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The Guy Fieri Doucheometer [Part 3]
Published on: November 8, 2009 – 11:43 pm by Jillian Madison 
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We all know Guy Fieri is a douche. Sometimes, he’s a bigger douche than others. Due to this unpredictability, we’ve come up with a handy Guy Fieri Doucheometer that scientifically measures the level of douche in each photograph. Hopefully this will help you in your future Food Network viewings. Enjoy.
actually that third photo is 169% douchey.
what the hell is up w/ using a 3 to make a backward e?
though I guess you could do this…douch3y
Yuck. Just in general… yuck.
Please excuse me while I go gouge my eyes out.
He was on The View last week, did ya’ll watch it? I couldn’t because at his segment the station got interrupted due to a news report.
I’m really uncomfortable with the…ummm…phallic meter with the…errr…spurting liquid…when it’s in such close proximity to Mr. Greasy. It gives me a mental image I reallllly don’t want. Just sayin’.
Those photos are really douchy. I miss this feature! More!!!
I think anytime he spouts out flavortown is pretty bad
I’ll second Mikey’s suggestion on photo #3. Guy is gross!
BTW: Is anyone here at FNH planning to see Ferry’s upcoming Roadshow?
Roadshow as in, he gets run over by a truck akin to Looney Tunes?
Alex, roadshow as in he gets run over by a truck akin to an episode of ‘Cops’…
I turned on the Food Channel for a minute over the weekend. Long enough to see him pack his mouth with food and proceed to speak. I immediately thought of this site.
@Byrdie: I understand now. ;)
His nasty hair looks extra greasy in the second picture.
@Alex: Fortunately, I think there’s enough material to keep this post fresh for all eternigy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, can this man take even ONE picture without looking like a total douche?
heh heh this I’ve gotta see…this afternoon’s episode
“guy and his pal sunny anderson prepare a child-friendly feast.”
I’d think one of them would eat the kid. I’ve gotta watch this shit-fest.
Has anyone else noticed that his shirt in the last photo says “Gweedo”? Barf.
@ Davendorf: I wasn’t looking at the writting on his shirt, I was looking at that horribly ashy elbow on the table.
I’m not saying that I disagree that he’s a total douche, but in photo 2 I’d say he’s almost more of a tool than a douche. Can anyone clarify the difference between the two?
Ha ha, Barb, I’ve wondered the same thing–what exactly IS the difference between a tool and a douche?
well assuming you know what a douche is, a tool is slang for penis. I thought everyone knew that.
LOL. I actually like that last picture. The corn looks really good. And that Gweedo shirt kinda cracks me up. He was wearing that shirt when I first met him. Thought he looked more like a mechanic than a TV host.
“Oh great! There’s a guy here to fix my car. Now who’s fixing me dinner!” *heehee*
The sad thing is that you wouldn’t want him fixing dinner or your car. You’d get food poisoning and still not be able to drive yourself to the hospital.
The fact that I do believe that’s an ICP-esque jersey makes me want to barf. Guy Fieri? “Juggalo?” It sure does explain the hair.
I absolutely despise seeing a grown man in a sleeveless shirt unless he’s a basketball player. Who wants to see that nasty ass armpit hair sticking out all over the place? Goddammit I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Yes, I know what a tool and a douche are, but when looking at a picture of Guy, how does one tell the difference? I’m looking for subtle difference in meaning here.
@Ferd, that was f’ing brilliant. lmao here.
@Stephanie, Fieri a Juggalo? You know, I think you’re on to something there. He does kinda channel Violent J a little, huh!
@Barb, I claim no expertise in street terms, but if there is a subtle difference, I think of a ‘tool’ as a jerk, and a ‘douche’ as a jerk who doesn’t realize he is one. lol
When are you going to add a link where we can purchae your Doucheometer for other people we know?