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5 Things I Learned From The Food Network Magazine (June, 2010 Issue)
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1. McCormick is now selling PRE-MEASURED SPICE PACKETS called “recipe inspirations” (page 24). We can all thank Sandra Lee for this one! Apparently, measuring spices on your own has just become way too time consuming and difficult.
2. Bobby Flay is opening yet another Bobby’s Burger Palace (page 32). This time, he’s going to Philadelphia, where you’ll soon be able to order a burger topped “with Whiz.” Congratulations to Bobby, who managed to come up with a menu item that sounds even more unappetizing than the ordinary burger and fries I had there last year.
3. Alton Brown has a new(ish) gig hawking kosher salt for the Diamond Crystal brand (page 105). He also hosts a website called SALT101.com, which actually plays more like an entertaining episode of Good Eats than a boring ad about salt. (And in an unrelated related story, his suit pants look really itchy.)
4. Absurd recipe direction alert on page 142! Nigella Lawson shared her favorite Pavlova recipe, and said we should “feel the promise of squidginess” beneath our fingers when it came out of the oven. What the hell is “the promise of squidginess?” I’m not sure if that’s a test for doneness, or a new Cinemax After Dark series.
5. Guy Fieri owns a yellow Jeep with a rearview mirror shaped like FLAMES (page 163). Ah yes. Just another indication he’s a flaming douchebag… even on the road.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Food Network Magazine: Fall 2009 Issue---Shocking Food Network/Rachael Ray Magazine Advertising Statistics
---5 WTF Photos From The Food Network: June, 2010
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Bobby Flay’s TOASTED BURGER BUNS
---OPEN TOPIC: What Would You Want Food Network Chefs To Cook For You?
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54 Responses
Anybody notice that Alton only hocks items if he can retain some semblance of his Good Eats persona? Sure, it’s selling out…but it’s selling out creatively (and, I’m 100% positive he’s been using the products he’s selling).
Erik
I’d hardly say it’s a sell out. The products he advertises are good.
He even advertises FNH! Why else would he give Jill $100?
I like the pre-measured spices, actually. I like being able to get enough cumin, for example, for one recipe without having to buy the whole jar. It’s not that I can’t measure, it just saves money.
Sorry for my comment below; no offense. I see your point.
While I cannot see myself using this product, I can it where it would be good for some. Personally, I can afford to buy whole cumin (which stays viable a HELL of a lot longer than ground), or all of the spices individually. But, if I were in a position where I didn’t use these spices a lot, I can see where this product would give me an ala carte option.
Oh, you didn’t know about the pre-measured spices thing? Yeah, I’ve seen them at my local Safeway, but I’ve never bought them. I don’t buy spices at my grocery store anymore. Alton cured me of that a long time ago. Now I buy spices at a spice store and store them in a dark place (my pantry)–they taste way better! It spoiled me for grocery store spices.
OMGeezle! I’m the nerd who bought those magnetic spice jar (a la Good Eats) from Bed, Bath,& Beyond.
So did I…don’t feel too bad.
you’re joking, really? All that’s doing is creating more packaging to sit in some landfill somewhere.
I’ve seen the commercial for the pre-measured spices and I didn’t understand it then. You still have to cook the chicken and potatoes which is much harder (for some) than measuring a few spices. How is this supposed to help or save time in the kitchen? Or inspire you to make a great meal? It’s such a bullshit product.
I was JUST looking at these pre-measured spices at the store the other day. Check the unit price! ($/oz. or $/lb.) They are much more expensive than buying the individual, small 0.6 to 1-oz. bottles of the same herbs and spices.
They seem like they would be more expensive – around here these packages are about $2.00 to $2.25. Also those blister packages are harder to open than a jar and of course impossible to seal up afterwards, if you don’t use up the whole amount. For the most part they seem like a solution to a problem that nobody has. The only real advantage I can think of would be for camping.
I love old Jeep Wranglers… but it seems like only douchebags drive new Jeeps. Ferry just broke my heart a little more with his Douche-ler.
The consistency of “squidginess” lies somewhere between spongey and soft gelatin. The word is not at all confusing to we Nigellaphiles.
being a brit, I can tell you that squidgy basically means soft and spongy…
Gosh I love Alton !!
sorry, didn’t mean to post this as a reply to you. meant it as my own comment….duh!
Will someone tell Guy his schtick wasn’t cool back when Smashmouth was popular and he was closer to 20 than 60?
Also, who puts a Momo or Momo ripoff wheel in a Jeep? Wranglers have a higher proportion of douches per vehicle than anything else I know.
Wow, Bobby, that’s some creative shit right there. Next you gonna put avocado on the burgers in a California location?
Salt101.com is really fun. It felt like an interactive episode of Good Eats.. I almost wish Alton would sell out with other products.. (it’s not bad when he does it!) :)
Squidginess sounds like something that results from a shart.
LMAO!
LOL!
Promise of a Shart. That’s going to be a punk band soon, mark my words.
Feeling for the promise of squidginess beneath your fingers…
That definitely goes onto my list of favorite food porn quotes.
Definately, does that mean they feel like Nigellas’ boobs or her ass??
