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3 Things That Are Guaranteed To Happen On Every Episode Of “What Would Brian Boitano Make”
Published on: March 14, 2010 – 7:55 pm by Jillian Madison 
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Since What Would Brian Boitano Make started its second season, we’ve noticed a disturbing little trend: THE EPISODES ARE VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL. It’s true. Aside from the food that’s being prepared, the same stuff keeps happening – over, and over, and over. Watching it every weekend is sort of like being in the movie Groundhog Day.
Here are the top 3 things that are guaranteed to happen on every episode of What Would Brian Boitano Make:
,
It never fails. Tune into any episode, and you’ll catch his face doing more gymnastics than Mary Lou Retton. Clearly, his mother never told him his mouth could freeze like that.
Put down the Jackie Chan DVD and back away slowly, Brian. Remember: you’re a figure skater – not an extra in the Karate Kid.
Note: this will usually occur while Brian’s hand is caked with egg and flour. Oh yeah. He’s soooooooo butch.
So what do you think, FNH? Do you like Brian Boitano’s quirkiness – or have you had enough of his dramatics?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---FNH Review: What Would Brian Boitano Make---Melissa D’Arabian Loves Brian Boitano’s Pork
---Food Network Takes On South Park
---White House Iron Chef Episode Was A Fraud!
---8 (More) Food Network SAT Questions
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten porn, Giada's gone Chinese, a review of Giada's Parmesan Garlic Dipping Sauce, Paranormal Cake Challenge, Down Home with the Neelys and Gina's rude sister, NFNS recap, tons of listener mail, and more!
True. Some of Brian’s antics are over-the-top, but the guy can cook, and his food looks fabulous!
And is very good. We have tried many
recipes and served them at parties.
All our friends like Brian’s show.
uhhh.. you are so right. He is so “extra”..
Yea he can cook, he’s entertaining, and he’s so not making cocktails with lemons and cream. I can put up with the goofiness since there is substance there.
I love it. it’s the best show on fn. not over full of themselves and good recipies. so, he is a little! affected. i’d rather that than the others.
I appreciate this post because it bumped Pauler Poopy from being the first thing I see when I visit the FNH homepage. As for his theatrics, I don’t mind. I won’t publicly admit to liking him or anything on that network, because I refuse to give Doucheman/Creamcheese Co. any credit.
I think it is refreshing, because I think he is the same way in real life… I don’t get the feeling that it’s an act for the cameras.
I love him and this show. It is far more entertaining and fun than anything else Food Network can seem to think up. And he’s hilarious! Way funnier than Guy Fieri could ever hope to be.
his show makes me smile. Everything he made today looked really good and his antics make me laugh. Its better than the mention of lardons in every episode of D’Arabian’s show…
Yeah, and “depth of flavor”. I can’t stand her.
Darn – you beat me to my comment :)
Team Brian Boitano.
it’s a good, colorful show.
now if he and Manuelita could join forces with Ina Garten and jack/t.r/jeffrey/frank/stephen/michael i’d be in complete heaven
I just love him! Too bad MUHlissa is still on, though.
Love Brian… never watched the show, but I grew up watching him skate.
Now if Johnny Weir gets a cooking show, I’m throwing myself off a tall building.
I just keep seeing Johnny Weir in that crown of red roses. I think I’d join you off that tall building…
He’s a little silly sometimes, but I do like him. His recipes look interesting, tasty and doable.
It is just me or does he look almost painfully thin this season?
He’s another fucking side show idiot! What have you learned from him?
fucking side show idiot is classic.
wrock on w/ yer baddass self boo
Agree totally, Boo! Another FN carnival freak. Sub-par talent.
I agree. There’s nothing food-related I can learn from this guy. Double toe loops, yes. Cooking, no.
I watched today for the first time and I thought he was pretty funny! But just give it a few years and FN will make him unwatchable like most of their hosts with their obnoxious over-the-top personalities! Even RR was watchable at one point if you watch her first and second seasons!
Fundamental difference between BB and the FN regulars is that BB shoots his show on the other side of the country from Guy, RR, MD’A, etc. He’s got talent, he’s got a good director, editor …
Is the humor campy? Yes, but the majority of us (Boo the exception. lol) can take campy. It’s stupid and inane that drive us bonkers!
