NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.
Brief FNH Hiatus!
---Alton Brown Will Be On Sunday’s Premiere of Next Food Network Star
---MAY 2013 UPDATE: FNH IS NOT DEAD. IT’S ON HIATUS.
---What’s In Our Inbox: E-mails From FNH Readers (Part 2)
---Food Network Humor Podcast: Episode 1
Open Thread »
Brief FNH Hiatus!
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Hey everybody!
As you may know, I’m currently in the middle of moving and completing massive repair work on my new home. I’m doing all of the labor myself, so it’s been a slow-going process. My closing date is this Friday and I still have an obscene amount of work to get done, so it’s crunch time!
I won’t have time to update FNH until Sunday or Monday. Until then, feel free to use this as an open thread to talk about Food Network stuff, or head to the forums to talk about whatever you’d like.
Sit tight – more news, photos, show recaps, and FNH voicemails are on the way!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---FNH Forums---Alton Brown Will Be On Sunday’s Premiere of Next Food Network Star
---MAY 2013 UPDATE: FNH IS NOT DEAD. IT’S ON HIATUS.
---What’s In Our Inbox: E-mails From FNH Readers (Part 2)
---Food Network Humor Podcast: Episode 1
- Open Thread
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We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
90 Responses
Jill, good luck with it all!
Congratulations! A new home owner!! Homeboy Depot will be your new best friend!!
So happy for you. Cheers to you and your new home!
Best wishes for lots of energy to get it all done!
What a Happy Valentine’s Day to have!
Don’t forget to do a change of address! Hehe!
During the move be sure and take a few minutes to play with your pups, it’ll do all of you good. I hope everything goes well.
You’re doing all the repair work yourself???? How the hell have you had time to update the site at all I’ll never know. Good luck with it all, we’ll be waiting :)
Fine. I’ll wait. As long as you post more “Say It With Ray” when you get settled.
I want to see pictures of this new place. You should start another blog about your life. I’d read it!
(Wait, that sounded stalkerish didn’t it)
Waaaaaaah! How will I go that long without a FNH fix? (OK, I’ll suck it up…) Good luck with your move & all your renovations!
Congratulations and best wishes in your new digs, Jillian!
Moving sucks. Good luck with everything Jillian!
Good luck with all of your projects! We will try to keep ourselves amused and stay out of trouble until you return :)
Have a good move, Jillian!
We’ll all be here waiting – with bait on our breath ;)
Best of everything, Jillian! We won’t do anything while you’re gone.
Will miss you! Good luck on the closing though. Thanks for all the giggles you provide. :)
Congratulations on your new house! I hope all goes well!
Ugh, I just had a flashback to my last move four years ago and the painting and the scraping and the packing and the hauling…my back has never recovered! Hope your move goes really smoothly, Jillian!
Best of luck with the move, Jillian! If you need any help, call me!
Take your time, and best of luck with the move and repairs.
Congratulations, Jillian! What an exciting time for you.
Best of luck with your move, Jillian!
We’ll miss you! Now’s the time to collect on all the favors people owe you!!!
Yeah, get Lisa Krueger to haul some boxes.
As everybody else said before me, congratulations on your new home and best of luck with your move! There will be things that go wrong (there always are) but everything will turn out all right in the end and nothing beats the feeling when it’s ALL DONE!
Congrats and good luck with the move!
Hope you have been watching the DIY network too!
Awesome! Congrats and good luck with the move!
You’ll probably need a separate moving van for all the cases of Pepsi Throwback you’ve been hoarding!
Good luck with everything, Jillian! We’ll be waiting eagerly for your return.
I hope you never come back. You are a mean, talentless bitch.
Hmmm…and yet, here YOU are. Who is holding a gun to your head to come to this website? Go away now.
Ignore them. It is just the chemical runoff from Sandra Lee’s Liver! (No offense Sandra Lee’s Liver in name sake only!)
Giada?
Canduce?
I would think it was Guy Whatever-You-Do-Don’t-Use-My-Real-Last-Name, except they used correct spelling and grammar.
Dear Food Network personality,
At least have the balls to leave your real name.
Love,
Jill
Taking a little break from organizing your greasy sunglasses and obnoxious bowling shirts collections, Guy?
