General: Food Humor »
A Valid Subway Cheese Gripe
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(via Buzzfeed, who didn’t credit the original cartoon creator. Thanks to Andrew for pointing out that it’s originally by Left Handed Toons. Check ‘em out for more funnies.)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Chocolate Chip Cookies Cartoon---Refrigerator Cat
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---Origins Of Sandra Lee’s Horrifying Kwanzaa Cake
---Where’s Andrew Zimmern NOW?
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We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2011 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
71 Responses
Thank Gawd I’m not the only one that opens my smamich to see how it’s assembled!
Cute Cartoon Too!
Wow! “isosceles” and “tesselate” in the same post.
Jillian: You have added exponentially to my enjoyment of this site!
I will forever now use the phrase, “isosceles cheese.”
Heartfelt thanks… :D
Oh, and “unnecessary dairy overlap.”
LOL!!
Fig. 3 is the funniest. Soul-crushing disappointment indeed! Poor little guy.
“Isosceles Cheese” just made my whole day.
We pay for double isoceles triangles on a turkey sammich, which is funny b/c it’s not double anything now is it? Thanks Jillian, I’ll use a Subway trip as a geometry lesson for our daughter – ha!
It’s a marketing ploy, like Wendy’s square burgers.
Now that I see it illustrated, it’s going to bother the absolute SHIT out of me.
Now I’m gonna have to rearrange the cheese whenever I get a sub.
Thanks.
This post is hilarious, and oh, so true!
On an even more basic level, why doesn’t Subway have American cheese???? Got a sandwich from there last week and my choices were provolone (gross)or some shredded cheddar/jack combo. Maybe it’s just the Subway in my town.
Ours have WHITE American cheese, no yellow variety. It’s just not American not to have American cheese!
You know, now you’re forced to eat something that’s actually cheese. My heart truly bleeds for you.
That is weird. As far as I know all Subway’s in the US are supposed to carry American, yes it is white American but I think it tastes far better than yellow.
American cheese??!?! You mean those plasticy covered squares things? No thanks, I’ll take real cheese.
Now I’m going to say “I’ll take American, and can you please tessellate it?”
They act like they hate you anyway, might as well give em a reason.
Oh, and I NEVER get FOUR pieces. Jerks.
I don’t get the proper amount of ingredients either, Shieldmaiden. I order the same thing at Subway every time I go: a 6 inch ham on white with low fat mayo and lettuce. You’re SUPPOSED to get 4 slices of ham, but 50% of the time they skimp out and give me 3. And then I have to correct them, which makes me feel like a bitch, but come on. I’m paying you $4 for your 20 cents of ingredients. Do it right.
I worked at a Subway for nearly a year and a half, and the quick sandwich list for the sandwich maker said six slices of ham/footlong – so in Canada, at least, three slices would’ve been right.
This has always bothered me! I’m printing it out and bringing it to subway with me next time I go, since I doubt the lady that makes the sandwiches and looks like a crack addict knows what tessellate means if I just told her.
I’m an EMT and I once hauled one of our ‘sandwich artists’ out of a house in the throes of alcohol poisoning. Its hard for me not to think of her laying boneless on the kitchen floor in a puddle of her own bad decisions while she’s back there making my lunchtime magic happen. Its always better not to try and finish the bottle of Stoli when you weigh about 85 pounds. I guess she knows that now. Hopefully.
“laying boneless on the kitchen floor in a puddle of her own bad decisions”
That is the best description of overdrinking I’ve ever seen/heard, now I’m going to have to use it.
Definitely a great overdrinking description! And when you weigh about 85 pounds…. love that too.
thats what i was thinking@!
This is so detailed — i love it!
So, I have worked at Subway (not the ideal job, but its a recession). Your preferred, “tessellated”, method of cheese application is how I was taught to make a sandwich, and I assume this is the corporate-standardized instruction. If a sandwich artist is seen making it any other way, don’t feel ashamed to ask for it with alternating angles. :-)
They do this so the sandwich visually appears to have less cheese, in an effort to get people to buy extra cheese for the sandwich.
Saw this picture a while ago. This following picture has been seen in other discussions about this pressing issue:
http://yepyep.gibbs12.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/subwaynotice.jpg
Thooooose Bastards!!!!
In our area, about half of the Subways have Swiss cheese and the other half don’t. So when I go into a store that doesn’t have Swiss and have the audacity to ask for it (since I am getting old and can’t seem to remember which stores have it and which don’t), they usually look at me like I just asked for Dom Perignon in a Swarovski flute. ”
We don’t HAVE Swiss. We have American (then why is it white?), Provolone, and…whatever that third one is. DECIDE!!” Then they put on my second choice in the above pattern. It never occurred to me to order extra though. Their sandwiches are already totally overpriced. You can ALMOST see the meat peeking out between the bread if you look real hard.
