Alton Brown, Letters To FNH »
The Story Of One Fan’s Ridiculous Alton Brown Encounter
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[Ed. note: Most of the time, celebrities are completely clueless about the hoops fans have to jump through in order to meet them. Take Ashli for example, who recently wrote to FNH to share her frustrating story of simply trying to get a book signed by Alton Brown at a BJ's in Georgia last month. According to Ashli, when she finally did meet up with Alton, he cordially spoke with her - and then referred to the female dancers on Dancing With The Stars as "skinny ass bimbos." Oh Alton. You're such a bad ass.]
Hi FNH!
Last month, I went to an Alton Brown event. I took my “Good Eats: The Early Years” book with me for him to sign, but the stupid venue wouldn’t allow me in with it because I had not purchased it there. That pissed me off, but I took it back to my car and then went back in to get in line. However, I was then stopped and told I couldn’t go talk to Alton without having a book. By this point, I was livid, but I went to the book section of the store, picked up a copy of “I’m Just Here for the Food” and went up to the counter to purchase it. Then, the lady tells me that I can’t buy it because I don’t have a membership to the store (BJ’s Wholesale Club). Anyway, at this point, I completely lost it. I was not going to pay $50 for a membership to a store I’d never visit again, plus $25 for a book, when I already had a book for him to sign in my car! I couldn’t hold back my temper anymore and I gave that lady a piece of my mind. I guess she got the message because she then pulled out her own employee membership card and scanned it just so I could get my book.
Anyway, I finally got in line to talk to Alton. There were only about 30 people standing in it at this point (apparently other people were having similar issues to what I’d been having, but they chose to leave). As I got up to Alton and his people, I could hear them apologizing to people and complaining about how the store was running this event. They were making it clear that it wasn’t Alton’s fault of course. I was the last person in line and when I got up to Alton he still had about another hour or so to sit there and sign autographs. Anyway, since no other people were there at the moment, he actually took the time to talk to me. We talked about Mark Dacascos and his stint on “Dancing with the Stars”. Alton’s been asked twice to go on there, but he told me that he “didn’t want to dance with some skinny ass bimbo” and that if he were to go on there and win, he would “lose his status as a badass!” Then after speaking with me for a few moments and posing for a picture, he said, “Now be gone with you!”
Well, I just wanted to share my ridiculous Alton Brown experience with you. I’m including pics from the event. Feel free to use them if you want.
[Ashli, we're sorry you had such an awful experience. And Alton, we're sorry you had to stand in front of that stupid plastic sign and autograph books next to the feminine hygiene aisle.]
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Whoa, Alton Brown Is SKINNY---Dear Alton Brown, The Internet Is Worried About You
---Alton Brown, Upon Finding Someone Drank The Last Of His Welch’s Grape Juice
---Happy Birthday, Alton Brown
---Alton Brown Celebrating 10 Years Of “Good Eats” With Live Shows
- Alton Brown
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97 Responses
Woa, he looks like a skeleton!
I’m not sure I believe this story….There are some looney people out there, afterall.
Have you ever shopped at a half-assed BJs? I believe every word of this story. Poor Alton, shilling his Skeletor ass at a big box boondoggle. We still love ya AB!
Skeletor ass! Hee hee!
badass?
now be gone with you?
who the fuck does this guy think he is?
I mean I know who he is and love his damn show own two of his books but holy smokes dude try on a little humility.
That’s why I can’t sit through an entire episode of Good Eats: he tries to be funny and simply isn’t. Okay, that and all of the “uhs.”
Well, I found those comments to be sarcastically said. And I like Alton’s humor. Snarky and right to the point. But I guess I like it because I practically grew up with Good Eats. But, people will have different senses of humor.
I’m sure he was joking. Alton Brown is one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met. He had a really good episode of Good Eats on a bit back about his weight loss. He’s eating extremely healthy which is why he’s lost so much weight. I’ve been trying to eat the stuff he’s been eating and I have to say I feel really good. I haven’t tried the Sardine sandwiches yet though.
The sardine sandwich is actually pretty good. It reminds me of tuna fish.
I thought it was obvious that he wasn’t serious about that.
+1
He was joking. I would have laughed.
Lighten up.
It’s called sarcasm! Good lord, people, get a grip!!
Although he’s so skinny, why does it look like he has breast buds? (2nd pic)
Uhhhhh…..’Be gone with you’ sounds exactly like AB. Why take offense, maybe he needed to pee. Can’t imagine he actually enjoys these visits, part of the BS of hawking a book.
