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Food Network Humor Voicemails: Week 1
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Food Network Humor Voicemails: Week 1
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We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
53 Responses
No words to express how much I enjoyed this. Oh and that 2nd caller does have the creepiest voice I’ve ever heard in my life.
I was really looking forward to this! My voicemail didn’t get played, but that’s okay! I loved hearing everyone’s opinions. I just have one suggestion, if you call in, say your name so we know who you are!
That was me. I did just inadvertently inhale one of Giada’s spices from Target. How did you know?
Note to Self: do not drink hot liquids while sitting in front of the computer screen while listening to the voicemails. It will always end badly.
ai chihuahua!
nice to hear jill’s voice though…y’know put a voice to the words?
one would think that the clever readership here could fend a wee bit better.
one might think that right?
Fee-etti.
Wha-eva.
It’s Doucheboy, people! Doucheboy.
Great to hear your voice Jill! I’ve been reading since the beginning and it was nice to put a voice to the face like Mikey said.
Keep those voicemails coming! I want to hear more of them!
Absolutely the funniest! LOL
Miss Jill, you should consider taking FNH to the airwaves. It woud be a huge hit! :)
We’re going to be launching an FNH Podcast this summer. Stay tuned!
I cannot wait to do this! It’s gonna be a great time guys.
Podcasts on top of this website AND pophangover? You lead quite the busy life Jillian, I must say. But the podcasts sound like a hoot!
Damn, I don’t know how to watch/receive/hear/whatever those. Do I have to have some specific hardware piece or something?
It will just be an MP3 file, Busta. You will be able to download them from this website, or download them through iTunes and put them on your ipods.
I’m a little worried for the woman whose life was complete now that she met Anthony B. at the Boston airport. Really?
chalk it up to the inexperienced zeal of youth.
really. wonder if anything would change had a one night stand stolen clothes purse and luggage been involved. for either party. now that right there would be a story at least.
or airport alcohol…
Jill, I figured you were going to rip into her for her life “being complete”. You were actually really nice to her. Surprised me. I wouldn’t have that nice, I don’t think.
I’ve met people I admired greatly. However, my life is not complete because of it. If it were, what would I do now?
That’s MY burning question: what is she going to do now?
That was my voicemail. Just to be clear, my life was not completed after meeting him. It was a figure of speech. Yikes.
Also, to be fair, I’m a serious fan of his and it was exciting to meet one of my idols. That is all.
Well, first off, good job on expanding your art. But, I have to add, put some relevant/relating pictures accompanying the audio track. Overlay your number, but Lord, I now know your number better than my wife’s. Also, the audio level was quite low. I almost had to put the headphones on to hear it from my shitty laptop speakers.
But what I do find amusing is the last call that rants about the White House vegetable fiasco. I’m glad any embarrassment of the WH is “thankfully forgotten in seven minutes”. Wasn’t there a post here about this? Hmmm.
I would add relevant pictures, if I had 92 years to make one video! It would take far too long to do that, and unfortunately, I don’t have that sort of time right now.
As for the volume, it sounds perfect on my computer. Is the volume slider turned up on the YouTube video itself? I’ll look into that for the next installment, though.
Yeah, I had the same problem. I couldn’t hear the first two callers except for mumbling. It was better as the recordings progressed. You came in loud and clear, tho, Jillian. And by the way, yer just tooo funny!!
The first caller was the Paula Deen lady, and she was loud. But that creepy 2nd guy definitely mumbled. That was part of the problem. Again, I’ll do my best to add audio engineer to my repertoire and get ‘er fixed for next week. That is, if you guys keep calling in.
Byrdie is right. You sounded good (nice to hear your voice, boss), but the volume was low all around. And yes, my YT player volume was maxed.
I had no problems volume-wise.
I am on a mac – not sure that matters…
I had my headphones in just so that I wasn’t playing this in the middle of the engineering building between classes, and it sounded just fine to me. My volume was at 15/50 with the headphones in and I could hear it loud and clear over the people walking around me. FYI I’m using a Lenovo T500.
You came through loud and clear on my laptop. I have external speakers, so maybe that was the difference.
Great job, Jillian!! This was a huge hit in my book! I think you now need a radio show.
Oh, man I loved this.
Question. Hypothetically, of course. If one were to get pretty tanked up and call, would cussing preclude one from making the voicemail reel? ‘Cause…it’s gonna happen. Eventually.
