Letters To FNH »
Aaaaand, Here We Go Again (More Letters To FNH)
Published on: January 13, 2010 – 1:45 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Since Food Network debuted Worst Cooks In America, we’ve been getting tons of emails from people asking us how to get on the show. And let me just tell you, SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY. Join me on a brief journey through my inbox as I go over a few of my favorites, won’t you?
(As usual, my silent commentary will be in red.)
So here’s the story (of a lovely lady, who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls?) I suck…. wait!…. I SUCK!!! at cooking. (And apparently, also at punctuation. But please continue.) So, it is kinda funny that my two son’s Isaac 10 and Christian 6 (Boo Boo Christian) love to watch the food network and pretend they are going to eat all the wonderful things they see on all the shows. (Wait, your son’s name is… Boo Boo Christian? Please tell me you’ve already set up a therapy fund in his name?) My older son started watching when he was 5 (FASCINATING!) He has actually has (?!?!) recorded his own episode of me trying to make pancakes! Not to mention that the little guy will wave the food on T.V. toward him and say “bring it to Pa Pa..” (Gosh, I love hearing detailed stories about kids I’ve never met. Tell me more! Please!) They love to make fun of me and pretend to actually like some things, but truth is I don’t like my food. (So here’s a thought: pick up a cook book or shut up about it.)
So imagine, when they saw the commercial for ” Worst Cooks in America” last night. They flipped out. They started yelling for their Dad and I laughing hysterically (you know that sentence made no sense, right?) They hit rewind and and Isaac said, “ it’s YOU MAMA!” Christian said, “this your show Mommy”. (Here’s the thing, Angi. We don’t live in a world where kids get to put their parents on television.) My husband laughed, turned to me and said, ”this show was made for you. You have to get on there!!” (In case you missed the memo, husbands don’t get a say either.)
Well, I did come from a Mother that thinks burnt hamburger patty’s (patty’s?) and brunt fried Oatmeal are a staple in one’s diet. (Well that’s better than staples being a staple in one’s diet.) So, you can only imagine that it’s only been down hill for me:-( Anyhow, my point is I have got to get on the show!! (And you’re trying to do that by writing a letter to a humor site? Seriously?) What do I do from this point, because this one fit like a glove (or an oven mitt even :-) (I didn’t laugh at that, Angi. Just so you know.) I laugh just thinking about it. Please contact me and thanks for taking the time to read this.
Kind regards,
Angi Espinosa
hi my name is jeff i live st augustine fl and im a single parent my son is 13 and if you ask him I am the wost cook he wont eat my food its not good i think my food is good can I be on the show (Holy crap, Jeff. Take a breath and step away from the keyboard. No one cares that your 13 year old hates your food. He’s 13. He hates everything. So, no. You can’t be on the show. I suggest you instead go back to 2nd grade and learn how to use a period.)
Hi Jill,
I wanted to enter my wife Marcia into the worst food cooking contest and wondered if there is a forum for this. (There sure is! It’s called FOODNETWORK.COM. Are you sure you’re from Harvard?)
She is an avid watcher of your shows (Oh! I have my own shows now! Cool!) and not a bad cook all the time but sometimes she can really cook up a doozie. (Right. But can she pretend she’s never held a knife in her life? If so, she’s a great candidate for the show!)
We always have a backup plan when she cooks…fyi. (Thank you for informing me. I will file that in my brain right next to the other things I don’t really give a shit about.)
Warmest regards and Happy New Year
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Worst Cooks In America: The Video Game---Food Network Has The “Worst Cooks In America”
---Letters To FNH: The Good, The Bad, and The Just Plain Crazy
---Worst Cooks In America: Episode 1
---The Worst Of Food Network Magazine (June 2010 Edition)
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten porn, Giada's gone Chinese, a review of Giada's Parmesan Garlic Dipping Sauce, Paranormal Cake Challenge, Down Home with the Neelys and Gina's rude sister, NFNS recap, tons of listener mail, and more!
Wow, Harvard dude even had your name, and still didn’t clue in that he had the wrong site. LOL
A new low for humanity. Stupidity is a bottomless pit.
pronounsed?
Heh heh. I spotted that too.
Dear Lord. Proof they’ll let ANYONE into college these days.
Putz that diploma from a Ivy Leeg skool in a hole nu lite.
That was frickin’ hilarious!…but I’m now left with the discomfortingly sobering knowledge that people out there really ARE that clueless.
And they have a driver’s license. Scary.
Just the one? For all of them?