BTW, I wouldn’t expect to walk into a BJ’s without a membership, and not have to buy a book — FROM THEM. Sorry Ashli. Aren’t his Whole Food visits similarly arranged–you buy a book from elsewhere? Anyone been to one of those?
My thoughts as well.
I thought that as well. Do you go to a bar charging a cover and ask to be let in for free since you REALLY like the band and expect to be able to bring in your own alcohol too? Of course what do you expect from someone with a name spelled like that… “Ashli”, seriously?
5 years ago, I saw Alton at Harry’s Farmer’s Market as he was shopping. He was very, very nice. He was just shopping and I passed by him without even realizing it was him until my daughter who was a baby at the time pulled at his shirt while I was passing by. He smiled, said hi to her, and said “cute kid and cute mom.” I was also very pregnant with my son at the time too. I realized it was Alton and said thanks. I did not make a big deal of it or go “OMG AB!!!!!!!!” because he was just there to shop.
Back then, he seemed like a very normal guy and would shop and hang out around the Marietta Georgia area. We moved since then so I don’t know how it is now.
Believable story. Sounds like classie AB’s dry sense of humor. I’m sure he didn’t mean to cause offence or that he actually thinks of himself as a badass. He is a super nerd, after all.
the security guard looks like Jose Garces. =]
OMG! That’s EXACTLY what I was thinking! I was like, damn, being an Iron Chef must not pay well… lol
Yeah I’m not surprised by how they ran the event, that’s how most work. Although it is completely ridiculous and annoying!
The “membership/buy the book here” policy is inherent to the whole BJ’s experience and compliance is expected. It is, after all, a club. It was very nice of the store clerk to let Ashli slide. I believe the story and thank Ashli for sharing it. I’m sure the be gone with you remark was his attempt at humor. I think the real quote is “Begone, before somebody drops a house on you” but he sanitized it so as not to be too insulting.
Why do a book signing at BJ’s. Never been to one. Don’t know any one who has.
Glad they had the beefy security guard on hand.
I’ll bet AB is still yelling at his staff for booking (pardon the pun) him at that store!
why the heyelll would you expect to be able to bring a book you bought somewhere else to a BJ’s? And why the heyell would you expect to not have to be a member to buy anything at a BJ’s? And why the heyell am I saying “heyell” so much? I dunno… sorry…
Anyway, Ashli is not living in realityland with the rest of us… ok, MOST of the rest of us… and his “now be gone with you” comment is perfectly in line with his persona… his dry, goofy, geeky humor.
I do have to admit that Alton went from NORMAL looking to scary sick eating-disorder looking… no likey
I Spend alot of cash at that store but ordered my book from Amazon. If I had gone and been told I had to buy another book there……well just damn.
It’s a book signing, which almost always requires you to purchase the book being signed, at a warehouse store that requires a membership in order to make purchases.
Their policies on requiring both a membership and a book purchase are not surprising at ALL.
I love how the “cop” has his eyebrow raised like he’s trying to act all cool there, even though he’s just a rent-a-cop working at a department store.
I live only minutes from that BJ’s and considered going when I heard he was going to be there. I am even a member already.
Having to purchase a book there to get an autograph is pitiful. Shame on his handlers and BJ’s wholesale club for that bullshit.
However, it sounds like AB was just trying to be funny, albeit without success.
Just my two cents worth! =)
Sigh! The whole point to BJ’s doing a book signing is so you, the customer, will (1) be enticed to buy a book with the added bonus of getting a superstar celeb AB signature (2) spend more $$ on food to make an AB recipe if you’re a member, and (3) buy a membership. MARKETING 101. If you buy your book elsewhere, BJ’s makes nothing. It’s a marketing event, so BJ’s isn’t the bad guy, AB’s handlers aren’t the bad guys, AB isn’t the bad guy, no one’s a bad guy.
Right, entice not force. If you are gonna make a point, think it through and make an attmept to word it correctly.
Never heard of BJ’s, not in my area.
Alton, please rewatch your old coconut cake episode and remember, if you can, how good food can be. If that doesn’t work, check yorself into a clinic!
