Open Thread, Sandra Lee »
OPEN THREAD: Is this Sandra Lee’s Ugliest Christmas Tree Yet?
Published on: December 21, 2009 – 7:11 pm by Jillian Madison 
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You’re looking at a Christmas tree, with RED FUZZY BRANCHES that have been embellished with red silk flowers and glittery gold music notes. This clearly begs the question: IS THIS SANDRA LEE’S UGLIEST TREE EVER? Discuss amongst yourselves.
(from Saturday’s episode of Sandra Lee Celebrates on HGTV)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---VIDEO: Sandra Lee’s Drunk Christmas Tree---Sandra Lee Celebrates: The Sobiloff Family
---Merry Christmas from Sandra Lee
---Sandra Lee’s Ice Cream Baked Potato (Or Is It?)
---No One Is Safe This Christmas
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
I’m sure that tree has a very nice personality.
Holy shit. Ugliest tree in the history of Christmas trees.
I like how its sort of blurry. Almost like the camera couldn’t bear to take a fully focused picture of it for fear of breaking itself.
LOL!!!
A fake Christmas tree with red fuzzy branches? I didn’t even know they made that shit. Sandra Lee should be jailed for unleashing that hideous monster on the world.
It looks like Pizza The Hut from Spaceballs!
Haha…that’s funny Deven! I actually saw the trash heap from Fraggle Rock.
Oh Sandy,
Sandy, Sandy, Sandy…
What has happened to you? Where is that flare of embellished cool whip? That vodka-coma induced twinkle in your eye?
You have ruined Christmas
Over the Limit
and thru the woods
to grandmothers house we go
this Ho knows the way
in her vodka soaked haze
to stumble thru her shows…
BRAVO!!
It doesn’t even look like a tree. More like a giant pile of crap — perhaps candy — topped with a musical note that appears to be wearing a festive headdress.
I know,right? I thought the same thing. My first
thought was “Lawd, dis heifer done raided the dumpster!”
Yeesh. It looks like it’s bleeding.
So, I’m all about the Red n Gold Christmas thing. I mean, that totally works for me. But this tree looks like it belongs in a Dr. Seuss book, ya know? Please, someone, take it back to Whoville!
…did you mean Ho-ville? It’s already there, me thinks.
At least this one sorta has Christmas colors in it, even if it is stinkin’ ugly. But I think her ugliest one yet has to be the black and white one. Was she just in a really morbid hung-over mood that year or what?!?!?
the holiday hooker Christmas tree???? all it needs is fishnet stockings, icky!!!!
A Sandra-Lee-Semi-Ho Christmas Tale
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the park
Aunt Sandy went searching
For her trailer… well past dark!
With a sway to the left
And a swoop to the right
She stepped in some dog shit
To neighbors delight.
With a fluttering left eye
And two steps to the right,
She regained her composure
Stumbling on through the night.
Empty bottles of Vodka
Lay ahead in her path
“If Andrew drank the last bottle
He’ll soon feel my wrath!”
With a hic and burp
Leaning on her trailer door,
Her stomach did rumble
And tossed on the floor.
A search of the cupboards
No vodka in store.
She smiled in the mirror
Saying, “I’m a Food Network whore!”
“On Valium, on Vicodin
On Doucheman and Creamcheese.”
Santa yelled to his reindeer
With little appease.
A crash and a thump
On the roof then was heard,
“I hope it’s not Ina
That East-Hampton turd?”
Low and behold but what did appear?
A fat jolly man with an oversize caboose
Not Tyler, nor Duff, not even Big Daddy
But Santa himself tripping over an empty Grey Goose.
Meanwhile, up high, high up on the roof
Doucheman exclaimed, ”I’m taking a crap!”
Suzie Creamcheese took a whiff saying,
“I smell a hit show out of that!”
Santa oogled her tablescape and Aunt Sandy did ask,
“Try a corn nut from my precious Kwanzaa cake?”
“No thanks,” Santa pleaded clenching his bowels.
“You know my dear Sandra; black America thinks you’re a flake?”
“Oh Santa, oh Santa, What did you bring me?”
“A 10 year exclusive and a year’s worth of Botox!”
“No vodka? No vicodin? Not even some Valium?”
Santa paused, and then offered, “How about a year’s worth of detox?”
Aunt Sandy’s glare told him it was time to get going
The whole trailer park heard him scream in the night,
“Christmas on Food Network just ain’t what it was,
I should have listened to Byrdie! That woman’s not right!”
*Many thanks to TJay Farley for his assistance.
Happy Christmas everyone!
Standing O Tyler!
Tyler: You nailed Aunt Drunky. Kudos!
As Bobby on “The Sopranos” once said, “I stand in awwww-er of you.” Bloody fantastic, Tyler!
Great post Tyler. Had me laughing!
Oh Tyler Peel, You Get a 10! Real Good Funny!