Question is: how to not get sick of it? I’ve figured out the trick. I don’t watch all the time! I’ve see 3 episodes of WWBBM, so speaking for myself, bring on the dramatics.
:-)
Very valid point, Lana. Overviewing of ANYTHING can make one want to run screaming from the room. After all, variety is the spice of life!
here here Byrdie…hafta admit watching Her Iness is a guilty pleasure but after a few episodes of BC i want to scratch out my eyeballs with a teaspoon—-a good teaspoon, of course…..
Exaaaactly…..
THIS.
I’m still trying to figure out how (and why) he has a cooking show. He’s a former figure skater.
What next, Cooking with Snoop Dogg? At least he can smoke something, hehe…
I kinda like him! Yeah, he’s quirky but at least he’s not irritating like 99% of the rest of the FN show hosts.
someone has breathed some LIFE into this otherwise obsolete network. He makes interesting, quirky dishes that actually require some effort and skill- nice, that’s what we WANT out of a ‘how to’ cooking show. Compare this to the train wreck Melissa- do we really need a weekly produced show to teach us how to boil a potato? Really!?
I’m baffled – baffled – by all the Boitano love here. People, are we watching the same fucking show? I can’t stand it, and I can’t stand him. More shit from a shitty network. And for people who are going to tell me to not watch it, I don’t. I gave the show 3 chances and like this post said, they were all the same. Boitano making retarded faces into the camera. Uh, he shouldn’t be on TV. He should be a 6th grade drama coach.
Amen, bruthah. I’m with ya.
Yeah, I agree. He is awkward to watch. I miss the old cooking shows on PBS Saturday mornings when the chef didn’t even talk; instead, a super-serious British narrator would describe the process.
He’s like the ambiguously gay Food Network host. Is he gay or not? If he is, why is he so closeted about it? It’s 2010. Get over it.
He’s definitely straight can’t you tell?
who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give this random, forgettable, super-gay guy a show? i mean, what kind of cooking background does he have? and i don’t even remember him being a famous ice-skater, so if that was supposed to impress me, it failed miserably.
Boitano won the Gold Medal at the 1988 Olympics in Calgary. The men’s figure skating competition was known as the “Battle of the Brians”: A face-off between Boitano and Canadian champ, Brian Orser. Boitano was also US National champion a few times and twice World Champion.
Memories…
Yes, those were great moments in figure skating history, thanks for sharing those wonderful tidbits of knowledge.
But how is this relevant? I won my 3rd grade spelling bee, can I have a cooking show too?
i watched the show coming on and that was all I could take. Watched discovery channel
I love Brian and his show!!!!
Seriously… It’s like the FN can actually show that they can have fun for once.
Brian Boytoy is a joy. Funny, zany, crazy, silly, goofy. Whatever you want to label him, he’s a refreshing change from the over-exposed, over-the-top, man-made stardom (thanks Doucheman)FN ’stars’. ugh. I mean, come on, the first show he did, he used a slap chop!! Now that’s comedy.
He’s great fun, a bit campy maybe. I love the show. It’s so originally entertaining, it almost seems out of place on FN.
The best show on FN!
I really like his show. He doesn’t seem to be trying too hard like some of the other hosts on TFN, and he’s totally at ease in front of the camera. His food always looks great, too. I like that he doesn’t seem to take himself seriously, which is refreshing for this network. He and Ina together would be a total riot.
Unless the theme song is a tweaking of the classic South Park song (which the show title is definitely a riff on), I’m not bothering to watch.
Scruffy, it *is* the South Park song (at least so I’ve heard – I keep forgetting to tivo an episode of WWBBM to see it).
I KNEW I heard that song somewhere! I also think he is hilarious, VERY different from the rest of the FN hosts. Less corny and “middle-America”, I was pleasantly surprised when I watched his show
He is a bit over the top but he seems to know it and makes fun of himself. My husband and I enjoy his show and all his silliness.
My hubby & I both like his show. He’s really comfortable on camera, comfortable being himself. It makes us laugh; it’s a quirky, entertaining show.
Totally agree. So much better than the regular ho, hum shows. Sometimes I feel like I’m watching the same show over and over, but not with BB. It’s a refreshing change.
