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11 Awful Gifts For Foodies And Cooks
Posted on December 12th 2009 by Jillian Madison

If you’re shopping for a foodie this holiday season, you might want to think twice before surprising them with one of these little gems:

RACHAEL RAY SWITCHPLATE COVER

Why you should avoid it: No one needs to associate “Rachael Ray” with being “turned on.”  (via)


PAULA DEEN MAKES A POT ROAST DOLL

Why you should avoid it: That pot roast looks like a tumor I saw on ER once. (via)


ETHNIC COLONEL SANDERS SALT/PEPPER SHAKERS

Why you should avoid it: Nothing screams “don’t give me as a gift” quite like the KFC’s Colonel Sanders in blackface. No words. No words whatsoever. (via)


99 PROBLEMS OVEN MIT

That’s funny, ’cause I got 99 things to re-gift, and my new oven mitt is one. (via)


EMBROIDERED TOILET PAPER

Why you should avoid it: No one could possibly like hot dogs enough to want their feelings emblazoned on a roll of toilet paper. Besides, this seems counter intuitive to me. Who wants to wipe their ass with something they like? I’ll stick with the Charmin, thankyouverymuch. (via)


UGLY MUG

bad-food-gifts-10

Why you should avoid it: It’s a mug that looks like Rocky Balboa after his last bout. Do I really need to elaborate? (via)


DADDY’S BISCUIT MOBILE

Why you should avoid it: Nothing will scar a baby for life quite like a haphazard collection of empty Wesson oil bottles and Morton’s salt containers dangling over their head. (via)


MERRY CHRISTMAS YA’LL MUG

Why you should avoid it: The apostrophe isn’t even in the right place! And wait a minute, is that written in lipstick?! (via)


CELEBRITY CHEF BOTTLE CAP MAGNETS

No. Just…. no. (via)


STUPID NOVELTY APRON

bad-food-gifts-11

Oh, I get it now. It’s supposed to look like you’re having sex with a sheep. That’s special.  (via)


TYLER FLORENCE PILLOW CASE

bad-food-gifts-12

Unless you’re dreaming about him getting fired from the Food Network, I don’t want to hear about it.  (via)



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---10 Awful Gifts For Food Lovers & Food Network Fans
---Pepe’s Pizza in New Haven, CT: Overrated, Overhyped, and Overwhelmingly Awful
---Yet Another Ridiculous Food Network Recipe: Ina Garten’s ROAST BACON
---Comment of the Week: Worst Cooks in America Edition
---Top 10 Famous Foodies That Look Like Old Lesbians

    37 Responses

  1. Sam says:

    It’s lights out for Rachel Ray.

  2. Eric says:

    I thought the Tyler Florence pillow case was made up. That’s sad.

  3. lostinplace says:

    eeeeee gads! each one was (unbelievably!!!!) worse than the one before!

    chef magnets or a T-Flo pillowcase?

    bah humbug on these gifts!

  4. Zach says:

    In the bottle cap one it looks like bourdain is trying to chopstick rayray’s brains.

  5. Marty says:

    As if that mobile wasn’t already absurd enough, it costs $205. I have thousands of dollars worth of stuff sitting in my recycling bin and trash can then.

  6. Trini says:

    Funniest captions ever!

  7. Alex says:

    This shit puts Etsy.com to shame.

  8. kellycat says:

    ooh, I want a Tyler pillowcase….

  9. Syd says:

    The Pauler doll reminds me of the Crazy Cat Lady action figure. http://tinyurl.com/yb9jyxn

  10. jpquinlan says:

    Love the Paula Deen Voodoo Doll…where are the needles

  11. Chef du Jour says:

    I like hot dogs too….but they make me have to use a lot of the stuff that those words are printed on. (if you get my meaning)

    I would also require printed TP that said:

    I Like Chinese Food…I Like Spicy Mexican Food….I Like Prune Juice…..etc

  12. Tyler Peel says:

    PAULA DEEN POT ROAST… wtf? That’s poopies she cleaned off her driveway!

    ETHNIC COLONEL SANDERS SALT/PEPPER SHAKERS? Which one is for salt and which one is for pepper? This has to be the most racially incorrect item I’ve ever seen.

    UGLY MUG: If they really want to make the Big Daddy mug authentic it should have a gold earring!

    STUPID NOVELTY APRON: I know far to many people who should receive this.

    TYLER FLORENCE PILLOW CASE: Jillian… tsk tsk! You forgot to show the other side of the pillowcase with the recipe for Tyler’s Ultimate “self-lobotomy stew” embroidered on it. “My brains are off-the-chart”

  13. Hilbil says:

    It’s going to take me a few minutes before I can stop cringing from all these.

  14. Di says:

    Ok people don’t REALLY pay REAL money for these do they? If someone gave me any of those items, I’d never speak to them again. Col. Sanders in blackface, tsk.

    Oh but wait – maybe an Alton Brown switchplate cover would be nice . . .

    ;)

  15. jpquinlan says:

    Those magnets are growing on me

  16. If I didn’t have some horrible aversion to giving these people money and encouraging their behavior, I would totally buy all this for everyone I know, and love watching them try to pretend they liked it for my benefit. :)

  17. fxtech says:

    On the Paula Dean doll, I’ll never be able to look at my blow-up doll the same!

  18. Kristina says:

    This is going to make me lose whatever street cred I had left, I realize, but: I actually really like that “99 Problems” potholder.

  19. Katie says:

    Jillian, thank you for pointing out the y’all/apostrophe business! Proud Texan here, who gets a little aggravated (probably too much so, sometimes) at its constant misplacement in that word

  20. Beans says:

    I can’t believe I couldn’t sell my awesome hats on etsy but people manage to sell crap like that all the time. Conspiracy!

  21. FingerFoodie says:

    Wait until they find out their faces are being used without their permission. Let the lawsuits and Cease & Desist orders commence!

  22. Eyeris says:

    i was wondering the same thing. I don’t think it is legal to sell a t-shirt or a pillowcase or a switchplate cover with a famous person’s face on it without their permission.

  23. [...] Finally, either avoid the following or give them for laughs: Food Network Humor has rounded up 11 awful gifts for foodies and cooks–come on, you know you need a Rachael Ray switchplate cover (and we actually love the pot [...]

  24. Barb says:

    Oh, now I know what I’m making all my friends and relatives for Christmas! I’m going to pull all my beer bottle caps out of the trash and glue a magnet on one side and little pictures I’ve cut out of a magazine on other. So elegant. Oops, gotta go out for more beer and magazines!

  25. Jess says:

    The Col. Sanders salt and pepper shakers might be weird and offensive, but the BABY HANDS salt and pepper shakers are downright creepy: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_1&listing_id=36900573

  26. Leilani says:

    “Why you should avoid it: Nothing will scar a baby for life quite like a haphazard collection of empty Wesson oil bottles and Morton’s salt containers dangling over their head. (via)”

    Sorry Jillian! Shouldn’t it read “dangling over their heads”? Or, “dangling over his head”?

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