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Food Network’s Corny Cookie Swap Video
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‘Tis the season for the Food Network to try to convince us their television personalities are all BFF’s!
In the latest propaganda video on Food Network, we’re led to believe that Alex Guarnaschelli, Anne Burrell, Sunny Anderson, Claire Robinson, and Aida Mollenkamp just can’t get enough of each other. Why, they love each other so much, they throw COOKIE SWAPS just so they can hang out more. How adorable! How special! How totally fake!
The video was supposed to be some sort of “How To Throw A Cookie Swap” tutorial for people with 3 brain cells (actual tip from Aida Mollenkamp: “Set a date for your cookie swap!”), but it played more like a nauseating, phony love fest. The truth is, you can only watch Anne Burrell hi-fiving Alex Guarnaschelli so many times before you want to throw up.
And you’ll never convince me the newly sexed-up Claire Robinson didn’t want to hit Aida Mollenkamp over her bony head with her frozen cookie log just once.
The video incorporated all the magical things that holidays are made of, including a corny intro that featured all the girls winking and waving at the camera like rejected Charlie’s Angels, Sunny Anderson shoving cookies in her mouth, and Anne Burrell flashing gang signs:
FNH reader Chelsea wrote in to let me know about this video, and her comments were too funny to not share:
Are we really supposed to believe that the FN hosts hang out with each other? That they’re “girlfriends?” Next I would like to see a video of them getting pedicures together. I bet Anne Burrell’s feet look like Frankenstein’s.
Also, I was insulted by some of their “tips.” Example: Aida instructs us to have our cookie swap on a weekend afternoon in early December, to be specific. God forbid you disobey her and have it whenever you f-ing feel like it. Alex’s segment about how to set up a buffet of cookies was remedial…we’re supposed to add “drama” to our cookie buffet?
Claire seems waaaay too excited about making a “nice, tight” log of cookies.
And I was SO disappointed to see that Sandra Lee phoned in her appearance. Those videos would have been a LOT more fun with drunken (and orange!) Aunt Sandy in the house.
How much ass-kissing are we expected to endure??
A lot, Chelsea. A lot.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Food Network Glamour Shots---Anne Burrell Hates Saggy Boobs… ALLEGEDLY!
---THINGS WE HATE: Barefoot Contessa’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
---Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of The Week: Robin Miller’s Sandwich Cookies
---Somebody Ask Aida Why She Can’t Talk Into The Right Camera
- General: Food Network
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53 Responses
This FN whatever ya wanna call it was awful but I am making a different cookie every day this month. FUN!
Wow I admire your cooking determination!
So do my neighbors! LOL
For this, Bob Tuschman should be slapped. Hard. Really, really hard.
He should be slapped and sterilized…
ALEX,SUNNY,ANNE- Put the FU@KING COOKIE DOWN!!!!!!
Just watched it (not sure why)… how very disturbing.
They are all so AWKWARD!!!
I quit smoking pot YEARS ago.
The idea of a cookie swap is just….juvenile?
Lame doesn’t quite express my disdain.
C’mon, Food Network, there are THOUSANDS of smart, creative foodies with some media savvy out there looking for jobs.
Is this the best you can do?
Even Maury or Tyra fans would find this concept banal.
Must every cable channel that starts out interesting sell out and dive for the bottom?
TV Food and Speedvision, for just two examples, sure have.
Hell, I’m gonna start smoking pot!
Complain all you want, good advice was dispensed: “…keep it intimate. About 10 people is usually manageable for a swap.” Tell me about it! Any time my wife and I hold swaps with more than 10 people it just gets awkward, with people staring at each others cookies instead of eating them.
You just can’t be serious?
Ditto Boo.
Drew, maybe you should invite US to your swap.
As long as it’s no more than 10 people, okay? We don’t want to lose the intimacy.
Well you just don’t know me!
169% inanity.
that said I liked it but I’ve got the hots for aida and claire. even though aida needs to do something about that hairdo.
I could quote idiocy on end , but hell y’all watched the got am thing. BOOTS! ooh sexy, especially encasing anne’s thunders.
that swap didn’t really go as I expected it too. though I’m a fly tier and have been involved in countless fly swaps where everyone submits a set and gets one from everyone else in return. my wife would tease me and say “oh it’s just like a cookie swap!” except I guess it’s not.
I’d love to share cookies w/ aida and claire though that would be que fun!
Don’t these five yentas have like the lowest rated shows on the FN?
Wow…
Thanks FNH for making me want a cookie now.
Anne’s advice in video 2 to only use the (orange) peel because the pith tastes like CRAP! LMAO!
Also did you catch that Melissa (McMommy?) had cookies delivered, unbroken mind you, from Washington state, but NO one mentioned if they were good or not.
The whole concept is so contrived. Really FN, would someone hosting a cookie swap not think to have everyone bring their recipe to share?
So, aside from my double entendre post above, I’d just like to make a more practical observation: they have somehow managed to make having friends over for friggin cookies into a massive undertaking, involving mail (The Neeley’s) Sandra Lee-esque tablescaping, spicy balls (Sunny Anderson), finger sandwiches, and phony joyless holiday schmoozing. *sigh* This turned into quite the undertaking. I think I’ll just sit at home and drink Sunny Anderson’s “Irish whiskeys” (note, it’s actually an Irish coffee.)
coming up next on food network, chefs you never heard of make you want to kill yourself
Claire Robinson (besides Alton Brown) is about the only FN personality I won’t make fun of… I’m sorry, but she is just hot.
