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11 Awful Gifts For Foodies And Cooks
Published on: December 12, 2009 – 11:09 pm by Jillian Madison 
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If you’re shopping for a foodie this holiday season, you might want to think twice before surprising them with one of these little gems:
RACHAEL RAY SWITCHPLATE COVER
Why you should avoid it: No one needs to associate “Rachael Ray” with being “turned on.” (via)
PAULA DEEN MAKES A POT ROAST DOLL
Why you should avoid it: That pot roast looks like a tumor I saw on ER once. (via)
ETHNIC COLONEL SANDERS SALT/PEPPER SHAKERS
Why you should avoid it: Nothing screams “don’t give me as a gift” quite like the KFC’s Colonel Sanders in blackface. No words. No words whatsoever. (via)
99 PROBLEMS OVEN MIT
That’s funny, ’cause I got 99 things to re-gift, and my new oven mitt is one. (via)
EMBROIDERED TOILET PAPER
Why you should avoid it: No one could possibly like hot dogs enough to want their feelings emblazoned on a roll of toilet paper. Besides, this seems counter intuitive to me. Who wants to wipe their ass with something they like? I’ll stick with the Charmin, thankyouverymuch. (via)
UGLY MUG
Why you should avoid it: It’s a mug that looks like Rocky Balboa after his last bout. Do I really need to elaborate? (via)
DADDY’S BISCUIT MOBILE
Why you should avoid it: Nothing will scar a baby for life quite like a haphazard collection of empty Wesson oil bottles and Morton’s salt containers dangling over their head. (via)
MERRY CHRISTMAS YA’LL MUG
Why you should avoid it: The apostrophe isn’t even in the right place! And wait a minute, is that written in lipstick?! (via)
CELEBRITY CHEF BOTTLE CAP MAGNETS
No. Just…. no. (via)
STUPID NOVELTY APRON
Oh, I get it now. It’s supposed to look like you’re having sex with a sheep. That’s special. (via)
TYLER FLORENCE PILLOW CASE
Unless you’re dreaming about him getting fired from the Food Network, I don’t want to hear about it. (via)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Pepe’s Pizza in New Haven, CT: Overrated, Overhyped, and Overwhelmingly Awful---Top 10 Famous Foodies That Look Like Old Lesbians
---Paula Deen’s Salt & Pepper Shaker
---18 Kit-Kat Flavors You’ve (Probably) Never Tried
---New Rules For Foodies
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- Dec 15, 2009: com3.es | Gift Guides for Cooks and Foodies
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
It’s lights out for Rachel Ray.
I thought the Tyler Florence pillow case was made up. That’s sad.
I know. It’s totally real, and I died a little inside when I found it.
eeeeee gads! each one was (unbelievably!!!!) worse than the one before!
chef magnets or a T-Flo pillowcase?
bah humbug on these gifts!
In the bottle cap one it looks like bourdain is trying to chopstick rayray’s brains.
Reminds me of the scene in the second Silence of the Lambs. Very appropriate don’t you think?
As if that mobile wasn’t already absurd enough, it costs $205. I have thousands of dollars worth of stuff sitting in my recycling bin and trash can then.
“A fool and his money….”
LOL – Just “rescue” some items from the trash bin and glue your favorite FN star’s photo on it – that’s probably where most of the above items came from!
Oh feakin God.
Funniest captions ever!
This shit puts Etsy.com to shame.
Oh, wait, this shit IS from Etsy.com.
ooh, I want a Tyler pillowcase….
I want Neeley’s toilet paper!
The Pauler doll reminds me of the Crazy Cat Lady action figure. http://tinyurl.com/yb9jyxn
Love the Paula Deen Voodoo Doll…where are the needles
LMFAO That is brilliant!!! :)
no needles. Sticks of butter
I like hot dogs too….but they make me have to use a lot of the stuff that those words are printed on. (if you get my meaning)
I would also require printed TP that said:
I Like Chinese Food…I Like Spicy Mexican Food….I Like Prune Juice…..etc
PAULA DEEN POT ROAST… wtf? That’s poopies she cleaned off her driveway!
ETHNIC COLONEL SANDERS SALT/PEPPER SHAKERS? Which one is for salt and which one is for pepper? This has to be the most racially incorrect item I’ve ever seen.
UGLY MUG: If they really want to make the Big Daddy mug authentic it should have a gold earring!
STUPID NOVELTY APRON: I know far to many people who should receive this.
TYLER FLORENCE PILLOW CASE: Jillian… tsk tsk! You forgot to show the other side of the pillowcase with the recipe for Tyler’s Ultimate “self-lobotomy stew” embroidered on it. “My brains are off-the-chart”
It’s going to take me a few minutes before I can stop cringing from all these.
Ok people don’t REALLY pay REAL money for these do they? If someone gave me any of those items, I’d never speak to them again. Col. Sanders in blackface, tsk.
Oh but wait – maybe an Alton Brown switchplate cover would be nice . . .
;)
I would only turn Alton on. My husband would have to turn him off every night. ;)
Those magnets are growing on me
If I didn’t have some horrible aversion to giving these people money and encouraging their behavior, I would totally buy all this for everyone I know, and love watching them try to pretend they liked it for my benefit. :)
On the Paula Dean doll, I’ll never be able to look at my blow-up doll the same!
This is going to make me lose whatever street cred I had left, I realize, but: I actually really like that “99 Problems” potholder.
Jillian, thank you for pointing out the y’all/apostrophe business! Proud Texan here, who gets a little aggravated (probably too much so, sometimes) at its constant misplacement in that word
I can’t believe I couldn’t sell my awesome hats on etsy but people manage to sell crap like that all the time. Conspiracy!
Wait until they find out their faces are being used without their permission. Let the lawsuits and Cease & Desist orders commence!
i was wondering the same thing. I don’t think it is legal to sell a t-shirt or a pillowcase or a switchplate cover with a famous person’s face on it without their permission.
[...] Finally, either avoid the following or give them for laughs: Food Network Humor has rounded up 11 awful gifts for foodies and cooks–come on, you know you need a Rachael Ray switchplate cover (and we actually love the pot [...]
Oh, now I know what I’m making all my friends and relatives for Christmas! I’m going to pull all my beer bottle caps out of the trash and glue a magnet on one side and little pictures I’ve cut out of a magazine on other. So elegant. Oops, gotta go out for more beer and magazines!
The Col. Sanders salt and pepper shakers might be weird and offensive, but the BABY HANDS salt and pepper shakers are downright creepy: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=36900573
Oh, wow. Those are INDEED creepy, Jess.
“Why you should avoid it: Nothing will scar a baby for life quite like a haphazard collection of empty Wesson oil bottles and Morton’s salt containers dangling over their head. (via)”
Sorry Jillian! Shouldn’t it read “dangling over their heads”? Or, “dangling over his head”?