As for the spices, for the ones I use a lot, I buy them from Penzeys, and for thost that I don’t use very often, I’m lucky enough to have a local grocery store that sells many spices in small increments – like a small scoop (about 2 T.), or a dollar’s worth.
Bobby Flay – no matter what he’s making, it seems like he’s using the same six ingredients, so I can’t imagine that his restaurants are much different.
Alton – haven’t checked out the salt site yet, but he is always fun to watch. (As an aside, when I first saw that Chefs vs. City was set in Atlanta, my first thought was “who are they going to team Alton with?” Boy was I disappointed.
I too have watched enough Nigella to get the ‘promise of squidginess’ comment.
As for Guy – I’d be happy if he’d use that mirror to hang his sunglasses off of, instead of flipping them onto his neck. That irritates the crap out of me.
Me too! I LOVE Penzey’s! Try their Chicago Steak Seasoning–it’s awesome!
Have you tried their Tsardust Memories. I like to sprinkle it on chicken thighs, pan sear them and then throw’em in the oven to finish. I cook plain white rice then toss it with the chicken pan drippings.
I don’t even know what that is, but next time I go to Penzey’s, I will look for it. Thanks for the heads-up. I just love finding new products at Penzey’s.
I get a Chicago Steak Seasoning from The Spice House in Milwaukee. What’s in the Penzey’s steak seasoning.
Says on the ingredient list: salt, Tellicherry black pepper, sugar, garlic, onion, lemon peel, citric acid and natural hickory smoke flavor. Makes a steak taste great! Didn’t care so much for their Pork Chop Seasoning, though. I thought it fell a little flat. I prefer to use a hot ginger pepper jelly I got from Mick’s Peppourri at Pike Place Market in Seattle, Washington. You can also get it online. Either that or an orange glaze.
The one from The Spice House is smoked salt, pepper and garlic. It’s so yummy, and I love walking through their store and tasting everything. I’m going to have to check out Mick’s Peppourri sometime. I haven’t been to Seattle in years, and my husband has never been there, so as soon as he builds up some vacation on his new job, I think a trip is in order.
Personally, It just looks like Alton is getting his Doctor Who on. Karen Gillan on Good Eats? I’d watch.
Me too. But I’d rather see David Tennant.
@Sara, he is quite lovely isn’t he?
I miss him–he was the BEST Doctor. And I was a fan of the old Doctor Who. Matt Smith is good, but he just can’t fill David’s sneakers, sorry.
I haven’t seen any of the Matt Smith episodes yet. 9 was my first exposure to the Doctor, as you probably surmised from my avatar. I really need to go back and watch the earlier episodes.
Oh, Christopher Eccleston was nice, there’s no doubt about that. And I will forever be grateful to him for bringing back “Doctor Who”. But as “The Ultimate Guide” (did you see that?) made clear, it was really the character of Rose that softened him enough for the audience to love him as much as she did. And then just as we decided we didn’t want him to ever leave, he did. And 10 came along. And oh, boy…
5. Guy Fieri owns a yellow Jeep with a rearview mirror shaped like FLAMES (page 163). Ah yes. Just another indication he’s a flaming douchebag… even on the road.
My thoughts exactly. Well played.
Going to Philly using Whiz, the tried and true topping of many a Philly Cheese steak, how original. Wonder if he’ll be going on twitter again and complain that people are stealing his ideas?
Bobby’s going to claim he invented the cheesesteak, too?
Just shaking my head at the flaming rear view mirror….
Ever wonder how the inside of Guy’s house is decorated? I shudder to think…
I was thinking the same thing. I have never seen a theme so run into the ground.
The NYT has a take on the hard sell on salt:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/30/health/30salt.html?hp
Alton has gone all Tuchman, at least to me.
The salt website is awesome! I am seriously obsessed with Alton Brown!
Wow, that kosher salt website is amazing. I think Alton has retained his integrity here…he has been endorsing kosher salt all along. His wool suit is very fitting, also.
The grape juice, however, is odd.
Ugh…another nauseating thought: Guy Fieri behind the wheel. I’m willing to bet he’s one of those assholes who cuts you off so he can get one car length ahead of you at the red light…then sits there all smug ‘cuz he KNOWS he’s gonna beat everybody to the Gas-N-Glug to get his pork rinds and lottery tickets. Idiot.
Tragically, I think that that rearview mirror is not supposed to be flames, but Guy’s hair. So he can always see himself in the mirror at all times, you understand. (HORF)
ALton Brown looks like a nerd that just showed up late to a party he wasn’t invited to in that photo. “Hey guys, I’m here…”
OH! Alton’s always invited.
At least to MY parties he is. He’s the guest of honor!
That Gee! Always driving around is his Small-penis-mobile, wielding his Small-penis-”Knifes”, talking like a Small-penised Douchenozzle does. I F*cking hate Gee Ferry.
Let me just say bow ties are good on just about no one except your high school physics professor and your pervy Uncle Myron. Bow tie does not equal “smart”!
To be fair, I think those spice packets are a great idea. To have a table spoon or two of something we wouldn’t use a whole jar of well… ever would be awesome.