Sad to say, but AB looks like death warmed over. jmo
This sounds more like a problem with BJ’s than Alton Brown. My brother went to a signing a few years ago in Austin,TX at a Barnes and Noble or something similar. He said Alton Brown was incredibly gracious and accommodating to his fans. He was only scheduled to sign books for 2-3 hours but given the long line of people, Alton made a announcement not to worry that he would stay to sign each and every book to everyone waiting in line. My brother said he was in the first quarter of the line and it still took him six hours to see Alton Brown and when he did see him, he was patient and funny. He still has the photo of him and Alton Brown hanging in his room. This was a few years ago, so I don’t know if things have changed with him or you just had an unfortunate event.
Six hours to get this nerd’s signature??!! Nobody’s signature is worth that.
And I’m in agreement with others – this man is a bag of bones. He’s in no position to call anybody “skinny.”
I don’t know, friend.
I would stand in line for 8 hours to get a signature and a handshake from Peter Cullen.
Wow…sounds like that venue needs to work on their P.R. skills. I’m glad you finally got to meet Alton though!
(And he IS skinny now!) Yikes.
Having met AB several times, I can stay he is a very gracious and wonderful person to his fans.
The “Now be gone with you” comment is so AB. Last year I saw him in DC and spent the weekend talking with him several times and the last time I saw him I asked for him to sign a magazine. I forgot to have him sign it earlier, I asked if he would sign it since I may have used my quota of visits for the weekend. He signed the magazine, we talked some more then told me I had used my quota now and to go away.
When I saw his picture at the bottom of the article, I actually audibly sucked in and said, “Oh my GOD!” Which wouldn’t have been such a big deal had I not been at my desk with other people in my office…
I must agree with others on here – AB looks absolutely horrible. Perhaps he is ill. He is only in his early/mid 40′s but he looks much older. Scary.
Sorry, gotta jump in here since I went to this exact signing…and had absolutely no issues at all.
I think it’s pretty obvious, like many of you have said, that you wouldn’t be able to use a book you’ve previously purchased elsewhere. That’s always been the stipulation at any signing I’ve gone to, whether for author/musician/otherwise. When I walked up to the entrance, there was an employee at the door asking people if they were there for the book signing. I said yes, and she pointed me in the direction of the books (which were right by the registers). I walked right up to an empty register, and bought the book. No membership. No hassle. Nothing. I suppose Ashli’s cashier was uninformed, because I had no issues at all. My cashier asked if I was a member, and when I said no, she just scanned her card. I got there about 30 minutes early, and was probably the 15th person or so in line. The signing started at 11am…and I was back to my car by 11:15am, so it wasn’t that poorly orchestrated, if you ask me. Granted, Alton’s table was a bit awkwardly positioned at the end of an aisle, but everything went smoothly and I thoroughly enjoyed speaking with him. I told him thanks for not speaking down to his viewers with words like “EVOO,” “delish,” and “yum-o.” He told me he never talked down to his viewers, but joked that he always looked down on them- to which I replied, “Well, after standing in this line, so do I.” Seriously, there were some…interesting people waiting to see that man. He laughed, and told me to be careful, since I was still near them. Then he said that words like “delish” aren’t even real words, and were just sounds invented by rich people. I laughed, we took a picture, and I went on my merry way.
Anyways, sorry for what is probably going to be viewed as a pointless recap of the experience, but I had to at least offer a different take on the event. AB was extremely nice, but still delightfully snarky as expected. If you can’t handle his sarcasm, then why watch his programs? If he’s snarky, just give it back to him. I did.
(& sorry, I just realized that she ended up buying “I’m Just Here for the Food,” not “The Early Years”…so yeah, that’d explain why the whole membership issue came up with the cashier.)
Book signings are frustrating. The first one I went to was for rayray at Sur Le Table. Didn’t take a book, because I assumed I would have to buy the book there. Get there, with daughters in tow, they tell me I need to have a book already. So we run down the mall to the bookstore, buy the damn book. The signing was from 3-5, it was 4:40, and the damn bitch was leaving! Said she didn’t feel well. I cried all the way home, this was in 2005, the official end of my love for RR. Next time I went to the same venue for Booby. Lines abound. They’re serving virgin margaritas in Dixie bathroom cups. Hello! If you want to keep the masses happy, put a little tequila in there. This time the rule was you had to buy the book there. When it was my turn, they had someone who would write your name and all he had to do was sign it. I had seen him on the very early news that a.m., like 7, so I asked him if he was tired- he was very arrogant. Guess what? 35 bucks, I’ve never even looked at the stupid book! And then RR fell into her obnoxious new self, and I have been waiting for years to bitch about this!
