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Best Of FNH, Lists »

Top 10 Famous Foodies That Look Like Old Lesbians
Posted on November 24th 2009 by Jillian Madison

    59 Responses

  1. hairball says:

    I swear I have no idea how you come up with this stuff. You are to funny

  2. more_cowbell says:

    They do look rather feminine in those photos. Never really noticed it before.

  3. Alexis says:

    Being a lesbian this is absolutely HILARIOUS to me!!!!!! I’ve been thinking Keeghan Gerhard looks like an old lezzie for years now. Same thing with Bourdain.

  4. Dan says:

    I wouldn’t want to run into Eugene in a dark alley.

  5. Stephanie says:

    Absolutely HILARIOUS. Thank God I’m not the only one who thinks Rick Bayless has an odd feminine charm to him.

  6. Sandra says:

    Keeghan definitely even his name can throw you off too! When Rick Bayless was sporting shorter hair he was actually kinda hot and very muscular too. Young Martin Yan definitely young lesbian.

  7. Di says:

    I think the eyeglasses frequently add to the illusion, because men and women used to wear different styles kinds of glasses. And hair too – that short spikey look is very unisex.

    @Stephanie -
    Rick Bayless yes the soft-spokenness, mannerisms. He sure makes sexy food, to’

    But Bourdain? I don’t know . . .

  8. MAN Alton needs to eat a carb or two…jeebus

  9. They all absolutely look dyke-y, but you know they all take it in the ass from Tushie!

  10. sheesh – no cleavage? anywhere?

  11. Kizzle says:

    Terrible fail. Isn’t this supposed to be Food Network “Humor”?

  12. Gayle King says:

    I laughed out loud when I got to Jamie Oliver. He looks exactly like my next door neighbor’s lesbian girlfriend.

  13. Neo says:

    Yessssss. I used to watch Top Chef in the background while working. I thought Richard Blais was a lesbian for the first 2 weeks.

  14. Sam-i-am-not says:

    This is epic. Anthony Bourdain totally looks like my old high school gym teacher Miss Jacobs. I’m scared.

  15. Trini says:

    I think I peed in my pants a little. Once I stop laughing, I’m going to have to go home and change!

  16. Zach says:

    excellent choices jillian.

  17. Chirock says:

    Martin Yan = Miss Miklos, only a little more ethnic, my gym teacher/softball coach in h.s.

    too funny, Jillian!!

  18. Russian Blockhead says:

    I’ll never look at Bourdain in the same light again.

    And what’s with Alton’s hair?

  19. dennylou says:

    Keeghan Gerhard definitely. My nephew will look like Anthony Bourdain in about 30 years.

  20. Patrina says:

    LMAO. Jillian just march your ass to hell.

  21. jtravis says:

    What about Preeti and Ashley from this past season of Top Chef? Oh wait, they were actually lesbians :P

  22. Kittykitty says:

    These are GREAT. Jillian, the fact that you’re able to keep coming up with this stuff all the time is nothing short of inspirational.

  23. Jon McKenzie says:

    How about a list of Top Ten Lesbian Foodies that look like Middle Aged Men? Or maybe the Top Ten Female Foodies that look like Drag Queens?

  24. BOO says:

    Patrina- too funny ‘ just march your ass to hell!’

    I wouldn’t let any small child around Rick Bayless, he is just that creepy!!!!!

  25. “…I wouldn’t let any small child around Rick Bayless, he is just that creepy!!!!!”

    Boo, I’m with you all the way. I don’t care about him being married, kids, fuck he could be a god-blessed polygamist married to 13 dozen supermodels, I still wouldn’t let him around any children of mine, or anyone else’s kids for that matter.

  26. BOO says:

    NUF’ SAID!!!!!!!

  27. anjarew says:

    Alexis is a lesbian? Nooooooooooo..

  28. Minx says:

    Newly crowned Iron Chef Garces could certanly join this group, imo.

  29. he’d have to pluck his eyebrows methinks.

  30. Lana says:

    Uncanny!

    Maybe we have this all backwards. Maybe it’s the lesbians who all look like male cooking show hosts … hmmm? Kinda makes ya think, don’t it ….
    :-D

  31. brie says:

    OMG. This is so funny! FNH thank you for making me laugh every day!

