NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.
The Food Network: Closed Captioned (12/18/09)
---The Food Network: Closed Captioned
---Anne Burrell: Closed Captioned
---Bobby Flay’s Wife On Grill It
---Aaron McCargo, Closed Captioned For The Grammatically Impaired
Closed Captions »
The Food Network: Closed Captioned (12/18/09)
 |
[Ed. note: Did you ever watch the Food Network closed captioned? We have, and it can be hilarious! Every Friday, we'll post the funniest moments we saw that week. The best part? The captions are real - we didn't even have to make them up!]
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---The Food Network: Closed Captioned---The Food Network: Closed Captioned
---Anne Burrell: Closed Captioned
---Bobby Flay’s Wife On Grill It
---Aaron McCargo, Closed Captioned For The Grammatically Impaired
- Closed Captions
Filed Under
Post your comments
HELP US PAY THE BILLS!
If you enjoy the content on Food Network Humor and would like to help me pay the website bills, please use the "donate" option below. Any amount is greatly appreciated.
Thank you! -Jill
LISTEN TO THE LATEST PODCAST: Episode 20
THIS WEEK: Another tailgating weekend! Alex G's onion rings, an awful slow cooker experience, Ina & Jeffrey Garten's lame steak throwdown, Jennifer Hudson's annoying Weight Watchers commercial, Restaurant Impossible's cheap makeovers, and more.
DOWNLOAD/SUBSCRIBE:
Categories
- Best Of FNH (91)
- Closed Captions (20)
- FN on Facebook (5)
- FNH Google Search Terms (6)
- FNH Interviews (1)
- FNH Podcast (20)
- FNH Voicemails (1)
- Food Fight (5)
- Food Network Hosts (857)
- Aaron McCargo Jr (13)
- Adam Gertler (2)
- Aida Mollenkamp (6)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (5)
- Alton Brown (29)
- Anne Burrell (30)
- Bobby Flay (41)
- Claire Robinson (10)
- Dave Lieberman (1)
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice (30)
- Giada De Laurentiis (66)
- Guy Fieri (150)
- Ina Garten (78)
- Ingrid Hoffman (2)
- Paula Deen (139)
- Rachael Ray (112)
- Sandra Lee (144)
- Sunny Anderson (7)
- The Neelys (4)
- Tyler Florence (13)
- Foodie of the Week (1)
- General: Food Humor (107)
- General: Food Network (485)
- Letters To FNH (33)
- Lists (33)
- New Rules (3)
- Next Food Network Star (80)
- Next Iron Chef (18)
- Numbers in the News (2)
- Open Thread (6)
- Reader Submitted Posts (28)
- SHOW SWAP (1)
- Things We Hate (11)
- Twitter Conversations (35)
- Uncategorized (1)
- Worst Cooks In America (7)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER / DISCLOSURE/PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
65 Responses
we’re having hot dogs… i died when i saw that episode.
Man, the recession’s really starting to take its toll…
right. looked like a perfect day for a cookout on the beach. and those damn things weren’t hot dogs, they were sausages. there is such a thing as “good” hot dogs, y’know. ever tried usingers? yummthefyuckOH!
Mikey – yep. There are ‘good’ hot dogs…NATHANS RULES!!
I’ll have to 2nd the Nathans!
I thought she was pretty witty with the “warm my buns” bit seeing as how it was probably 39 degrees with a 40 mph wind. Anything for the dogs!!! Where was Michael and the flowers?
Guy (looking at his fat fingers): These are called dirty fingernails.
Oh god, I love Aunt Sandy in that second one. “HELP YOURSELF TO THE BAR. *BIG EYES*” Because you know she’s been helping herself to it all damn day before they finally managed to prop her up to do the show.
True. But, her rack looks fabulous in that shirt. Just sayin’.
I will never understand the lust Aunt Sandy’s saggy ole puddin’ cups stirs within otherwise rational straight men.