It’s Flay taking time out from polishing his freckle dick!!
We either have some FN flunky or perhaps someone’s stalker who is trying to protect their favorite FN ‘personality’.
Or perhaps some loser with too much time and goes around reading website they don’t like.
I think what Not A Fan Of You meant to say was, ‘Come back Jillian! You’re an honest critic of Food Network and all of its, ehem, personalities, and your quick wit is to die for!’
Except, he or she is either brainwashed by all of the fakery and people void of a soul (personalities)on FN, or they are somehow related to said people. I’m not sure if this is possible, Not A Fan Of Yours, but, you may wanna try getting a room with the Food Network. I’m sure that tacky-ass hotel that Guy Fieri was promoting On the Price Is Right, will do just fine. FYI, pack a lot of phenobarbital, too avoid the seizure enducing decor. :)
I actually have epilepsy, and I speak from experience when I say that all phenobarbitol will do is put you to sleep. Oh, it will help you avoid seizures, all right, but that will be because you’re unconscious. In my early days (junior high) I was put on phenobarb, and when I went to school they showed a film in science class. Boom! that was it. As soon as the lights went down, so did my head on the desk. The teacher had quite a bit of difficulty waking me up after class. That was the end of THAT med for me.
But I agree about the decor at the Argonaut. I wouldn’t dare stay there. Pack Dilantin instead.
There must be an Aunt Sandy book we can send you for this occasion? “Tablescapes for the New Homeowner” :-)
OMG could you imagine the lush-fest of alki-hol that would be present at a Aunt Sandy moving party?
Be fun.
Not many boxes would get moved though.
I think the least we could do is have Ina come over with a humongous basket laden with homemade goodies and have her fellas stage your new home with flowers and other fabulousness! :)
Happy moving!
Anne B’s “Spaghetti and Meatballs” segment was very informative – among other things, she likes her “balls medium size” (who knew? who would guess?)
Didn’t she also like her balls saucy if I remember right?
I’m still a little shocked every time I’m reminded that she likes balls at all.
Good luck, Jillian, and happy valentines day!
Some very special (SFW) roses just for you:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/genrecreative/3789105089/
Ha ha! Hilarious photo. Bacon roses? Wow … just, wow.
Hope the moving is going well, Jillian. We’re all anxiously awaiting your return!
I have a great story for everyone. Yesterday I flew home from New Orleans, and as I’m walking through the Airport my partner Matt pointed out a woman sitting in the terminal. He goes “I think that’s Rachael Ray sitting there”. I turn an look, and sure enough it’s good old Rachael and John. They were both sitting there in total silence, and it felt too awkward to go up and ask for a picture.
A few minutes later, as we are waiting in the security line, Rachael rolls up right behind us. Someone came up and congratulated her on being in a Mardi Gras parade, and she replied with some lame comment like “Oh my I’m still cold from the float.”
Then came the kicker. Clearly annoyed that someone said something nice to her…she and John proceed to walk to the front of the security line, and cut right in front of a family with small children. The mom very curtly says to Rachael “Um…there’s a line.” Rachael completely ignores and cuts in front of everyone in line.
What a bitchy thing to do! Granted, I understand that it must get annoying being bothered by fans, but does that give you the right to do whatever you want? I’m sure Rachael is loaded. She’s got her cooking shows, the talk show, endorsements and all of that cooking ware. If you didn’t want to be bothered, why would you be flying a public airline? Why not charter your own plane?
I never really liked Ray Ray to begin, and this makes me like her even less.
Great story Andy. This just reaffirms my dislike of this completely useless person.
It’s unbelievable how arrogant celebrities (and I use that term loosely when referring to Ray-Ray and any other FN droogie) can be. Wish I had been the gate attendant. Here’s how it would have gone down:
RAY-RAY: But I’m Rachael Ray, the famous Food Network personality, and I don’t think I should have to wait in line with the unwashed masses.
GATE ATTENDANT: Shut up, bimbo, and march your ass to the end of the line.
….and take your greasy monkey husband with you!!
What a Bum-O!
Oof, Andy, that is despicable behavior on Ray Ray’s part! Glad you shared it here.
Is it just me, or does she come off as a total bitch in her “Delish” dog food commercials?