Tyler, (as Ina would croon) ‘amaaaaazing’! Well done!! You painted a vivid picture of Aunt(hic)(burfpf)Sandy.
Merry Christmas to you and yours, my friend!!
What Aunt Sandy cocktail accompanied this tree?
I’m thinking about 5 martinis came before this tree.
I would say all Aunt Drunky’s taste is in her mouth, but I’m afraid there’s none left there, either.
Has everyone forgotten her drunk christmas tree where she hung ALL her barware upside down and topped it with a nutcracker with martini glass? Or have we moved on?
I just saw that ridiculous eyesore the other day. There are at least two problems I see with that idea.
1. What on earth are you supposed to serve your guests’ drinks in?
2. What happens if one of your guests stumbles due to the amount of alcohol that has to be in one of your horrid cocktail concoctions and knocks the tree down?
As much as I love clear glass ornaments, I can’t get past those two problems.
Oh and the nutcracker with the martini glass is just tack-a-rama.
Food Network stars can answer these holiday dilemmas you pose, Lizzie. Never fear!
1. Sunny Anderson: Viva Towels.
1. Alton Brown: Mason Jars. Now THAT’S a multitasker!
1. Ina Garten: Serve drinks empty hydrangea vases.
2. The Neelys: No worries; everything looks better lying down.
2. Rachel Ray: Will have that tree right back up in LESS than 30 minutes!
2. Guy Fieri: Pour tequila on it, light it on fire and call it Tannenbaum En Fuego!
Heehee
I have another solution for how to serve the drinks, use Sandy’s favorite method of just mixing the cocktails directly in your guests’ mouths.
For Guy Fieri, you have to add a Slamma Jamma somewhere in that title.
It’s a Christmas tree. It’s an aging drag queen. It’s two, two, two trees in one.
I’m thinking next year her tree will be covered in empty bottles of xanex and used botox needles.
She made baby Jesus cry with the monstrosity of forestry.
Elmo? ELMO! NOOOOOOOOO!
Is that a walker she’s holding? Probably propping her up from all the alcohol consumed while decorating that hidious thing!
Looks like she dunked that tree in the same stuff you make candied apples with.
It doesn’t have any Bitch Logs! WTF!!!!
Sandy walks through your door and your property values suddenly plunge.
That tree gave me nightmares.
WTF!!!!! This is the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen. Why didn’t she just put this along with her Kwanza cake and end all holiday cheer everywhere?
I don’t know why but I need to see this Martini tree for myself!?!? Any idea where I can catch a glimpse?
Just google Sandra Lee Drunken Christmas Tree and you’ll see a video. The video is blurry and doesn’t do the tree justice but you’ll see enough to get the idea. Check out the big ass 6ft nutcracker standing by the tree. I don’t think the video shows the top of the tree with a nutcracker holding a martini. My personal favorite is her Christmas Munchies show where she has the tree hanging upside down from the ceiling.The presents are against the ceiling. It’s just hanging there and looks ridiculous but in her world it’s “all the rage”.
I did this, and once I saw the video, I actually laughed out loud. I couldn’t help myself–it’s just so funny that this woman thinks this tree is actually presentable and “edgy” when it’s just ridiculous. She even says “of all the trees I’ve ever done, I think this is my favorite.” No mystery why! Oh, and by the way, the video DOES show the top of the tree with the nutcracker holding the oversized blue martini glass. It’s definitely worth a look. If you google it, the link saying “Sandra Lee Drunk Christmas Tree” is much clearer and in focus. Do go look–it’s hilarious.
Whoops, it changed. Now, google “Sandra Lee’s Cocktail Tree” or for an even easier look, just play the video that Jillian has so thoughtfully provided on this page. Thanks, Jill!
Thank you Sara and Jill.
Theme of the tree: The Red Menace.
It’s a scary day when a vodka-soaked brain has access to decorating materials. (shivers down my spine)
Quick Sandy’s drunk again, hide the hot glue guns and seed beads or no one is going to be safe tonight!
Is there really a tree under there? …a fake tree even?
It just looks like a pile of ornaments and tinsel all stuck together with hot glue.
It looks like one of those nasty chenille trees. Martha had one on her show the other day, it had very few decorations on it and personally I don’t know which version is worse. Naked the ugly thing looks like it is constructed of giant flaming red fuzzy pipe cleaners.
Is there even a tree under all that clutter?
Where’s the tree?
Garbage sandra. Just garbage.
Honestly, I’m a little disappointed that she’s not wearing a matching dicky, sweater and corduroys. She may have lost her knack for color coordinating everything.
That tree so belongs with Cousin Eddie and Catherine in the arrveee…just saw Christmas Vacation.
It looks like a Miami Beach Drag Queen exploded!
Now there’s an image.
shes a freakin idiot
Charlie Brown would laugh at this Christmas tree!
One drunken Thursday night, Sandra and the Deen Boys bet who could swallow that tree the fastest. They all won. Only Lee spits, the others swallow.