I’ve only seen a couple shows but I’ve like them both. I enjoyed the premise of today’s show, ie making Chinese for someone who’s never had Chinese. He did a good job staying authentic and gave a few good tips many chefs would skip over.
Owertygirl, Maybe you are too young to remember but in the 80’s Brian Boitano was a force to be reckoned with in men’s figure skating. In competition he was an innovator and a risk taker. He was the first American to land a triple axle in completion. Brian Boitano holds 4 US Championships, 2 World championships and an Olympic gold medal.
The shows name and theme song come from South Park. They did a parody of WWJD? WWBBD What would Brian Boitano do? in which BB is a super hero.
Sorry, Dave; I’m with the majority here. I not only find his antics highly entertaining (he’s just plain likable!)but his food is great. This is one of the better shows on FN.
Right. And now many of these replies were either by Brian Boitano, or people who know him, or people who work on the show who want to keep this site on his good side? Hmm?
Dave has a point. A lot of these comments are by people who I’ve never seen post on this site before. Interesting!
Seems every time there are positive comments about someone (truly a rarity on this site) it’s because the person for whom the comments are made is the one posting them. Laughable. Doesn’t even make sense.
Byrdie, wake up. I read the comments on this site multiple times a day and I’ve never heard of 80% of these people before. You think they all just showed up at the same time to praise him? I don’t believe in coincidences.
I think that it’s ridiculous to think anybody is that insecure that they would create several accounts just to say ‘yay for me’. And I think Jillian would also note the same email address being used over and over again.
He is so gay….what is the obsession with GAYS these days?
um…what?
First, in response to a comment above: if Brian Boitano is ambiguously gay, then I’m ambiguously white.
Second, I actually do enjoy his show, although I can see it becoming quite repetitive (but then again, so is 99% of the programming on Food Network). The show was an out-of-the-box idea, and it worked brilliantly, mainly because, as people have pointed out, of Brian’s genuine likability. I would like to see him venture out beyond throwing parties and making small dishes and see him prepare some food. I want to see Brian Boitano BBQ, because that’s what Brian Boitano would do.
E
I love his silly show. Honestly, it has to be dumb and silly because how serious could a cooking show starring BRIAN BOITANO be? He’s in on the joke…I like it. (but yes, the theme of almost every show is some sort of social crisis that needs to be solved and he has to step in with a culinary fix…which also fits with the lyrics to the silly song…”If he were here right now, he’d make a plan!”).
BB’s a celebrity so he’s an entertainer, which makes him easily watchable. He’s not locked in a lame ass Tuschman theme. I like his gig with parties and finger food. It suits his personality.
Hey, when he throws a Party for the segemnt
I believe it and I’d love to attend.
or
You can go to Giada’s and throw on your push up bra and smile till your lips crack.
or
Ina’s (get your sweater tied around your neck)
or
Try not to knock over any of the tablescapes at Sandra Lee’s.
Agreed Ciely, I’d go too! I’d even help in the kitchen!
It’s also refreshing that Brian does not make himself nor become the center of attention among his guests. He is a genuinely sincere host who cares about the people to whom he serves fabulous food.
Love BB’s show, love his home, his housekeeper, the creative stories for shows, his rooftop garden and his stove. AND… love that he uses the South Park song.
Since so many of you appear never to have seen a gay person before, allow me to comment on some of your more offensive remarks.
1) Jenna, no one is required to come out. As someone who’s openly gay, I’d prefer it if gay people all did come out publicly, but I’ve come to the grudging realization that as long as an individual isn’t being a hypocrite and actively discriminating against other gays or lesbians, he or she is entitled to keep quiet. I don’t need to know about your sex partners either, Jenna, but I’m sure Brian is exceptionally grateful for your advice all the same.
2) “He’s sooooo butch.” Jillian, wtf? What are you, like 12 years old or something? On the other hand, you get a half point for not saying he’s so gay. But still.
3) Did any of you stop to think that one of the many plausible reasons Cat Cora doesn’t have her own cooking show is because she’s out? All the news about her and her partner’s children and parentage out there, why hasn’t the FN magazine asked her to write an article on making baby food yet either?
4) Does it make you like these hosts better because you see Giada’s uncomfortable husband on camera and her lipstick coffee clatches with her cosmetics-addicted “friends” and their babies? Or Ina and Jeffrey’s over-rehearsed marriage schtick?
