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Food Network Finally Embraces Sandra Lee’s Status As A Drunk Icon
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There are 2 types of people in the world: those who watch Sandra Lee to learn something, and those who watch Sandra Lee just for the entertainment and humor her incompetence so often provides. Personally, I watch her for the entertainment, because face it – you never know what crazy shit is gonna come out of her intoxicated mouth next.
This is why it pleases me to announce the Food Network has finally embraced and recognized Sandra Lee as the lush that she is. They gave her an entire page on their official website, just so she could teach us all how to get drunk – the Aunt Sandy way.
I know. Try to contain your excitement.
The page contains all sorts of goodies, including pop-up ads that will slow your web browser to a crawl. It also boasts the most Photoshopped photo of Sandra Lee I’ve ever seen in my life. Psst… Earth to the Food Network graphic artist, it’s probably time to step away from the smudge tool. Her face looks like it’s made of 4-year old fondant.
My favorite part of the page, though, has to be all the helpful tips it provides. Take the column on the right, for example, where Sandra reveals the 10 items every home bar needs. Glassware! And a bottle opener! Thank you, Sandra Lee! And to think, I’ve been sawing the tops off of my wine bottles all this time. What a revelation!
Seriously though, the webpage is just one huge ad for her newest book, Sandra Lee’s Semi-Homemade Cocktail Time. I don’t expect it to win any awards, except perhaps the “MOST UNNECESSARY USE” of “QUOTATION MARKS” on a “BOOK COVER.”
(Thanks for the tip, Artie and Jenna!)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---VIDEO: Sandra Lee’s Drunk Christmas Tree---FIRST LOOK: Sandra Lee’s New 5-Book Deal
---Sandra Lee’s Signature Is Semi-Homemade, Too
---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Sandra Lee “Cool Kids” Cookbook
---BEST WORST FOOD NETWORK REMIX VIDEO EVER (Starring Sandra Lee & Rachael Ray)
- Sandra Lee
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30 Responses
She IS a loon, but I’m all for drinks.
BTW, how come Sandra Lee’s “Cocktail Time” cover lose 7 recipes from the site that is linked in the article? It couldn’t be the use of the aforementioned evil Photoshop, would it? LOL
I want all the russipees, dammit! I feel gypted.
Sandra Lee is a “slush”: Equal parts slut and lush. Straight up or on the rocks.
Brilliant! I am inserting that into my everyday lexicon.
HA! What an absolute FAIL (as the kids say now). The link Jillian has to Aunt Sandy’s page shows the cover of the book listing 225 russippeees. But when you click on the “buy now” button, it takes you to the FN store, where the book states 218 recipes! Well, FN, which one is it. Fucking incompetent proofreaders.
Dank, our daughter say’s Epic Failure. Indeed this is!
Is Hawaiian Punch and grain alcohol considered a cocktail? And is that something you really need a russipe for? Because it looks like that is the beverage on the cover of the book…
Why yes it is a cocktail, that I drank in high school in the 70′s!
Jillian, oops! My phone dropped me, make bye-bye, Thanks!
Why yes it is a cocktail, that I drank in high school in the 70′s! Then we went and rolled peeps houses out of boredom!
In the 10 bar items column, #2 Jigger ends by saying: “You’ll need this to measure the liquor you put into cocktails.” Really, Aunt Sandy? I have to measure? I always thought “all parts vodka” was good enough.
I was hoping to learn Sandra’s definition of “splash”. In Aunt Sandy’s dictionary, I think it means: the amount of alcohol that would fill a child’s wading pool.
ha ha ha ha ha ha CherryRose!
All kids out of the pool because on this episode I’ll be making my kiddie pool Sangria…don’t forget your straws!
Number 7 on her list for home bars is completely enlightening. I’m sure somebody had to tell Sandy to use a corkscrew on the bottle of wine she been trying to open for an hour with a church key.
Editorial review: “….where Sandra Lee demonstrates how to fizz up any gathering…….”
Should read how to BOOZE UP any gathering, including children’s birthday parties and funerals…..
for all of Aunt Sandy’s horrendous “cooking,” I gotta admit, I sure do enjoy looking at her rack.
Again, I must question what it is that makes Aunt Sandy’s saggy ole puddin’ cups so attractive. Is it their menacing cockeyed stare? The flooring alcoholic aroma? The lovely wilted texture? I just don’t understand.
I’m kinda loving that she and FN are embracing her lushism. This can only lead to more entertainment.
“8. Muddler. A tool that looks like a baseball bat.” Good Lord, but I have a dirty mind ….
Thank you. I am better now. Whew! And I almost got out of 2009 without a cocktail book written by Aunt Sandy. The horror!
I’ve always believed you can sum up most of Aunt Sandy’s coctail recipes like this: Look in your cabinet and take out three different bottles of liquor. Now pour some from all three bottles into a glass until it’s nearly full. Add a very small splash of fruit juice (make sure it’s a pretty color) or the juice of some ingredient in a can you just used for fllllavor. Don’t bother adding ice – it’ll only dilute your drink. Add some frozen chunks of fruit instead, since everyone knows you shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach. If you want to make it really decorative, rim the glass with sugar or salt before you fill it. Or maybe both – doesn’t really matter. You won’t be able to taste it after the first couple of swallows anyway. To finish, just shove something plastic or a silk flower in – just make sure to match that tablescape! Now you have an Aunt Sandy special. Am I pretty close?
The actual muddler on Aunt(hic)(burpff)Sandy’s bar is her clouded vodka-soaked brain. ha!
I wonder if the book includes Ted Kennedy’s favourite drink? A Chappaquiddick – scotch and murky water. Wot? Is it to soon for that joke?
BAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Funniest thing I heard all day. But, it’s only a drink for one, for MaryJo didn’t get any scotch, just the murky, cold, lonely water.
And no, it’s not too early.
I’m so glad the site defined what a cocktail shaker is. Geesh. I never would have guessed otherwise.
what a whore… the FN would be smart to advertise and sell the book “How to Get Out of Bed in The Morning” for Dummies. they would make a fortune on ad sales next to aunt sandy’s dribble!
Notice how her chest appears all leathery and sun-spotted? I bet she has GREAT tan lines though!
Ya know, if you don’t have a corkscrew, you CAN use a power drill to get through that pesky cork. Jes sayin’…
I don’t care how much she drinks, she can’t cook. Great job reheating.
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