Um….have you never been to a book signing before? Yeah, the store wants you to buy a book…that’s why they had AB there! This is how it’s done, no matter if it’s a Barnes & Noble, or small local bookseller. You obviously turned everyone off with your tantrum.
Ashli, I have to agree with some people here that most of your complaints were unjustified. While I agree that it’s complete BS that you can’t bring in any of your own books (I went to a Giada signing at B&N and plenty of people brought in their own) I would expect that you would have to buy a book from them too. They are in the business of making money after all. And it’s a BOOK SIGNING so of course you can’t just get in line without having anything to sign. And yeah, you have to have a membership to buy things there, that’s just the way these wholesale clubs work. Why should everyone else have to follow the rules but you? As someone who spent many years in retail it bugs me that you went off on the poor cashier that was just following what is store policy. She didn’t have to let you use her membership and if someone had found out she could’ve gotten fired. But I’m sure she was glad to just get rid of you. Cool that you got to meet him and spend a few minutes with him though.
Alton looks like he runs every day and eats well. He does not look sick at all.
people who go to cd/book signings ought to be shot
but im sure you’d go to an a-rod ball signing in a heart beat, right?
People go to these events for their own reasons, and saying they should be shot is actually pretty fucking silly.
I’m from central Indiana, and I have never heard of this store before. But seriously, BJ’s? Is that the best name they could think of?
BJ’s is a small wanna be Costco or Sam’s club. I got the pleasure of shopping there when I lived in NJ.
@zyncooktop, I am trying to figure out if by “Booby” you are referring to Bobby or Giada!! X)
LOL ! It was Flay, and my last book signing!
My husband is seven years older than Alton and looks much younger than AB. Skeleton is right. Either he’s ill, or dealing with the toadies at FN has aged him tremendously.
I’ve only been to a couple book signings, but I gotta tell ya – the best part was talking to the nut jobs standing in line around me.
:-D
He looks like shit. And he sounds like a real dick.
He was being snarky. I find his attitude quite refreshing.
Have you ever met the man? Making a blanket, perjoritive statement, like ‘he sounds like a dick’ is rather a rush to judgement, don’t you think? I met him last October, and because the event was run with very strict rules, I got the impression that those rules were his ideas, and was prepared to be disappointed.
I was pleasantly suprised, however, when my fiance and I actually met the man, and he turned out to be gracious, attentive, and incredibly genuine. He would not let himself be rushed with anyone, even though there were at least 400 people waiting to have their books signed. He stayed at leasts an hour after closing so that no one would go away without having a little bit of time with him.
That’s my story.
Yes, he’s snarky sometimes, but that’s just him, and I don’t think he’s ever been that way to deliberately hurt someone, especially someone who has waited for such a long time to see him.
Many other friends of mine have seen them, and they all have good stories to tell.
Obviously KB doesn’t know about or watch Alton to make a statement like this. It is well known that AB has a wicked sense of humor and puts it to good use with his fans.
It is wonderful that Alton can talk with the people who come to see him. As I posted before, he is a gracious and wonderful person. Unlike a lot of celebrities (and his FN colleagues), Alton takes the time to actually talk with his fans and in many cases share some snark.
We fans apprieciate that and I’m sure Ashli enjoyed those comments being a big fan herself.
Obviously KB is one of those people who doesn’t understand snark. I call those people humorless.
I disagree with everyone saying he looks sick.
I say he looks just fine.
Especially with the side view its obvious he isnt some sort of sickly pencil thin man like you are all making him seem to be.
His coloring looks odd, but that’s probably because the lighting in big box stores is never flattering. I wonder what spurred him to change his eating habits? Does anyone know?
It’s not the lighting: AB has appeared jaundiced in photos and videos over the past several months. The guy just doesn’t look well, and it’s more than “healthy” weight loss, imo.
Have you seen his skin tone in the Welch’s grape juice ads? Ew. I think his normal color is yellowish gray. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
HELLZ YES!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY SEXY BADASS ALTON!!!!!!
What type of cancer does he have? And does anyone know how much the doctors have given him?
He doesn’t have cancer. He’s just lost weight. A LOT of weight, very fast, assuredly, and some of us don’t think it’s totally healthy, especially since he refused to consult a doctor, but just lost weight.
And you graduated from what Medical School, Keith?