“It fits perfectly, doesn’t it” . . . weeeeeeee
I hate Paula, because apparently she’s having more fun than I am ;)
If you say so Paula, we’ll just have to take your word on it
Nothing says,”Happy Holidays” like my morbidly adorned, black & white Christmas tree. Party on Aunty Sandy!!!!
if you had caught the entire episode, which I didn’t either, you would know that it is all centered around matching with the Grey Goose bottle. ;) She does have that young ‘Norman Bate’s mother’ look about her with those crazy eyes.
I hate that episode of BC. Ina is planning a doggie party for her snotty friends and their snotty dogs and says to her rich snotty friend, “We’re having HOTTTTdogs”, at which point her snotty friend replies, “OH, IIII-na!” and Ina giggle and says, “Oh, the dogs will NEVVVV-er get the joke!(giggle, giggle)” It makes me want to throw up hotdogs all over her big black shirt.
This cracked me up!
Same episode where there are gale-force winds on the beach and they still plan this stupid bd party. Me thinks the producers were ‘barking up the wrong tree’….hahahahahaa
There are always gale force winds when Ina has a party on the beach. Have you ever seen Ina have a party on the beach when people weren’t wearing sweaters? Parties on the beach are soooo fun when it’s 50 degrees out with 20 mile an hour winds. I shouldn’t complain, though, because all this is preferable to seeing Ina in a bikini and all her friends in Speedos. Eating hot dogs.
Ina’s friends in Speedos…eating HOTDOGS? I mean, Ina’s “friends”??? Oh, ugh!!! But don’t worry about the other thing–Ina would never be caught dead in a bikini. I know this because Ina won’t even be caught dead baring her arms, for crying out loud! Okay, Ina, we know you have, ahem, a little bit of “extra skin”, okay? Now please, quit shrouding yourself in loose black clothing and trying to make us believe that it is just a fashion statement. Who do you think you are, Johnny Cash?
“…all this is preferable to seeing Ina in a bikini and all her friends in Speedos…”
I wouldn’t mind seeing TR wearing Speedos ;)
IMO, the ONLY ones who should wear a speedo are Olympic swimmers. Anybody else is just fooling themselves and grossing the rest of us out! blick.
I second that, Cherry Rose!
It’s obviously a given that all of her male friends are gay but I’ve also noticed that all of her female friends have horse faces. Must be all that good breeding.
or IN breeding
HaaaaaH! Good one Byrdie! Never comingle outside your own class!(Income level I mean)
Ina’s female friends obviously belong to that privileged group of equestrian-minded folks known as “the horsey set” ;)
Is it just me or does rayray look a little old in that screenshot?
Hilarious post!
i watch FN when i am on the treadmill at my gym and my fave caption (and i swear i am not making this up) is when Ina smooches one of her sooooooooo many rich friends on the cheek and the caption actually says “mwaa!”
good grief!
They actually caption “Mwaa” when Ina smooches one of her rich, ugly friends? Wow! That’s stupid! So then when she’s walking on the beach, do they caption the words, “Puff! Gasp! Puff!”?
OMFG that was hilarious!!!
Do they close caption Fieri’s farts, too? LOL
Giada’a giant mouth is almost the size of her whole big head! Also why dies it look like she has a black eye? Did one of her producer’s punch her in the eye when she over enunciated again?
ohhh Martin, it’s her smoky plum eye shadow you’re seeing. You know, Mzzzz Sexy.
“Giada’a giant mouth is almost the size of her whole big head!”
Can you imagine the garlic breath that’s emitted from that gargantuan piehole? Eeewww!
Thank God her baby looks like Todd. Isn’t that a crazy thing to think? Can’t take anymore of the giant freak mouth.
“In other words, party time. I’m Aunt(hic)Sandy”
I must begrudgingly admit that she looks very pretty despite those psycho-killer eyes. I’m wondering if that pic is taken when she’s straight or right after an episode of “triple V” (vicodin, valium, and vodka)? Are the sets (and tablescapes) designed from her dress or vice versa? I’m starting to have more appreciation for her show as lame comic relief rather than ‘how not to prepare food 101’. Now I want to watch her so I can guess what combination of prescription meds and alcohol she is on.
