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Food Network Shows That Sound Like Pornos [Context Is Everything]
Published on: November 13, 2009 – 10:23 am by Jillian Madison 
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Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---New Food Network Shows---Rejected Food Network Crossover TV Shows
---NBC Shows Starring Food Network Hosts
---New Cooking Channel/Food Network Shows
---5 Food Network Game Shows That Should Exist
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
I just realized how totally NOT sexy Sandra Lee is.
Alton seems to be having a ‘crisis of conscience’ ;)
Ron Jeremy! YAY!
LOL! How about “Barefoot Contessa”? There are some steamy scenes of Ava Gardner in the film for which Ina’s show is named. I don’t mean to imply that Ina Garten is sexy ;)
Looks like Ellie has been a very naughty girl…(ick)
Good lord, look at the grease on Ferry’s face. Nasty, nasty…YAY
The photo of Ellie is from her “Got Milk” campaign.
I just couldn’t resist.
Jillian, you couldn’t have made Ellie look any skankier if you tried! Those other peeps in the pic are disgusting…good job!!
This is definitely a laugh out loud post. I’m glad I am at home alone. Emeril and Alton both have that look…..
OMG, that Elie Krieger photo with Ron Jeremy in the background makes me wanna hurl. Yeah, unfortunately I know who that is. :P
Oh my God, that is good stuff.
The contrast of Ellie Krieger and Ron Jeremy is almost too much to take in. Very funny.
(and don’t look at me like that just because I know who Ron Jeremy is)
Ick. I wouldn’t watch ANY of them eat anything other than food.
Oh, and as for Rayray, that picture give a whole new meaning to her nickname “Rectal Ray.”
Haha amazing how many know who Ron Jeremy is. TSK!
But, to be fair, he has become sort of ‘mainstream’. Funny guy.
@Alex – “Rectal Ray” mwahaha . . .
Ron Jeremy is da bomb! Totally an icon. Met him twice – incredibly funny and smart, too.
Love this post! Big Daddy’s House = brothel? *giggles*
haha, nice. very inspiring.
some other shows (FN or not)
Marc Summers: Unwrapped
The Naked Chef
Ming Tsai: East Meets West
Ming Tsai: Simply Ming
Alex’s Day Off
and deviating a little:
Ass of Cakes
The Bare Butt Contessa
Down There with the Neeley’s
Sandra Lee: Semi-Ho Maid
30-Minute Screws
And you’ve teamed Ferry with one of the nastiest guys in the gay porn industry, Erik Rhodes. Ingenious!
Just think about it: Ron Jeremy is more popular than anyone on Food Network.
Love the Alton Brown LOL
Adds a whole new meaning to Emeril yelling, “BAM!” all the time. Wonderful graphics!
Ellie might tell you the nutritional content of jiz.
Epic win for Jillian for using a “milk mustache” picture for Ellie Krieger :)
Also, mind photoshopping Guido out of that one picture? Thanks :)
Ron Jeremy is so FAT. He and Alex should have a show together. He has pretty blue eyes, though. It’s weird how women actually have sex with him looking like that, though.
I absolutely abhor ellie krieger. glad to see her targeted as the joke she is.
@doszapatos
I’m just curious – why do you abhor Ellie Krieger??
that’s me…I don’t care for anything about her, her look, how she carries herself, talks, cooks, etc. she just rubs me the wrong way, but not in the annoying manner of dummo or paula deen or the neelys.
I suppose I should also say I have no interest in eating “healthy” snacks or meals. I like to eat something that tastes good and that usually involves fat and sugar and perhaps frying something.
How did this article come about?
“Honey, were you downloading porn?”
” . . . um, yeah — for my website. Yeah, that’s why!”
@Mikey: Ellie iis one of my least favorite too. Can’t stand her voice, the ceaseless silly smile, and does she think opening her eyes extra large adds conviction to her words? Her show is extremely dull.
You forgot Big Daddy’s House!
@Laura: “Good lord, look at the grease on Ferry’s face”
Technically it’s called lube!
So I see that a star of “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” also has a role in “Good Eats.”
This post is awesome!
How about, “On the Down Low with the Neely’s?”
what is that thing on Ron Jeremy’s forehead?
Why do I have the impression Ferry really would love to be a porn or strip club mogul? Can’t you see him hanging out at the Bada Bing?
Orgazmo FTW!
LOL How about Throwdown with Bobby Flay?
Out of all of them, I think I’d be the most interested in Good Eats…lol!
Thank you!!!! In addition to laughing my ass off, I am now having to explain to my boss why I am laughing my ass off. Yeah, thanks. Not the best thing to tell a FN addict. She loves Guy and Bobby. She would so be the filling in their asshole sandwich.