But what about the way they slice the bread? That awful wedge that makes the sandwich look fuller, but really just gives you alternate bites of just filling and just bread? I’ve boycotted Subway for years on that platform alone. Now the cheese? Please!
What I hate is when they grab a brand new 12 inch roll and attempt to cut it in half… but are completely incapable of finding the middle. Instead of creating 2 equal 6 inch pieces, they then create one 4 inch piece and one 8 inch piece.
I always get the 4 inch piece. Bastards.
And they wear plastic gloves, which, on the surface seems like a good sanitary precaution to take. Until you consider that they have had the same gloves on for the past hour and very possibly even wore them into the bathroom, thinking they wouldn’t need to wash their hands if they’re wearing plastic gloves. And now, they have invaded every single Walmart store in our area, so that I am forced to smell that ghastly Subway smell as I peruse my favorite 24 hr. discout retailer and perveyor of Chinese junk. Everyone else I know loves the smell of Subway bread baking, but it actually makes me quite nauseous.
You’re not alone Michmom. The Subway smell in Wal-Mart makes my friends and me want to VOMIT every time we walk in there. It’s concentrated putridness to the ump-teenth power and there’s no avoiding it.
It’s so true! Even in the back of the store you can’t get away from it. I would rather smell that cheap, plastic smell that used to pervade Walmart than the Subway bread smell. Sometimes it’s like you can even smell the salami, or whatever that speckled, reddish meat is that they put in their subs. I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it.
I love the vocabulary, grammar, and illustrations. Jill, you’re right about some of the employees not being able to cut the bread in HALF. I want a 6 inch Seafood Sensation with lettuce, bell peppers, and salt & pepper. I swear that’s what I ask for, but I usually get a 4 1/4 inch mayo drenched imitation crap scraps with enough lettuce for 3 sandwiches and salt, they ran out of bell peppers.
I usually look to see how the employee handles the sandwich before I order. If the make someone’s sandwich and ring them up, gloves still on, I walk out. Money is dirty, and so are the cards in your wallet, so Subway employee, the gloves aren’t docked from your pay, put on another pair.
OMG, I never ask for lettuce at Subway for that very reason. They put on enough pale white-green, unappetizing, shredded iceberg lettuce to choke a horse and it seems like you get even less of every other condiment. It’s like one of the “secret” rules of Subway, to tell their workers to put a pound of iceberg on their subs and delete two pieces of meat, since you can no longer see the meat anyway.
Actually we aren’t supposed to put much lettuce on at all. Any store that does is over portioning. Plus they are supposed to put the lettuce on the bread not the meat! Looking at all these posts make me sad that you have bad subways.
Which is why if I get subs, I go to Wegmans. You get a choice between 7- or 14-inch subs and there’s really no need for double meat because the way they put on the meat is like double and a half meat at Subway. The bread is extremely fresh and they use a slicer thingy so you don’t get screwed on slicing.
Even though a 7-inch sub is only 1-inch bigger than a Subway sub, they cram it full of whatever you asked for that you’re actually full finishing it, vs. a Subway sub where they skimp out on so much so that you’ll buy some chips, a soda, and maybe some cookies in order to be satisfied.
There are no Wegmans in my area, but this is exactly why I almost never go to Subway. I always choose local delis because they don’t skimp on the meat and cheese. Sandwiches from Subway always have like 3X more vegetables than meat.
The thought of Subway reminds me of a time that I went into one of their sandwich shops and the “sandwich artist” who was going to make my sandwich had scabs all over their hands and arms. Without using gloves, the “sandwich artist” started making my sandwich with his scabby and puss-riddled red hands and I ran out of that place while the sandwich was still being made.
Another time, one of the “sandwich artists” put the bread that she was going to make a sandwich with on the wet rag that was used to wipe off the counters.
I guess teaching employees about being sanitary is not on the lesson plan at sandwich school.
about the whole lack of meat at subway,one time my family was exhausted from the day and decided to get a few $5 footlongs for dinner. My mom was not really paying attention when they made the sandwich, and when she got home with our dinner, my dad and brother were pissed. They took the sandwiches back to the other subway in our town and complained about the way the other one made them. They gave us 3 new sandwiches full of meat and let us keep the other ones. 6 $5 footlongs for $15, i’m not gonna complain.
And also about the way they put on so much iceberg lettuce, ask for spinach. They usually have it in the fridge and they have to get it out if you ask for it special. It doesn’t bulk it up and it tastes better too.
Not all subways carry it.
You can ask for extra veggies for free…I ask for extra olives (otherwise I only get like 6 or 8 pieces).
And, incidentally, I ask them to go “light on the lettuce” or else I, too, get a ton…Mountains of iceberg lettuce must cost sandwich shops mere pennies, and they like to pad out the sandwiches with it.
I agree with Jillian on them not cutting the roll in half evenly when you ask for a 6-inch. Exasperating when your sandwich winds up being 4 inches.