OK
Anne Burrell – what can I say. She is a big boned yellow haired YODA. “Crab Cakes..grrr…it is good I say…grrr”
If Miss Piggy could mate with a blow-up doll, the child would undoubtedly be Claire Robinson. She’s nowhere near having a the porky frame, but her over-exaggerated facial expressions remind me so much of the Pig, it makes me think that Kermit’s just out of the frame, waiting to ravish his happy porcine harlot.
And yes, Anne Burrell, when I think of the holidays, I alllways think of orange skin, denim skirts, and a clearance top from Stein Mart. You look like an ogre with a bad dye job…or, as he’s known around here, Guy Ferry.
Thank you! What’s all this talk about Calire Robinson being hot? Geez!
Maybe it’s just relative to most of FN’s other ‘offerings?’ I can’t imagine anyone getting it up for Kerry Vincent.
Did Anne accidentally go to Guy’s hair “stylist”? We need a pic of anne/guy offspring.
Also, the expression on Alex’s face makes her look like someone just farted next to her.
Why bother? It would look exactly the same as them. And could you imagine that babies diapers, from a diet of Anne Burrell and diner food?
TFN hits bottom, starts digging.
The only thing that might have salvaged this mess would be if the girls swapped spit instead of cookies. Now THAT I would watch! Except for Anne B. I can’t stomach her.
:P
“Tis the season for another onslaught of corny Food Network “chefs” hanging out in the FN club house. I TOTALLY believe that.
I see that Anne has hands to match her football neck.
However, if she would just stick her tongue between that V in front of her face, the photo would be freakin’ hilarious.
Anne Burrell has her pedicures done with special tools that are used in the livestock industry. Removing horsehoes nd mud debris from hoofs etc..
She needs to stop referring to everything as MY this, MY that.Ultra annoying.
My Cookies,My Cookies, My Cookies. BBRRRRROWWWWWWWNNN Cookies.
I’m now picturing Anne as the Cookie Monster.
Who, incidentally, is no longer known as the Cookie Monster, right? Didn’t they make him over as the Carrot Monster, or some other BS?
“Cookies are a sometimes food….”
Yeah, ‘cuz we had to be taught that.
Pretty sad that these girls are the only thing FN could draw upon to try an embody a Xmas cookie swap.
All of them give off vibes that take away an Xmas cheer,
Sunny Anderson is particularly foul.
Pretty corny. I doubt those ladies spend any more time together than what they are obligated to.
BUT . . .
The cookies did look yummy – esp. Aaron Sanchez’ (was he the only male to contribute?).
And a lot of people still do cookie swaps – it’s more about the socializing – and you only have to make ONE kind of cookie yourself. Hell, just buy some cookies, put them in your own box, show up, and get loaded on sugar and champagne weeee . . .
There…is….no…God…
How about vodka tasting parties with Aunt Sandy? That sounds like a good time.
The picture of Sunny has made me officially hate cookies.
aida is the only one of them who is even remotely attractive. and what the hell is a cookie swap any way
Now that the girls had their cookie swap, what kind of “swap” should the guys have? Perhaps a “meat” swap?
“Ms. Madison, Ms. Madison!!!” Tyler yells frantically waving his hand in the air. “What is it Tyler?” She asks rolling her eyes. “I choose Martin for the meat swap!”
“Tyler! That isn’t what Martin meant. He was talking about the FN hosts… such as Guy Fieri and Bobby Flay.”
“Eeewwww…” Tyler says. “Eeewwww is right!” Ms. Madison adds.
*Cough* Okay, got that out of my system. Apologies to Martin :)
But seriously… is the cookie swap just a euphemism for ‘wife swapping’? *Tyler puts on some Barry White background music* Ina and Jeffrey trade with Pat and Gina Neely. Pauler and Michael trading off with Aunt(hic)Sandy and Andrew…
@Tyler Peel I would choose you as well. Thanks for the fubby reply. It really made me smile :)
oops I meant “funny.” Its tough typing on my little phone in bed.
Ha ha, Martin and Tyler, you guys are hilarious.
My mom says Anne looks like Guy Fieri in drag. Maybe she’s on to something…..
Or is Guy Fairy really Anne Burrell in drag?
Ouch, my head is exploding.
claire looks like a porn star. the first time i saw ann on the food network i thought she was 60
[...] FNH reader Sonia said it best: “It looks like Anne Burrell will need to schedule the next cookie swap party around her court [...]
Wow. The first video was so bad I watched all 3. Midway through the second, I was thinking, the only way this could be any better would be if Gina Neely were there. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Gina herself! And she made pig cookies! Then as a bonus, Aunt Drunkie shows up!
Can you imagine how dreadful your life would be if you were forced to show up for a cookie swap with that bunch? Lamest FN production evah.
Why is it whenever Anne’s hog-face appears she always looks like she just rolled around in dog shit and dirt? Just wondering.
OMG I FRICKING LOVE THIS SITE!!!
Why is Anne giving us the “I eat Pussy” sign in her intro, too?
So painful to watch!
And, really … ? The Latino chef Sanchez makes spicy chocolate cookies and the Neelys make pig-shaped cookies? Come on!! I expected Paula Deen to show up with her buttery butter cookies, too. So stereotypical.