Oops, I meant “Nutrish”. Ugh….”delish” and “nutrish” are both terms that make my flesh crawl. (shudder)
I will never understand why there are people out there who feel the rules of common courtesy do not apply to them. Rachael Ray made a name for herself by being a “woman of the people” – real, down-to-earth, and friendly. I have heard far too many stories about how she’s actually quite rude. At first, I thought she probably suffered from “successful female” syndrome. But, the evidence it simply too compelling.
The woman is a bitch.
I agree with everyone. It’s obnoxious because the image that Ray Ray has created for herself, through her cooking shows and talk show, is that of the everywoman. If I ran into Ina in an airport, I’d expect her to be a snob. That’s because she has never attempted to be anything other than a pretentious, upper-class millionaire from the Hamptons. I respect her for that, actually.
But for Mrs. Ray to brush people off and then completely disregard the rules of courtesy…please! The best part is that she cut off a family with small kids…how completely ignorant!
how many times a week are they gonna show the barefoot contessa episode with the “secret ingredient” that “unlocks the flavor”??? You know, the one with coffee in the chocolate cupcakes and terragon in the chicken salad, and the damn lemon zest in the scones. ENOUGH ALREADY.
Exactly why I stopped watching Ina a couple months ago. The reruns are ridiculous and the ‘new’ shows are all a rehash of recipes she’s done on other shows. Boring and a waste of time.
And as far as the “secret ingredient” show, I think I’ve seen it at least 7 times. Let’s see….lemon, tarragon and coffee….
Don’t forget “lardons” – oh, that’s Melissa!
Jillian – you have to check out the photo of Evander Holyfield’s wife on TMZ’s site; she looks enough like Giada to be a shirt-tail cousin :)
Peaches, can you provide a link to the photo? I went to TMZ’s site and couldn’t find it easily, and I got too frustrated with all their slow-loading crap. I Googled an image search for Candi Holyfield, and what I first came up with looked nothing like Giada. But then I found this: http://www.nowboxing.com/2010/02/only-dr-phil-can-save-evander-holyfields-marriage/8308/
And now I see a resemblance!
Oops, I should have added that you have to scroll down in the above link I provided to see her photo; it’s the one farthest on the right in a three-person shot further down the article.
EEEWWW. Does not look like Giada. Yuck city.
Actually, she does, a little. And that’s why it’s yucky.
Could be her half sister!
Actually, “Betty”, I sent it to Jillian – got confused.
I guess everyone’s interpretation of brief is different.
I just got the new computer and television set up. Hang in there. Updates will resume shortly.
Welcome back, you have been sorely missed.
YAY!!!! I’m starting to go through withdrawal.
Hey, moving takes time. Take care of YOU. (You are missed though) :)
I just read that NBC has extended Guy’s stupid game show to two hours on it’s premier night Sun March 14. How lucky for us. The skills he needs for this job- talking and standing. NBC is guaranteeing themselves to stay in fourth place of the 4 major networks.
Ugh, the only time I watch NBC is for the Olympics, and I have to watch the nonstop commercials for Guy’s stupid game show and the Marriage Ref. So Alec Baldwin is giving marriage advice? Really?
It could be worse. Baldwin could be giving parenting advice!
Actually, I suspect the mother had more to do with that little debacle than Baldwin did. I get sometimes when your daughter is just so rude and uncontrollable that you totally lose your temper and all restraint; I think it probably happens to every parent at some point. It’s just unfortunate that he happened to have a microphone listening in at the time. Now, marriage advice, on the other hand…I don’t think I would take any of his.
At least it isn’t reality TV whore Stephen Baldwin.
I guess NBC will still stand for Nothing But Crap!
“will” stand for? I think that ship has sailed a while back. :)
GAAAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Am I the only one that thinks that Brian Boitano looks even more feminine than usual in “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” commercial? You know… The one they show a thousand times a day? LOL
Miss u Jillian!
Why can’t we just remember Brian Boitano for the champion he was? Why do we have to have his sexual orientation jammed down our throats?- no pun intended!
Uh, the fact that 90% of the people in the world is straight is jammed down our throats every time we see a man and woman kissing on TV…what’s the big deal?
Agreed!
Ditto.
I also wanted to thank Jillian for this great site and I wish her the best on her new home.