  32. Alex says:

    Mr. Bourdain looks like a few ladies that I’ve seen hanging out at the local Cracker Barrel. Bobby Flay is just plain FUG.

  33. Jenni says:

    I just wanted to say this is the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet in a long time. So glad I saw the link on EatMeDaily. I’ve bookmarked you and I’ll be back!

  34. Kyle says:

    Well I don’t see it in Bayless or Bourdain..the others yes..But thats what I get for giving up Food Network and watching real cooking shows like Bayless’ and Bourdains”
    I actually learn stuff!!

    What ever happened to the two Fat Lady’s? Always wondered if they were a couple?

    Does anyone remember them in the beginnings of Food Network????

  35. Martin says:

    IMHO, I think Morimoto’s picture is the winner for this category. Close runner ups are Keegan and Blais. I live in SF and I see many old lesbians / transgendered every day.

  36. Gary says:

    I miss The Two Fat Ladies (Jennifer Paterson died in August of 1999, effectively ending the show in the middle of its fourth season). They we so funny that, had God not created them, Monty Python would have had to. Her co-host on the show, Clarissa Wright, published an autobiography (“Spilling the Beans”) a couple of years ago.

  37. Sarah says:

    Keegan Gerhardt is a walking WOS man .

  38. Olive Loahf says:

    Too, too much…This has me in hysterics. As for top female foodies that look like drag queens…Paula Deen, Aunt Sandy and Brian Boitano.

  39. [...] “Top 10 Famous Foodies That Look Like Old Lesbians.” Shocker: None of them are women. [Food Network via A Fork in the [...]

  40. Boobilicious says:

    HAHAAHAHAA!!! Oh, my god! I agree with Martin, Morimoto is the most old-lesbian-looking of the bunch!

  41. Jessica says:

    Le gasp! How dare you say such things about A.B! So mean! He is FAR to hot to be spoken about in such a manner!

  42. Courtney says:

    Are you joking? Moleface Brown?

  43. Rose says:

    You forgot Rachel Ray and her wife John.

  44. Pitita Lago says:

    I can’t stop laughing!!

  45. Betty Crocker says:

    The grammar queen in me can’t resist pointing this out: Jillian, that title should read: “Top 10 Foodies WHO Look Like Old Lesbians,” Ha ha. Hilarious post, though.

  46. Betty Crocker says:

    Yeesh, I posted the above grammar correction and then screwed up the punctuation twice in my post! Whoops.

  47. that what happen to grammar cops.

  48. Sinan says:

    YOU GUYS JUST MADE MY DAY! I was literally falling off my chair… :D

  49. MorganLF says:

    Absolutely hysfuckingsterical!!! I’m laughing like the village idiot!

  50. [...] Cats Working reader MorganLF found on Food Network Humor that Bourdain was named among the “Top 10 Famous Foodies That Look Like Old Lesbians.” [...]

  51. Amber says:

    Morimoto is the prettiest. lol

    • SaraCVT says:

      I don’t really care what he looks like. Dude can cook for me anytime. My husband asked me the other night (as we were watching “Iron Chef America” together) whose food I’d choose if I could, and I unhesitatingly said, “Morimoto. Anything he cares to put in front of me, I will eat. Anytime.” I may not like it, know what it is, or hell, even recognize it, but I will eat it if he prepares it.

      • Kris says:

        heh, I’ve told my mom the same thing about Bobby…I once told her, “I could never be a judge on ICA when Bobby was the Iron Chef competing” & she asked me why & I told her,” ’cause, the other poor sap wouldn’t stand a chance, he/she would’ve lost long before he/she even set foot in Kitchen Stadium, all my points would go to Bobby, just because. Wouldn’t matter what Bobby made either, he could serve me a big steaming bowl of dog poo & I’d still eat it..Heh, Bobby could issue me a throwdown anytime! ;)

  52. Sarah says:

    How did Marc Summers not make this list?

  53. Ms. Kira says:

    lol That one guy has a beard!

  54. Tori says:

    Geoffrey Zakarian should totally be on this list. Also, I never noticed how much Morimoto looked like an old lesbian until now.

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