camillion the geek says:

Gosh… I just found this site and have been laughing so hard I snorted and woke up my twins. Way to go FNH!

I LOVE you, FNH. Finally a happy place to go after Cake Wrecks and before Awkward Family Photos (two other sites that make me laugh until I snort).

My FN Synopsis:

1 I love Alton Brown to a near-unhealthy level. My kids like watching his shows with me. Not just anyone can combine chemistry, history, anthropology and cuisine WITH humor. Geesh. Give this man his own network. He is the only sane dude in this pile of wackadoodles. I also love that so many of my friends have him on their “List of 5″ (remember the Friends Episode?) He is one sexy bloke on so many levels.

2 Giada. Shhhhtop eeeaaatshing Yoursh worrrrddsh. I know your “Italian.” You ain’t a native, sweetie. You’re a spoiled twit from SoCal. Like HELL you’ve ever eaten a nutella sandwich. You know how that taping pans out. She takes a bite, says, “Yummmmmmm!” Cut to commercial and Ptooie! The sandwich gets spat out right onto her unpaid intern assistant.

3 I think Guy Fieri was that one kid in High School who would stalk the varsity cheerleaders, and wind up asking that one goth chick to the prom cuz, Hell! She’ll put out. He is a tool, but a tool we should all hang our heads low and feel sorry for.

4 I LOVE Sandra Lee’s show. It’s like a BBC comedy sketch. Two parts stupidity to four parts ridiculousness. Chase with a vodka tonic lined with a candy doilie. And make sure the WHOLE set is decorated in horrid shades of white. I think next time I have the stomach to watch her show, I shall do it totally sloshed. THEN it will make sense. (“Oh, NOW I get it! The cheap vanilla extract TOTALLY makes those canned cinnamon buns fancy.”)

4 Bobby. Bobby Flay. BOBBY FLAY. I’m Bobby FLAY. Have you met me? I’m BOBBY FLAY. Right. Tool.

5 I preferred Old School Paula Deen. Before the Deen Boys were ever “The Deen Boys,” Before Michael Grooooooover the (ew!) boy toy came along, and before permanent lash extensions, grey hair extensions, and having to see her mug on every Smithfield ham in the grocery store. She IS a dirty old lady— her face is always on the sausage. Kudos she’s happy, but she’s like, really REALLY happy. Someone step on her puppy or something.

6 Speaking of really, REALLY happy: Rachael Ray. Gggggrrrrulfff. This chick has more hand signals than deck command on a carrier. She should be a ventriloquist. But then I couldn’t see her face on All these orange kitchen products EVERYWHERE I TURN. She’s become my new clown phobia. The Rachael Ray Clown. That’s what she is.

Just don’t EVER go away, FNH. Thanks for the ginormous belly laugh tonight.