. An abnormal, often obsessive interest in excrement, especially the use of feces for sexual excitement.
God, I love FNH!
LOL, Mandy, my first thought, too. Who writes like that? Standin’, mindin’, pettin’, playin’, poopin’ (the dogs), screechin’ (Paula), pukin’ (that last one was me).
@Alex -
” Just in case ya’ll aren’t sure what Coprophilia means, here’s the definition:
n. An abnormal, often obsessive interest in excrement, especially the use of feces for sexual excitement. ”
Haha – they’re not making ‘whoopie’ together – they are making ‘poopie’ !!
I feel sorry for their housekeeping staff who have to clean up after all the animals (2-legged and 4-legged).
Okay, so, I just subjected myself to that whole horrible exerpt from MG’s book. There was so much wrong with it, but one thing that really sticks with me: Paula was on the Atkins diet? Really? Good idea, there, P Deeny.
Katie, I KNOW–I just subjected myself to the same thing (for some reason I can’t explain) and I was also struck by that factoid. Paula on the Atkins diet? Explains a lot, huh?
I’ve heard Pauler tell this story — praying that God would bring her a neighbor, and the day she went around the fence chasing the dogs and met Michael. There was NO mention of dog poop in her story. Funny that’s the part the Captain remembers.
Hahah I love the picture. Such good math!
“coprophilia”.Is this also known as the science of scatology ?
@Sarah: From what I read, they’re very similar. I didn’t know what Coprophilia was until I typed “poop fetish” into Google.
Wow Paula using the old “sorry about the dogs” trick. TWICE. She’s got game, ya’ll.
Wow, there’s a whole book written this way? It sounds like Gomer Pyle wrote it. The editors (if there were any) of this book must have had one hell of a time figuring out what the hell he was talking about.
I actually read – no skimmed – “It Ain’t All About the Cookin’” A friend gave it to me to read, and I should have gotten a clue that she didn’t want it back.
I think she must secretly hate me.
Geez, I wish we could edit. I meant, I should have gotten a clue when she said she didn’t want it back.
Note to self:
DO NOT pray for a mate.
Try American Singles instead.
Like buying a ‘quick pick’ lottery ticket, most are not winners.
For dinner I’d like the editors head on a plate who thought writin’ without a g is a good idea. Bein’ an avid reader, I can tell you it isn’t good or compellin’.
Michael Groover, how would YOU like it if someone tickled YOUR ears while you tried to take a dump on the neighbor’s lawn?!
Fred, to answer your question: Who writes like that? I believe someone already said Gomer Pyle so I’ll say the lovechild between Gomer Pyle and Barney Fife.