I was being sarcastic Anne, if you are a regular visitor to FNH you should be used to that by now. I know he lost the weight due to changing his eating habits, still he doesn’t make him look any healthier. He never appeared to be overweight before.
Now wait. I love Good Eats, but in the latest episodes from the last couple of seasons, I think Brown did appear to be overweight. Not morbidly obese, mind you, but definitely packing more fat than he used to. Compare “Steak Your Claim” with “Orange Aid,” for example, and tell me if it doesn’t look like he put on a lot of weight.
His head looks huge!! As in, he’s lost too much weight and now his head is out of proportion. I understand how he thought he was getting fat, but he would’ve been fine going back to his early years look.
LOL “Now be gone with you!”
Okay, let’s suppose Ashli had bought the book AT BJ’S the weekend before the book signing. Would they tell her she had to buy another one? How about if Ashli had smuggled the book into the store (not illegal where I live), then pulled it out before she got in line? I think BJ’s is being jerky — if people already own the book, they should let them in with it. They’ll still make money on people who buy it from them. PR is also important to making money, too.
Book signing @ stores are usually announced weeks in advanced so if Ashli or anyone else went and bought the book at the venue were said signing was taking place a week in advance Ashli or whoever bought it is an idiot.
Kelley, that statement has so many things wrong with it gramatically, that I think you should truly consider who the idiot is.
Oh! I’m sorry… Are you one of the idiots who brought the a week BEFORE the signing?
I may have grammatical errors, yes, but seeing as English is not my first language I feel quite proud of the way I write. And honestly, why the comment about my writing at all? The last time I checked the topic was Ashli and her experience with meeting AB not Kelley and the way she writes.
Why do you have to call people names, Kelley? Does it make you feel important?
Maybe English isn’t Ashli’s first language, and she bought the book in advance because she had a hard time reading the ads for the book signing coming up?
He can’t possibly think of himself as a badass, really? And thank you for NOT going on dancing with the stars. I don’t think I could look at him again if he did. Now be gone with you.
I SERIOUSLY doubt he does. I think, as other posters have said, that it was said in jest, to highlight the very fact that he is, in fact, a serious nerd and knows it. The “Now be gone with you” comment is absolutely in line with his sarcastic, dry humor.
lmao
He looks like a healthy normal weight adult. We’ve become so conditioned in this country to see overweight and the obese as average or common, that normal weight is now considered “sickly” or “skeletal”. I’d wager those who think that way probably have weight issues of their own.
AB having to sit at a booth all day with a big sign (pic 1) over his head that says “B.J.’s”….LMFAO
lol.. i thought exactly the same thing, HeWhose.. Almost appeared sort of like one of those Kissing Booths at the old county fairs, only way worse? Poor Alton…
Boy, this just confirms my belief that Alton is a mean-spirited, nasty, snarky jerk. Once upon a time I loved him. Then I got over him and was tired of him. Now I truly hate him. He is so unkind. I’m not a religious person, so maybe I just don’t know how this whole Christianity thing works, but I did go to church when I was younger and I thought born-again Christians don’t go around calling people skinny-ass bimbos. Then again, between the remarks he has made in the past about fat people (back when he was still chubby himself), his FN colleaagues (granted some of them deserve it) and the contestants on TNFNS just confirm to me that he’s a pretty terrible human being.
What are you talking about?! 95% of that story was about getting into the store. The only thing about the actual encounter with Alton Brown consisted for a few sentences.
What is this No Sense of Humor Week?
Man, must be a slow news day. Don’t know how this is ‘ridiculous.’
Alton’s Hot
but he kinda looks like Madonna in the first photo
Don’t really see the resemblance, but maybe you know Madonna better than I do.
He was just trying to be funny.If you’re aware of how he talks on his show,then “be gone with you”is just his typical witty style with words.
You were upset by your treatment by the store’s staff and that made you overly sensitive.
He looks like the Crypt Keeper! Holy shit.
This story is hilarious, and I totally believe it.
Oh, P.S. I don’t think this story made Alton look bad at all. Is that what Ashli was implying? I didn’t think so while reading, but some of the comments make it sound like Alton needs to be defended. I think he sounds funny!
Alton!!! I love you, but please…GO EAT SOMETHING!!!
You do not look healthy at all! Go have a donut, or better yet, go get some fried chicken & waffles. Anything, just go eat. You are startin to look all Karen Carpenter like…
alton brown is a dumb ass
In what way?
I LOVE ALTON!!! :)