The Guy Fieri Doucheometer [Part 3]

We all know Guy Fieri is a douche. Sometimes, he’s a bigger douche than others. Due to this unpredictability, we’ve come up with a handy Guy Fieri Doucheometer that scientifically measures the level of douche in each photograph. Hopefully this will help you in your future Food Network viewings. Enjoy.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

1. mikeytwoshoes

   November 8th, 2009

   actually that third photo is 169% douchey.
   what the hell is up w/ using a 3 to make a backward e?
   though I guess you could do this…douch3y

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2. Alex

   November 9th, 2009

   Yuck. Just in general… yuck.

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3. Busta_91

   November 9th, 2009

   Please excuse me while I go gouge my eyes out.

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4. adelek01

   November 9th, 2009

   He was on The View last week, did ya’ll watch it? I couldn’t because at his segment the station got interrupted due to a news report.

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5. Mystie

   November 9th, 2009

   I’m really uncomfortable with the…ummm…phallic meter with the…errr…spurting liquid…when it’s in such close proximity to Mr. Greasy. It gives me a mental image I reallllly don’t want. Just sayin’.

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6. Alexis

   November 9th, 2009

   Those photos are really douchy. I miss this feature! More!!!

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7. hairball

   November 9th, 2009

   I think anytime he spouts out flavortown is pretty bad

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8. CherryRose

   November 9th, 2009

   I’ll second Mikey’s suggestion on photo #3. Guy is gross!

   BTW: Is anyone here at FNH planning to see Ferry’s upcoming Roadshow?

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9. Alex

   November 9th, 2009

   Roadshow as in, he gets run over by a truck akin to Looney Tunes?

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10. byrdie

    November 9th, 2009

    Alex, roadshow as in he gets run over by a truck akin to an episode of ‘Cops’…

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11. Syd

    November 9th, 2009

    I turned on the Food Channel for a minute over the weekend. Long enough to see him pack his mouth with food and proceed to speak. I immediately thought of this site.

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12. Alex

    November 9th, 2009

    @Byrdie: I understand now. ;)

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13. Jill (not Jillian)

    November 9th, 2009

    His nasty hair looks extra greasy in the second picture.

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14. Trini

    November 9th, 2009

    @Alex: Fortunately, I think there’s enough material to keep this post fresh for all eternigy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, can this man take even ONE picture without looking like a total douche?

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15. mikeytwoshoes

    November 9th, 2009

    heh heh this I’ve gotta see…this afternoon’s episode
    “guy and his pal sunny anderson prepare a child-friendly feast.”

    I’d think one of them would eat the kid. I’ve gotta watch this shit-fest.

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16. Davendork

    November 9th, 2009

    Has anyone else noticed that his shirt in the last photo says “Gweedo”? Barf.

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17. Layona

    November 9th, 2009

    @ Davendorf: I wasn’t looking at the writting on his shirt, I was looking at that horribly ashy elbow on the table.

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18. Barb

    November 9th, 2009

    I’m not saying that I disagree that he’s a total douche, but in photo 2 I’d say he’s almost more of a tool than a douche. Can anyone clarify the difference between the two?

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19. Betty Crocker

    November 9th, 2009

    Ha ha, Barb, I’ve wondered the same thing–what exactly IS the difference between a tool and a douche?

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20. mikeytwoshoes

    November 9th, 2009

    well assuming you know what a douche is, a tool is slang for penis. I thought everyone knew that.

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21. Lana

    November 9th, 2009

    LOL. I actually like that last picture. The corn looks really good. And that Gweedo shirt kinda cracks me up. He was wearing that shirt when I first met him. Thought he looked more like a mechanic than a TV host.

    “Oh great! There’s a guy here to fix my car. Now who’s fixing me dinner!” *heehee*

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22. Ferd

    November 10th, 2009

    The sad thing is that you wouldn’t want him fixing dinner or your car. You’d get food poisoning and still not be able to drive yourself to the hospital.

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23. Stephanie

    November 10th, 2009

    The fact that I do believe that’s an ICP-esque jersey makes me want to barf. Guy Fieri? “Juggalo?” It sure does explain the hair.

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24. Cherylf2112

    November 10th, 2009

    I absolutely despise seeing a grown man in a sleeveless shirt unless he’s a basketball player. Who wants to see that nasty ass armpit hair sticking out all over the place? Goddammit I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

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25. Barb

    November 10th, 2009

    Yes, I know what a tool and a douche are, but when looking at a picture of Guy, how does one tell the difference? I’m looking for subtle difference in meaning here.

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26. Lana

    November 11th, 2009

    @Ferd, that was f’ing brilliant. lmao here.

    @Stephanie, Fieri a Juggalo? You know, I think you’re on to something there. He does kinda channel Violent J a little, huh!

    @Barb, I claim no expertise in street terms, but if there is a subtle difference, I think of a ‘tool’ as a jerk, and a ‘douche’ as a jerk who doesn’t realize he is one. lol

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27. ArmadilloPepper

    November 12th, 2009

    When are you going to add a link where we can purchae your Doucheometer for other people we know?

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