Anne Burrell, Closed Captions »

Anne Burrell: Closed Captioned
Posted by Jillian Madison

On this weekend’s episode of Secrets Of A Restaurant Chef, Anne Burrell got very, very cozy with a chunk of ham:


File Anne Burrell’s o-face under “things that can not be unseen!” And for the record, yes. Those are the actual closed captions.

(Thanks for the image, Adam!)

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---The Food Network: Closed Captioned (12/18/09)
---Anne Burrell Hates Saggy Boobs… ALLEGEDLY!
---The Food Network: Closed Captioned
---One Photo, Ten Photoshops: Anne Burrell Edition
---VIDEO: Anne Burrell Growly Voice Montage

    50 Responses

  1. Alex says:

    Mmm, I’m just ready to vomit.

  2. TennisAce says:

    I have to say that I watched episode and not only was the topping that was put on top of the ham burnt to a crisp (her explanation was downright funny – if you want it less brown you can take it out earlier – LOL). I thought the whole meal was a tad too high caloric but that may be me. Can we stop her with the growling sound, it is just disgusting and it takes away from an otherwise very informative show.

    • Motzi Greps says:

      Oh no, not the calorie police again!

      • Steph says:

        Yeah, I agree. Sometimes a decadent meal is okay. Especially around the holidays. People need to lighten up a bit (and, no, I’m not overweight).

    • Flyingroo says:

      You can always do what I do: turn off the volume and read the close captions. Seriously, that’s the only way I can watch her, because occasionaly she has interesting tips and I want to see those but not have to listen to her voice…

      • Sara says:

        Besides which, sometimes the closed captions don’t get it exactly right and the errors can be really funny. Inside joke if you use them often. I grew up with a (mostly) deaf sister, so I got accustomed to them and still use them, even though she doesn’t live with us. They can be convenient when you have noisy kids.

  3. more_cowbell says:

    I saw it. She really loved that ham. Hilarious episode.

  4. Gypsy says:

    Who the hell fondles their ham?!

  5. Teague says:

    Could have been worse. She could have been making sausage.

  6. Veganista says:

    I wonder if the ham will press charges.

  7. Ron says:

    I am happy to say that I have no idea who this woman is. She looks like Guy Fieri’s twin sister, which should be punishment enough. Did she say that the ham was, “Off the hook?”

    • Katie says:

      Nope. And fortunately enough for us, she’s an actual chef. She just, um, excites easily? Is that a good way to describe it?

      • MissKim says:

        And I wouldn’t eat at her restaurant! Tasting food then putting it back in the bowl to stir – I don’t want to eat your spit! – and she’s not the only host that does it.

      • Barbara says:

        I love to cook and I’ve been watching FN for a few years now and it’s gotten to the point that I will not go out to eat anymore. If these TV chefs forget they are being filmed and use the same spoon to dip into the food repeatedly to taste, I can’t even imagine how terrible it must get behind closed doors in their restaurant’s kitchens. Chefs get cold sores on their mouths, catch the flu, get colds, etc. Then you also have those who insist on using their bare hands to mix food with their jewelry still on. Nurses cannot have long fingernails anymore due to all the bacteria and virus germs harboring underneath. I wish someone would do an article on how many of the FN chefs are so blatantly guilty of these dirty habits. FN won’t edit these clips out even.

  8. Jonathan Doan says:

    Yeah, Anne was not blessed with pretty hands. They’re actually quite scary, and she got WAY too excited about that hunk of pig…

  9. what the hell do you think that ham reminded her of?

  10. oh_come_on says:

    Are pigs free range like chickens? So isn’t Mr. Ham relaxed enough without Anne’s feeling him up?

  11. Robert says:

    All the Viagra in the world won’t bring me back now.

  12. Diane says:

    Ugh. I just got over the stomach flu. Now I’m back to square one. :(

  13. Chris says:

    At first glance I thought she was giving the ham a prostate examination. Fletch quotes immediately came to mind. ;)

  14. lostinplace says:

    to the tune of “Row row row your boat”: everyone sing along!

    Rub Rub Rub your ham
    gently on its seam
    Anne Burrell can now be called
    the Nasty Piggie Queen!!!!

  15. lostinplace says:

    footnote: it’s a ham-rubbing epidemic! i am watching the Neeleys and they are rubbing a ham to death, and Pat is saying something like “i love to rub me some ham!”

    what is going on here????

  16. boke1 says:

    She’s truly revolting. Makes Bea Arthur look like a girlie girl.

  17. Teague says:

    I wonder if she used her Muppet voice while rubbing.

  18. Kassondra says:

    I think she slapped it a few times too. She was rubbing and slapping her pink, salty meat. (I just kinda grossed myself out…)

  19. Spatuler says:

    omg, I saw this a day ago and, umm..the words “cozy” and “a chunk of ham” just cracked me up so bad. lol Who the hell gets “cozy with a chunk of ham?” lol

  20. Brittany says:

    Gross. :(

  21. Shawn says:

    Oh, Anne. How I love you. Did anyone see the duck breast show where she kept saying, “My breasts are huuuuge!” She’s hilarious.

  22. REKS says:

    LOL Anne is nuts, but I love her…

  23. Steve says:

    She is a superb chef with a slight idiosyncrasies that I love which she make this growling sounds which sort of causes my synapses to go off like fireworks.

  24. oh_come_on says:

    I’m assuming today’s show (Manicotti) is from Anne’s new season of shows. Missed over the weekend. I do love what she cooks, BUT there are some people who look better casual than dressed up. The false eyelashes and dangling earrings banging off her cheeks are waaaaayyyyyyy too much (and I won’t even comment on the cleavage). The outfit makes her look pregnant — it can’t be comfortable to cook in that get up. Maybe she likes to dress up after spending her whole life in chef togs? Hard to believe. Seems like more of the same – sexing up the FN women. Do they think that plays to their female demographic? I like the older shows, like from Pauler and Giada, less cheesing it up for the camera and not all decked out in ridiculous clothes no one would actually cook in. Had to vent.

  25. Irunn says:

    Anne is a gorgeous piece of womanhood.

  26. Beau Nolen says:

    Wow…just arrived here and I gotta say…do you posters know that this is a HUMOR site?…pull the sticks out of your asses and lighten up…

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