Swearing is perfectly fucking accepted.
fuckin’ a!
Oh Geez, Jillian, you just opened up a BIG can of worms (or material)! LOL
Wow, Jillian you sound hot. I had no idea.
I detect a slight new york accent.
I’m from CT and spend a lot of time in NYC, so that would probably explain it :)
I feel the third caller’s (Gina?) pain. That commercial is awful and makes me twitch.
I’m also so tired of the “Best Thing I Ever Ate” commercial that they play nearly as much as that terrible “Talk the Talk” one. If I hear Alex Guarnaschelli say “crunchy topped pie,” I will scream!
Great job, Jill!
That was enlightening. I thought that “Walk the Walk” song was by Gretchen Wilson. Oh well. Still hate it.
Hangs head and ass in shame! Yep that was me! I couldn’t play it until Jillian did something when she added the type to the YouTube! Go figure. And I also had volume problems except for Jillians voice! Hey, if I sound like ol Pauler, maybe the creepy 2nd caller was Captain Michael!!!
LOL!! Boo, I have just respected you even more after hearing you call in.
Boo, I loved your call. It was hilarious. YOU DO sound like Paula Deen. Props for having the balls to call!
LOLOLOL! I knew it was Boo the instant I heard it! What a surprise! Love me some Boo!
BOO, I could listen to you all day. I loved it.
Hilarious, BOO! What a great accent.
Oh, Jillian. I don’t know how much you get paid to do this, but honey, it ain’t enough. Nice to hear your voice though. Maybe I’ll have my fifteen yo daughter, who does a spot on Ina impersonation, call in for next week. HOW bad could THAT be?
I don’t get paid anything to do this! Hell woman, I lose money every month on this shit. But thank you kindly!
I should have realized that. Well, you should be paid for the entertainment value on this site anyway. You are hilarious!!!
Jill, if you aren’t already a radio personality you should definitely become one :P
This is great feature. THX. Looking forward to more.And to giving you crank call at some point.
+ I like your voice. Just where are you from? (or from where are you)
You sound like PNW.
Great job, Jill, I look forward to the next one.
Nutmeg… the first time I heard a TV chef talk about that, it was actually Julia Childs. Her advice was to use nutmeg so that people could taste something, but never enough so that they knew what it was. “You never want them going ah, that’s nutmeg.” I can’t, for the life of me, remember what she was cooking. I had to laugh when I heard the Sunny thing.
Exciting. I’m on the voicemail round up post thing talking about Anne and Guy in the douche-off. That was my best attempt to breathe and talk at the same time after I ran out of allergy medication and didn’t have the funding to buy more until a few days later.
I also apologize for pronouncing Guy’s last name as he does. I panicked as soon as the message started recording and backed away from the A material.
Love the feature. Very entertaining variety of calls.
I’m the Matt from Buffalo that called in about Guy. I was nervous calling in, but I’m glad I got through; thanks, Jillian! Also, about Ferry vs. Fietti: after hearing his name during the few minutes of that show (Hi, I’m Guy Fietti, and..) it was the first thing to come out of my mouth. That’s why I stumbled and said “whatever his name is.” ;P
That was me talking about Sunny Anderson and the nutmeg. When Jillian mentioned the Ina show I started cracking up. Sorry I didn’t say my name, I always sound silly on the phone.
Can you do a special podcast with the chick from Regretsy? You two and her would be PERFECT fit.
omg that girl who called about Anthony Bourdain in the airport sounded EXACTLY LIKE ME. I talk just like her (I’m 23) and I would say everything she said. It takes a secure woman to realize that she has the potential to sound as stupid as a girl who left Jillian a voicemail.
Yeeeah…I like your humour, a whole lot, but…heh, here we go, and I’m going to try and do this without raging, because that’s not the case here.
The Poe song. The lyrics do make sense, if given in context of her album. I blame Food Network for the whole thing–they took one song out of a concept album (meaning it was telling a story, about Poe’s relationship with her father actually–at least in part), and made it into a COMPETITION THEME. It’s not a good use. But it was a use.
So, don’t blame Poe for bad lyrics until you’ve listened to the entire set it comes from. >.> Sorry, she’s one of my favourite singers, and it just seems a little ignorant to call her lyrics bad.