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Food Network Humor Voicemails: Part 2
Posted on March 31st 2010 by Jillian Madison


Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Food Network Humor Voicemails: Week 1
---Food Network Humor is now on Twitter!
---Food Network Humor Is Now 1 Year Old
---The Food Network Humor Hotline
---HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY from Food Network Humor

    28 Responses

  1. Ryan S. says:
    March 31, 2010 at 8:19 am

    Jillian, you need to do this as a podcast. I’d love to be able to listen to them on the way to work or something. :)

    Reply
  2. Gypsy says:
    March 31, 2010 at 8:34 am

    It never fails to make me chuckle when some bonehead leaves a voicemail or an email to this site, thinking it’s Food Network!

    Reply
  3. Jenna says:
    March 31, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Yay! More voicemails! I agree with Ryan, these should be available in podcast form too. And longer!

    Reply
  4. Dan says:
    March 31, 2010 at 8:35 am

    Who the hell calls someone up asking for free stuff? People really do that? I’m shocked. The schmuck knew he didn’t have the right phone number, and left the message anyway! Unreal!

    Reply
    • Alex says:
      March 31, 2010 at 8:40 am

      But, to redeem himself, he wished Jillian a “blessed day.”

      Reply
      • Diane says:
        April 2, 2010 at 11:57 am

        Which is, of course, the proper way to sign off on a voice mail after you’ve proven yourself to be a cheap, poorly spoken piece of crap trying to get something you could download from the internet and then take to Kinkos to get blown up.
        Oh yeah. That isn’t free.

        Reply
    • boke1 says:
      March 31, 2010 at 11:43 am

      I listened to his message about 5 times and maybe it’s because I was laughing at his request for cool-posters-for- environmental-lifting but to me it sounded like he said his name was Hydric Gas.

      Reply
  5. lostinplace says:
    March 31, 2010 at 9:43 am

    my timing blows! i literally just threw out my entire “Cool Pictures of Food” photo collection!

    maybe internationally recognized artist Gregory Myrick can paint him some Cool Pictures of Food when he is not creating heinous paintings of Pauler….

    btw, the auction ended, any ebay folks know what happened to the lovely artwork?

    Reply
    • MoeBiscuits says:
      March 31, 2010 at 9:46 am

      It was consumed in the firey blaze resulting from Gregory Myrick’s self-immolation after realizing how incredibly legendary he ISN’T.

      Reply
  6. Mikey says:
    March 31, 2010 at 11:08 am

    I’m so glad I took the time to listen to this, the voicemails are hilarious! I agree with the previous commenter, posting this as a podcast would be awesome!

    Reply
  7. Syd says:
    March 31, 2010 at 11:17 am

    “Melissa D’Arabian bad” is now added to my vocabulary.

    Reply
  8. MASCAR-PONAY says:
    March 31, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Freakin genius. AND…that last frame of booby DeLaurentis…I swear parts of her nippies are showing in that bikini top…AND that top makes her gazingees look “udderly” ridiculous.

    Reply
  9. Gypsy says:
    March 31, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Giada should just get it over with and pose in Playboy already. You know she’s dying to show it all off.

    Reply
  10. Kenneth says:
    March 31, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    Hahaha, I love the way Jillian says “boobs.” Glad this feature is back.

    Reply
  11. Scruffy says:
    March 31, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Good stuff. I for one fully support more Giada boobage. It distracts from the bobblehead and man-hands.

    I can see that melding into a semi-regular podcast. A food-slanted monthly roundtable thing with doses of pop culture and free-flowing topical conversation could be really entertaining, as long as the participants are witty and snarky. A good 10 minutes could be spent on the D’Arabianing of the network to a point where I’d rather watch a drunk Gina Neely.

    Reply
  12. Spatuler says:
    March 31, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    That one dude who mentioned “room temperature shrimp” had it right on. Shrimp sounds gross in and of itself (I have a pet shrimp), as does all seafood, except my annual tuna sandwich (drowned in mayo and onions to kill the seafood flavor). Yay landfood!

    Reply
  13. Alex says:
    March 31, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    Who are these people and why do they think that this number is not from a website that effing picks apart the food network. Do they ever read or listen carefully?

    Reply
    • Diane says:
      April 2, 2010 at 12:01 pm

      I’m thinking not, Alex. First you’ve got some hag who’s probably 105, and then you have ‘Hydric-Gas’ who sounds about as sharp as a cotton ball.
      I’m surprised they can operate a telephone, let alone a computer.

      Reply
      • boke1 says:
        April 2, 2010 at 1:24 pm

        You heard him call himself “Hydric Gas” too? That’s a relief. I was about to call Miracle Ear and sign up. Have a blessed day.

        Reply
      • Diane says:
        April 2, 2010 at 2:12 pm

        Yep, that’s what it sounded like to me. You have a blessed day too, boke1. ;)

        Reply
  14. Carbonate says:
    April 1, 2010 at 12:10 am

    Jill, you are thee shit! I totally agree with you 100%, but what I want to know is why do these people call the hot line thinking or might as well be thinking it’s the damn Food Network!? Can these people not read that this is Food Network HUMOR? Shows what that site [Food Network] can do to a person! But Jill, you are great!

    Reply
  15. Justin H says:
    April 2, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Hilarious. Bravo.

    Reply
  16. Julie W. says:
    April 6, 2010 at 11:49 am

    HILARIOUS!

    Reply
  17. Bianca says:
    May 15, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Very funny! I love this website! Just one thing, Giada should be pronounced “Jah-da.” :)

    Reply

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