I feel alone in the world because I am the only one that doesn’t like Subway. I find their sandwiches to be unappetizing. They are so starchy and tasteless that I sometimes cry into my sandwich which only makes it taste worse.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I don’t like Subway either. The bread tends to be tough and overpowers the sandwich, and the sides that are available are just…blah. Cold cuts and a bag of chips? Not so much.
No, subway is gross. Every time I eat at Subway I feel like I’m going to throw up like half an hour later.
You’re definitely not alone in hating Subway. Honestly, I’ve had a ton of different stuff from them, but it all always ends up tasting like it was smothered/marinated/covered in the cheapest italian salad dressing possible. It’s worth noting btw, that I have never ordered anything there with italian dressing.
I haven’t eaten at Subway for about ten years now. Not only does their food suck, but I started my boycott when they made that annoying, smug, fatass fugly bastard Jared the corporate spokesman.
If I had a family of four I would go to Subway because I could feed them for almost less than $10.
Has anyone in NYC seen the Subway that’s been installed on the top (5th) floor of the Freedom Tower? Read about it in the paper. It’ll be moved up (by crane)as each floor is erected, to feed workers. In addition to their usual menu they’ll offer burgers, fries and hot pretzels.
But Subway has added Fuze brand iced teas, I do like those.
It’s a five dollar foot long! You get what you pay for.
Subway cheese has no taste. I don’t even ask for it anymore.
Will someone PLEASE back me up on this???
Well, if and when I am lucky enough to find a Subway that offers Swiss cheese, I can sometimes get a tiny taste of it near the end of the sandwich, since the meat only goes from the cut end to about two inches from the uncut end…but that’s it. I can say with 100% certainty that I have never tasted any American or Provolone cheese that was on any Subway sub that I have eaten. How’s that?
That’s why I get my subs toasted. Problem solved.
I like the way they take 17 minutes to assemble a sammich. It’s like they are diffusing a bomb or something.
Will no one Give LEFT HANDED TOONS CREDIT!
The company that runs Subway restaurants isn’t called Subway Inc. It’s called Doctors Associates Inc.
I am amazed at the number of so called ‘foodies’ who admit that they eat at Subway regularly.
There are good sub shops in almost every city I have ever visited.
You don’t NEED to eat those crappy McSandwiches.
We have an awesome sub shop here in Knoxville called Lenny’s. They are fantastic, slice the meat from the case right in front of you, really pack it on and are sooooo much faster than subway. They have this unreal hot red pepper pickle relish that will set you free. If any of you guys are near a Lenny’s go there immediately. A little bit more expensive but damn it is so worth it.
Wow – I feel like all the good Subways are where I live (central England), which is particularly strange given that the chain is an American import. The only one of the above problems I’ve definitely experienced at a Subways branch is the vegetable-to-meat ratio (it’s part of the reason I usually prefer them over rival sandwich shops, but it does make the more expensive subs a bit pointless from the perspective of my tastebuds). Whether they follow the manual for sandwich construction components correctly… …I couldn’t answer that, because I’m usually concentrating on whether what’s going on is approximately right rather than counting meat slices and the like.
The most worrying things about my local Subways are that they all go through managers at a rate of knots (implying something in the franchise system is not what it seems), the tendency of one particular branch to run out of bread and wrap-wrapping material (leaving the assistants trying to shoo everyone out before they can order because hardly anyone orders salad from Subway’s) and the difficulty some of the staff seem to have in understanding that I might prefer not to have all my subs toasted.
I guess there might be method to this madness after all, since the overlapping pieces might be there to stop individual pieces from slipping off…
bullhockey. the bread provides enough friction and stick-age.
I worked at Subway for five years, and I was OCD about the geometrical angles of the cheese. MUST.FIT.TOGETHER. My boss yelled at me once when I told a trainee he needed to geometrically align the cheese slices because “it wastes time and people don’t really care.” I begged to differ. Thanks for making my OCD painstaking concern valuable to a consumer market!!
i used to work at subway and i was trained to overlap.
i secretly began to tessellate for ultimate coverage. Manager Jessica got pissed.
The stench of the bread stays on your hands for hours. What on earth can they be putting in that stuff to cause such a pervasive odor. There are few things in nature with this property and all of them are foul.
[...] A Valid Subway Cheese Gripe [...]
It is fast food. Get over it. You don’t go to McDonald’s and ask for a steak.
So I saw this post for the first time today. Hilarious. And so true. Then I go to Subway for dinner, and guess what? The guy totally tessellates the cheese on my sandwich! It was like he KNEW I would judge him if he overlapped. And it made all the difference with my sandwich–perfect amount of cheese in each bite.
[...] A valid Subway cheese gripe — YES! I’ve been saying this all along. [...]
I went to subway today and I got 4 pieces of cheese and no overlapping! just like LOLACHARLES. :D
You all will be happy to hear that in July, all Subways will be required to tessellate the cheese. You spoke, and they listened. Isn’t it great?!