Actually, I am 12. Does it show?
No, you’ve cleverly disguised it — but it would take a lesbian to tell whether it was really butch or not, so how about it?
It doesn’t take a lesbian to discern that Brian Boitano is not butch. You sound bitter. Tom. Maybe you should just stick to blogging about wine.
::::::hissing squeal!!
It’s Wilhelm Von Winesnob … Quelle SuprEEEEze! Why do pissed off gay men always have to resort to disparaging a woman by accusing her of being a lesbian? Grow up, Tom. Don’t worry, most people in the wine business are douchebags anyway. In this whine I smell bruised ego, social ostracism and baby diapers. Anyhow, I’d be proud to have Jillian in the sisterhood. ♥
Winesnobs who know EVERYTHING about wine give us wine lovers a bad name. (((sniff)))
I’d be proud to have her there too, Motzi and I wasn’t disparaging her at all. If it’s all right for people to comment on Boitano’s effeminacy, it ought to cut the other way too. As to your wine snob comment, I’m guessing, that you didn’t actually read anything I wrote about wine, and neither did byrdie. My last comment here, and probably my last time reading too.
“….Don’t let the door hit ya….”
Well, you know the rest. As a matter of fact I took some time to read your vintage bloviating. When wine drinkers tell me they taste notes of blackberries, brittle tannin and smokey rose petals, usually all I can detect is a whole lot of jackass.
Word
I detected hints of cow in my hamburger at lunch today. This cow was grain- or grass-fed, easily detected by the subtle notes in the meat, not at all made indistinguishable by the processing or other associated flavors.
Anyone who cannot detect hints of cow just isn’t a true devotee of hamburgers and I weep for your very soul at the time of judgment, heathons.
Boitano sure comes across as gay as the day is long, btw.
Wow, Tom – don’t you know many “straight” people with gay and lesbian friends and family members? As for the “lesbian” comment – I have several male friends who are “lesbians” – they like women. I have several gay male friends (ranging in age from 70s down) who like women also (and they wouldn’t ever comment the way you did). You don’t seem to be comfortable with being “out”…
I liked Motzi’s (?) “bloviating” comment – I don’t see that term too often :)
I’m gay, but this all in fun! The whole site! Even those of us that have opinions that differ! That is the game of life! More gay jokes please, love to have humor in my own lifestyle. There may be some validity to the Cat Cora comment but this is not the forum for the revolt.
I actually like Brian. I think he is quite funny. Goes a bit too over the top at times but quite harmless. That woman he had on yesterday (Manuela) who had never eaten Chinese food before in her life had some of the biggest teeth I have ever seen in my life. It did not help that she had the personality of a slug. Ugh
To the poster up top who said that Rachel Ray used to be good, I agree. I remember when I first started getting FN in my neck of the woods, I loved her show. As a working mother her recipes were easy and it brought home to those of us who were not aware that you could have a meal in the table in less than an hour. The fact that it was not about the recipes but the techniques that were being used was also a plus. I have been cooking for many years and while I had my own techniques down pat, as a Caribbean woman we were taught to season our meat days before and go through all these complex steps to have a meal on the table. With RR I was able to cook healthy meals for my family without going through these long processes. The fact that she has become a shell of her former self is I guess due to her having her hands in so many things. She has lost sight of what made her successful to begin with.
I like Brian’s show. Sure, it’s kinda quirky, but he’s just having fun. You kinda get the impression that he’d be doing all that stuff anyway, even if the cameras weren’t on, you know?
He seems genuine, and is definitely having a good time. Having fun with friends and having a good time over a shared meal USED to be what cooking and food was all about, right guys? NOT all those annoying-as-hell, 5-million-episodes-a-day stupid challenges and competitions. I say, Go Brian! Have fun! Cook! Be yourself! Kudos to ya!
And he’s got some cool recipes too. I usually walk away from it with an idea or two.
Not to mention, he never mentioned a secret ingredient as soy sauce, never froze applesauce, never made a raw kale salad, never did a “tablescape”, never said flavortown, never said mascarrrrrrponeeeee, never showed any sign of having man boobs, does not own any pig canisters nor does he slobber (heh heh heh…) and ask for “sugar” from his guests, and gratefully, has not had the Deen Brothers on his show as guest “chefs”.
