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Scripps Networks Acquires Food Network Humor!
Posted by Jillian Madison

celebrate-april-fools

We’ve got some exciting news to report: Food Network Humor just inked a deal with Scripps Networks, the parent company of the Food Network! This partnership will give us the financial freedom to expand our community, and will enable us to reach a larger, more diverse audience via prime time television advertising.

Food Network Humor will continue to operate as usual, and I, Jillian Madison, will stay on as the lead blogger. There will, however, be a few key changes from this point forward:

1) There will be permanent ads for the Food Network, their shows, and/or Rachael Ray’s silicone bakeware in the blog sidebar, as well as in the header and footer.

2) I will no longer be allowed to make fun of Guy Fieri’s hair, Guy Fieri’s sunglasses, Guy Fieri’s clothing, or Guy Fieri’s penis.

3) I must reference VIVA paper towels daily.

4) I must travel to the Hamptons every other weekend to iron Ina Garten’s denim shirts.

5) I must YouTube a video of me writing “I will be nice to Aida Mollenkamp and Aaron McCargo” on a chalkboard 5,000 times.

6) Four words: Super Bowl at d’Arabian’s.

7) I will be required to use improper grammar and make at least 20 spelling errors per week, so that Guy Fieri’s fans may better be able to relate to the blog.

8) I will be contractually obligated to get my breasts enlarged, and must have a photo of me in a low-cut tank top prominently displayed on all pages – at all times.

Well, that’s about it. Oh, just one more thing… APRIL FREAKIN’ FOOLS! Ha! Did I have you guys going? Even for a second? Eh, probably not. As if this blog could exist without jokes about Guy Fieri’s penis!



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---First Annual Food Network Humor Oscar Awards
---Food Network Humor Is Now 1 Year Old
---HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY from Food Network Humor
---Food Network Humor Monopoly Cards (Part 2)
---Thanks, Andrew

    61 Responses

  1. Alex says:

    Not even for a second did I buy it. It was still funny, though. :)

  2. Dave says:

    Ok so I’m one of those people who forgot it was April Fools Day and I was like WHAT. THE. FUCK.

    And then it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

    And I laughed my ass off.

  3. Gayle King says:

    Ha! Let’s hear it for Guy Fieri’s penis! Happy April Fools everybody.

  4. Ray says:

    O, foolish, foolish April.

    But, as Alex says, funny.

  5. Gregory says:

    God, no! Anything but Super Bowl at D’Arabian’s! Cat food lettuce wedges, here you come!

  6. Jenna says:

    Oi. I’m sad to say I bought it hook line and sinker. It was written to read exactly like an acquisition announcement (which I spend my days reading) and it makes perfect sense for them to acquire you. Then they could control what you say, to a point, while getting free advertising to hundreds of thousands of people in their target demographic. Frankly they should have done it already but I’m glad they haven’t!

    Thanks for the laugh as usual FNH!

  7. Scruffy says:

    What about the boobs part, at least?

  8. CherryRose says:

    I knew you were kidding when you didn’t mention that we’d be inundated with friggin’ pop-ups every time we blinked!

  9. Sandra Lee's Liver says:

    Jillian, everyone who reads this brilliant site would hope that you would NOT ever sell your soul to the devil like that!

    I love the part about ironing Ina’s denim shirts. If you had to do that, then you would NEVER have time to run the blog!

    Happy April Fools Jillian and FNH peeps!

  10. Nancy T says:

    Ok, for one second I was like “WHAT”!!!!!!!!!!! Happy April Fool’s to me!!!

  11. Judith says:

    I knew it was a joke when I saw you had to iron Ina’s shirts. You know she sends them on a special flight to Paris to a “good” laundry. Happy April Fools Day!!!

    • Di says:

      LOL! You know, I bet she actually does send them to Paris.
      For a moment, I was worried about Jillian’s arm falling off from having to iron all those MILES of material.

  12. Busta_91 says:

    o.O I was terrified for a minute, and then I remembered what day it is. Good one, Jill :)

  13. LOL

    I was thinking…whaaaa? But obviously, that just wouldn’t work!

  14. LaLa says:

    This was hysterical… thought it was real for 1/2 second… then remembered the date. Thanks for everything, Jillian!

  15. YouKnow WhoIAM says:

    I hate hate hate stupid April Fools shit. But I gotta admit, this made me chuckle. But what can I say, I’m a sucker for a Guy Fieri penis joke.

    • Fallen says:

      I could have sworn that said “I’m a sucker for Guy Fieri’s penis,” which is wrong on so many levels…

  16. numb says:

    One of the only funny April 1st jokes I’ve seen. Kudos. Two notes:

    “I will be required to use improper grammar and make at least 20 spelling errors per week, so that Guy Fieri’s fans may better be able to relate to the blog.”
    FREAKIN HILARIOUS. And apt too!