“These are called freckles, okay?” (Guy Fieri)
Which one is the cabbage? Someone call Bob Doucheman and tell ‘em you have a new marketing idea! The Guy Fieri Chia Pet. We can donate our royalties towards Bob Doucheman’s psychological treatments… oh wait, forget it… there has to be ‘intellectual property’.
Doucheman wouldn’t know ‘intellectual property’ if it bit him in the ass. All he sees is: $$$$$$$$
I watch Good Eats with the captions on sometimes, if my wife is asleep.
For some reason, they decided to include every “Uh” Alton says in the captioning. Which, of course, showed up A LOT.
It must be fun to transcribe Alton, uh uh uh uh.
LOL!
The aunt Sandy one is hilarious! the few times I watched her show I could tell how excited she got to make and then drink the cocktail! I don’t think that woman stays sober for long at all.
Great post!
Sandra’s skin looks like it’s an unnatural color. Sort of like peanut butter. And Giada looks like she’s about to bite someone’s face off.
Looks like a fake bake to me. Of course, standing next to that ghastly black and white tree would only serve to make anyone’s skin color look strange. Is the tree in mourning, or is black the newest festive color for Christmas?
That is a creepy tree, I agree!
It’s store bought ready made!
“It fits perfectly, doesn’t it?” Sure, Paula, whatever. Except for the fact that we are being treated to a front view and that hideous Mrs. Santa get-up obviously closes in the back, so how would we ever know if it fits or if there is an eight inch wide gap back there? I must say though, you married Mr. Right if you were planning on getting into dressing up like Mrs. Claus.
Going out on a limb here…when I see this pic with its caption I like to believe she is referring to Mr. Dean and not the suit, fitting perfectly…back there
Hysterical, Y’all!
I don’t mind Ina’s man shirts as much as I mind Gina wearing one that looks like she borrowed it from a 3 year old girl. And what color is it, Gina? It’s “guh-REEN.” Like the “guh-REEN beans” she makes with her every vomitous bbq meal.
Does NO ONE tell Giada to not make those faces? She’s a beautiful woman and a great cook but she’s going to rupture something one of these days. Couldn’t her wonderful-husband-Todd tell her to tone it down? I’m sure he makes enough money designing her boob shirts to make it on his own should she dump him.
We noticed Sandy Jean the Vodka Queen talks like that too. If she makes salad, then it will have a wonderful “du-ressing” on it, or if she’s in the mood for cocktails (hahahaha) she will make a “dee-licious fu-ruit du-rink”. Then, when she is done taping the episode, she goes outside and does some du-runk du-riving. How du-readful!
LMAO @ MichMom :) Too funny!
Don’t be hatin’ on Snookered Sandy. She has singlehandedly kept the alcohol industry and package stores in business. She is an giant (alkie) amongst us (sober) simpletons.
I was going to suggest that you need to find one of Ina saying “how bad can that be”, but then I got to this page and you basically did! They need to start a drinking game based on that phrase.
There’s not enough alcohol in the world …
Strap yourself down…that black hole in Giada’s face is going to start vacuuming up the entire universe in three…two…one…….
I can hear the ocean in my cell phone!!!!!
Good one, Froglegs!!
thanx Byrdie
Just wanted to add that I love this feature and can’t wait to see more of ‘em!
“I created elegant finger foods!!!!!!!!!”
I’m sure you did, Giada. I’m sure you did.
In other words, party time. I’m Sandra Lee.
I cracked up when I saw this. I can just imagine her saying that out of nowhere at a party and all the strippers come out.
Is Guy describing the lettuce or trying to explain his nether region?
Seriously, thank you for these closed captioned shots. They greatly improved my boring day at work.
Aunty Sandy looks like an oompa loompa in that episode.
Aunt Sandy looks like a drunk in that episode.