Yay, Brian!
Perhaps he should. Maybe he and Bobby could… ;)
THIS SHOW IS GLORIOUS
I wish these chefs would see this Website or at least the producers. Yeah I just saw a new episode of The Best Thing I Ever Ate and Boitano was on there. He had make up so caked on I thought maybe I had tuned into and odd episode of Ace of Cakes. But some things they do have gotten me to the point where I have started changing the channel… #1, Guys greasy lips with food hanging off (or worse, flying ou of them) and the wide angle view of the food tumbling in his mouth. And shouldn’t someone say ANYTHING about his sweat dripping all over. And Kerry from those damn cake shows… I have never seen someone so into thinking they are part of the royal family! She is into cakes!!! It is not royalty… batter.. fondant… put it together and make a windmill, who cares. She does… I bet she is friends with Martha Stewart…
And I finally had it with the Neeley’s… I cannot stand one more y’all come out of Pat’s mouth. I actually did START to count how many times he said it…it was like 15 and only 10 minutes into the show. I turned the channel. Enough.
All I am saying is just give them a little advice… “maybe we cut back on the y’alls a bit Pat…”
Just saw the biography on Guy F’, all of the Food Network staff were like “we were just like wow”… I am saying the same thing, I just don’t mean the same thing..
Food Network is becoming so predictable I am not really enjoying it much anymore. I know they are getting good ratings… but some things do wear out. You can only put greasy Guy on so many shows before people go “him again?”… But I guess they want to use it till it dies. Wonder how Mario Batali is doing these days… wait.. we replaced him with Giada, my mistake. Orange shoes… or the claw… decisions I am sure someone had to make.
Come on, Aeeeerrrrrrrrron (because it’s not just Aaron) Sanchez swears something at his freaking MOM’S RESTAURANT is the BEST THING HE EVER ATE! Now that’s credibility!
Hmmm…I have yet to watch it. I’ll have to give it a try.
That’s what’s so fun about WWBBM; it’s a whimsical change from over-the-top Guy Fee-eddy with his bad hair and backward sunglasses (and please get over calling every bit of food a “bad boy”) and anything with sour faced Alex G. And Paula Deen’s “y’all” has gotten so tiresome I can’t bear to listen anymore. It’s now in virtually every other sentence. I enjoy lightening up once a week with Brian. As a plus, he knows how to cook.
Funny, as I was watching this on Sunday I was wondering why I hadn’t seen anything on FNH about him. I LOVE his show. The guy is totally “in on the joke” as someone said previously, he absolutely knows how to cook, and he’s just a fun guy. Someone asked what makes him qualified. Ummmm, what qualifies Melissa, or Aaron? Or Sandy or RR or most of the other non-chefs on the network? I think he’s the best non-chef cook on the show, his food always looks beautiful, and it looks like stuff I’d make (I confess I haven’t tried any of his recipes yet.) If you didn’t know who either of them was, and saw Melissa’s lameass show and his side by side, you’d think he was the one who won the competition, no question in my mind.
And please, ambiguously gay? Give me a break. Maybe he just doesn’t want to alienate all the gramma and grampa homophobics out there by having his boyfriend over while he’s cooking. I don’t have a problem with that.
You go Brian.
He might also feel discussion of his sexuality would draw attention away from the show and the wonderfully looking food he’s making.
I like him, I’m not sure why, but he usually makes me chuckle and his food looks good.
I like Brian’s show too! It’s kind of like watching Alton. You expect the silliness, but it’s still interesting anyway. Anyway, I’m quite shocked that so many people on here like him. Given all the flack that other TV chefs receive for not being qualified enough, I wonder why he doesn’t get that kind of criticism.
Because he can cook, and he has a passion for it.
I first saw his show this weekend. It’s the gayest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m gay.
I hate this guy and i am gay…i was turned off by his “anal meatball bead” recipe
I love his show and have used several of his ideas and recipes. Please keep him on your schedule! He’s witty and funny and brightens your mood and he’s a great cook.
Did anyone see Sunday’s episode when he was making “cheesy” recipes for the food cart? He made a mascarpone cheesecake … then imitated the exaggerated way Giada says mascarpone!! Hilarious!! I like that he has fun recipes, and doesn’t take himself (or FN) too seriously!!