    “…obligated to get my breast enlarged…”
    OMG JILLIAN ONLY HAS ONE BOOB.

  17. mary says:

    I didn’t know Guy Fieri had a penis!

  18. FoodieOne says:

    You absolutely had me going until #4. And, even then, the idea of you ironing Ina’s shirts was more believable than driving to the Hamptons every week! GOOD ONE!!!

  19. Motzi Greps says:

    Cute! Ha! God Jillian, don’t scare us (creep us out) like that!

  20. byrdie says:

    Gads! It IS April Fools, ain’t it!

    I was thinking “Jillian has totally lost it”. Then when I got down to #2 and saw “Fieri’s penis”, I knew sumtin was up.

    Good one Jillian! Ya got me!!

  21. Jill (not Jillian) says:

    After reading #1 I knew this couldn’t be true. And reading #2 confirmed it.

  22. Freezezzy says:

    Ok, so you got me.

    For about 0.0000000000000001 seconds.

    Ha!

  23. DeformedCookie says:

    Going to the Hamptons every other weekend would kind of rock. Ina would probably cook you a huge meal.

    • FingerFoodie says:

      Ina only cooks meals for you if you are a very obedient, stylish, homosexual man who knows how to grill and set the perfect table.

  24. Loren says:

    For ths first few points, I was thinking “Jillian! You sold your soul tothe devil. NO!” But thank god by the Ina comment, I realized it was a joke. Great work, Jillian; I just lol in class :).

  25. littlemissperfect says:

    Yeah, I bought this like I do those $10 dinners:)

  26. KatW says:

    Nice try, Jillian! Too funny. Ina probably does employ someone to iron her shirts. No doubt a full-time job with all those yards of fabric, and just the right amount of starch to properly “pop” the collar. Happy April Fool’s Day to all!!

    • cloverleaf says:

      I really liked the ironing portion of the new regime! LOL! Happy April Fool’s Day! :)

    • FingerFoodie says:

      I don’t think she launders anything…once she wears a shirt, it’s no longer “good”. She probably burns her clothes and has new ones lined up in her closet.

  27. [...] Food Network Humor is bought by Food Network and is now required to mention Viva paper towels daily? [...]

  28. MASCAR-PONAY says:

    Good one, Jillian! Rule #9…you must make something involving a packet and a can…daily! Hic, berf.

  29. Sara says:

    I ALMOST bought it. Until I saw the part about not making fun of Guy’s hair. Then I knew it was a joke and remembered the date. No force on Earth could make you stop making fun of Guy’s hair. And rightfully so.

    • BOO says:

      Hey Sara, or the sunglasses, shirts, so-called friends, last name, car, mouth, pecker, bling, squirt bottles, fridge, and, well, all the other BS.

      Geez, I must rest now!

  30. TooHotTamales says:

    Breaking News! Debbie Lee is not really Korean! !

    (April Fool)

  31. Carbonate says:

    OMG JILL YOU HAD ME SCARED!

  32. Veganista says:

    I would sell my soul to the Devil(or the FN) for my own cooking show, but not mocking Guy Ferry is a deal-breaker.

  33. Bonzy22 says:

    AT first I was like, oh hell fucking no, then, half a second later, oh shit! LOL almost got meh

  34. lostinplace says:

    after a long day of work and no funnies, i come home to—-

    jokes about boobs, a penis, and Melissa D’umbass…ahhhhh another day in FNH paradise, lovin it!!!!!

  35. Lana says:

    I have dreams about Guy Fieri’s penis. Let’s hear it for the little dreams ….
    *snap!*

  36. Hippo says:

    #8 might help grow the brand. Just saying.

  37. Klee says:

    Will Scripps Network force you to make your skin orange and turn your teeth laser white with Barbie’s grey hair extensions?

  38. Spatuler says:

    I woke up and started reading this and thought, “Am I still dreaming?”, then I got to the stipulations and realized what was up. But, I think at least part of one of those (stipulations) should be adhered to….

  39. Deen says:

    You had me for the first few…well done, Ms. Jillian…..well done.

  40. Lollipop says:

    I came here to see what you posted for April Fools, so I wasn’t fooled, but thanks for another hilarious post!

  41. Nick says:

    I bought it until number 2. >_>

  42. Diane says:

    LOL!!
    The mere thought of those changes made me shudder a bit though. ;)

  43. MoeBiscuits says:

    Thank God it was just a joke. Now I don’t have to go out and start punching babies.

  44. I burst into tears and then I got it. I moron.

  45. Olive Loahf says:

    ROLF!!! You had me there for a while. You might want to take a day to iron one of Ina’s denim shirts, maybe her Gay’s will be there to make it fabulous fun!

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