Haven’t read them yet but just wanted to share my excitement and say…YAY!
O lawd.
What a bunch of idiots. Anyone who can’t spell or uses improper grammar should be shot on sight.
Im so sorry! Please don’t shoot me!
Correcting Boo’s reply:
“I’m so sorry! Please don’t shoot me!”
And getting out of the way so Ferdd can take good aim.
:-D
Flyingroo- love ya! Sad thing is, I didn’t do that on purpose! My phone usually catches my oopses!
Hokd on foniks werkd fer mi!
Fried Oatmeal? Well there’s your problem.
Who the f*** fries oatmeal? Well the worst cook in america of course.
The same person who names her kid Boo Boo.
Well, actually it sounds Cajun to me!LOL!
Well f*ck this college! If that bozo can get into Harvard, I’m transferring…
Only idiots get into Harvard these days.
The “Harvard” guy probably works in the mail room ;)
Your mom goes to college
What is “brunt fried oatmeal”? It sounds French. Will you be posting a recipe for it?
Maybe it’s “blunt.” As in something dope-related.
Applause
I believe the reason people come to this site instead of fn is becuase you can’t navigate that frickin site! They are hopeing you will forward their messages for them. I have broad band and it is still so slow I give up on it!
Anqu Espinosa sounds like my first wife, despite the fake name.
I haven’t seen or spoken with her in ten years or more.
If you could PM me her email…..
On second thought, never mind.
that name is two letters away from my wife’s name.
difference being though she can cook circles around most…
Those were physically painful to read. I have to go take an asprin and a nap now.
I lol’d really hard at the ‘hi my name is jeff’ one.
Are you sure his 13 year old son didn’t write that?
Extremely hilarious, all of these.
Brunt Fried Oatmeal. So many many reasons it’s so mm, mm, good.
Hey Jillian, you think some of these idiots call FoodNetwork and ask for you?
The really scary thing is that these people are breeding.
My mum is tarded . Can someone send over a casserole if yur readin this.
HILARIOUS.
Hahaha, nice one!
Holy crap. After reading those idiotic emails, my IQ has dropped 30 points. But, by some miracle, my self-esteem has suddenly risen by leaps and bounds!!
@BOO BOO Christian-omfg, lmao!
OK my mind is now officially boggled
wtf
Here is a fried oatmeal recipe. Not sure what to make of the “brunt” part though.
http://www.recipezaar.com/Fried-Oatmeal-179706
Jillian, what can’t I meet a woman that is as witty as you?
Agreed. I’ve always found Jillian’s sense of humor and wit to be quite attractive. No shame admitting that.
Brunt must be part of the new vocabulary that includes “can I AX (ask) you a question” or “skrimp” (shrimp).
As far as Jeff goes, he looks like he doesn’t understand the difference between composing a letter and text messaging. I wonder if he knows he doesn’t get charged per character when he writes an email…
I love your shows too! You’re such an awesome TV host ;P
Hi Jill lol,
You put me on yur shows pleaz. I am gooder cook then Bobbe Flaie I can be on Iern Cheff and stuff like that. Since u own Food Netwerk I knows u can do me on teh showz. My kid Foo Foo sayz u haz to do it put daddie on TV now.
I like turtles.
A Daddie
LOL
i like turtles.
killed me. love it.
People still haven’t noticed the HUMOR in the name of the site? Or the lack of recipies?
Maybe if you changed the logo of the site to a tiny “Food Network”, with a huge “HUMOR” under it, it would help to clarify that this IS NOT FOOD NETWORK’S SITE!!
Ah, who am I kidding, you already put a very clear disclaimer at the bottom, and that didn’t help any.
To anyone who still thinks that this is Food Network,
here’s your sign:
[I'M STUPID]
If they are so eager to get on any show then FNH should start its own web series “Last Idiot Standing”. We’ll put them through a series of grueling tests (1+1=?) and keep eliminating them, if the last idiot standing finally figures out FNH is NOT affiliated to FN wins!
I think the first e-mail could have been written by Mayumi Heene
I kinda feel bad for Angi Espinosa! It seems English is not her first language and she probably doesn’t know how to surf the internet properly! But wtf is up with “Boo Boo Christian”?! LMFAO
In Caribbean english a Boo Boo is a stupid, sometimes ugly person. How mean for that mom to call her kid that.
Mama can’t cook, or spell or write, or find the right website, so she’s the numb numb. Also a perfect candidate for that STUPID show. Would love to see Anne’s face tasting fried oatmeal.